The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (19 page)

When males feel more intimidated than unworthy, their excuses will often have something to do with their inability to handle the uncertainty that they would have to face. They tell themselves things like, “I will do it later when I have a better opportunity,” “she does not look friendly,” “the situation might become awkward,” “I am too nervous right now,” “I need a drink first,” or “I do not know how she would react if I said that.”

It becomes even more obvious that these thoughts are only excuses the longer the males stick around without doing anything,
as the explanation for
why
they are not taking action often
changes
as the circumstances change. For example, if they see a woman sitting by herself while talking on the phone, they might tell themselves the “reason” why they do not want to approach her is that “she is busy; I do not want to interrupt her phone call.” Then, as she hangs up when a group of her friends joins her, their explanation changes to, “I cannot approach her in front of other people,” and when all the friends leave except for one male, the explanation is suddenly, “that is probably her boyfriend.”

Excuses never run out, they just change, since they are not real reasons.

Whatever the excuse may be, it is only an excuse. However, it will probably not look like an excuse in the heat of the moment; rather it will seem like a good and valid
reason
. Then, after the moment is lost and the excuser has calmed down, he will usually find himself wondering why he did not even try when he had the chance. Detached from the immediate situation, his mind will be reasonable again, and what seemed like good and valid reasons will all of a sudden not make much sense anymore.

Knowing that you excused yourself
afterward
is not good enough though. You have to be able to identify this behavior in real time and see it for what it really is so that you may ignore it rather than try to deal with the imaginary problems you create yourself. Since rationalizations are not real reasons to begin with, it would be a waste of time to try to deal with them in any way. Even a clever solution to a problem that you should not have in the first place is a waste of time.

The first thing that happens when males decide to ignore the excuses in their heads, and to take action despite their doubts, is that their minds will
still
be inclined to make up excuses. But instead of making up excuses in their heads as a hindrance, they
will make up excuses in the real world as a help. They change from the first category of excusers to the second. They do not allow all of their excuses to stop them, but they are still so influenced by their socialization that they cannot let go of excuses entirely and try to use them to their advantage instead.

Using an excuse to talk to women is the inevitable solution for males who want to take action while they still feel unworthy. Deep down, they believe themselves to be inadequate, but instead of challenging this belief, they have accepted it as dogma and tried to work out ways to circumvent it. They invent excuses to meet women since they do not believe their desire alone is a good enough reason to approach them.

Some excuses are more creative than others, but what they all have in common is that they are designed to start a conversation while
hiding
one’s true intentions. The range is very wide, from the most casual form, such as offering to light a woman’s cigarette, to the extreme of hiding behind a costume and pretending to bump into her, but the majority of males who do make contact with women are somewhere in the middle.

Any way that you come up with to meet a woman that does not involve clearly stating your true intentions, your real reason for talking to her, would be to use an excuse, including picking up something that she dropped, joining the same class as she does, offering to buy her a drink, asking for her help, asking to be introduced by someone else, and approaching her friend first. The list could go on forever, as the number of excuses that males use is truly endless.

Despite that such indirect methods are highly ineffective, they will still yield
some
success compared to not even trying at all for the simple reason that not even trying is the only guaranteed way to fail. This is why there are plenty of males who defend the use of
such methods and a few that make good money by selling advice based on it.

The males who defend the use of excuses love the argument that “it works,” as if something either works or doesn’t and there are no differences in how
well
something works. This is, of course, nonsense.

Granted, using excuses is better than sitting at home, but the use of an excuse is the equivalent of swimming across the Atlantic Ocean when you have the option of using a jet plane. Even the best excuse you could come up with would still just be some kind of boat, because your mindset is limiting you to conceiving ideas about travel by water.

Most people prefer to pat themselves on the back rather than to change for the better if that change requires discomfort, and it is uncomfortable at first to fight one’s socialization. It is uncomfortable to increase one’s confidence. But it is confident males that women want.

Using excuses as a way to meet women will always be
popular
as long as socialization exists as it does today and produces males who feel both unworthy and intimidated by women, because it is so much easier to be an excuser. But that is only one more reason why it is so powerful to avoid excuses.

Even the most unattractive males who feel unworthy and intimidated can usually start a “harmless” conversation with a woman, such as by asking for advice or the time or by apologizing for their new puppy dog that just ran up to her. To approach in such an indirect manner is indeed easy, but it is easy because it requires zero confidence. It is weak and is the opposite type of behavior that turns on women.

If you make such timid approaches, you would have to spend a lot more time and effort to demonstrate your genetic value — the
masculine behavior you just demonstrated that you
lack
when you made an indirect approach — than you easily could have done from the start. You will have to solve several problems that you should not have in the first place, making your own life harder while wasting even more time.

As you approach a woman you are interested in, your very desire for her is reason enough to do so. Your desire for her is nothing to be ashamed of, and she actually appreciates such a man more than anything. You do not need an excuse to talk to women and women do not want you to use one either, so why bother?

When you stop using excuses, you will be direct, and women will absolutely love it. They will tell you how straightforward you are with a big smile on their faces. You will be able to take their breath away, to sweep them off their feet, and to stun them in amazement. It is impossible to do any of that with an indirect approach. A direct approach takes enormous balls, and you will be oozing with confidence right away because of it. Women will feel this instantly and respond completely differently than if you started talking to them using an excuse, as any coward could do and as many cowards already do.

Being an excuser is such a bad idea because it is feminine behavior.
Women
are the worst excusers in the world. The more of an excuser you are, the more indirectly you act and talk, and women are very indirect because they try to avoid responsibility and risk. They are indirect because their socialization pressures them to hide their true desires, but it is impossible for them to suppress their natural sexual desires entirely, and their more vulnerable biology makes them more inclined to more sensitive and cautious behavior to avoid physical confrontation.

When you understand this, you also understand why women normally never turn a male down in a
direct
manner, like saying,
“I do not want to meet you ever again, because I am not attracted to you.” Instead, they will be more indirect; they will sugarcoat their words and make up an excuse. They will rephrase the same message into something such as, “Perhaps I cannot meet you tonight, because I have to do something else.”

Naïve males who do not understand this will erroneously believe they actually still have a chance upon hearing a brushoff such as this, as she did say “perhaps.” They will erroneously believe they can meet her some other day, as she only said she was busy “tonight.” And they will erroneously believe it is because she has “something else to do,” as that is what she said after all.

Keep this in mind the next time a woman tells you, “I have a headache,” “I need to babysit tonight,” “I have so much homework to do,” “I am going away this weekend,” “My phone does not work,” “My cousin arrived from out of town,” or “I need to be with my friend tonight, she is having a hard time right now,” etc.

Women absolute love to use excuses, and it is their favorite tool for getting through life because it is so easy to avoid responsibility by just making something up, even though it actually does mean that they are lying on a regular basis.

Lying

Women lie every day without so much as a shred of remorse. They lie to their parents, to their friends, and to their partners. They will lie to meet a male, if they like him, and they will lie to avoid seeing him again, if they do not like him. They will lie whenever it is convenient and whenever it is easier to get out of a short-term uncomfortable situation. You have to understand that this is how
women
communicate and also understand that women do not necessarily agree that they
are
lying, although they usually admit that they indeed make things up on a daily basis.

When women say they hate liars, they are talking about
males
. They are not that firm when it comes to how females, including themselves, should behave. Women will lie straight to your face without blinking. If you make the mistake of asking them if they lie, they will usually respond with “I never lie! How dare you accuse me of that?” However, if you do not immediately back down or become apologetic despite their convincing performance, you will hear them add, “I only tell white lies to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.”

Though, what they will not tell you is that they are including
themselves
and their
own
feelings in those they tell lies to protect, and that they will use white lies to avoid feeling even the slightest discomfort themselves. Hence, they might actually be lying several times per day without thinking much of it.

You need to know this not because you should waste any time on futile arguments over it with women, but so your attitude is always in a mode of healthy skepticism, ready to decode their
true
meaning. Whatever “reason” a woman gives you could very likely be an excuse for her to avoid feeling bad herself, to avoid feeling mean, or to avoid an embarrassing confrontation at the moment, without any consideration of the long-term effects of such behavior. They use the easiest short-term solution under the guise of trying to be nice.

However, they have a hidden agenda with their so-called niceness, the same way self-proclaimed “nice guys” have. They lack the confidence to be straightforward. The only difference is that it is both acceptable and understandable for
women
to lack balls, and I would not like it any other way.

The most unattractive males, the ones who do not understand this, are also the ones who are most likely to end up facing the worst consequences. They might ask a woman out to dinner, totally
missing that she is not interested, only to realize that she is not going to show up when they are sitting at the restaurant with a bottle of wine already opened. If you were to ask the woman
why
she did not make it perfectly clear that she was not interested, she would say that it would not have been “nice” to say no, although the result is even meaner.

Not only do women rarely think that far ahead or understand what they are doing, but they do not bother to care about the consequences for
unattractive
males, and unattractive males are the only ones that accept being treated that way.

Males who miss that they are supposed to read between the lines are confused, annoyed, and frustrated, as they are used to dealing with people (and by
people
I mean other
males
) who mean what they say, say what they mean, to whom word is bond, and to whom there exists the concept of honor. Females are not raised with such virtues, though, and it is these males’ own fault to assume that women are like men.

The excuses that women make up are frustrating for males who are unsuccessful with women, but it simply becomes entertaining once you become skilled at getting girls and cross the line over to the side where they use the same strategy
for
, rather than against, you.

A woman will call in sick to stay in bed with you in the morning if you have time off from work but she doesn’t, and girls will tell their mothers all kinds of creative stories to avoid going back home at night when they like you a lot.

When you find yourself in such a situation, do not interfere when a woman makes up excuses in your favor; instead, congratulate yourself because it means that you have made it across the border. For example, just enjoy the show when a young girl is sitting naked in your bed and her mother calls her asking where
she has been all night, and she starts making up a random story about sleeping over at a friend’s house because the last night bus — that she was supposed to go home with — never arrived, and she did not want to call and wake anyone up, then the batteries in her phone died all of a sudden, but right now she is sitting in a taxi on her way home, but there is so much traffic that it might take a long while until she is back home.

However, this indirect manner of dealing with reality is not the only difference between men’s and women’s style of communication, which brings us to our discussion of verbal and nonverbal messages.

Part III

THE MESSAGE

Verbal and Nonverbal

Hand in hand with the adoption of effective manners comes communicating effectively with the outside world. You have to
show
women your attractive personality and your attraction to them by communicating with them accordingly, both verbally and nonverbally.

No one is able to read your mind, but everyone will
try
to by carefully observing how you present yourself and paying attention to your body language and to your conversation to make sure your verbal and nonverbal messages are in line — so you really are who you portray yourself to be.

A deep change in mindset will affect the way you communicate too, just as it automatically changes your manners, since how you walk and talk are extensions of your manners. But by adopting the communication traits that I present straight away, you will accelerate your progress tremendously, and you will no longer need detailed step-by-step instructions for how to meet women and what to do in what order, although Part IV will still provide that for you.