The Zombie Combat Manual (16 page)

2.
Position:
Carrying your weapon in the cross-draw fashion not only enables close proximity to its target, but also positions it perfectly for an effective strike, with the blade tip pointing up and in front of your body. In comparison, carrying a weapon in your waistband requires that you drop your hand from a defensive posture down toward your belt to draw the blade. This leaves an entire side of your body exposed and defenseless when you lower your arm to reach the weapon. This same liability also occurs when you store your knife in the small of your back, and even more so if you carry it on your thigh or ankle. Remember, stealth is not a concern when battling the undead. There is no need to hide the weapon from your enemy’s sight, as your opponent could not be any less concerned.

3.
Quickness:
Because of the easy accessibility and the optimal positioning of your weapon in cross-draw carry, this method enables you to engage your opponent, draw your weapon, and deliver a neutralizing blow in the shortest time possible. Veteran combatants have been able to end a close-quarters zombie engagement within three seconds of its initiation. It is your responsibility to frequently rehearse withdrawing your weapon. Regular drilling will also help you overcome the “fight or flight” reflex discussed earlier that may cause your hands to tremble, so that your movements eventually become instinctive and carried out without a moment’s hesitation.

IMPROVISED WEAPONS

What is the most effective personal zombie combat weapon? Is it the Japanese
katana
? The medieval morning star? The Swiss halberd? This question has been argued time and again by soldiers and civilians alike. The answer is actually quite simple: The best weapon is the one you have at the ready during an undead attack. A handcrafted samurai sword worth thousands of dollars is useless if it is lying in your sleeping bag as a zombie rips at your throat. Likewise, a ten-dollar crowbar can provide years of faithful, defensive service if maintained well and used properly.

For an excellent historical example of weapon improvisation, look to Okinawa as a guide. In 1609, the island was captured and occupied by the Japanese Satsuma clan. Shortly thereafter, the Japanese banned possession of swords and firearms by all commoners and the peasant community. In order to defend themselves, the largely farming population of Okinawa turned to their everyday agricultural tools and developed them into the Okinawan weapons-based martial art known as
kobudo
.

Tools that were used to dig furrows (
sai
), carry baskets (
bo
), and harvest rice (
kama
) were transformed into the weapons that are still actively practiced hundreds of years later. Two of the most popular
kobudo
weapons seen in the West are the
nunchaku
, or nunchucks, and the
tonfa
, which has been modified for law enforcement use as the side-handled baton. Okinawan history shows us that it is not necessary or required to spend hundreds of dollars on custom-made weaponry. Take a walk around various locations in your local surroundings. With a combat mindset, chances are good that you will spot many common implements at your disposal that can provide excellent protection against the living dead.

Let us explore some of these possible locations.

The Farm

If you have the time and have planned far enough ahead to stock up on inexpensive yet effective weapons for your arsenal, head to your local farming supply store. There you will find a selection of solidly built tools that are meant for decades of hard service working the land, which can be put to equally good use in battling the walking dead. Improvised farming tools even provide several advantages over conventional combat weapons:

1.
Availability:
Unless you order your weapons in advance or raid the armory section of a museum, the chances of acquiring a high-quality, combat-ready battle-axe or halberd are slim. In contrast, gardening and farming implements are fairly commonplace and readily available.

2.
Materials:
The handles of traditional long-range weapons are often made of wood. Modern farming tool handles are often crafted from synthetic materials such as fiberglass, which can be lighter and sturdier than traditional wood handles. The metal used in farming equipment is typically hardened tool steel, made to withstand the rigors of moving earth and rock, and certainly able to tolerate the frequent beating against undead skulls.

3.
Cost:
In a price comparison with actual combat tools, farming implements win nearly every time. A moderately well-made long-range combat weapon, such as a poleaxe, will probably cost several hundred dollars. A stout gardening shovel will run you a fraction of that price.

Some common agricultural tools that can have an alternate life as an undead weapon include those on the following pages.

WEAPON EVALUATION: LANDSCAPING SHOVEL

EFFECTIVENESS: HIGH
LIFE SPAN: 100+ ZOMBIE ENGAGEMENTS
SKILL LEVEL: MODERATE
AVAILABILITY: COMMON
COST: VERY INEXPENSIVE

OVERVIEW:
If there is any one implement that could be considered a modern-day combat spade, it’s the landscaping shovel. Over five feet long with a blade made from heavy-gauge, tempered steel, the garden-variety shovel can be found in nearly every hardware store on the planet. Designed to endure years of hardscrabble labor, its low cost and sturdy construction make it a preferred choice of those who excel at long-range engagements but do not have the means to purchase a conventional long-distance weapon. Even models with a sturdy synthetic handle, preferred over the more fragile wooden type, can be found for less than $30.

Wielding this tool in undead combat is similar to using a weapon such as the battle-axe. It is best used to strike vulnerable areas of the zombie skull using the flat of the shovel or the pointed corners of the blade. Those who use this tool as their primary combat weapon have been known to file the edges down to a sharper angle, making this implement even more versatile at long range.

WEAPON EVALUATION: MACHETE

EFFECTIVENESS: MODERATE
LIFE SPAN: 25+ ZOMBIE ENGAGEMENTS
SKILL LEVEL: MODERATE
AVAILABILITY: COMMON
COST: VERY INEXPENSIVE

OVERVIEW:
Popular around the world as a gardening and brush-clearing tool, the machete is already an infamous weapon used in conflicts throughout Africa and South America, where it instills dread in those who fear being hacked apart by its large, intimidating blade.

Because of its ubiquitous nature and low price point, the machete has become a common weapon in undead combat. Its most effective use against a walking corpse is via a decapitation attack rather than a blow to the head, where its thin blade may cause difficulty for those with inadequate strength to slice into the zombie skull.

The greatest liability of the machete, as with all edged weapons, is the tedium of keeping the blade honed and ready for action. Although this may be a simple maintenance task when using this tool exclusively to clear weeds and vegetation, you may find yourself in a never-ending cycle of slashing and sharpening during an undead outbreak. You would be surprised how quickly the edge of even a higher-quality machete dulls when having to hack through the necks of only a handful of undead combatants.

WEAPON EVALUATION: PITCHFORK

EFFECTIVENESS: HIGH
LIFE SPAN: 100+ ZOMBIE ENGAGEMENTS
SKILL LEVEL: HIGH
AVAILABILITY: COMMON
COST: INEXPENSIVE

OVERVIEW:
A common farm tool used for baling agricultural items such as hay, grass, or compost, the pitchfork can be an adequate counter-ghoul weapon in properly trained hands. It can function much like a spear, except with several sharp points at the ready rather than a single pike. Also, as with the spear, this tool is limited to a thrusting-type attack, as the pitchfork is not designed for a swinging, centrifugally driven blow against the zombie skull. Some have adapted this tool’s original functionality to serve in undead combat by skewering ghouls and literally pitching them off the edges of high structures, such as cliffs or rooftops.

The pitchfork, like other stabbing weapons, is best used for a specific technique in which the tines of the fork are driven from the underside of the chin through the soft palate into the brain. We will describe this technique in specific detail later in this text. Striking the brain through the zombie’s eye sockets may be another employable tactic. This technique, however, depends largely on the distance between fork tines, which often number anywhere from three to six. Targeting the eyes may be difficult to execute with a pitchfork that has narrow spacing between prongs and may cause the weapon to become lodged in the face of your undead opponent.

The Garage

Like farming implements, home maintenance tools are inexpensive and readily available and can prove highly effective in undead battle. You often need look only as far as your own garage to find several items that can double as outstanding improvised weapons. It is recommended that you steer away from powered devices as your primary weapon. As we will discuss later in more detail, power tools may indeed be effective weapons, but relying on external energy sources during an undead outbreak is not the most practical solution. Stick to tools that require only muscular energy; when the gas runs out or the electricity switches off, they will remain a trusted ally.

Some examples of construction tools that double as efficient zombie weapons include those on the following pages.

WEAPON EVALUATION: SIDEWALK SCRAPER

EFFECTIVENESS: HIGH
LIFE SPAN: 150+ ZOMBIE ENGAGEMENTS
SKILL LEVEL: HIGH
AVAILABILITY: COMMON
COST: VERY INEXPENSIVE