The No Cry Nap Solution (26 page)

“As you suggested, we played with Dylan in his crib so he

could get used to it. He has a mobile that he loves, and we

let him ‘play’ with it two or three times a day. This has really

helped him get used to his crib. I think that’s one of the

reasons he is starting to put himself back to sleep when he

wakes up.”

—Alison, mother of fi ve-month-old Dylan

Your Newborn Nursling

Brand-new babies often fall asleep during nursing or while drinking

a bottle. They “eat” fi rst, and then they switch to nonnutritional

pacifying as they drift off to sleep. When this happens consistently,

they become accustomed to falling asleep with the sensation of the

nipple in their mouth and then require this feeling not only to fall

asleep but to fall
back to sleep
whenever they stir between sleep cycles.

You can take a preventive measure with your newborn so that your

baby doesn’t become totally dependent on this type of sucking to

be able to sleep. What you’ll do, as often as you can, is remove the

breast, bottle, or pacifi er after your baby is fi nished drinking and let

her fi nish falling asleep without having something in her mouth.

This will give her an opportunity to fall asleep off the nipple.

Pantley’s Gentle Removal Plan

(Nicknamed by the No-Cry Sleep test moms as the “Pantley

Pull-Off” or the “PPO”)

If your baby or toddler always falls asleep nursing or sucking

on a bottle or pacifi er, it’s likely that he relies on this sensation

Naptime Nursling
163

in order to fall asleep. Simply taking it away only creates a ter-

rible amount of crying and pain (for parent and child). Pantley’s

Gentle Removal Plan is a step-by-step method to help your

baby learn how to fall asleep without sucking.

A helpful fi rst step is to create a phrase that signals, “We’re all

done now.” You’ll want to fi rst use this at the end of each nurs-

ing or bottlefeeding session. As you fi nish, repeat your phrase

two or three times. Choose your own phrase, based on your

personality and your child’s age, but it could be something like

“All done. Milk is all done. Bye-bye milk.” This becomes a “cue

phrase” to close your nursing sessions and will be helpful when

you would like your child to stop nursing and go to sleep.

When it’s time for a nap, go ahead and nurse your child

as you normally have. The difference is that instead of letting

her fall asleep at the breast (or with a bottle), you will let her

nurse for feeding, until her sucking slows and she is relaxed and

sleepy. Make sure your child is done “drinking” and just pacify-

ing, which is often characterized with a fl uttery on/off pattern

of sucking. Then you’ll want to take your nursling off the breast

or remove the bottle or pacifi er. There are several ways to do

this.

• You can break the seal with your fi nger and gently remove

the nipple from her mouth.

• You can use a quicker, more confi dent break with your fi nger.

If you are sitting, you might want to immediately move her

up to your shoulder and hold her snugly while you swing/

sway/swish/pat/shush or otherwise comfort her.

• If you are lying beside her, use the quick, confi dent release,

and then shift your breasts away from her face (perhaps

turn on your tummy somewhat) or hide the bottle from sight

while patting, rubbing, rocking, or whatever soothes her.

Continued

164 Solving Napping Problems

Don’t use your closing phrase just yet! At fi rst, your child will be

confused and want to continue nursing—because that’s what

she has always done. You may be able to very gently hold her

mouth closed with mild pressure or a gentle massage under

her chin or just under her lip (this helps to ease her mouth from

sucking to stillness); at the same time rock or sway with her,

and say, “Shhh. Shhh.” If she struggles or fusses, go ahead and

let her nurse a bit more since you don’t want her to become

totally awake and start crying, but repeat the removal process

every few minutes until she fi nally falls asleep.

How long between removals? Every child is different, but

about ten to thirty seconds between removals usually works.

You can count to thirty if that helps you relax and stay on task.

(You’ll not want to remove in the middle of a let-down unless

you’re prepared to hold your hand over your breast to stop the

milk fl ow.)

It may take two, three, fi ve, or even more attempts, but even-

tually your child will accept the loss of the nipple, get comfort-

able, and begin to fall asleep without the nipple in his mouth.

This is when you can say your closing phrase—very quietly! You

are creating a connection between the closing phrase and her

actually being fi nished nursing.

When you’ve done this a number of times, over a period of

days, you should fi nd that the removals are much easier. This

is when you will begin to use your closing phrase earlier in the

process and begin to be more persistent in ending the nurs-

ing session earlier. As the Gentle Removal begins to work, it’s

important to pull off sooner and sooner in the process. (If you

don’t shorten the time, your nursling will just become used to a

long, drawn-out removal process.) When the removal is short-

ened a little at a time, one day your child will surprise you by

Naptime Nursling
165

pulling off on her own. But to get there you must have consis-

tency on your part.

Mother-Speak

“We call this our Big PPO (Pantley Pull-Off). At fi rst Joshua would

see it coming and grab my nipple tighter in anticipation—ouch!

But you said to stick with it, and I did. Now he anticipates the

PPO and actually lets go and turns and rolls over on his side to

go to sleep! I am truly amazed.”

—Shannon, mother of nineteen-month-old Joshua

Repeat the gentle removal process at every nap, and also every

night if your child nurses to sleep at bedtime or during night

waking, until your little one learns that she can fall asleep with-

out nursing.

Patience with Your Child, Patience with Yourself

At any time if you feel too frustrated to continue with the “PPO,”

just let your little one nurse to sleep, and try again at the next

nap. Don’t feel you must succeed quickly. This process may

take some time. Be patient. There are no awards for being the

fi rst parent on your block to have your child fall asleep without

your help!

Remember, too, that all the solutions in this book can work

together like pieces to a big sleep puzzle. Make sure that you

are applying all the other information you’ve learned about

your child’s sleep in other parts of this book. If your sleep plan

is a complete one, you will see your child’s daily naps improv-

ing more quickly.

Swinging, Bouncing, Vibrating,

or Gliding

Making the Transition from Motion

Sleep to Stationary Sleep

See also: Changing from In-Arms Sleep to In-

Bed Sleep; The Nap Resister: When Your

Child Needs a Nap but Won’t Take One

My six-week-old son is a terrible napper. As a

newborn he would only sleep while being held.

I once put him in the crib, but he cried until he

fell asleep and then only napped for fi fteen

minutes. I refuse to do that again! I discovered

that he will take a nice, long nap when I put him

in his swing, so that’s what we do. I have been told

that sleep tainted by movement is poor sleep

and harmful for my baby. Is this true? How will I

get him to sleep in a motionless bed without

making him cry?

Let’s think back. Prior to six weeks ago, how did your baby sleep?

He slept in a fl uid bed that sloshed and moved with your every

step. You walked, bounced up stairs, and may have even jogged

or taken an aerobics class! And if you loved your rocking chair—

imagine that! That is
not
what I would call motionless sleep! Right

now I would like you to get up, put both hands fi rmly on your belly,

and walk around the house, go up and down the stairs, bend up

166

Swinging, Bouncing, Vibrating, or Gliding
167

and down as if folding laundry or loading dishes, and jog in place.

This was how your baby slept—up to
twenty hours
each and every

day before birth. Can you now understand why an unmoving, fl at

crib can be unsettling to your new baby?

Your baby didn’t magically transform into a different life form

at the moment of birth; he was the same person he was just a min-

ute before. That’s the reason that the fi rst three months of life are

often referred to as the “fourth trimester.” There is a time of tran-

sition from womb to world that takes months, usually even linger-

ing long past this fourth trimester. After this transition time, the

comforts of motion sleep become a happy habit. But harmful? Ask

any adult who loves rocking chairs, gliders, hammocks, or sleeping

on the train. They will tell you that motion can be comforting

and restful.

Human beings have been rocking babies to sleep for as long as

there have been babies. It’s a very natural way to help them sleep.

Parents instinctually search for ways to provide their babies with

movement to settle them because it works so well. There are a

number of interesting methods that parents use: bouncing on an

exercise ball, dancing or swaying in a sling, driving in a car, and

even holding an infant chair on top of the washing machine. (If

your baby enjoys movement
and
being held in your arms, you will

fi nd ideas in this chapter as well as the chapter “Changing from

In-Arms Sleep to In-Bed Sleep.”)

Why Babies Sleep Well with Motion

Babies often nap better when we try to re-create the experiences

from the womb. This explains why babies enjoy a sleeping place

that is warm, closely held, slightly noisy, and gently moving. Being

held in a parent’s arms creates the perfect combination of these

things, but a busy parent cannot possibly hold a napping baby for

hours every day. The next best solution is a swing, glider, ham-

mock, rocking cradle, or vibrating infant seat. Motion naps in

168 Solving Napping Problems

these devices are incredibly popular with babies since they mimic

the experience of the
womb
environment in four ways:

•
W—Whooshing sounds:
The pleasant swooshing white

noise sounds of the motor and the creaking of the swing are

similar to the sounds of the heartbeat and fl uids heard in

the womb. Not only do they soothe your baby to sleep, they

also block out outside noises that interfere with a nap. They

are a powerful sleep cue that says
time to nap
.

•
O—Orderly, predictable events:
Diaper changed, child

into the seat, buckle clicked, music on, swaying begins,

sleep time! It’s exactly the same every single time—very

predictable and a memorable routine.

•
M—Movement:
The gentle, consistent sway creates a

pleasant rocking that mimics the sway and movement of

the womb. This rocking is the same instinctual movement