Texts from Jane Eyre (14 page)

 Oh Meg, darling
it’s all over
 Beth is with Father now

 Jo, Father still isn’t dead 

 really? 

 I saw him not four hours ago 

 could have sworn he died at sea
 or somewhere

 Jo, I’m sorry about what I said the other day
I know how you feel about marriage
 
and — and everything

 Oh, Laurie
 that’s all right

 you’ll never marry anyone
your writing is too important
 
that comes first

 oh 

 I do admire you for that, really I do
 
you’re going to do tremendous things

 that’s awfully kind of you to say 

 and I count myself lucky to know you
I do, Jo
we’ll be old bachelors together
 
you and I

 well
ah
 the thing is, chum

 running a cattle ranch
 
somewhere out West

 turns out I am going to be married after all
I’ve met someone, I mean
please understand I never intended to
he’s the most wonderful man
very old
 much older than me

 oh 

 he’s German
very German
 so German it’s hard to understand him at first when he speaks

 and you’re going to marry
him
with yourself
 
you’re going to be marrying him yourself I mean

 his mustache is enormous
bushy and gray and covered in crumbs
all of him is covered in crumbs
 he’s filthy haha

 well that’s just 

 oh and he just hates my writing
 criticizes my work unceasingly

 I see 

 i really cannot overemphasize
how much he disapproves of my voice as a writer
 wants me to change everything about it

 well
 
how can I compete with that

 exactly
 please don’t blame yourself

Hamlet

Part V

 darling I don’t mean to criticize but
 
you really hurt your father’s feelings last night

 hes not my real dad
 why do you even like him

Henry David Thoreau

 im going to the woods ok 

 okay 

 im going to live deliberately
with essential facts
 im going to suck all the marrow out of the trees

 okay 

 so dont follow me 

 how long are you going? 

 i dont know
however long it takes to live deliberately
so maybe a few months
 or maybe forever gonna live in a cabin

 well
 
i’m happy for you

 can i use your cabin 

 you want to live in my cabin? 

 well i dont have a cabin
i need to be self sufficient
 so i need to use your cabin

 hey do you mind if i have some friends over to the cabin 

 how’s it going out there
 
are you living deliberately

 yeah pretty deliberately i guess
 but its pretty boring out here without friends over

 i guess so
as long as you keep things tidy
 
there’s not room for many other people

 no for sure for sure for sure
just the alcotts
and the hawthornes
 and ellery is already here

 he is? 

 yeah he sleeps on the floor by me
plus people are always stopping by to see me
 and my self sufficient cabin

 you mean my self sufficient cabin 

 the self sufficient cabin
anyhow
i invited a lot of them to spend the night too
the more the merrier thats my motto
just me and the lonely whispering of the wind among the reeds
and also the alcotts and the hawthornes
and my best friend ellery
 and anyone else who happens to come by

 that’s
 
a lot of people

 twenty five or thirty souls, with their bodies,
at once under my roof
 give or take

 hey do you want to come over
 i just stole some pies

 what 

 this lady just left out pies on her porch
so i took em
 self sufficiently

 i don’t think that’s very self sufficient 

 well i don’t think you’re very
shut up just come over
 just come over to the damn woods

 you know what i think are brave 

 what 

 minks
and muskrats
awfully brave
 not like the great mass of mankind

 what’s so brave about them 

 you wouldn’t understand
hey would you bring some more molasses if you’re coming back
tomorrow
 im all out

 how much molasses do you need 

 i dont know
obviously
clearly if id known from the beginning i wouldn’t need more now
 so i guess “more” is the answer

 why don’t you just come over
and you can get all the molasses you need
and you can stay in town for a few nights
 
i think maybe that would be a good idea

 no way man
no way
your life is a hollow shell
no offense but id rather die than stay at your house
just bring the molasses when you come over tomorrow
and also some more shoes because i lost the last pair
and some books
and pens i need pens
but thats it
and a thing of beans
 thats for sure it

 do you know whos my family ralph 

 who 

 these squirrels
 these squirrels and this chipmunk and that crow over there

 the crow on the chimney? 

 NO
not that one
god i hate that one
hes not my family
 hes a fucking asshole

Daisy Miller

 hey daisy
you look so good in that green dress today!!
 so glad you’re wearing it

 thank you! 

 quick question
were you going to wear it like
 to dinner?

 i was
 
Yes

 or is it like
a “joke”
 i thought maybe it was a joke

 no
 
what makes you ask?

 oh my god
no reason at allll
totally just asking
it looks so good on you
 and i think you’re super brave for wearing it

 brave?
 
why brave?

 ahahahhahaha you are such a KIDDER
you and that green dress
not that i’d really call it a dress
see you at dinner!!!
 see you and also i guess see that dress at dinner!!

The Island of Dr. Moreau

 what do you think would happen
 if you mixed a hyena and a man together

 I 

 like mixed their bodies together I mean 

 what? 

 like if you cut them up and then smashed them together and then sewed them back up 

 I don’t know
 
what kind of a question is that

 I bet a lot would happen