The Zombie Combat Manual (13 page)

As an implement to defend against the living dead, the medieval mace is a nearly ideal weapon. Crafted to inflict severe trauma against an individual encased in a suit of armor, the mace can do outstanding damage to the comparatively fragile skull of a zombie. The cost of this weapon is low, as is the skill required to wield it, which explains its popularity throughout history as a weapon of the proletariat. The learning curve to master this weapon is also quite manageable—any individual who has swung a hammering tool of any sort can be effective with this armament in short order.

The greatest liability of this particular weapon is its availability, as the quantity of high-quality maces is somewhat low and poorly made replicas abound. This liability is also somewhat minimized because even a lower-quality mace, provided that it is maintained well and inspected regularly, can be serviceable for several dozen combat sorties.

WEAPON EVALUATION: KUKRI

EFFECTIVENESS: MODERATE
LIFE SPAN: 50+ ZOMBIE ENGAGEMENTS
SKILL LEVEL: HIGH
AVAILABILITY: LIMITED
COST: EXPENSIVE

OVERVIEW:
One part camp hatchet and two parts combat blade, the kukri knife, also known as the Gurkha Blade, is the national knife of Nepal and the traditional weapon of the legendary Nepalese Gurkhas, where boys receive their own kukri blade when they are barely out of diapers. The expertise with which the Gurkha warrior wielded this weapon gave rise to the false myth that blood must be drawn every time a kukri was removed from its sheath.

Although the design of the blade enables its multifunctional use in agricultural activities such as splitting wood and clearing brush, it is most effective as a tool for combat. The blade’s shape may look similar to that of a boomerang, but the kukri was not crafted as a throwing weapon. The length and deep belly at the front of the blade place additional weight at the forefront of the weapon, enabling a fighter to generate a great deal of chopping force with each swing.

As a weapon against the living dead, the kukri is at its deadliest when targeting the zombie’s vulnerable neck region. Primarily a hacking weapon, the kukri can decapitate a ghoul almost as effectively as any heavy-bladed polearm. The notch at the base of the blade can also help prevent infectious fluid from trickling down onto the bearer’s hand. Given its unusual shape and shorter length, there can be a marked learning curve for those with no prior experience to wield the kukri successfully against an attacking ghoul.

WEAPON EVALUATION: EXPANDABLE BATON

EFFECTIVENESS: LOW
LIFE SPAN: 5+ ZOMBIE ENGAGEMENTS
SKILL LEVEL: LOW
AVAILABILITY: LIMITED
COST: MODERATE

OVERVIEW:
A modern weapon made popular as standard equipment among many law enforcement organizations, the expandable baton may seem like an ideal weapon against a walking corpse. It is crafted entirely of aluminum or steel, made with a comfortable handle, expands to a respectable melee range, and retracts to a fraction of its size when not in use.

Unfortunately, the baton suffers many liabilities in undead combat. As a weapon made for keepers of the peace, it is specifically classified as a nonlethal weapon. Thus, it was not made to withstand constant and repeated blows to an individual’s skull. It was intentionally designed without any severe edges that could potentially lacerate an assailant. The most common attack points for this weapon are typically on the arms and legs in order to temporarily incapacitate or disarm a threatening human. Its segmented, collapsible rods also make the weapon structurally weaker than one made from a single bar of metal.

Tests show that when subjected to the incessant battering that occurs in an undead attack, the structural integrity of the expandable baton becomes seriously compromised, and suffers from warping and irrevocable damage. Although it can be used temporarily and may be found in the duty belts of law enforcement officers who were felled in a zombie attack, it is recommended that a more reliable weapon be sought quickly as a replacement, as the expandable baton may not even last a single undead combat encounter.

WEAPON EVALUATION: TOMAHAWK

EFFECTIVENESS: HIGH
LIFE SPAN: 150+ ZOMBIE ENGAGEMENTS
SKILL LEVEL: MODERATE
AVAILABILITY: LIMITED
COST: EXPENSIVE

OVERVIEW:
An implement with a long heritage on North American plains of battle, the tomahawk is a particular type of hatchet originally used by Native Americans in hand-to-hand fighting. As with the mace, the earliest incarnations of the weapon’s striking face were made of stone, with steel being the more durable choice as it became more readily available. This weapon experienced a resurgence during the twentieth and twenty-first centuries when it was modernized and distributed in limited numbers during conflicts in Asia and the Middle East. The contemporary version of the tomahawk radically improves on the historical model by replacing wood with modern polymers and heat-treating specific regions of the blade to reduce shock from heavy striking while still retaining a keen edge.

As a zombie-neutralizing tool, the tomahawk fares nearly as well as the medieval mace. The weapon can penetrate bony skull plates using either end of its wedge-shaped blade, and the modernized upgrade of this historical tool has addressed its traditional shortcomings. It does, however, suffer from several minor liabilities of which you should be mindful. The tomahawk is a rather short weapon for a melee engagement, having an average length of fifteen inches. The weapon’s sweet spot is also concentrated in a small area on the striking head, requiring a greater level of precision for each blow.

Although this weapon can be and has been accurately thrown in battle, it takes a great many hours of consistent practice to successfully perform such a maneuver. The probability that you will be able to strike a bobbing target with the tomahawk’s blade is low. Even if you are able, by luck or talent, to accomplish this feat, you must then walk the distance thrown to retrieve your weapon from the ghoul’s head, leaving you weaponless and vulnerable in the interim. Do not perform this maneuver unless you find yourself with no other choice. We will address the viability of throwing weapons at living dead attackers later in this text.

Using Hooked Armaments

When selecting a melee weapon, be wary of bludgeons that have extended hooks or long, narrow bolts, such as the claw end of a hammer, a longshoreman’s hook, or the point of a pickaxe. Although these protrusions provide excellent penetrating power into the skull, they also tend to lodge in the brain cavity. Remember that once a zombie’s brain is destroyed, its entire body instantly becomes dead weight. There have been many recorded cases of a weapon being pulled out of a fighter’s hand after becoming wedged in the ghoul’s cranial vault, leaving the individual unarmed for several crucial seconds. The time required to pull your weapon free could be crucial to your survival, particularly if engaging simultaneous attackers. This is not to say that you should not select this type of weapon, but be aware of its shortcomings during battle. One method of ensuring that your weapon always stays close at hand is to craft a retention loop attached to the armament’s handle, so that if you lose hold of the weapon, it still remains secured to your wrist. (See the discussion of weapon customization later in this section.)

COMBAT REPORT:

KENJIRO ITTO

Chief Operating Officer Kusanagi Enterprises, Sakai, Japan

I’m escorted from the helicopter pad atop Hikosaburo Plaza by four heavily armed security personnel and led down to the reception area of Kenjiro “Kenny” Itto, chairman and COO of Kusanagi Enterprises. The company is currently the world’s largest producer and exporter of modern Japanese combat arms. It was also founded by the Kishida-kai organization, one of the oldest Yakuza syndicates in Japan. The company has been instrumental in revitalizing the country’s financial system, so much so that it has been said by its detractors that post-undead Japan has effectively become a “RICOECONOMY,” one that is governed by what was formerly considered the criminal underworld. Kusanagi Enterprises exports its products to every country with functioning safe regions and provides training to military and civilian groups on four of the seven continents.

Mr. Itto greets me with a slight bow followed by a firm handshake. As we make idle chatter before starting the formal interview, he asks if I am aware of the reinstatement status of the higher education system in the United States. “As a former Illini, I’m hoping for the best,” he states. We begin the interview in his office, but he decides that he would rather talk while taking me on a tour of the factory several floors below.

KI:
Even before the first Japanese citizen rose from the dead, ours was a nation in free fall—economically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am a student of business, not psychology, but I know enough to realize that a man often judges himself in two very fundamental ways—as a warrior or as a provider. Our country had a rich, illustrious history as a warrior nation; one that was nearly devastated by Fat Man and Little Boy.
⁶
After that humiliating defeat culminating on the deck of the USS
Missouri
, many in our society felt that it was better to relinquish our combative ways to more powerful nations, lest we suffer additional disgrace at the hands of
gaijin
.

Many also believed we would not recover, that we would forever be international pariahs, never again contributing to the world’s significance. But the Japanese are an industrious people. After several decades, we managed to scratch and fight our way back to a place of esteem; this time, as providers to the global economy. We leveraged our growing dominance in the automotive, semiconductor, and electronics sectors to branch out into property, banking, even entertainment, which alarmed you in the United States the most. By the mid-eighties, we were such an economic force that American families were teaching their children Japanese in preparation to communicate with their future supervisors, just as they are fluent in Mandarin and Farsi today.