The Awakening (56 page)

Chapter 19 Just…Gone

            
 
Raina was fully dressed, had had her coffee, and taken care of her animals, before she finally had the courage to go out and face Thanatos. Her heart was still fragile...still confused. Nolan had left her.

              Slowly, she approached the pickup...a cup of coffee in hand.

              The driver’s side window went down slowly, and green eyes, full of concern, meet hers. "Hey, beautiful," he greeted softly.

              Raina handed him the coffee, which he gratefully took. She bit her lip, and glanced about. "Where is he?"

              Thanatos took a deep sip of his coffee, before he looked her back in the eye. "Away."

              Raina shook her head. "That’s not an answer."

              "He was pissed," he sighed. "He didn't give me many details. He asked me to watch over you...I drove right over." His eye brows lifted. "What the hell did you do to him, Raina?”

              Raina shook her head, tears appearing. "I wouldn't tell him to stop."

              Thanatos frown. "Stop? Stop what?"

              She blushed, and looked down at her hands.

              A chuckle reached her ears. "Oh, okay, I see. Wow...that is big."

              Raina glared at him.

              "Poor guy," Thanatos sighed.

              Raina leaned against the pickup. "He used his dream trick on me!"

              He laughed out right.

              "It’s not funny," she growled. "And now he's gone...and you of all people have no idea where he is? That scares me."

              "He will be fine Raina. I promise. He just needs to be on his own right now."

              She shook her head. "He's been alone too long. He's just scared now...he was opening up to me..."

              "And he ran to save your virtue...his own. Possibly to even save your life!"

              Raina blinked at his words, spoken so aggressively. "I don't care to have a life without him," she whispered.

              He reached out to cup her chin. "Trust me, he feels the same. But he will do anything for you to have a life, Raina...even take himself out of yours."

              She frowned. "We have to look for him..."

              "Did you try calling him?"

              She shook her head.

              "Start there...if you can't get him, I'll go over to his apartment. Though I doubt he'll be there." He shrugged. "My guess is he will not show up until he’s figured a few things out."

              Raina bit her lip. "But if we don't know where he is, and we can't get him on the phone...how will we ever know he's safe?" Her eyes were full of misery.

              Thanatos chuckled. "Nolan has lived many years without your help, Rain. He will survive a bit of time without your wisp of protection." He roughed her hair. "Go call him."

              She drew in a breath. "What if he doesn't answer?" She looked down at her hands.” I don't know if I can even dial."

              Thanatos sighed, pushing his door open. "Come on," he sighed. He led her to the house, and on inside. He sat on the couch, setting his coffee cup on a nearby coaster. He folded his arms and lifted a brow.

              Raina smiled at him.

              "Women and there need for support. Go on, dial...I won't let the phone bite ya!"

              She retrieved her phone, and then sank down next to him on the couch. She pressed a button.

              "Speed dial huh? Do I have one too?" His green eyes teased.

              Raina rolled her eyes, but reached for his hand for support when the phone began to ring. Her fingers got tighter with each ring. Then it went to voicemail. She frowned, imagining Nolan looking at his phone and pressing ignore.

              "Hey, it’s Rain...” her voice faltered a bit, ”I just wanted to be sure you're okay." She bit her lip. "I'm sorry, Nolan. Not for what happened between us...but for you feeling the need to leave me." She choked back tears now. "If there is any chance for us...please call me back. I love you."

              Thanatos sighed, taking the phone from her hands and hitting end call. He wrapped an arm around her. "I'm sorry, Raina," he whispered.

              She looked up into concerned greens. There was a change between the two of them. It had happened last night. Raina had felt it. She trusted Thanatos, and his touch was pure. She rested her head against his shoulder, and let her tears fall.

              "Have I lost him forever?"

              He shook his head. "But things will be different."

              She nodded. "Boundaries in place?"

              He chuckled. "I don't think even boundaries will work anymore between the two of you. You both would have to respect them...desire to fulfill the boundaries. Neither of you do." He gave her a squeeze. "But that’s natural for two people in love...the physical will always follow. It’s not like normal humans...the ones that choose to wait until they are married...they know there is a means to an end. Even if you and Nolan married...his means would be your end."

              Raina frowned at the ill-timed joke.

              He laughed. "Sorry, that was in bad taste!"

              She smiled. "Sounds more like the Thanatos I've grown to know."

              He rolled his eyes.

              She peaked at him from the corner of her eye. "Joseph said healers are very rare."

              Thanatos nodded. "Extremely. You have to be a spectacular mortal...with great gifts of healing...natural healing. Nolan was a good person...very good, and for his time, an amazing doctor."

              “Why didn’t he choose to stay a doctor? He could do amazing things for people now.”

              “It hurt too much…reminded him of his mortal life. That loss was a great one for Nolan, as you know.”

              Raina nodded. "So, healers have to be...different. They heal themselves, mortals, other immortals if needed, with extreme speed and skill."

              Thanatos nodded.

              "How would it be possible for him to hurt me?"

              Thanatos frowned. "I don't know Raina."

              She drew in a breath, and sat back against the couch.

              Thanatos leaned back against the couch too, and gave her a small smile. "If anyone can figure out some way it would be Nolan." He bumped her shoulder with his gently. "You can trust me, Raina."

              She nodded. "I know I can…now, but I didn’t until last night. What happened?"

              He chuckled, shaking his head. "I have no idea. I don't know if it was the idea of losing you at all...and seeing Nolan fight with risk to his very immortality to save you...then you...risking your own self. I just came to the conclusion; I want you in my life." His green eyes softened. "And that there was no way I could ever compete with that kind of love. You two deserve each other. I have no right to you."

              Raina reached for his hand, smiling. "I would love to be your friend."

              He grinned, lifting her hand to his lips. "Good...there’s not much chance of shaking me now anyway."

              She laughed, then sobered. "Thank you again for saving me."

              He nodded. "I need to work on those skills...that was pretty bad ass!"

              Raina was laughing again. Despite hers tears moments ago. For a brief second, she was ok. Until Thanatos phone went off, and she knew who would be on the other end. He hadn't returned her call.

              Thanatos held his finger to his lips, as he answered. "Hi, where are you?"

              He paused. "Yeah, its fine...I can be alone....Raina's in the other room." he rolled his eyes at this.

              Raina bit her lip, calming her breathing. She stared down at the phone still in her own hand.

              "Yeah, I know what happened." He grinned, as Nolan said a few choice words. "Raina told me. There are no secrets amongst friends."

              Raina blushed.

              "Just tell me where you are, so I can let her know you're safe." His brows rose. He got to his feet and paced a bit, glancing nervously out the window. "No kidding? And you’re preparing to go? Tickets in hand? That was fast."

              Raina squeezed her hands together hard.

              "Have a safe trip then," he sighed. "Be careful. And Nolan? Call Raina. If you care for her...you'll let her hear your voice. You ran out on her during a very intimate moment...the least you can do is give her an explanation." Thanatos turned to speaker phone. He knew no matter what Nolan said good or bad, Raina would need to hear it.

              "I can't talk to her now. I...I need to work things out," Nolan’s warm voice sighed from the speaker.

              Raina hugged herself.

              "Dude, you love her." Thanatos answered back.

              "I can't afford that. And if she was smart she'd just forget about me."

              "Nolan..." Thanatos growled.

              "I'm weary. I'm tired of fighting my desire. Last night was a wakeup call for me. It’s a constant fight with her. Her life is more important to me."

              "You experienced something beautiful with her...and you both lived to stew about it."

              "It was wonderful," Nolan agreed. "And a onetime deal. We will never get close to that...ever again."

              Thanatos sighed. "I understand. So, what do you plan to resolve by going to Joseph?"

              "Everything."

              "Everything but your own happiness...and hers."

              "I'm done Thanatos! With her, with me, with this whole thing."

              Silent tears ran down Raina's cheeks.

              "You don't mean that, Nolan."

              "If I never see her again...it will be too soon."

              "Don't be an ass," Thanatos bit out.

              There was a pause. "Take me off speaker phone then."

              Raina and Thanatos exchange surprised glances. Raina’s lip trembled, and she hurried from the room.

              "Call me again when you're not being such a dumbass," he barked at Nolan through the phone, then hung up on him. He ran into the kitchen to comfort Raina.

              She was beside herself.

              Thanatos drew her into his arms, and let her sob, wetting the front of his shirt.

              "He didn't mean It, Raina. He knew you were listening and he was saying it to get you to let him go."

              She sobbed harder.

              "And maybe you should. Let him go."

              She shook her head. "I can't just act as though it never happened! What I have with Nolan is real...it is tangible. Only a fool......" she buried her face against him. "I'm a fool."

              He stroked her hair soothingly. "He's a fool Raina."

              Thanatos pulled her back, tipped her chin to meet his gaze. "I will bring you to Joseph, we will have you changed."

              Raina shook her head. "I can't...after all Nolan has told me..."

              "Forget him," Thanatos growled. "He is incredibly stupid. If you are changed...you can be with him, no issues."

              She blinked the excess tears away. "He wouldn't have me then either," she whispered. "He would detest who I'd become."

              Thanatos sighed. "You are probably right. So what now?"

              She shrugged. "I give him his time, and hope he comes to his senses."

              "And if he doesn't?"

              Raina bit her lip. "I make an attempt at normal....mortal life, minus Nolan." Her voice shook. There was not much truth to those words but they had to be said.

              Thanatos nodded. “You know I’m here. You have a friend.”

              She blew out a breath. "Who would have seen it coming? I'm friends with Thanatos Clay."