Unsound: A Horizons Book (35 page)

She hadn't properly mentally dealt with her parents’ death and I was hoping that her coping mechanism wouldn't be to stay out there and leave me forever.

"She's barely reacted besides when she went into shock. And that didn't last long. What does that mean?"

"Everyone copes differently. I don't think how she's handling it is unhealthy. She had a really terrible relationship with her parents. I actually commend her for going home and dealing with it all head on. She could have easily said fuck it and written the whole thing off.

"I think going through the motions is closure for her. She's ready to put it all behind her and move on," Jeff said.

"I don't think that makes me feel better," I admitted.

"You don't think she's coming back?" Jeff asked.

"What if she doesn't?"

"Jason, do you remember what Mindy was like when she got to Horizons?"

"Yeah," I said. Thinking about the sad girl with the black hair and pale skin.

"What about now?"

"She's back to her old self. The Mindy I was friends with in high school. Big deal."

"She feels safe up here. I don't think she's going to be willing to throw that away and stay back east. Even if she does like her aunt and uncle, she knows where her heart is."

We sat in silence for a few more minutes before the front door and Michelle walked out with a huge smile.

Lena

It was 10:00pm and the final catering attendant finally pulled out of the driveway. Lena's Aunt and Uncle decided to have everyone over to the house after the funeral. This way, Mindy could escape upstairs when she'd had too much. They were amazingly considerate.

I felt a lot better about the situation. Mindy seemed to be in a good place. She had family that was actually there to support her. It's amazing that her parents' lives had been so isolated that they essentially trapped Mindy away from the family she needed. It was nice to know that she would not have to face a life like mine with no familial connections at all. Her parents were gone, but there were still people in her life who could take care of her and support her.

Mindy was in the kitchen with her Aunt and Uncle. They were signing some more paperwork and finalizing details of Mindy returning to school. We hadn't purchased return tickets so as they were working on that, I went upstairs to check on Julie.

Julie had gone upstairs an hour or so earlier and never made it back down. I found her on top of Mindy's comforter sleeping. I remembered her run, she had been up early that morning. I walked in and covered her with a blanket before making my way to my own room. I hadn't made it down the hallway yet when Julie cried out.

"No, no, please. Stay away," Julie's voice whimpered. Worried that someone was in the room with her, I quietly opened the door to take a peek.

Julie was thrashing on top of the covers, in the middle of a nightmare.

I walked over to the bed and rubbed a soothing hand over her head, hoping it would calm her. Her forehead was clammy with sweat and tears were running down her cheeks.

"Julie, it's okay. Julie, you're safe," I said quietly, hoping she would awaken.

"That happens every once in a while," Mindy's voice sounded from the door, "she'll wake herself up soon."

As if on cue, Julie's eyes opened and she sat up, choking on her tears.

"What's going on?" Julie asked looking at me.

"Nothing, sorry, you were having a bad dream," I told her. Julie wouldn't look me in the eye and I knew something was up.

"You have these dreams a lot?" I asked.

Julie shrugged but didn't say anything.

"Why haven't you mentioned them to anybody?" I asked.

"I don't know," Julie started quietly, "they don't happen that much."

Mindy scoffed, "are you kidding? You have them all the time. You might not realize it but you wake us up at least once a week. More lately."

"What bug crawled up your ass?" Julie demanded of Mindy. I wasn't expecting this to be such a touchy subject that the girls would argue.

Mindy shrugged now but walked over to the bed and climbed in next to Julie, "sorry. We don't care. You just have them more than you realize, I think."

Julie laid back against the pillows but continued to avoid eye contact.

"Is it the same dream every time?" I asked.

Julie shrugged again, "they're all similar... but... different. Different places, different people."

"Places and people from when you were living on the street?" I asked. I was hoping that Julie was in a vulnerable enough of a place to open up. I had no idea she was having night terrors like this and I had to get to the bottom of it.

"Sometimes, most of the time, it's from... before that. Before I ran away," Julie stopped. I let the silence sit for a moment, hoping she would continue on her own.

"What happened to make you run away Julie?" I asked, barely above a whisper. It sounded like Mindy wasn't breathing, waiting with bated breath for Julie to answer. We both knew Julie was a wounded animal that had to come to us on her own or we would never find out this final piece to the puzzle. I waited, praying that Julie would get there. She turned to the side and snuggled her face into a pillow. I was about to let out a sign of disappointment when I heard her voice.

"My mom remarried," Julie said so quietly she could have been talking to herself, "it wasn't even a year later. But, Ronnie seemed okay. I didn't know that they were doing drugs together. That's how they met. The drinking came later, but I had no idea she was taking pills before that. I was really young. It makes sense now that I know. My mom always went to bed early, wasn't feeling well, didn't look the same. I thought she was just sad.

"Ronnie convinced me to keep dancing. I stopped for a little after my father died. Ronnie told me I had a gift and that my dad wanted me to use it. He was always really nice. Always complimenting me. Always telling me how pretty I was, how perfect my body was. I didn't know it was wrong. My father used to tell me I was beautiful. He called my mom, Jilly and me his beautiful girls. I didn't know that what Ronnie was saying was different. He looked at me... differently.

"My mom started drinking eventually. That she didn't hide like the pills. I could smell it, the whiskey. I remembered the smell from my dad around Christmastime when I was little. My mom was drinking all the time and sleeping all the time so I had to spend more time with Ronnie. If I couldn't get a ride with a friend to school or ballet, Ronnie would be there. He was on uppers so he was always awake, always wired. I was so stupid; I never knew that he wasn't normal.

"I think I just wanted a parent. My dad was gone and my mom was too. When she was actually around, she was mean. Not to Jill, but she was mean with me. She rolled her eyes at me if I told her a story about school, she'd tell me that was dumb, that I was dumb. She didn't care if I got an A on a test. She didn't care that I had a recital coming up. I get it now. I know why," Julie said trailing off.

"Every time Ronnie complimented me, she would get pissed off. She resented me, the whole time, she resented me," Julie said quietly to herself. Like something was just dawning inside of her.

"My mom blamed me. That's why she sent me away," Julie said more clearly.

"No, Julie, don't say that," I said, hoping my words would soothe her pain.

"No, you don't get it," Julie said with a small laugh, "she told me so."

"You're talking about a dream or something, right?" Mindy asked cautiously.

Julie shook her head and continued, almost manically, "She came back. After dinner. I was in bed. It was early, and she came back. Jilly was asleep and my mom came into the cabin, woke me up. She told me that she was sorry. She thought it was better for her marriage if I stayed away a little longer...."

"You're kidding," I said. I felt sick. I never knew my mother since she died when I was so young. But I would rather that, than have the mother Julie just described. Julie continued rambling, only acknowledging my comment with a nod.

"When my mom started drinking, I guess that affected her and Ronnie's love life. He was a junkie too, so I don't know how, but things in the bedroom apparently stopped once she started drinking. When my mom was passed out drunk, Ronnie would come find me. That's why she blamed me."

"Julie, you know it's not your fault, right?" I asked hurriedly.

Julie looked me in the eyes, and I saw a hint of a smile there, "I do," she said calmly. With a nod, she continued, "I called my mom a little while ago. I told her that I still never wanted to see her again, that I could never get over the hatred I have for her. Then I told her that if I find out he laid a hand on Jill, I would send them both to jail.

"After the funeral today, something just clicked and I realized that when she came back that night, she gave me a bargaining chip. I don't think he touched Jill. She was too happy. Too normal. Maybe she was too young for him, I don't know. But I think she's safe now.”

"Julie, I..." I wanted to pick my words carefully, "I don't think I can allow her to stay there without reporting this to the authorities. That's putting her at risk and... I need to talk to Jeff. I just, I don't think there's any guarantee that she's safe, Julie. What he did to you, you have to know that he could do that to her too."

"No, he won't. I told my mother. She didn't protect me, but she has to protect Jill. She's clean now. Cleaner than she was right after my dad. And she's always felt differently about Jill. She babied her more, loved her more. I was daddy's little girl always and Jill was my mom's. I really don't think she'd ever let him lay so much as a finger tip on Jilly."

"We'll leave it for now," I conceded, "but Julie, you really don't want to press charges? What happened to you--"

"Is horrible, I know. Do I wish this never happened to me? Yes. But if I report this, this stays with me even longer. It will never get better unless I just move on. And... that's where I do want help from you and Jeff. I want to become an emancipated minor. I did some research and it can take a while, but I think it could work, if you guys help," Julie sat up more and became more animated with her request.

"We'll talk to Jeff when we get back, okay?" I said.

Here I thought, I was going to help Julie today, but she had already worked through all the baggage on her own.

"You two are amazing, you know that?" I commented as I stood.

"And getting more amazing every day," Julie replied.

I laughed, "Oh, good that you're aware then," I walked back towards the door, "I'm heading to bed. I'll see you guys in the morning for the fun part."

"Can't wait," Mindy said with an eye roll. I knew she wasn't looking forward to cleaning out the house, and I didn't blame her.

"Good night, ladies," I said as Mindy reached for the phone.

I walked to my room, head swimming with too much information. I took off my dress, washed my face and went directly for bed. I told Jeff I would call, but I was too exhausted to get into this conversation now. I went to bed with a promise I would call Jeff first thing in the morning.

 JONATHAN

I sat by the phone, as I had done the past five nights. Julie hadn’t called. Mindy had called Jay more than a couple of times a day. During those times, I found myself glued to the next seat, waiting for Jason to hand me the phone with a smirk, telling me my girlfriend needed me. But it didn’t happen.

“Yo,” I heard Chris’s voice climb the stairs and felt the couch sag from his weight as he sat. I never looked away from the phone, willing it to ring.

“Dude, she’s coming back. Why are tearing yourself up?”

“You don’t get it man. I need to talk to her.... I… snuck into a couple therapy sessions and well… I fucked up,” I admitted.

“Trust me, I know you did,” Chris challenged, forcing me to look at him. I studied my friends face, anger mounting.

“You know, don’t you? You know about everything?” I didn’t know why I was so angry. Chris and Julie were friends, nothing more. But she never confided in me. Chris knew secrets about her, and because she wanted him to know. He didn’t have to lurk in the shadows stealing information to understand her.

“Why would she talk to you about it, and not me?”

“It just happened,” Chris said with a shrug, “it was raining, it triggered a memory, she broke down, I was there. It’s that simple,” Chris finished, emphasizing the last two words.

It didn’t clear anything up for me. My head was in even more of a fog than it had been lately

“Listen, I don’t know why she never felt comfortable talking to you,” Chris read my mind, “but the truth of the matter is, she was right. Look at how you handled it. The truth.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t know the reason,” I defended myself.

“Does that make your reaction right?” Chris challenged. I saw red for a moment, counting to ten to calm down. Chris took the opportunity to crack into me just a little more.

“I don’t want to break Julie’s trust, and I don’t want to share anything she confided to me, but I know how she feels about you, and nothing has made it passed your thick skull.