The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (22 page)

In reality, it is the other way around. You lose a woman by
hiding
your intentions from her, not by showing them. Males are losing women left and right because they either never ever show their true intentions or show them too late. You should do it right away, and then keep reminding her of them.

This will inevitably lead to being rejected a lot
faster
by the women who are not interested in a sexual relationship with you. But that is a good thing, because if a woman is not attracted to you, you might as well be rejected before you spend weeks around her planning to build up the courage to finally “make your move.” And if you lack that much confidence, you will be rejected
eventually
.

There is never an advantage in waiting to reveal your intentions. If the female is not attractive enough for you to know that you want her from the first time you meet her, you should not spend any more time with her. That is how you make friends, not lovers. Although I do not think you should spend
any
time with a female you are not sure you want from the start, if you do, you will still be better off showing your sexual intentions right away: If she does turn out to be a great girl, you will be in a much better position to have a sexual relationship with her than if you initially appeared to be interested only in friendship.

Few males have ever tried being this straightforward; most have not even considered it. It is hard for them to be this direct about how they feel for a woman at first. Bear that in mind when you are wondering if a
woman
likes you initially. Even if she does like you, she might be equally afraid to show it, at least until the two of you are alone together or after you have told her how much you like her first.

However, if you do want to proceed to seduce a woman, the most effective way to do so is to tell her what she wants to hear. Women already realize this fact, as they fix themselves up to show what men want to see by dying their hair, getting hair extensions, applying makeup, wearing fake fingernails, and wearing high heels. They may also go to extremes by getting breast implants, plastic surgery, and Botox. They do all that and much more to appear more attractive to men, and it is completely acceptable and often appreciated, as long as it is done in moderation. But
males
cannot make such drastic improvements in their attractiveness by altering their
looks
, since females are more attracted to a male’s behavior than his body. He can, however, alter his
behavior
, including telling women what they want to hear, to become more attractive to them.

Most people jump to the
wrong
conclusions when they hear that the best way for a male to seduce women is to tell women what they want to hear. Many have moral objections to it because they believe it only means lying to women, which is socially unacceptable, unlike when females lie to males. These people do not understand what women want, though, because they are stuck with the beliefs that males need achievements and amazing stories to impress women and prove their worth, or they believe that all that women want to hear are promises of eternal love or marriage. In that mindset, lying seems inevitable and therefore quickly comes to mind, but it is not the mindset that this book is about.

Avoiding lies should not be a problem as long as you understand that you do not have to agree with women on everything for them to like you, that you should not be afraid to say something that could upset them, that women love your candid opinion, that you do not need to impress them with amazing stories or grandiose achievements, and that it is not necessary to make promises you
do not intend to keep.

Only males who are under the influence of bad socialization — those who lack confidence, self-esteem, and understanding of what women want — feel so inadequate that they pretend to be more rich, famous, successful, and ambitious than they really are, thinking this will make them more attractive.

Having just said that, there is actually nothing wrong with lying to women to get them into bed, but you should not bother to lie
unless
the truth would contradict what women really want to hear. Lying is not a deal breaker as long as women do not find out about it, but rarely is it actually necessary, so the more honest you are, the less risk you incur for having said something untrue.

In a perfect world, we could always be honest and I would love to be an advocate of honesty at all times, but unfortunately that would mean you would say things that women definitely do not want to hear, like how much better their best friend was in bed or that you do find their teenage daughters attractive.

A male needs the confidence to speak his mind when he is around women, but he also needs the wisdom not to allow that desire to be stronger than his desire to get girls. Seduction is not about
saying
what you want; it is about
getting
what you want. It is good to be assertive and tell women what you want to say, but what they want to hear is even more important, because that is how you get what you want as well. However, by now it should be clear that what you want to say and what women want to hear may not be that different, so you
can
actually stick to the truth as much as possible until you run into such conflicts of interest with women.

While having a reputation of being popular with women is a good thing, a man wants to avoid being known as a player, because a player is someone who lies and deceives women to get them into
bed. Although females often cannot help being attracted to such men, many women will intentionally avoid them, or their friends will interfere.

Also, seducing women while being (almost) completely honest with them has to feel better because then you know it is the real you that they fall for.

There are only a few things that you
need
to convey to the woman you want, but these do not include promises of eternal love or marriage. All women want to feel that they are attractive,
more
attractive than other women are; thus, you have to occasionally make them the center of the conversation, compare them to other women, and give them compliments.

Center

The topics that are easiest for us to speak confidently and comfortably about are everything that we are interested in. That is often what we talk about with our friends, for instance. But to flirt with women means to show your interest in
them
, and women’s favorite subject is
themselves
. Thus, it is much better to focus on a woman and her interests — to make her the center of the conversation — as you should be showing interest in her.

For example, ask a woman how her day was, what is going on in her life, how she is doing, or how she is feeling if you know something has happened to her, but do not
solve
all her problems for her; that is what her feminine friends are for. Pay attention to what she talks about and what she likes, and remember it. Listen to her and demonstrate that you are listening by maintaining eye contact and not interrupting, even if she is going on about something that is of no interest to you. If she is interested in something that you are not, find out
why
she is interested in it rather than avoiding the topic entirely. By asking follow-up questions, telling
her a similar story from your own experience, or giving her your opinion of something she just said, you clearly demonstrate that you are interested in her; just do not bombard her with several questions in a row.

Whether or not you are asking
too
many questions depends on what else you are saying, how long the answers end up, and what the ratio between statements versus questions is. You should avoid lining questions up like an interview, unless she spends minutes answering each question.

This does not mean to be afraid to talk about yourself as you have to deem yourself important; it is just that when you do center on yourself, you are not being flirtatious anymore
unless
it has something to do with your woman or what she just said. You have to volunteer
some
information about yourself without coming off as trying to impress her; in particular, you have to make her feel comfortable enough to open up, but preferably do so when she mentions something that the two of you have in common. Just avoid changing the focus to yourself all the time; if she likes you, she will be curious about you and center on you anyway.

Even if you make an effort to focus the conversation on the woman, she will inevitably ask you a thing or two about yourself if she is interested in you. This is fine, as long as you maintain control of the conversation. Although you should steer the conversation in the right direction and be comfortable enough to carry most of its load, it does not mean that
you
have to talk most of the time. It is perfectly fine to let a woman seduce
herself
if she seems happy to dominate the conversation. The more attractive a male is, the more likely the woman will feel comfortable enough to do so, and then it would be foolish to interfere.

When she does mention something out of the ordinary, however, like a special ability she has or an accomplishment, a charming
man is quick to pick it up and use it to compare her to other women.

Compare

Although most women are very much alike and tend to have lots of basic interests and habits in common, like shopping, shoes, sleeping, talking about relationships, and analyzing other people, by making a woman the center of attention you will inevitably learn a great deal about her and what is indeed
unique
about her quite quickly.

No matter how average or ordinary a woman seems or thinks she is, all women do have their peculiarities, as they are individuals. It is the man’s responsibility to find what is special about a woman and allow her to bask in that glory and to compare her to her “competition” in every way possible, as long as it makes her look
better
. In the exact opposite way a bully finds weaknesses in someone and exploits them to make someone feel bad, a charming man finds the strengths of a woman and emphasizes them so that she knows she has them.

Even though women will appreciate a man liking her for no reason, they prefer that he notice special reasons to be attracted to her, which proves that he is selective. This is why you should explain
what
you do like about your woman, and the more she feels that it is something only she has, the better she will feel.

Perhaps you love blondes and she is blonde, but so are millions of other women. Keep this in mind when you deliver your compliments.

Compliment

Women absolutely love compliments so you should give them generously. Do not be afraid to let a woman know how attractive
she is, what you like about her, and what is special about her. Also, do not underestimate how important it is for a woman to hear such things, daily, even if she is a stunning model who appears to have flawless features, including confidence, and you think she has heard it all before; she has not. No woman is flawless, has perfect “confidence” (as in actually
feels
certain on the inside), or has heard it all before.

Compliments are very powerful considering how easy they are to give, but that also means that you should give them wisely. You have to keep them sincere, as believability is of utmost importance. You never want to come across as dishonest, sarcastic, or ironic when you give a woman a compliment, because if she respects you, that would hurt her feelings.

It is best if your compliments are actually about
her
, such as how interesting she is, how good she makes you feel, how much fun she is to be around, and so on, rather than any of her accessories. Anyone can notice a pair of earrings, for example, but you are not really interested in them anyway. Leave such remarks to the males who are too afraid to say what they
really
like about a woman.

If you love her smile, look her deep in her eyes and say, “I love your smile.” It does not have to be any more complicated than that, although if you are able to elaborate further and keep going, such as to describe why you love it and how good it makes you feel etc., that is even better. By explaining why she has earned a compliment you also make the compliment about your standards and not entirely about her.

Complimenting a woman’s character is the most original way to make her feel good, but of course she also wants to hear that she is attractive. All women, no matter how certain they appear, want to hear from someone else that they look sexy and beautiful, which is the combination of looking feminine, fertile, young, and
healthy. Telling women sincerely that they are beautiful should not be a problem, though, as
beautiful
females are the only females you really want and the only ones you should be flirting with. It is a mistake to think a woman has heard all such compliments before and that means you should avoid giving them to set yourself apart from other males. Only males with the wrong mindset, concerned with being unworthy of women, worry about such things.

In addition, when seeing a woman on a regular basis, remember that she wants and needs to be reminded of all the things that you like about her regularly. Women will slowly start to doubt that you are still attracted to them when you stop telling them how attractive they are. Just be careful to avoid using the exact same words and phrases over and over when you compliment women, and keep in mind that compliments can and should be given
nonverbally
too — something we will explore later.

Compliments should be sincere and suitable for the occasion, which is why I have not supplied a list of specific compliments to give to a woman. But the truth is,
all
males already know how to compliment women well, but they often keep those compliments to themselves instead of giving them away. Or they give the compliment that the woman deserves to their own male friends instead — vividly describing how stunning she appeared the first moment they saw her, how they lost their breath and could not believe how lovely she looked, without actually telling
her
so. Make it a habit to open your mouth and let such positive comments be heard by the actual women they concern. Think aloud! It will instantly make you a more charming person and encourage attractive females to keep taking care of their appearance, as all males truly do appreciate it, but few dare to say so.