The Last Straw (11 page)

[Image: A boy looks scared as he enters.]

I was gonna go back to our room and beg Rodrick to let me in, but then I realized I didn't even know our ROOM number. And all the doors looked exactly the same to me.

190

I couldn't exactly go down to the front desk, either. The only option I really had was to try and find Dad.

Then I remembered: Dad is a junk-food addict. I knew he'd eventually turn up at the vending machines, so that's where I camped out.

I wedged myself in between the soda machine and the candy machine and waited. I had to wait a really long time, but Dad finally did show up.

[Image: A boy hides behind a soda vending machine and a man is in front of it.] The caption reads: "HI."

You know what, though? After seeing the look on Dad's face, I kind of wished I'd just sucked it up and gone to the front desk instead.

191

Sunday

Well, after our camping trip, I'm pretty sure there's no chance I can convince Dad to change his mind about Spag Union. So at this point, I'm not even gonna bother trying.

I realized there are only about three more weeks before I get shipped out, so I figure this is my last chance to make a play for Holly Hills. If I'm lucky, maybe I can take some good memories with me to military academy, and my summer won't be so bad.

[Image: A man scolding the three boys.] The caption reads: "WHAT ARE YOU SMILING ABOUT, PRIVATE?

SMOOCH

HEH HEH."

192

I've been working up the nerve to talk to Holly for a long time, and I decided it was now or never.

When we went to church today, I tried to make sure we sat right near the Hills family. But we ended up two rows in front of them, which I guess was close enough. And during the part where everybody shakes hands with one another, I made my move.

[Image: Two children playing as they sit in the church .] The caption reads: "PEACE BE WITH YOU, HOLLY ELIZABETH HILLS.

SHAKE SHAKE"

The hand-shaking thing was actually just step one in a two-part plan, and the second part would come tonight. My next step was to call Holly on the phone and use the hand-shaking thing to get the conversation started.

193

[Image: Two talking on the phone.] The caption reads: "HI, HOLLY, THIS IS GREG HEFFLEY. YOU MIGHT REMEMBER ME FROM A VERY SPECIAL "PEACE BE WITH YOU."

(BLUSH)"

At dinner tonight, I told everyone that I needed to make a very important call, so everyone should stay off the phone. But I guess Rodrick must've figured out I was gonna call a girl, because he took all the handsets and hid them.

That meant the only way to make a call was to use the speakerphone in the kitchen, but there was no chance of THAT happening.

[Image: A boy is sitting behind the desk and another is standing in the front.]

194

I told Mom that Rodrick took all the phones, and she made him return them to where they belonged.

Eventually, Rodrick went down to the basement. Later on I snuck into Mom and Dad's room to make my call. I turned off the lights so Rodrick wouldn't know I was in there, and I hid under a blanket. Then I waited for about twenty minutes to make sure he hadn't followed me.

Before I had a chance to dial Holly's number, someone walked in the room and turned on the light. I thought for SURE it was Rodrick.

But it wasn't. It was DAD.

[Image: A man enters a room to find an empty bed.] The caption reads: "CLICK"

195

I decided to stay perfectly still and let Dad get whatever he needed and leave.

But Dad didn't leave. He got into bed and started reading a BOOK.

I should have just uncovered myself the second Dad walked in the room, because now I couldn't just get up and walk out or I'd give him a heart attack. So I decided to just sneak out of the room real slow.

I moved about an inch a second. I figured it would take me about a half hour to make it all the way out of the room, but there would still be enough time to call Holly after that.

[Image: A boy reads in bed.] The caption reads: "CIVIL WAR

SCOOT SCOOT"

196

I was only about five feet from the bedroom door when the phone in my hand rang and scared the living daylights out of me.

[Image: Something crawls out from under the bed to scare the boy.]

The caption reads: "

SCREAM!

RING

SCREAM!

CIVIL WAR

"

I think Dad really DID almost have a heart attack. And once he recovered, he didn't look happy to see me.

Dad made me get out of his room, and then he slammed the door.

I'm sure this episode didn't help my standing with Dad, but I guess at this point it's probably too late, anyway.

197

Tuesday

Two days have already passed since I shook hands with Holly, and I didn't want any more time to go by before I spoke with her again.

Luckily, Dad and Rodrick weren't home tonight, so I knew I could make a phone call without being bothered. I practiced what I was going to say about a million times, and then I finally worked up the nerve to make the call.

[Image: A boy sits on a bed.]

I dialed Holly's number, and the phone started ringing. But right then Mom picked up the phone downstairs.

Mom has this REALLY bad habit of just dialing without checking to see if anyone else is using the phone, and that's what she did tonight.

198

I tried to stop her, but it was no use.

[Image: A lady looks at the phone in her hand.] The caption reads: "BEEP BOOP BEEP

MOM!

BOOP BEEP BEEP

MOM!"

The phone kept ringing at the Hills's house, and then someone picked up. It was Holly's mother.

Mom was really confused, since she didn't dial the Hills's number in the first place. I just held my breath and waited for it all to be over.

[Image: A lady and a boy talk on phone.] The caption reads: "HELLO? HELLO? WHO'S THIS?"

199

It took Mom and Mrs. Hills a minute to figure out who was on the other end of the line. But once they did, they just started chatting like nothing strange had happened at all.

They got into this long conversation about the PTA and the fundraising committee and stuff like that. I couldn't really hang up, because then Mom would hear the click and know someone was on the other end.

Eventually, the conversation between Mom and Mrs. Hills turned to me.

[Image: A lady and a boy talk on phone.] The caption reads: "...CALLED HIS BROTHER A "PLOOPY." MM HMM..."

At that point I just put the phone down and went to bed. I figure that a phone call between me and Holly isn't meant to be, so I'm officially giving up.

200

Friday

Today at school I overheard Holly tell a couple of her friends that she was gonna meet them at the rollerskating rink tonight, and a lightbulb went on over my head.

After school I asked Mom if she'd take me to the Roll-a-Round tonight, and she said yes but I'd have to get a ride home from someone else's parents. So I invited Rowley along.

As soon as Rowley showed up at my front door, I knew I made a mistake inviting him.

[Image: A boy opens the door to find another boy.]

Rowley had his hair all teased up, and he was dressed just like his favorite singer, Joshie.

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And I think Rowley might have even been wearing sparkly lip gloss, but I can't say for sure. I couldn't stop to worry about the way Rowley looked, though, because I had my OWN problems. Earlier on I had lost one of my contact lenses, so that meant I had to wear my backup glasses. The lenses on those things are about three inches thick, and they look RIDICULOUS.

If I'm not wearing my contact lenses or my glasses, I'm as blind as a bat. I guess I should just feel lucky that I wasn't alive during caveman times, because I wouldn't have been able to hunt or do anything useful. I'm sure my tribe-mates would've ditched me the first chance they got.

[Image: A boy and two men in the open.] The caption reads: "IS THIS WHERE YOU GUYS SAW THAT ALBINO WOOLLY MAMMOTH?

BLINK BLINK

ZOW

ZIP"

202

I probably would've had to become a wise man or something just to make everyone think I was worth keeping around.

On the ride to the rollerskating rink tonight, I gave Rowley some instructions on how to behave if I got into a conversation with Holly Hills-knowing him, he could seriously hurt my chances with her.

[Image: Two boys talking.]

I wish I had waited until we were out of the car, because Mom overheard our conversation.

[Image: Two ladies and a boy in the car.] The caption reads: "HOLLY HILLS? HOLLY HILLS WAS THE ONLY FOUR-YEAR-OLD AT PRESCHOOL WHO WASN'T POTTY TRAINED.

LA LA LA... I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

203

When we pulled up at the Roll-a-Round, I got out of the car before Mom could say anything ELSE I didn't want to hear.

Me and Rowley paid our admission and then went inside. We rented our skates and brought them over to the arcade area, where I scoped out the whole scene.

I spotted Holly over by the snack bar. She was with a bunch of her friends, so I wasn't ready to go and talk to her just yet.

At 9:00 the DJ announced "Couples Skate." A lot of people were pairing up, and Holly was sitting at a table, all alone. I knew this was the chance I was waiting for.

[Image: A girls sits and sips her drink.]

204

I started making my way over to her, but getting around on skates was a LOT harder than I thought it would be. I had to hug the wall just to stay on my feet.

[Image: A boy is freaked out.]

It was taking FOREVER, and I realized the song was gonna be over by the time I got to Holly. So I got down on my butt and scooted over to her to speed things up.

[Image: A boy is sitting on the floor as people walk past.] The caption reads: "SCOOCH SCOOCH"

I almost got run over a couple of times, but I finally made it to the snack bar.

205

Holly was still there, sitting by herself. Time was running out, so I had to take a shortcut through a puddle of soda to get to her.

On my way across the snack bar, I tried to work out what I was going to say to Holly. I realized I wasn't looking my coolest at that moment, so I knew I was gonna have to say something pretty smooth to make up for it. But before I even had a chance to open my mouth, Holly said four words that changed everything-

[Image: A girl at the table talks to the boy on the floor.]

The caption reads: "

ISN'T YOUR NAME "FREGLEY"?"

I started to tell her I was Greg Heffley, the guy from the "Doggie Dropped It" joke, but right then Couples Skate ended, and Holly's friends swooped in and pulled her out onto the rink.

206

I made my way back to the arcade, and that's where I stayed for the rest of the night. Because believe me, I was NOT in the mood for skating.

[Image: Two boys sitting .]

The caption reads: "

CAN I GO GET A SODA?

NO.

"

You know, I probably should've realized a long time ago that Holly wasn't worth my time. Somebody who would mistake ME for FREGLEY definitely has something wrong with them.