Uncle John’s 24-Karat Gold Bathroom Reader® (18 page)

WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT

Who invented the Hokey Pokey? It depends on who you ask, or where and when you lived
.

D
O “THE HOKEY COKEY”

In 1942 Irish songwriter and publisher Jimmy Kennedy, best known for “The Teddy Bear’s Picnic,” created a dance, and an instructional song to go along with it, called “The Hokey Cokey.” Written to entertain Canadian troops stationed in London, the lyrics told dancers to “put your left leg in / your left leg out / in out / in out / shake it all about / Do the Hokey-Cokey and you turn around / That’s what it’s all about.” Sound familiar? It should, but that’s actually not the song familiar to us today.

DO “THE HOKEY POKEY”

Composer Al Tabor was also entertaining Canadian troops in wartime London, and in 1942
he
wrote a participation dance song called “The Hokey
P
okey”—he said the name came from the London ice cream vendors of his youth, called “hokey pokey men.” The accompanying dance was very similar to Kennedy’s. Tabor accused Kennedy of reneging on an agreement to publish his song and writing his own “Hokey Cokey” instead. An out-of-court settlement was reached, and Kennedy won all rights to “The Hokey Pokey” (or Cokey). But it still isn’t the song we know today.

DO “THE HOKEY-POKEY DANCE”

In 1946, totally unaware of the British “Hokey Pokey” and “Hokey Cokey,” two Scranton, Pennsylvania, musicians, Robert Degen and Joe Brier, recorded “The Hokey-Pokey Dance” to entertain summer vacationers at Poconos Mountains resorts. Theirs went like this: “Put your right hand in / Put your right hand out / Put your right hand in / and you wiggle all about / Everything is okey dokey / when you do the Hokey Pokey / That is what the dance is all about.” The song was a regional favorite at dances and resorts for the rest of the 1940s. But even
that
isn’t the song we know today.

Vanilla is mildly addictive.

DO THE OTHER “HOKEY POKEY”

In 1949 bandleader Larry LaPrise, also without any knowledge of the other “Hokey Pokeys,” came up with a dance and an instructional song called “The Hokey Pokey.” He also wrote his to entertain wealthy vacationers, but this time in the remote ski resort town of Sun Valley, Idaho. Sample lyrics: “You put your left foot in / you put your left foot out / you put your left foot in / and you shake it all about / you do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around / that’s what it’s all about.” The song was a hit at the resorts, so LaPrise recorded it. It flopped, but Degan and Brier found out about it and sued LaPrise for ripping off their “The Hokey-Pokey Dance.” Despite the fact that his version came out after theirs, LaPrise won the rights to anything to do with “The Hokey Pokey.” In 1953 Ray Anthony’s Orchestra recorded it—a double-A-side single with “The Bunny Hop”—and it went to #13 on the pop chart. And that’s the version we know today.

SO
THAT’S
WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT?

So that settles who wrote the popular incarnation of “The Hokey Pokey.” But traces of the Hokey Pokey—an easy dance with a song telling you how to do it—appear in folk dances going back hundreds of years in North American and Europe. Pop culture historians believe that the reason so many different writers came up with what was essentially the same song was because it’s part of our shared cultural heritage, including:

• The Hinkum-Booby.
In 1857 the religious sect known as the Shakers had their own novelty song and dance popular in their New Hampshire community. The lyrics go something like this: “I put my right hand in, I put my right hand out; in, out, shake it all about.” The ditty and corresponding gestures were then repeated, and went on to include the left hand, left and right feet, and the head...just like the modern-day Hokey Pokey.

• Hincumbooby.
Of course, the Shakers’ “Hinkum-Booby” is reminiscent of the Puritans’ earlier “Hincumbooby” song and dance, which goes a little something like this: “Hincumbooby, round about, right hands in and left hands out.” That dance dates to Massachusetts in the mid-1600s.

• The Hincum Looby.
This one dates back even farther—to Tudor England in the 1500s. And
that’s
what it’s all about.

Nike Air sneakers have been made out of chenille, straw, crocodile skin, and 18-karat gold.

SMELLS FUNNY

And you thought candles were just for power outages
.

•
Hot dog.
Sniff Candles offers a line of scented candles for dogs, including “Fart and Away,” “Day in the Hamptons,” and “Splendor in the Grass.” Price: $28 each. They don’t just give off smells that dogs like—they’re aromatherapy candles. “These candles meet the most common needs of dog wellness and are pleasant and non-intrusive to humans,” says the company’s website. “By using each candle—the perfect blend of essential oils to offer emotional balance and energy—your dog will experience an overall improved sense of well-being.”

•
Harold and Kumar stay home.
White Castle, the fast-food chain best known for its onion-flavored mini-burgers called “sliders,” began selling a scented candle in 2010. It comes in a cardboard sleeve that looks like a White Castle burger package, and emits the aroma of steamed burgers and grilled onions. (The first 10,000 sold out in 48 hours; proceeds benefited Autism Speaks.)

•
Reading lights.
Paddywax sells a line called the Library Collection, a series of candles inspired by famous authors. According to Paddywax, a writer’s “signature fragrance can enhance a book’s literary stylings.” The Edgar Allan Poe candle smells like absinthe and sandalwood; Walt Whitman’s smells like (leaves of) grass; and the Charles Dickens candle combines juniper and clove to evoke Victorian London and burns for up to 60 hours—or about the length of a Bob Cratchit work week.

•
Urine for a treat.
Hotwicks specializes in novelty scented candles in nontraditional smells, including hot cocoa, pizza, coffee, and a “Hippie Candle” that smells like marijuana. But the weirdest is probably “urinal cake.” According to Hotwicks, it was “modeled after a urinal cake our founder once relieved himself on at the Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas.”

•
Other real nonsense scents you can buy
: Beer, campfire, bacon, birthday cake, sawdust, leather jacket, dirt, lawnmower, nachos, pigskin, pancakes, and “patriot.”

Oldest woman to pose nude in
Playboy
: actress Terry Moore (August 1984 issue, at age 55).

YOU’VE GOT A FRIEND

We once heard friendship defined as being close enough to someone to eat out of their fridge without asking. Here are some more thoughts on the subject
.

“The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship.”

—
William Blake

“It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.”

—
Mignon McLaughlin

“The only way to have a friend is to be one.”

—
Ralph Waldo Emerson

“A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.”

—
Arnold H. Glasgow

“A friend knows you and loves you just the same.”

—
Elbert Hubbard

“A true friend stabs you in the front.”

—
Oscar Wilde

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.”

—
Anaïs Nin

“When a friend is in trouble, don’t ask if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.”

—
Edward W. Howe

“A friend to all is a friend to none.”

—
Aristotle

“I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.”

—
Robert Brault

“You can always tell a real friend: When you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.”

—
Laurence J. Peter

“The friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away.”

—
Barbara Kingsolver

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

—
Albert Camus

Heads up! People (or animals) with the condition
polycephaly
have two (or more) heads.

CHANCES THAT...

The odds that you’ll read this list of odd statistics: 100%
.

You’ll survive for another year:
99.8 percent

You’ll get married:
64 percent

Your car will be recalled for something:
60 percent

You’ll be audited by the IRS:
57 percent

You’ll have to wear glasses:
52 percent

Your drinking water is contaminated:
20 percent

A recovering alcoholic staying sober for good:
9 percent

A bill introduced into Congress will pass:
8 percent

You’ll have a supernatural encounter:
5.9 percent

Your kid’s a genius:
4 percent

You’ll marry someone of another race:
2 percent

A pregnancy will result in twins:
2 percent

You’ll be injured in a car accident
: 1.33 percent

An asteroid will crash into the Earth and destroy all life sometime in the next 100 years:
0.02 percent

You’ll date a supermodel:
0.1 percent

You’ll win an Academy Award:
0.0083 percent

Your kid will earn a doctorate:
0.008 percent

You’ll appear on
The Tonight Show
:
0.0002 percent

You’ll be killed by terrorists in a foreign country:
0.000015 percent

Your kid will become a pro football player:
0.0001 percent

You’ll spot a UFO tonight:
0.00003 percent

You’ll win the big lottery:
0.000019 percent

You’ll achieve sainthood:
0.000005 percent

You’ll die from your pajamas catching on fire:
0.000003 percent

“Touching wires causes instant death. $200 fine.” —sign seen in Newcastle, England.

FIRST, OR LAST, IN DEATH

For a few unfortunate souls, earning a place in the record books is the very last thing they ever do
.

J
ANET PARKER (1938–78)

Claim to Fame:
Last person on Earth to die from smallpox

Details:
Parker, who worked in the anatomy department of England’s University of Birmingham Medical School, one floor up from the smallpox lab, hadn’t been vaccinated against the disease since 1966. But because she didn’t work in that lab, she was not required to have a booster shot. Sometime on July 24 or 25, some live smallpox virus was accidentally sucked into the building’s ventilation system, then blown into the room where Parker was making phone calls. Initially misdiagnosed with the flu and then chicken pox, by the time she was correctly diagnosed, she’d come in contact with a number of people, some of whom had to be quarantined. Only one of them, Parker’s own mother, contracted the disease. She survived, but Parker died on September 11, 1978.

JEFF DAILY (1961–81) / PETER BURKOWSKI (1964–82)

Claims to Fame:
First confirmed video-game fatality

Details:
A 19-year-old named Jeff Daily
may
have been the first person killed by a video game. He is said to have dropped dead in January 1981, immediately after racking up a high score on the arcade game
Berzerk
. But the details are sketchy, and it’s not clear that the video game was to blame. It’s not even clear that Daily ever really existed; the story may be an urban legend.

Peter Burkowski, who died on April 3, 1982, after playing the same game for just 15 minutes, is a different story. He
did
exist. The 18-year-old spent his last quarter hour (and his last quarter) playing
Berzerk
at Friar Tuck’s Game Room in Calumet City, Illinois. As he stepped away from the machine to play a different game, he collapsed and died. The coroner found that Burkowski had an undiagnosed heart condition. Apparently the stress of playing
Berzerk
was more than his weakened heart could handle.

In the 20th century, more people died of smallpox than in all wars of that century combined.

ROBERT WILLIAMS (1954–79)

Claim to Fame:
First person ever killed by a robot

Details:
Williams was an employee at a Ford Motor Company casting plant in Flat Rock, Michigan. On January 25, 1979, one of the one-ton “transfer robots” began to malfunction. Instead of removing parts from shelves that were stacked five stories high, the robot undercounted the number of parts on some of the shelves and then stopped retrieving parts from shelves it thought were empty. Williams climbed up onto a shelf to get the parts himself, but no one shut down the system. The robot’s giant arm swung around and hit Williams in the head, killing him instantly.