Waiting on the Sidelines (19 page)

I was telling Tyler about the tradition of our desert parties during our last break when I sort of accidentally invited him. I told him he should join us for one sometime, and he said he was free that night. It was sort of throwing a hiccup in my ‘stand-on-your-own’ plan, but I made it pretty clear that he could join me and my friends, hang out with
us.

I was giving Tyler directions in the parking lot when I felt Reed’s presence behind me. The smell of him was familiar, his shadow familiar. I heard him clear his throat a little as he was walking up and I turned ever so slightly to see his face. He gave me a slight sideways grin, but it still seemed sad.

“What’s up, Tyler? Hey…Nolan,” he said, swallowing a little as he stopped right at the entrance.

I just shrugged and smiled, putting my pen in my bag and looking for my keys so I could make my escape.

“You working the afternoon today, Ty?” he said to Tyler.
Ty? Since when were they friends?

“Nah, I’ve got some shit to do today, man. But hey, maybe I’ll see you later,” Tyler said, waving the small piece of paper I just gave him with directions and stuffing it in his pocket. “Talk to you later, Nolan,” he said, touching my shoulder a little when he stepped off the curb and put his sun glasses on, heading for his car.

I was starting to leave, too, when Reed spoke. “What was that all about,” he seemed almost jealous.

“Oh,” I waited…”Just one of Sarah’s desert parties, you know. Calley’s last one. Thought he might think it was cool. Really nothing other than one more person to hang out.”
Damn it, why couldn’t I lie to him!

He just exhaled and shook his head, looking to the side, in the distance. I hated him for breaking me, but god did I love him, too. Finally turning his head to me he scrunched his brow a little. “Are we ever going to talk, Noles?” he was genuine.

I just stood there, almost speaking, then stopping myself. I took a deep breath. “I don’t know, Reed. I don’t know if I have it in me. I know you didn’t mean to see me get hurt. But I also know that whatever you have to say… well, it’s going to suck. Like, realllllllly suck. And I don’t know if I’m conditioned enough to take another blow right now, if that’s ok.”

That was it. I left it all out there on the field for him. Honesty. That was all I could promise him, and all I’d ever given him. He gave me a crooked smile and went to reach for my cheek, but I stepped back quickly, holding up my keys. “I gotta get to Sarah’s. Have a good shift.”

I cried all the way to her house. She had her work cut out for her when she pulled me into her bathroom and started to work on my hair and make up. She twisted my hair up in a backwards French braid, letting the long parts on the top and side curl down to frame my face a little. It was the perfect style for a summer party in the desert, nice and cool.

Sienna, Becky and Sean came over before the sun set. I hadn’t seen Sean in a few weeks and felt bad at the awkward position I was sure he was in. He and Becky had started dating officially, and they were perfect together. They both had similar styles and finished each other’s sentences. I could tell Sean was smitten, too, because he would pick her up and carry her around like a back pack, smiling around the house when he didn’t think anyone was looking.

We were all getting ready to pile into the back of Sean’s truck when he stopped me outside to talk. “Are you ok?” he said, bending down to look me straight in the eyes. At first I nodded yes, but then I shifted into no. I couldn’t lie to this boy either.
Damn it!

“No, I’m really not, Sean. I’m just so confused,” I said.

He took a deep breath, looking up for a bit before settling back on my face. “I’m not going to lie, Nolan. It’s not good. Tatum is just so…” I stopped him.

“I know, you don’t have to tell me how she is, Sean. I know,” I said, putting my hand on his heart. He really was one of the good ones.

“OK, but you have to know…you are all Reed asks about, Nolan. I just don’t want you thinking that he did this on purpose...”

I smiled a little, but it was fake. The girls came outside just then, so our conversation ended. We piled into the truck and Sarah unzipped her duffel bag to reveal all the liquor she had stolen from her parents bar. They had parties frequently and were always ordering things in bulk. Sarah would slip a bottle here and there so they never noticed. I wasn’t planning on drinking tonight, still a bit too nervous to walk on that wild side. I knew Sienna would be my partner in crime. Goody two shoes ‘til the end, her and I.

The truck kicked up dust when Sean pulled a sharp right into the desert. It was about 20 minutes in on a hidden dirt road. But there it was. The picnic tables were already full of people. Bon fires were lit, headlights were on and radios were blasting.

“Way to be late to your own party,” I yelled at Sarah over the noise.

“Bullshit,” she said. “Party doesn’t start until I get here!” Sean stopped the truck and Sarah hollered as she stood up on the edge of the bed of the truck, holding a bottle of vodka in her hand.

“Who’s drinking with me tonight?” she asked. It didn’t take long for a very built, very tall senior from the football team to help her from the truck and carry her over to a table for some making out and underage delinquency.

I shook my head a little as I slid off the tailgate with Sienna. “Shall I grab you one of our usuals?” I asked. She just nodded and smiled. I headed to the front seat cooler to grab a couple of Diet Cokes.

I was glad my hair was up. And as much as I thought it was a risky idea at first, I was also glad I listened to Sarah and wore one of her bikini tops with my cut-off shorts. It was really hot out.

Sienna and I sat on the tailgate of Sean’s truck, swinging our feet back and forth. It was the first time in days that I felt almost normal. I wasn’t happy, but I also wasn’t sad. I let my mind go, looking behind me from time to time to see how Becky and Sean were getting on sitting on the hood of his truck, kissing and giggling. While I could easily resent their happiness, I couldn’t help but smile at it.

Sarah came over to grab my hands and dragged me out to the middle of the camp ground to dance to one of our favorite songs. She had made me learn this simple hip-hop routine that the cheerleaders did during basketball games. It was a great Usher song, with a really strong base. I laughed as I slung my head back and looked up at the stars while we kicked and moved our hips. I was pretty sure I looked ridiculous, but she had promised me I didn’t when we practiced in her room earlier.

Sienna had joined us now, which made me laugh even harder. For a girl who was so dang musical, she had absolutely no dancing ability. She kept looking at me and shrugging, asking if she was getting it right, which only made me laugh harder. I was having a good time with my friends, just what my soul needed, and then it ground to a stop.

I could barely make out Reed’s frame, leaning against the hood of the black Mustang backed into the brush and low trees. He was staring at me, taking long drinks from his beer. A few empty bottles were lined up by his feet. How long he had been here, I didn’t know. My throat was closing up and breathing became difficult. I turned to Sarah with wide eyes as I backtracked on my feet and headed back toward the safety of Sean’s pickup bed. I was mumbling to myself, I know, but not really words…just short, panicked phrases speckled with the occasional ‘shit!’ I passed up the back of the truck and climbed into the cab instead, shutting the door and sinking down into the seat. I must have startled Becky and Sean because they both jumped and turned to look at me.

Sean stood up on his hood and then jumped down on the ground and came over to my window. He rapped his knuckles on it gently, a silent plea for me to let him in. I did and slid over to the driver’s side. He closed the door, propped his leg sideways on the seat and turned to look at me.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t run into him tonight, Noles, I’m so sorry,” he said, reaching his hand to hold my shaking shoulder.

“I saw him,” I said, tilting my eyes up to look at him. “He’s drunk, isn’t he?”

Sean turned and stared out the back window, looking right at the darkness where Reed was sitting. He inhaled deeply, pursing his lips tightly. He turned to me finally. “Yeah…he is.”

I nodded, but I really didn’t know what the hell to do. I promised Sean I wouldn’t sit in his truck and sulk, so he left me alone for a few minutes to gather up my thoughts and courage.

Lights glimmered through the brush ahead of me and I knew it was another car coming to the party. When the dusty blue of the BMW came into view, I realized Tyler had made it after all. I wasn’t sure if that was such a good idea now, despite the fact that I invited him here under friendly conditions. My stomach turned a bit as I thought about drunken Reed.
Time to suck it up, Nolan.

When I left the comfort of Sean’s truck, I headed to the center of the campsite where Sarah and Sienna were still gathered with a few other girls. I whispered to Sienna that the friend I had invited was here, and she came over to greet him with me.

Tyler was brushing back his longer blond hair with his hand and tucking it neatly under his plaid Hurley hat, looking around the crowded corners for someone he recognized.
Looking for me, I thought.
I caught the relief that washed over his face when he saw us walking up.

“Hey, you made it,” I said as we came closer to him. He was wearing long red board shorts and a form-fitting white T-shirt. I knew what Sienna was signaling to me when she kicked my shin with her leg, trying to be subtle. Tyler could be classified as a ‘hottie.’ He wore everything just right. His light blue eyes were expressive and his hair was out of the pages of a magazine ad. His skin was super tan from his time at the pool and from diving, which also meant his physique was pretty spectacular, too.

But as gorgeous as he was, he still wasn’t the best looking guy at the party. No, that title was held by the drunk heartbreaker lurking in the shadows. The one whose presence terrified me, and whose secret terrified me even more.

“Thanks for inviting me; this is pretty awesome,” Tyler said, startling me back to the present. “We don’t do anything like this in Chandler. I mean, we party… but it’s usually in someone’s back yard.”

We laughed a bit. I introduced him to Sienna and he shook her hand. Uncomfortable by his good looks, she giggled a little uncontrollably. It was cute to see my put-together, level-headed friend a little flustered.

I brought Tyler over to the pickup truck and offered him a drink, a little excited that he just grabbed a bottle of water. I didn’t think I could handle more than Reed being drunk tonight. We all sat on the edge of the truck bed for a bit as I pointed out various people at the party to Tyler and explained to him the inner-workings of the football status circle in Coolidge. Who was in, who was out, why the cheerleaders were all drooling over certain seniors who were looking to sign huge contracts with Division I schools, why we were historically so good at football, how the entire town shuts down on Fridays. Pretty much everything except our amazing quarterback, and thoughtfully, he didn’t ask anything about it either.

A good hour had passed with Sienna, Tyler and I making up conversations for the various people at the party. Sienna and I had a good time watching the various forward girls from our school come over and feign interest in us just so they could talk to Tyler. He was always polite, but was also sure to tell people that
I
had invited him here.

Every so often I stole a glance to the black Mustang. Reed was still there. Still drinking. He was hanging out with a couple of the seniors on the team now, trying to keep up with rap lyrics to some song they were blasting. I didn’t recognize it, but every now and then it had the word ‘whore’ in it. I knew because all three of them would sing it loudly and start laughing.

As the night grew longer, Reed and his drunken crew were getting louder and more obnoxious, but they still stayed in their corner. Sarah had finally dragged the three of us out into the center of the party. She said she wanted to dance more, but I think she wanted to show off some of her curvier moves for Tyler. Amazingly, he wasn’t interested. He was instead watching me…which, while it was nice to have positive attention after having my heart smashed, it also made me anxious, like a time bomb was waiting to go off.

Sarah made Sean put on her favorite song again and made us do the dance routine that she had drilled into my mind. Sienna joined in to make me more comfortable and we were soon once again lost in the silly happiness of it. When the song ended, Tyler started clapping, I think to make me feel better about how embarrassed I was that Sarah was making me show him my poor dance skills.

When my back was to him, though, his clapping was soon joined by someone else’s. I turned to see Reed clapping, with a bottle tucked in his arm so he could use both of his hands. His eyes were blood red, and his face was puffy. He had his cargo shorts on and a long-sleeved gray T. He was messy and unshaven. I had never seen him like this, and it made me feel sad.

“Wooooooo whooooo, yeah baby!” Reed slurred. Sean was walking up behind him, trying to grab his arms to get him to stop clapping, hushing him. He was embarrassing himself. “No, Sean. That was something. We should celebrate it, woooooooo! Come on everyone, give them a round of applause. Our girls can dance, woooooooo!”

I turned to Sienna, my eyes tearing up a little and I just grabbed her hand. I was so uncomfortable from the attention he was drawing. I wanted him to stop, but he wasn’t going to.