The No Cry Nap Solution (22 page)

Changing from In-Arms Sleep

to In-Bed Sleep

See also: Naptime Nursling: Falling Asleep

Without the Breast, Bottle, or Pacifi er; Swinging,

Bouncing, Vibrating, or Gliding: Making the

Transition from Motion Sleep to

Stationary Sleep

I always rock my three-month-old daughter to

sleep in my arms and then hold her while she

naps. She’s getting bigger and heavier, and it is

very tiring and stressful for me. Plus, I would love

to do some non-baby things while she sleeps!

But if I try to put her down, she wakes up, so

I either have to hold her for her entire nap or

skip a nap completely. How can I move her from

sleeping in my arms to sleeping in her crib?

Your daughter isn’t the only baby who is cradled in a loving

adult’s arms as she sleeps—studies show that over 65 percent

of infants fall asleep this way, so she’s clearly in the majority. It’s

easy to see why: for a baby, being held by a parent or caregiver is

the closest thing to the experience of being inside the womb—the

cozy, secure place where your baby began life. In a perfect world,

we’d carry all babies as often as they’d like and allow them to sleep

in the comfort of our arms. But arms get tired, and there are many

tasks that need to be done with two of them, such as cooking,

working, tending to other children, exercising, showering, or clip-

136

Changing from In-Arms Sleep to In-Bed Sleep
137

ping your toenails. In addition, since babies require 100 percent

of our attention when they are awake, it can be tremendously

challenging when they also require 100 percent of our attention

when they are asleep. For most parents, helping a baby to take

adequate daily naps in his own bed is an important and essential

accomplishment.

Hold Sleeping Babies

If you really love having your sleeping baby in your arms and

your daily schedule allows this pleasure, then continue on

as you are with my blessings. Don’t change what works for

you and your baby because someone else told you that you

should. If your baby is having long, restful naps in your arms

or sling and you are happy holding him, go ahead and enjoy

this precious, fl eeting time in your life and his.

Don’t change what works today for some fear of future

problems. It will likely be no harder or easier for your baby

to make a change now or later, but it will be easier for you

when you are truly ready and motivated to create change.

Babies are babies for a very short time—blink and they

are off to college. So, if you are happy with today’s in-arms

nap routine, then carry on!

There will come a time when you feel ready to move

your baby from your arms to his bed. It might be today,

next month, or even next year. The right time is different for

everyone, and your right time is when you should make that

change—without guilt or anxiety. Read this chapter and apply

these gentle no-cry sleep solutions when you are ready to

make a change from in-arms naps to in-bed naps.

138 Solving Napping Problems

What Does Sleeping “Like a Baby” Mean?

Babies are not born with the ability to sleep like adults. Babies

sleep like babies: they often require wooing to sleep, and then they

wake frequently and nap erratically. According to sleep expert

Dr. William Dement, who is considered to be the world’s leading

authority on sleep, it can take a long time for a baby’s biological

clock to mature. Dr. Dement says, “As the weeks go by, the baby

starts sleeping longer and being awake longer. This is caused by

the consolidation of sleep periods. Then, around
the fortieth week
,

the baby has started waking and going to sleep about the same

time each day. His biological clock becomes in tune with the

twenty-four-hour day.”

This means that it may take your baby nine or more months

to transition from “newborn sleep” to “baby sleep.” This is part of

the reason why some professionals refer to the fi rst nine months

outside of the womb as the second half of gestation. During this

transitional time, your baby will have short sleep cycles and may

need your help to fall asleep and stay asleep. This delicate and

irregular sleeping pattern is why so many parents resort to holding

their sleeping babies to achieve their daily naps.

Babies who co-sleep at night often require in-arms naps during

the day because they are unfamiliar with sleeping alone. These

highly tactile sleepers need special conditions to help them sleep

alone, either for night sleep or for naps.

Take heart! Babies do outgrow the need to be carried to sleep

eventually. And even before that, we can do many things to move

the process along. It is the womblike environment that helps

babies to be calmer and sleep better. While in-arms naps are the

ultimate womblike environment, there are many other ways to

create a cozy sleep-inducing place for your baby and transition

him from in-arms naps to in-bed naps.

This chapter will present a variety of ideas for you to review

and choose from. Remember that there are no “must-dos” or even

“should-dos”—every baby is unique, and every parent has distinc-

Changing from In-Arms Sleep to In-Bed Sleep
139

tive needs and goals as well. I suggest that you read through all

these ideas and those in the rest of this book, pick out the solu-

tions that appeal to you, and create a written nap plan (see page

27). Follow through on your plan with purpose, dedication, and a

super-colossal dose of love and patience.

Set the Scene for Naptime

When your baby sleeps in your arms, it’s likely that there are no

other conditions necessary for him to sleep. It won’t matter what

time it is, how dark it is, or if you are standing on a street corner

in New York City. When you are ready to encourage your baby to

sleep in a location other than your arms, you’ll need to be aware

of many other facets of napping that you’ve not had to consider

before. No matter which solutions you choose, it can help to fol-

low these tips, since your baby will welcome sleep easier if you set

up the right conditions for a nap to happen.

• Plan and follow a nap schedule based on the information in

the sleep chart on page 8.

• Learn to identify your baby’s sleepy signals (pages 44 and

88) and put him down for a nap the minute you identify his

signs of fatigue; don’t let your baby get overtired.

• Watch the clock and your baby equally to determine the

best nap times.

• After your baby wakes up, keep him active and exposed to

bright light.

• Tone down the activity, lights, and noise about a half hour

before naptime to help your baby wind down and prepare

for sleep.

• Keep the napping area dimly lit and free from loud or jar-

ring noises.

• Aid sleep with the consistent use of soft lullabies or white

noise.

• Try swaddling for naps if your baby is a newborn.

140 Solving Napping Problems

• Make certain your child is sleeping safely.

• Choose the solutions that work best for you and your child.

Mother-Speak

“My doctor said that holding my newborn for naps makes

her rely on me. This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever

heard! Of course she relies on me—she’s a four-week-old

baby, for goodness sake!”

—Melissa, mother of four-week-old Hannah

Make the Crib Cozy and Comfortable

Before we talk about the ways to transition your baby from arms

to bed, it can help to get the bed ready for your baby. First, con-

sider how your baby is snuggled in your arms for sleep. His posi-

tion, the tactile experience, the sounds, the smell, and the feel are

all very different from the experience of lying alone on a big, fl at

crib mattress. In addition, when your baby is in your arms, you are

as close as you can get to each other. Even if the crib or cradle is

two inches from your chair (it might as well be half a block as far

as your baby is concerned), he can hear you and sense you but not

feel you, and this may prevent him from relaxing enough to sleep.

If you can change the crib setting to duplicate some of the compo-

nents of an in-arms nap, then you have a much better chance of

having your baby accept this napping-place alternative.

Even if your baby willingly sleeps in the crib for nighttime sleep,

you may have to consider modifi cations to make the crib more

acceptable to your baby for daytime naps. There are a number of

ways to modify the crib so that it is more inviting to your baby:

• Investigate the purchase of a baby hammock or swinging cra-

dle, particularly if your baby is a newborn. Many are attached to

Changing from In-Arms Sleep to In-Bed Sleep
141

a spring assembly that creates movement when your baby moves.

These beds provide the soft, fl exible surface that a crib lacks and

are a natural for babies who love to sleep in arms.

Some of these beds are intended for infants, so older babies may

quickly pass the weight limit. Others can accommodate a child up

to about age two, and there are hammocks that are made for chil-

dren up to about eighty pounds. The design should be age-appro-

priate and protect your little one from rolling over or falling out.

Some have a built-in safety harness strap system similar to those in

car seats, and some have side bolsters to secure newborns or tiny

babies. Those for older children hang very low to the ground.

• Changing the angle of the mattress can be helpful, espe-

cially if your baby has colic, allergies, asthma, refl ux, or recurring

ear infections or is a fussy sleeper. A crib wedge lifts the head por-

tion of the mattress, changing it from a fl at surface to one with a

slight upturned angle. A wedge that is positioned under the crib

sheet lifts the head of the bed much like the angle of your arms.

Some wedges contain a fastener to prevent your baby from sliding

or rolling and provide additional tactile assurance.

• As an alternative, you can place a piece of wood under the

mattress
at the head of the bed, or two-inch furniture lifts under

feet at the head of the crib. (No matter what method you choose,

be sure the crib remains completely stable and that you don’t alter

the fi t of the mattress within the crib at all.)

• Investigate the use of a crib positioner to keep your baby

snugly hugged. These are two foam bolsters connected with a fab-

ric valley and made specifi cally for keeping an infant in a back-

sleeping position. While these have not yet been approved by

safety organizations, they are very popular, so keep your eye out

for new versions that earn the stamp of approval, or check with

your health care provider for a recommendation.

• Experiment with the placement and positioning of your

baby within the crib. Many babies prefer being wedged up into

the upper corner of the crib so that they can feel something on

142 Solving Napping Problems

the top and side of them, instead of free-fl oating somewhere in

the middle. Other babies like to feel something near their feet, so

placing your baby toward the very bottom of the crib is better.

• Once your baby is past the newborn stage, you can put a

small, baby-safe stuffed animal in the crib. Often the best place

for this toy is beside your baby’s hips, legs, or feet, since many

babies like to feel something beside them as they sleep. Another

option is to roll a receiving blanket into a tight sausage shape and

tape it securely. Place it next to your baby’s legs or under your

baby’s knees to create a more natural sleeping position.

• If your baby seems lost in the big crib, place a small travel cra-

dle, portable baby hammock, or Moses basket
inside the crib
. This

smaller space is cozier than a big crib. (Make sure it is stable and

won’t tip. Use one designed with a box-type bottom, not legs.)