The No Cry Nap Solution (23 page)

• An alternative is to use an infant bed nest (a U-shaped

device designed to protect a baby who is co-sleeping with adults)

or a crib spacer (used to divide a crib in two sections). Of course,

you should always check the safety information on any baby prod-

uct that you buy. The additional advantage to creating a smaller

bed-within-the-bed is that once your baby is accustomed to the

cradle or nest inside the crib, he will likely take to the crib itself

once the cradle is removed.

• Invest in a quality crib mattress or padded crib mattress

cover. Many of the standard mattresses that come with cribs are

hard, stiff, and plastic-coated, making for an uncomfortable sleep-

ing surface for any baby, let alone one who prefers the soft, yield-

ing feel of being held while she sleeps. Shop around for a mattress

that has a superior cushion, such as a foam core. You can also fi nd

padded or quilted crib mattress pads that are safe yet softer than

the mattress alone would be. Some of these covers are short-pile,

hypoallergenic lambswool or sheepskin, or fl annel. Placed
under

a regular sheet, they can make the mattress much cozier. (Don’t

put a regular bed quilt in the crib as it is too bulky and can bunch

Changing from In-Arms Sleep to In-Bed Sleep
143

up and create a breathing hazard. Purchase sheets, blankets, and

covers intended for a baby crib and that fi t securely around your

mattress.)

• Use soft crib sheets, such as those made of fl eece, fl annel,

terry cloth, jersey knit, or chenille. These fabrics are soft and

warmer to the touch than traditional sheets and less jarring when

you fi rst lay your baby down. The soft fabric appeals to your baby’s

sense of touch and can help him relax in bed.

• To ease the transition from your cozy arms to the crib, warm

the bed surface before naptime. There are a number of ways to do

this. You can lay a warm towel (just out of the dryer) on the baby’s

spot while you get her ready for bed. You can use a heat pack, a hot

water bottle, or a heating pad (set on the lowest setting) on the

surface of the bed while you are preparing baby for a nap. Always

remove the heat source and test the temperature of the surface

before you lay your baby down.

A wonderful choice for a bed warmer is a microwavable aroma-

therapy heat pack scented with lavender, vanilla, or chamomile.

This can be particularly effective because it works with two of

your baby’s senses, and it creates a lovely cue for sleep. The fi rst

time you use this idea, test it out in your own bed to make certain

it doesn’t create too strong of an odor on the sheets. Keep in mind

a baby’s sense of smell is more pronounced than yours—it should

leave just a faint, barely-there fragrance.

• Take advantage of a baby’s desire for soothing sounds. Let

your baby fall asleep and take his entire nap to gentle lullabies or

white noise, such as recordings of ocean waves, rainfall, the hush

of wind, or the sound of a heartbeat. A radio set to a low-key, talk-

only station is also a wonderful “white noise” choice for a baby

because of the soothing sound of human voices.

• Keep your baby’s napping room dimly lit. Close the blinds

and put night-lights out of your baby’s direct line of vision. When

a baby is a good sleeper or sleeps in your arms, he can probably

144 Solving Napping Problems

nap anywhere, but in bed, he’ll likely sleep better and longer in a

darkened room.

• Let your baby have several quiet play sessions in his crib dur-

ing waking hours. Stay with him and engage his interest. Point

out the things he sees. Introduce new toys. Let him see you as a

part of the crib experience so that he gets a happy feeling there

and becomes familiar with the setting. This way, when he is put in

his crib for naptime, it won’t be a foreign place but one that carries

memories of fun times with you, which can help him accept it as

a place for naps.

• Dress your baby comfortably for sleep. If your baby is an

infant, consider swaddling her for her nap, as a swaddled baby can

often transfer from arms to bed easier than one in a loose blanket.

If your baby doesn’t like to be swaddled or is older, he could wear a

blanket sleeper, an armless sleep sack-style sleeper, or comfortable,

soft clothing.

• If the pajamas don’t have foot covering, add socks, as bare

feet touching the cooler air or mattress can cause your baby to

wake up. (Take caution that your baby isn’t overdressed and hot,

as overheating can be dangerous.)

• Put your baby in a nighttime-quality diaper so that wetness

doesn’t shortchange his naptime.

It’s extremely common for a baby to fall asleep in someone’s

arms but then to wake up the moment she is put into the crib.

The reason for this is that the conditions are drastically differ-

ent between being cradled in warm, cuddling arms and lying

on the fl at, still surface of a bed. The difference is so dramatic

that baby instantly wakes up and protests. So, instead of “put-

ting down” your baby, try gently gliding your baby into bed

Changing from In-Arms Sleep to In-Bed Sleep
145

using the Pantley Dance. This is not just a method of preventing

the waking, but it can also help set up for other ideas to make

crib sleeping easier to adapt to, since it allows your baby to

settle to sleep, thus giving him practice and experience sleep-

ing in his own bed.

Step One: Prepare your baby’s bedroom and bed using ideas

from the previous section, “Make the Crib Cozy and Comfort-

able.” (For example: dress your baby for sleep, shut the blinds,

turn on the white noise, set up the nest, and warm the sheets.)

Step Two: Hold your baby as usual and allow him to become

very sleepy in your arms. Let him settle into the state where he

is relaxed but not limp-limbed and asleep. This is when you’ll

begin the “dance” to glide your baby into bed. For the fi rst few

times, you might wait until your baby’s eyes are closed and he

is just drifting off to sleep. After a few days of practice, make

the move sooner, and a few days later, sooner still.

Experiment with the position in which you hold your baby

in your arms. If you now hold him upright or belly-to-belly with

you and then you lay him fl at on his back, the fl ip-over, radical

change in position might contribute to his waking. Try holding

him in a more reclined, upward-facing position, similar to how

he’ll be lying in the crib.

Step Three: Begin to softly sing, hum, make shush-shush sounds,

or talk quietly, as you rock, bounce, pat, or jiggle your baby in

your arms. Create a full sensory experience of movement and

sound. Do this for a few minutes and then stop and remain per-

fectly still and quiet for a few minutes. Then resume movement.

Continue to alternate movement and stillness with sound and

quiet as you carry your baby to her bed. Alternate a few steps

of movement, then stop and be still. Repeat.

Continued

146 Solving Napping Problems

Some babies do well if you alternate sound and quiet along

with movement and stillness, but others will need for you to

keep singing or humming consistently during both movement

and stillness; the sound creates a common thread for both

experiences. Experiment to fi nd out the best combination of

movement and sound for your baby.

If you use the same song, humming style, or monologue

each time you put your baby down for a nap, this will become

a key part of your routine and become a signal that it is time for

sleep. (This method can also be used at bedtime.)

Step Four: Continue the Pantley Dance, alternating movement

and sound with stillness and quiet (or stillness plus sound) as

you lay your baby down. Place your baby in the crib so that

only her feet touch the mattress, then pause. (You may need

to keep humming at this juncture.) Then begin movement again

and slowly ease her to the mattress, from bottom to top: feet,

legs, bottom, back, and head.

Step Five: Gently touch your baby with your free hand. (You

might try rubbing, patting, or simply putting pressure on his

chest, belly, legs, or head.) Move the other hand out from

under your baby. Continuing your song, do a round or two of

alternating pat or rub, and then be still. Then remove your sec-

ond hand.

With physical contact broken, continue your song but slowly

reduce the volume. Prior to this you should have had your white

noise or lullaby turned on, so it is now background noise.

If your baby wakes or fusses—either now or twenty minutes

from now—put both hands on him and jiggle or pat while you

continue the same song or humming as before to see if he will

settle back to sleep.

Changing from In-Arms Sleep to In-Bed Sleep
147

Step Six: Set up a baby monitor or stay close to your sleeping

baby; if he wakes up before a full naptime, you will use the

same resettling technique to help him fall back to sleep and

prolong the nap. The minute you hear your baby waking up,

return quickly and resume the same patting and quiet humming

or singing sounds. (Do take care that your baby isn’t making

noises in his sleep. If so, don’t rush to his side. Wait and listen.)

Note: If at any point your baby fully wakes and begins to cry,

pick him up and start again at Step One. You want this process

to develop into a soothing presleep routine and not a trigger

to cry.

It will take persistence, but you can build this into a new

bed-sleeping ritual. This gentle dance will teach your baby that

the transition from arms to bed is a peaceful, pleasant experi-

ence and not one to be feared or resisted.

Mother-Speak

“My three-month-old, Sammy, would never let me put him

down for a nap without immediately crying, so I held him for

every nap. I used many of your crib set-up ideas and have

been doing the Pantley Dance for about a week, and today

was a milestone day! He took a two-hour nap in this crib!

Two hours! Alone! I barely knew what to do with myself!

Sorry for all the exclamation points, but it’s a very big day

around here!”

—Jenny, mother of three-month-old Samuel

If you wish, after a few weeks, the Pantley Dance can turn into

your
prenap routine
. You can “dance” with your
awake
baby, and

your little one can actually do all of his falling asleep in the crib.

148 Solving Napping Problems

However,
you do not have to make your baby fall asleep alone if you

choose not to
. A large percentage of babies are parented to sleep

for every nap and every nighttime sleep. According to a major

survey done by the National Sleep Foundation, more than two-

thirds (68 percent) of parents say they stay with their babies until

they are asleep. All of these children learn how to fall asleep on

their own—over time. There is no scientifi c evidence that a baby

who puts himself to sleep will nap better or that he will be a better

lifetime sleeper than one who requires a parent’s assistance. The

decision on this point is entirely up to you.

It might take a week or two of rehearsal to master the Pantley

Dance, and it may take time for you to fi nd the right combination

of bed preparation, movement, and sound. It also may take time

for your baby to adjust to the change in his current routine, since

whatever you have been doing (even if it’s holding, nursing, or

rocking) has been your baby’s “routine.” Changing from in-arms

Leilah, four months old, on Mummy Rebecca

Changing from In-Arms Sleep to In-Bed Sleep
149

to in-bed naps is something that will require adjustment on his

part.

If you have bedtime issues with your baby, the Pantley Dance

can be a useful technique for bedtime, too. By using the same

method for both, you may see quicker results since the routine will

be consistent for all sleeping times. However, if your baby goes to