This Book is Gay (20 page)

4. Syphilis:
Large, non-itchy, non-painful ulcers on the genitals or anus are the first sign of syphilis. This one needs to be treated quickly with antibiotics or there could be secondary symptoms. If left untreated, it can affect the brain, eventually leading to death. Cheery.

5. Crabs:
This one is confusing. WHY would you have crabs down there? Turns out ‘crabs' is a name for ‘pubic lice' – sort of nits for your pubes. You can see them AND they're super itchy. They can be treated with a lotion, but they can be a bugger to get rid of. As well as the itching, crabs have the embarrassing side effect of your having to confess to your parents, because the lice can live on bedding, clothes and towels. Therefore, affected items need to be boil washed before you potentially give your mum crabs.

6. Chlamydia:
In about fifty per cent of cases, you might experience a slight discharge or a burning sensation when you pee. Or you might have chlamydia and never know it because you don't have any symptoms. The consequences for women are much more serious, as the bacteria can lead to severe reproductive problems. (It's worth noting that chlamydia can lead to sterility in men too). In 2012, 206,912 people were treated for chlamydia in the UK, making it by far the most common STI in the country. That's just the ones who were treated too.

7. Hepatitis B and C:
There's a whole alphabet of hepatitis viruses out there, but these are the ones mostly commonly transmitted via sex. They are infections of the liver and can be very serious. Hepatitis B can be vaccinated against (there is as yet no vaccine for hepatitis C).

This one gets its own special section because it's of particular importance to gay and bi men, who (in the Western world) are the
highest-risk
group for this infection. Women, do be aware that HIV can be transmitted via oral sex, but you are not in a high-risk group, statistically speaking.

For my generation, being gay and dying of AIDS were cruelly linked. Young gay guys in the eighties and nineties feared coming out for this very reason, like we said earlier.

New cases of HIV are rising. How can this be, when we ALL know to use condoms, especially for anal sex? Two reasons: first, the nationwide campaign warning people about HIV and AIDS terrified a generation. Once the message seemed to get across, the NHS switched its priorities elsewhere – heterosexual people at far higher risk of catching chlamydia, for instance. This means that education about HIV is poorer than it used to be. The second reason is that triumphant breakthroughs in the treatment of HIV mean that people live with the virus for much, much longer (which is great, obviously – no one likes dying) and are therefore infectious for longer, coming into contact with more sexual partners.

This means we need to change how we view HIV (relatively few people go on to develop AIDS any more if treated).

HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) is a hardcore virus that attacks a host's immune system, making it very hard for the body to defend itself from illness. AIDS (acquired immune deficiency syndrome) CANNOT be ‘caught' but refers to the illnesses a person with HIV might develop as a result of their condition.

You can get HIV by coming into contact with the blood or semen of someone else who is already HIV-positive. By far the most common way to do this is through unprotected (no condom) anal sex.

Yes, although the risk is much, much less than with anal sex. It is possible because people can suffer bleeding gums, making the recipient vulnerable to the virus through his partner's cum or pre-cum. Catching HIV through oral sex is very, very rare. But it can happen, so be aware!

There is no cure for HIV. Many HIV-positive people are under treatment to keep them as healthy as possible.

Around 100,000 people in the UK are HIV-positive, but – and here comes the scary bit – one quarter of these people DON'T KNOW IT because they are not regularly being tested.

Regarding gay people, it is thought that around one in twenty gay or bisexual men are positive, with this figure increasing to one in ten in big cities with large gay scenes like London or Manchester.

Numbers of new cases in gay and bisexual men are rising, not falling.

The term ‘viral load' refers to how much HIV is in a person's blood at a given time. With the right treatment, most sufferers can get their load down to an ‘undetectable' level, which means they are far, far less likely to pass the virus on to a sexual partner.

A person's viral load is at its highest immediately after infection and before treatment is started. This is when a person is most infectious.

‘PEP' stands for
post-exposure prophylaxis
. If a person is exposed to HIV, they can be treated with PEP for up to seventy-two (but preferably within twenty-four) hours after exposure. PEP is NOT a substitute for a condom and can have very unpleasant side effects. However, if taken correctly over a month-long period, PEP can stop HIV infection. It can be obtained at A&E departments or sexual health clinics, where they will assess your level of risk (please see ‘Helpful numbers and websites and stuff' at the back of the book).

HIV is everyone's business. HIV doesn't discriminate between old and young, black or white, top or bottom, gay or straight. We all tend to think ‘it won't happen to me' … until it does.

You might think that's simplistic, but it's also true. The best way to ensure you don't get HIV is to always wear a condom when you have anal sex. (This also goes for all the other fun STIs I mentioned.) I can sense eye-rolling …

‘Porn stars never wear condoms'
– Yup, but they get tested every month. Even then, a recent HIV outbreak shut down the porn industry, after a number of actors became infected.

‘It's sexier without a condom'
– OK, fair enough, but you might get HIV. Which is not sexy.

‘He says he's HIV-negative'
– he can't be sure. Even if he had an HIV test that day, that is only an indication of his HIV status
six weeks ago
, as that is how long it takes the virus to show up in the blood.

As well as always wearing a condom,
it's a good idea to have an HIV test about every six months
if you are sexually active. Why? As I said above, you are at your most infectious in the early days. Knowing early means it's less likely you could pass on the virus, and you can get on treatment faster, which is better for you too.

Your health is your responsibility.

Every morning, I wake up, and the first thing I do after throwing the alarm clock across the room, is go to the bathroom, where I carefully place two bits of plastic onto my eyeballs so I can see properly.

Yes, I'm short-sighted. Shocking, isn't it? I mean, you wouldn't know unless I told you. But yep, I genuinely can't see my hand in front of my face without my lenses.

Being short-sighted isn't my fault; it's just something that happened to me.

And an hour later, before I leave the house for work, I tip four small tablets into my hand and knock them back with a glass of milk. To help my immune system cope with the effects of the HIV virus.

So there's two things you wouldn't guess from just looking at me.

Despite what you may have heard, HIV is no longer the killer it used to be. Sorry to disappoint anyone wondering if I look like Tom Hanks did at the end of ‘Philadelphia', but I'm actually quite normal looking. Some might even say buff – although my fondness for biscuits tends to put paid to anything resembling the six pack I had in my early 20s. Being HIV positive isn't ‘dramatic' on a daily basis. But then again I've had about twelve years to get used to the idea. I'm not going to bore you with the details of how I got it. Had sex, didn't think about the consequences. Thought I was invincible. Wasn't. Was I a slag? No. Was I an idiot? Categorically yes. I remember getting diagnosed, back when I was 22. I wish I could say I felt angry, shocked, stunned, wretched, hysterical, whatever. I didn't. I just felt like a cliché. Another goddamn statistic. And for what? Half an hour of giddy bareback sex? Sitting there in the clinic. It just felt so … pointless.

Fast forward twelve years and life is pretty calm and mundane. I mean, right now, the biggest stresses in my life are managing my chronic insomnia and finding a route to work that doesn't involve sitting in my car for an hour and a half on the M25. Let me just make one thing clear, however: HIV is NOT a walk in the park. It's difficult at times. I've been in a monogamous relationship for the past three years with an HIV negative man. It required a fair bit of soul searching on my part before I actually bit the bullet and made a commitment to him. You see, when you love someone, you want to protect them, and exposing them to a lifelong virus for the sake of getting your end away requires a strong mind and an even stronger relationship. We cope. Our condom bill is huge.

Modern medication is excellent. I suffer a little with side effects, insomnia being one of them (see above), and diarrhoea being another, but it's something I've learned to live with. Like having a limp. As a single guy I was always upfront with guys. I figured if they had a problem with me being HIV positive, it said a hell of a lot more about them than it did about me. I read profiles on dating sites saying ‘Clean only' and ‘HIV negative – you should be too' and all I saw was fear and ignorance. You see, having sex with a positive guy isn't a death sentence. Actually, if he tells you he's positive, it's far more likely that he's health aware, on meds and therefore has undetectable levels of the virus in his system. To put it bluntly; he's pretty uninfectious. And when you take into account that over a quarter of people with HIV don't know they've got it, it's easy to do the maths. No medication means uncontrollable amounts of HIV, and a pretty infectious sexual partner.

If you ask my boyfriend, he'd rather be in a relationship with someone like me who's got his HIV under control, than to rock out of a club every Saturday with some random who might not know, or might not care. As I've said to many naysayers on Gaydar and Grindr in my single years – “I'm not the first person you've ever slept with who's got HIV; I'm just the first who's been nice enough to tell you.”

Would I go back and do things differently given the chance? Maybe. I wish I could get rid of the virus and keep everything I've learnt from it. You see, it's kind of made me the person I am today, and that bloke isn't half bad. Living with HIV has taught me responsibility. It's taught me compassion. It's made me a lot less selfish.

At the age of 22 or 23 – whenever it was – I was wasting my life. I was checking out of reality in a haze of booze, drugs, clubs and sex. When the doctor spoke the words “Kristian, I'm afraid your test has come back positive', my world changed forever.

Living with HIV has made me grow up. After I'd processed the emotional fallout, I realised I wasn't going to die. Moreover, I realised I wanted to live.
I wanted to help others like me. And all of a sudden my life had a purpose. Sounds schmaltzy? Develop a lifelong condition and see if it doesn't give you an epiphany.

Nowadays I have a career, a relationship and a future. I do a lot of work in driving down stigma and raising awareness of HIV related issues. These days I'm proud to look people in the eye and tell them who I am and what HIV has made me. I get satisfaction from helping the newly diagnosed or those who are struggling. I feel pride when I look at what I've achieved. A straight male friend of mine texted me the other day to say he was taking part in human vaccine trials. He did it because my story had opened his eyes. I'm proud of that. I'm proud to have inspired people.

HIV isn't a death sentence. Like I said, my life is pretty normal and – barring any wayward out-of-control buses – I reckon I'll live a relatively long life. I won't lie and say that HIV is a barrel of laughs to deal with, but in many ways, it's actually made my life a lot richer. I really hope that one day we can find a cure. But in the meantime, I'd really love to find that quicker route into work …

THE BEST WAY TO PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST ALL STIs IS TO WEAR A CONDOM EVERY TIME YOU HAVE SEX.

For oral sex, some people use condoms or dental dams too.