The No Cry Nap Solution (25 page)

become disoriented. They need to re-create the delightful sucking-

to-sleep experience. If this describes your child, you can also read

the chapter about catnappers on page 63. The combination of ideas

from both chapters will work best to solve your napping problems.

The Grand Master of All

Sleep Associations

Sucking is a powerful soothing mechanism for a baby. It activates

the release of calming hormones in the nervous system which

bring on relaxation, drowsiness, and ultimately, sleep. When cou-

pled with the warm, snug, and safe place within a parent’s arms,

this is a potent and addictive sleep inducer. When a child
always

falls asleep this way, he associates these conditions with sleep, and

over time he
cannot
fall asleep any other way, no matter how tired

he may be.

In order to help a child switch from this naptime ceremony in a

gentle way, you’ll need to be patient and create new rituals. You’ll

most likely have the same routine for going to bed at night, so

you’ll have to work on bedtime, too. Some children can nurse to

sleep at bedtime and then sleep through the night, even though

they don’t do so for naps. This is likely due to the powerful biologi-

cal processes that make all human beings sleep at night. Naptime

has a much more fi nicky biological response.

156 Solving Napping Problems

So, to begin, it’s important to understand that your little one is

being asked to give up something that he absolutely relies on for

sleep. He isn’t refusing a nap just to annoy you. Therefore, the best

way to help him change this pattern is to gently provide him with

new ways to fall asleep.

What About Pacifi er Sucking?

New studies show that pacifi er use for sleep may actually reduce

the risk of SIDS, although it is unclear why the connection exists.

At this time, professionals no longer discourage the use of pacifi ers

for falling asleep for babies up to one year of age, so if your baby

benefi ts from having a pacifi er for falling asleep, you can now rest

assured that it is fi ne to use one.

I speculate that benefi ts also occur with nature’s natural paci-

fi er: mother’s breast. That connection has not yet been identifi ed

in these studies, but it is something to watch for. Keep an eye

on the work of researcher Dr. James J. McKenna, director of the

Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of

Notre Dame, who examines many of the benefi ts and aspects of

breastfeeding and sleep.

The biggest issue for parents of a baby who uses a pacifi er to fall

asleep is that he wakes up when the pacifi er falls out and won’t go

back to sleep until someone puts it back. The studies say that it

is not necessary to replace a fallen pacifi er, but these babies don’t

read studies—they just want their pacifi er back in order to go back

to sleep!

You can help your baby learn how to fi nd and replace his own

pacifi er, if you wish. Simply guide his hand to it each time he

awakens. To make it easier to locate a pacifi er, put a few extra ones

in the crib
after
he falls asleep. (Don’t do this while he’s awake or

he’ll come to depend on fi ve pacifi ers to fall asleep!) If you don’t

want your baby to become accustomed to sleeping with a pacifi er,

you can use the ideas that follow.

Naptime Nursling
157

Sucking ϭ Sleep

Many naptime nurslings do not have any wind-down period or

prenap routine. They need no cue that it’s time to sleep, and they

require no sleep aid other than nursing or sucking their bottle or

pacifi er. It’s a simple process: when they are ready to sleep, they

suck and they are out! So, the sucking is actually the wind-down

period, the routine, the sleep cue, the sleep aid, the lovey, and

even the sleep place—all rolled into one.

In order to change this falling-asleep ritual, it helps to address

all six components and create a nap schedule and routine that

works with your child’s biological sleep needs.

Create a Guideline Nap Schedule

Very often, naptime nurslings do not have a specifi c nap schedule.

When they are fussy, they are breastfed or given a bottle or pacifi er,

and if the fussiness was caused by tiredness, they fall asleep. If you

want to change the suck-to-sleep association, you’ll need to start

being more aware of your child’s body clock as well as the kitchen

clock. You’ll need to begin to separate your child’s need for sleep

versus her need for comfort, nutrition, or company. By tuning into

the different signals, you can more accurately pinpoint when her

signs point to tiredness versus other needs.

A child who is put down for a nap at the correct biological

moment will welcome sleep. The moment is perfect when she is

just tired enough, but not overtired. This is the state when she

is biologically prepped for sleep, so it is at this precise moment

that she will be more likely to accept changes to her falling-asleep

ritual.

The best way to determine your child’s natural napping rhythm

is to fi rst—without changing your current routine—take a few

days to learn the best sleep times. Start with a review of the sleep

chart on page 8. Jot down the morning wake-up time and fi gure

out the possible time span when a nap is likely. Beginning about

158 Solving Napping Problems

a half hour before the earliest probable time, watch your child

carefully for signs of tiredness. You can fi nd a list of typical signs

on pages 44 and 88. Keep in mind that every child is different,

so it takes a bit of detective work to fi gure out the right signals.

You may have been instinctually sensing them, so now it’s time

to accurately defi ne them. Write down the times when tiredness

appears and the times that he actually falls asleep.

It’s possible that up until now you’ve been following a child-

led sleep routine, and the idea of setting up a nap schedule

is foreign or uncomfortable. If you don’t want to keep a log,

calculate estimated sleep times, or set a schedule, you cer-

tainly don’t have to do this. You can follow the other ideas in

this section to make changes to your routine. However, hav-

ing estimated sleep times will make naptime more predict-

able and therefore help everything else fall into place. Once

your child is napping predictably and sleep issues are no

longer a problem, then you can gradually return to a more

fl exible approach.

Wind-Down Period

It can be hard for a child to go directly from the action of the day

to the quiet state necessary for sleep. Since nursing has been your

child’s method to wind down, you’ll want to modify this so that he

has an opportunity to calm and settle before sleep time. The best

way to do this is to plan ahead. Once you have an approximate time

for a nap, you can adjust your day to allow for a wind-down period.

Depending on the age and personality of your child, this could

include quiet cuddle time in a darkened room, book reading, baby

Naptime Nursling
159

massage, or simply a reduction in the noise, light, and level of

activity in the house.

Routine

It can help to create a short, specifi c prenap routine. It may be a

good idea for this to be a mini-version of your bedtime routine, if

you have one that helps him settle at night. Your routine is actu-

ally a series of subtle cues that signal that naptime is near. You’ll

want the routine to end up at the time that you feel your child is

ready for sleep. Some of your wind-down activities can also be the

start of your prenap routine.

An important key to a good nap routine is that it does not end

with your child totally asleep at the breast, or with a bottle or

pacifi er, while in your arms. The last step of the routine should be

your sleepy, relaxed little one in his bed. It’s fi ne if you are there

to pat or shush him, but if you want him to sleep in his bed, that’s

where he should land at the very end of your prenap routine. The

routine not only acts as a cue (as described next), but it also acti-

vates a pattern to the day to help set your child’s biological clock,

which dictates when he will be tired.

Sleep Cue

There are a number of cues that you can use to tell your child

that naptime is here. Moving to the darkened bedroom can be a

strong cue. Quiet lullaby music, nature sound recordings, or white

noise are also powerful signs that bring relaxation and tell your

baby that it is bedtime. You can introduce certain fragrances to

your naptime environment, such as vanilla or lavender, to fur-

ther enhance the message that sleep time is here. If your baby is

soothed by swaddling, this, too, is an important sleep cue. The

fi nal cue is your child’s actual sleeping place: his bed.

160 Solving Napping Problems

Sleep Aids

Sleep aids are things that help your child to nod off to sleep. Of

course the strongest sleep aid of any is nursing or sucking a bottle

or pacifi er, and one that you will continue to use, although in a

slightly different way, which will be described in a minute. If your

baby uses a pacifi er, this is a good sleep aid. If your baby is over

eighteen months old, a wonderful addition to the bed is a child-

sized memory foam pillow—not for his head, but to be placed

beside his hip or legs as something nice to lean against in bed.

Lovey

Many naptime nurslings have an attachment to the breast, bottle,

or pacifi er that goes beyond nutrition, sucking, and sleep to a deep

emotional need. Your child might take to a transitional object,

called a “lovey,” for sleeping. These are usually stuffed animals or

small baby-sized blankets. There are a wide variety of specially

made loveys for infants. These are small, soft, and safe and can

fulfi ll your child’s need for naptime company.

To begin, include this lovey in your prenap and prebedtime

routines. Keep it tucked between you so that it becomes a tactile

and visual cue to sleep time. By tucking it between you, it also

becomes warm and parent-scented, which makes it extra comfort-

ing. When you put your child in bed, tuck the lovey beside him.

Sleep Place

When your little nursling continues sucking until she is totally

asleep, it is the last thing that she remembers. It is such a strong

and overwhelming sensation that nothing else is acknowledged.

This is why those who accept pacifi ers will more often accept

being placed into bed—because they can take their pacifi er with

them. (The trouble starts when the pacifi er falls out!)

Naptime Nursling
161

Kian, newborn, on Mommy Sacha

When you shift your child to her bed or if she has a brief awak-

ening between sleep cycles and she fi nds the nipple missing, she

will be shocked into wakefulness. You can help overcome this by

creating a cozy, familiar nest for your child that woos her back to

sleep when she starts to wake up.

One idea here is to arrange to spend some quiet playtime dur-

ing the day in the place you want your child to nap. If this is his

crib, lay him there and lean over toward him. Sing songs, talk,

and point out the surroundings. Have two or three of these pleas-

ant interludes during the day. If you can get your child interested

in a toy or watching a mobile, then step away to the other side of

the room for a minute, sit in a nearby chair, or even step out to the

hallway and then return. By having these practice sessions, your

child will come to know her crib as a welcoming and comfortable

haven. It will become familiar, so she will then fi nd comfort in

falling asleep there or if she wakes mid-nap. This is effective for

bedtime and night waking as well.

The other way to help your child accept the crib as his sleep-

ing place is to be sure it is snug and inviting. You will fi nd a list of

ideas for making the crib cozy on page 140.

162 Solving Napping Problems

Mother-Speak