Texts from Jane Eyre (11 page)

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 hey is Virginia going to be there 

 which Virginia? 

 the hot one 

 I don’t know which one you mean 

 the one who’s always sick
i think she has cholera
 or tuberculosis or something

 the tall one? 

 no 

 the redhead? 

 the one whose dad is brothers with my dad 

 your cousin Virginia? 

 lol idk how else you make cousins
except for having dads that are brothers
so yeah
 oh

 I don’t know 

 save me a seat next to her okay
 if she’s coming

 hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii 

 Hi 

 ok don’t be mad at me 

 why? 

 i feel like you’re going to be mad at me
or like you’re mad at me
or something
 so don’t be mad at me

 you’re not coming 

 i can’t coooome to the thiiiiing tonight
 i’m so sorry

 you can’t leave the house? 

 oh my god
 i canNOT leave the house

 I feel like that’s turning into a thing with you 

 what do you mean 

 well
like last week
you couldn’t leave the house
because you were too busy looking at a bird
 
is it the bird thing again?

 hi
whoa
hi
whoa
i wasn’t LOOKING at a bird
wow where is this even coming from
the BIRD
wouldn’t stop LOOKING
 at ME

 okay 

 that’s a really big difference
anyone can look at a bird
i could go look at a bird right now if i wanted
i could go look at the same bird
he’s still fucking here
 not that you asked

 I literally just did ask 

 fuck you 

 why can’t you leave the house 

 oh my god
where to even START
there’s a heart in the floor
and it will not shut uppppp of beating
but that’s not even the main thing
 there’s a cat with one eye that keeps calling me a murderer

 well
 
did you murder anyone?

 wow
 you know what you sound like right now?

 do I sound like the cat 

 you sound like the cat with one eye 

 I’m just asking because you said you had a heart in the floor 

 I said there WAS a heart in the floor
not that i HAD a heart in the floor
there are a lot of reasons a person could have a heart in their floor
not just murder reasons
 thanks a lot though

Treasure Island

 finddd
you want to know where the treasure is?
i don,t care
i dont care
 i’ll tell you

 You will? 

 tell you about treasures
 tell you about all the treasures i wanna tell you about

 Thank you
Thank you so much
 
this could end the fighting between the men

 no but Jim
Jim Jim Jim Jim
 Listen

 I’m listening
 
I’m ready

 listen to me
the real treasure is friendship, Jim
you and me is the real treasure
if I could rename Treasure Island
Id call it my friend jim island
 I would

 jim
jim remINd me
 how many legs do you have

 John… 

 no no no no yes
how many legs
do you have under your body
 like for walking

 I’m sorry
 
I shouldn’t have brought it up

 is it two
 because if it’s two

 yes 

 are either of them A STICK 

 it’s two 

 then sounds to me like you’re one LUCKY Jim 

 ♦ 

 SWEET CHRIST
 
THE BLACK SPOT

 ahahahha 

 This is a joke to you?
You laugh?
 
This is my death warrant

 ♦ 

 what devilry is this?
 
how came you by this symbol?

 it’s emojiiiis 

 hey jimbles 

 yes? 

 theres a LOT of things you can bury you know
 not just treasure

 what have you been burying? 

 nothinnnnnnng 

 what have you buried? 

 idk
what can’t you bury jim
im just saying if you want to bury something besides treasure
you probably can
what are you doing right now
jim?
hey can u look something up for me
how long do birds live
 specifically parrots

 jim
jim
jim
jim
jim r u awake
jimmmmmmm
sleepy jimmy i gotta
i gotta tell you something
you can’t maroon your problems jim
thats your problem
jim you can maroon some of the people some of the time
and you can maroon all of the people some of the time
wait thats not right
because if you maroon everyone
then its not really marooning
because everyone’s all there together
look jim
Jim shut up
the point is
the point is you can’t keep marooning your feelings
your problems
whichever
my problem is that one of my legs is a stick
plus i have all this treasure i stole
but your problem is
you got real problems lucky jim
you up?
 i’m coming over i bet youre up

Gone with the Wind

Part II

 Prissy
it’s been hours since the men left
and there’s still no sign of the O’Haras
 
how ever did you manage it

 well I had to buy time, you know
so Sam and the others could change out of their
Confederate uniforms
and escape
so I told her
I’d help with the baby
 when Melanie’s time came

 You didn’t! 

 I did
but then wouldn’t you know it?
it turns out
 I don’t know a thing about birthing babies

 you’re terrible 

 I’m afraid I wasn’t very helpful at all
 and slowed things down considerably

 Prissy, you’re a marvel 

 Try growing cotton this year on salted farmland, Miss O’Hara 

 Prissy! 

 You know, I suppose Scarlett was right
The Yankees couldn’t take Tara
and the carpetbaggers couldn’t take Tara
 But I could

Part III

“The Yellow Wallpaper”

 Poppet
I couldn’t help but notice
 that the gate at the top of the stairs was ajar

 Oh? 

 which suggests to me
that a certain someone
has been going downstairs
 can you think of who that might be?

 Oh dear
Oh John, I’m sorry
I called for you but you weren’t at home
no one was home
 
and I was so thirsty

 Darling
 you know that going downstairs makes you hysterical

 I know 

 It’s called a rest cure, my love
 Not a going downstairs cure