The No Cry Nap Solution (21 page)

word from your own vocabulary and substitute it with “Hush

Hour” or, more often, no title at all. Perhaps we should refer to

it as the hour that shall not be named ?

When you notice by the clock or by your child’s behavior that

rest time is needed, quietly go about setting one up. Typically,

this occurs at the same time every day, often early afternoon, just

after lunch, or when your child returns home from school.

Set up the Hush Hour room before you say a word to your

child. For many children, this should be a place other than their

bedroom, which is way too much like naptime. Create a cozy

resting place with a blanket and pillow. Dim the lights or turn

them off, and unplug any phones or devices that could disturb

the peace. Turn on soft music or white noise. Sprinkle lavender

scents and then bring your child to this restful room. Get your

child settled and give him a massage or read a book, sing, or tell

a story.

If you have a work space at home, you might try setting up

a “nest” near your desk, as I did, and invite your child to lie near

you. Many children love being close to mommy or daddy, and

being invited to lie quietly for a bit in a special “nest” can become

a pleasant ritual. Play soft music and concentrate on your work.

If your child talks to you, don’t engage conversation. A simple

“Shhh, quiet now” might be all that’s needed to help your child

rest while preserving an extra hour of work time for you.

The Hush Hour for a Child

An older child might need more than music or white noise to

encourage stillness during Hush Hour. You can either read a

book to him (using a small book light or table lamp) or play

an audiobook story. Listening to a story is much more restful

than watching television, which requires eyes open and lights

Continued

130 Solving Napping Problems

on. An ongoing audio story can be a wonderful enticement for

your child to look forward to Hush Hour every day.

If your child resists the idea of resting and isn’t interested in

story time, you can use a quiet playtime instead. Require your

child to play quietly in his room or another contained space

(one lacking active distractions) for an hour. Provide a special

box of low-key activities to be used just for this hour, such as

stuffed animals, books, puzzles, crayons, and paper. Put the

box away at the end of each day’s Hush Hour. Keeping the box

unique to this time each day will keep it interesting.

When Your Child Won’t Hush for Hush Hour

If at any time during the Hush Hour your child becomes anx-

ious, upset, or too energetic to maintain the rest time, end your

session. This is supposed to be restful, not painful! If possible,

head outside for a walk, a bike ride, or a visit to the park. If

you can’t get outside, fi nd an inside activity that requires

some dancing, jumping, or climbing. A bit of physical activity

followed by a glass of water and a healthy snack can get the

blood pumping and push your child past that biological mid-

day slump. This will boost your child’s mood (and likely yours,

too) for the rest of the day.

When to Discontinue the Hush Hour

Even if your child functions beautifully without a nap and you

are comfortable with having him give up naps completely, there

is no harm in continuing to keep a Hush Hour built into your

child’s daily schedule. Every human being benefi ts from a brief

break in the middle of the day, so if you and your child enjoy

the peace and tranquility of a Hush Hour, then, by all means,

continue the practice for as long as it works for your family,

even up through the school years.

Shifting Schedules: Time to Give Up Naps?
131

Isabella, two and a half years old

Sample Schedules

Every child is different, and every family functions in a unique

way. Yet I know that many of you may be wondering what your

new schedule should look like, so here are a few actual samples

for you to review. I am not suggesting that you adopt any of these

schedules (unless they work for you), but I have learned from expe-

rience that my readers like to have these samples, so I’ve included

some here.

As you review these sample schedules, keep in mind that family

life is fl uid and every day is a little bit different, so there is fl exibil-

ity in setting a schedule. It can help, though, to have a guideline

for your child’s daily routine. Here are a few sample schedules from

children who take one daily nap or a Hush Hour and get an ade-

quate amount of the important components of naptime, meals,

snacks, and nighttime sleep. In between these cornerstone events

(but not shown) are hours of playtime, of course!

132 Solving Napping Problems

Samples of Children’s Daily Schedules*

Sofi a

Mya

Hector

age 4

age 5

age 6

Alyssa

Ethan

pre-

kin der-

kin der-

age 2½

age 3

school

gar ten

garten

Awake

7:00

8:30 7:30

6:15

7:30

Break fast

8:00

9:15

7:45

6:30

7:45

Snack

10:00

11:00

9:45

9:00

10:00

(at school)

Lunch

12:00

1:30

1:00

11:30

11:45

(at school)

Nap or

1:00

3:00

1:30

12:30

3:00

Hush

(nap)

(nap)

(Hush)

(nap)

(Hush)

Hour

2 hours

1½ hours

1 hour

1¼ hours 1½ hours

Awake

3:00

4:30 2:30

1:45

4:30

Snack

4:00

Dinner

3:15

2:30

4:45

5:30

Dinner

5:30

Snack

5:00

6:00

6:00

7:00

Snack

Snack

6:45

7:00

Prebed-

7:00

8:00

7:00

7:00

7:15

time

routine

Asleep**

8:00

9:00

8:00

7:30

8:30

11 hours

11½

11½

10¾

11 hours

hours

hours

hours

Total

13 hours

13 hours

11½

12 hours

11 hours ϩ

sleep

hours ϩ

1½ Hush

hours

1 Hush

Hours

(nap plus

Hour

night)

*All times are rounded. (Life with children is not as exact as this chart appears!)

**The number of night sleep hours shown does not necessarily mean unbroken sleep, since brief awaking between sleep cycles is normal, and because 47 percent of toddlers and 36 percent of preschoolers wake up at least once per night and need an adult’s help to return to sleep.

Shifting Schedules: Time to Give Up Naps?
133

When Your Child Resists Both Naps
and
a

Hush Hour

If naps are
impossible
and you can’t even manage a Hush
minute

let alone an hour, your child may buzz through the day with high

energy but run out of steam after dinner (when it’s much too late

for a nap). As a consequence, there will be more stubbornness,

more tantrums, more crying and—ironically and amazingly—a

battle against bedtime, since overtired children are too wired to

sleep. Have heart. There are still things you can do to help your

child get a midday break and take the edge off the fussiness.

If your child resists a midday rest, you can be very creative and

trick him into being still for an hour. Here are a few ways to pull

this off:

• Visit your local library once a week and fi ll a box with plenty

of new books. (They are
free
, you know!) In the afternoon, when

your child seems to be sagging a bit or getting fussy, take a stack

of books to the sofa, give your child a sippy cup of milk, and read

for a while. Not only does this keep your little one still and quiet,

it’s the best thing you can do for your child’s future academic

success.

• If the weather permits, take your child out for a stroller-walk.

Jogging strollers are made for children up to fi ve or six years old,

so this idea can work for several years. Double strollers are great if

you have a toddler and a baby. Most children love having a stroll,

and the quiet rolling and sightseeing can be very relaxing. If you

are a bicycler, invest in a bike trailer for your child. (Some convert

from bike trailer to jogging stroller.) You may fi nd that your child’s

afternoon fussy time turns into the highlight of your day!

• A wonderful way to handle your child’s afternoon grumpy

time is to turn it into an opportunity for love and bonding. Really!

If you notice that your child is acting tired, whiny, and fussy,

take twenty minutes or more and dedicate it to some one-on-one

playtime with your child. Pull out the crayons and paper, plas-

134 Solving Napping Problems

tic animals, or building blocks and give your child some personal

attention. In most cases, this will magically wipe away any nega-

tive emotions and turn your child into her happy self again.

• As a parenting professional, I couldn’t possibly in good con-

science give you this next suggestion, but as a mother of four, I

would be remiss if I didn’t. So, I’ll quote the brilliant Dr. Will

Wilkoff, a pediatrician and author of
Is My Child Overtired?
, who

will tell you what to do after lunch, when your child arrives home

from day care or school, or at any point in the late afternoon when

your patience cannot handle another whiny meltdown:

Like many pediatricians, I feel that the television-viewing habits of

our children are seriously interfering with their health. The physical

inactivity associated with watching TV is already taking its toll on

the fi tness of both children and adults and is a major contributor to

health problems such as obesity and diabetes. However, if your child

is not buying the siesta concept despite your best efforts at creating a

mellow and rest-inducing atmosphere, “the tube” may be the answer.

As distasteful as it may be for me to suggest such a thing, you might

try sitting your child down in front of a nonaction video for an hour

or so. At least one study has demonstrated that television viewers

burn only slightly more calories per hour than they do when they are

sleeping. Although this may not be good news for those of you hoping

to lose weight by watching television, it does demonstrate that “tubing

out” is very similar to sleep and may provide your child with a chance

to recharge her batteries.

• If your child won’t slow down during the day, it may help to

put him to bed at night earlier. Experiment with an early bedtime

that gives him ample sleep without waking too early in the morn-

ing. To do this, make sure the bedroom is dark until an appropri-

ate wake-up time. Watch for morning noises that rouse your child

before he’s ready to awaken. A white-noise machine or clock radio

set to fi ll the room with soothing sounds or music about an hour

before your child normally wakes up may charm him into sleeping

a bit longer in the morning.

Shifting Schedules: Time to Give Up Naps?
135

Nap or No Nap, Hush or No Hush,

Remember These Important Ideas

Whether your child naps, takes a Hush Hour, or fl ies through the

day without either of these, remember these key points to help

your child be happy and healthy:

• Maintain a consistent bedtime every day.

• Make sure that your child has an adequate amount of night

sleep.

• Provide your child with a daily diet of healthy foods.

• Encourage your child to be physically active every day.

• Take your child for regular health exams.