Waiting on the Sidelines (22 page)

I was waiting for Nancy at the front desk when Tyler came out and my knees went weak. I knew he was expecting an answer, and I didn’t know which one to give. In perfect timing, Reed came around the corner after him, which only made it worse. He looked at the two of us standing near one another and the discomfort he had over the scene was apparent. His eyes were scanning, like he was looking for an out, a distraction.

When one of the other girl guards came out of the locker room he approached her right away, careful not to make eye contact with me at all. I think her name was Morgan. She was one of the girls constantly flirting with Reed. Tyler was talking to me, something about where would I like to go if we in fact go to dinner on Friday night. I was nodding and pretending to think, but all of me was elsewhere. Eavesdropping.

I heard Morgan giggle a little, and I heard Reed say “I’ll drive. Just drop your stuff off at your car.”

I watched them leave then I saw him pick her up and wrap her around his back like a backpack, turning around for just a moment to make sure I was watching. I was. And I hated it. That was supposed to be us, and seeing him do that with another girl was forcing me to make my turn.

“So what do you think?” Tyler asked, kicking at my feet a little, startling me.

“OK, let’s do it. I already ate my Red Vines anyways,” I smiled, even though I was screaming and squirming on the inside.

I spent the night with Sienna and was in desperate need for a little therapy session with my good friend who always gave it to me straight. I just couldn’t understand why I was so torn in my feelings, I knew I needed to move on. And I was also pretty puzzled by Tyler’s interest in me. I was never the
it
girl. I was the girl on the edges. I hung out with the right people and was well-liked, sure, but it’s not like I was the girl on the playground in grade school that the boys chased or walked home. I was the one they picked first for their soccer team.

“Nolan, do you seriously not see yourself?” Sienna said, grabbing my hand and taking me over to the mirror on the back of her closet door. “Just stop. Stand here, and I’m going to make you look at yourself. Really look at yourself.”

I stood there feeling ridiculous, fidgeting and crisscrossing my legs. I didn’t know what I was supposed to see.

“Noles, you aren’t 12 any more. You’re 16, almost 17. You’re taller than most of the girls in our class. Your hair makes Sarah, Becky and I so stupid jealous. Your skin is like a baby—seriously, do you even get pimples? You don’t have to wear make up because you already look like one of those ads in the teen magazines for clean skin. You have eyes that can’t hide anything, which as your friend makes it really easy for me to know when you need me,” she kept going, nudging me a little. Then she sat back on the end of her bed, and let out a sigh, almost exasperated.

“Your body is curved in the right places. Unlike me, you actually need to wear a bra for support. You can wear cute little shorts and show your stomach. Yet you don’t show it off and flaunt it like Tatum did. You’re just you, with all of this stuff going on underneath,” she said, waving her hand up and down at me. “And you’re smart. Like, really smart. And you’re so strong. You have no idea how strong you are, Nolan. I’m so envious of you. But I’m so grateful for you, too.”

I turned slowly with a tight smile, a little uncomfortable from all of the flattery but also so grateful to have Sienna in my life. I walked over and slumped on the bed next to her, lying down beside her and staring at the ceiling. After a while of silence, I just said “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, giving my hand a squeeze and then we continued to lay there and think. “What are you going to wear on this date?”

I laughed a little. I had no idea.

By the time I showed up for work early Friday morning, my stomach was in knots. Thursday was full of more flirting between Reed and the girl who I now confirmed was named Morgan. Tyler showed up for only the afternoon session. We took our breaks together like normal, but when the work day was over Tyler grabbed his towel and lassoed it around my back and dragged me towards him. I put my hands on his chest, which was spectacular, to stop myself short of making too much contact with him. I was still worrying about Reed seeing me, it seemed.

“Caught you,” he teased with a wry smile.

“It seems you have,” I just smiled back.

“I’ll be back before you’re done with Nancy, ok? Going to head home to grab a change of clothes before dinner. You sure you’re ok driving back late tonight by yourself?” he asked.

“I’m sure,” I nodded and sent him on his way. Truthfully, I wanted to have the ability to high-tail it out of dodge if I had a panic attack, so I wanted to drive myself to wherever we were going.

While I was standing up front waiting for Nancy and her mom I caught a glimpse of Reed walking through the parking lot with Morgan, his hand smack on her ass as he leaned over and kissed the side of her neck. It made me sick. Then I saw him turn to get a glimpse of me, and he nodded just to confirm that we both saw each other, got where we stood.
Yeah, I got it. Loud and clear.

My final lesson with Nancy was so touching. She had made me a thank you card and her mom gave me a basket of cookies. I presented her with her diploma. I told her mom I was thinking of going into special education and she encouraged it. The entire thing was so very touching. I hugged them both when they left and smiled as Tyler walked in dressed in a dark pair of jeans and a tight gray T-shirt, his hair neatly combed back, minus the few very sexy strays that were flirting with his face.

“You’re early,” I teased, as I passed him on my way to my car. “I have to change. Mind waiting just a few? My stuff is in the car.”

“I’ve got nowhere I’d rather be,” he said with a devilish smile, sliding on the counter to wait for me. I just smiled back and turned to get my stuff.

I reached through the passenger side back seat to grab my bag and slide it over. When I tilted up I noticed something on my windshield. When I walked to the front to grab it I realized it was a white rose with a small note.

You’re amazing.

That was all it said. I smelled it to take in the sweetness and then placed it safely on the passenger seat of my car. I wasn’t sure when Tyler had left it there, but it was a nice way to start our date. I skipped inside and changed into a knee-length cotton skirt with a soft T and short-sleeved sweater. It was cool for the warm night but would keep me warm if the restaurant was cold.

I followed Tyler a few miles to the busy shopping mall area. We pulled up in front of a restaurant that looked like one of the fanciest places I’d ever seen. My family usually ate out at pizza joints with the occasional family Mexican food place. This place was a steakhouse, Patrick’s Grill & Wine Bar. I was instantly regretting my casual outfit. Fortunately, most of the other diners were dressed similarly, so I was grateful.

I ordered a small steak with vegetables and Tyler ate shrimp. I was nervous throughout the entire meal, which I know Tyler caught on to, because at one point he placed his hand on my knee to stop it from bouncing up and down.

“Are you planning when to bolt on me?” he teased.

“Sorry,” I smiled. “I guess I’m a little nervous. Haven’t really been on a date like this before.” I took a big bite and smiled sideways while I chewed. This just made him laugh a little.

“You’re a hoot,” he said, looking down and picking at his plate some more.

When our meal was over, Tyler insisted we head to a nearby ice cream place for dessert. It was across the street, so we just walked. I was stuffed, but I still managed to find room for a small strawberry ice cream cone. While Tyler was licking his, I had an impulse to tap his elbow just a little, and so I did. He got ice cream on his nose, which put me into hysterics.

“Oh, that’s funny, huh?” he said, devilishly. And then my cone was on my cheek before I knew what hit me. I was picking up my napkin, laughing at our small food fight, when he grabbed my hand and stopped me.

“I got it,” he smiled softly. “My fault, after all.”

And with the most tender touch he whiped the drip of cream from the side of my cheek and down to my top lip. He put a little water on his napkin and then slowly cleaned the stickiness away, his eyes burning through mine the entire time. Seconds later his mouth was on mine, and I lost myself for a bit in the moment.

It was different from kissing Sean, because I’ll admit there was a part of me that was seriously attracted to Tyler. And it was much harder than my kiss with Reed had been. I felt the force of his tongue and the strength in his lips as he sucked on my lower lip just a little. His hands clutched my back and he moved his fingers to the back of my head through my hair. It was intense, and I liked it. But it still somehow paled compared to my one small kiss with Reed.

I kissed Tyler once again when he walked me to my car. In fact, I didn’t make it on the road until nearly 11. My head was swimming while I drove home. I didn’t turn the radio on, instead opting to let the breeze from the open windows lull my thoughts. I drove carefully, still a little nervous about driving this desert stretch at night. I was pulling from my small road onto the gravel slowly, not wanting to stir up much noise this late, when my headlights brought him into full focus.

Reed was sitting on the back of his Jeep, his feet swinging back and forth a bit. He was eating sunflower seeds and spitting them every so often. I shut off my lights and killed the engine, reaching in for my bag. I decided to come back out later for my note and flower, not wanting to rub it in his face.

“Uh, stalk people much?” I half joked as I walked up my driveway.

He swung his feet to the ground and went to his Jeep door to open it just a little, turning to meet my eyes. “Just wanted to make sure you made it home safe,” he said plainly. “I know you haven’t driven at night much.”

“Oh,” I swallowed, still half in shock and strangely wanting to run into his arms and just let him hold me tightly.

“Date go well?” he asked, looking ahead to my house, still emotionless. I knew he was avoiding eye contact, not wanting to be able to read me.

“Yeah… I uh, I had steak,” was all I could seem to say.
Stupid, Nolan.

“Steak’s good, I guess,” he smiled a little weakly, turning to look me in the eyes again. Moments passed and I was fighting internally to get myself inside when he continued. “So, did he … did he kiss you goodnight,” he asked uncomfortably, fighting to meet my gaze.

I didn’t want to answer. I just blinked a few times, chewing my bottom lip and finally shrugged, not wanting to lie but also not wanting to make it a big deal.

“Hmmm, ok then,” he said climbing into his Jeep and starting up his engine. I just stood there meekly. He turned back to look at me one last time before driving away, and just when I thought he was about to go, he said one last thing. “Did you get your rose?”

I nodded and he smiled faintly then drove away as something entirely new washed over my entire body. The rose was from Reed.

My friends were amazingly different. Becky was overjoyed when I told her that Reed had given me a rose. Sarah was indignant and insisted that he owed me bouquets before I even breathed in his direction again. And Sienna, she was more interested in the two tiny words he had written. “
You’re Amazing.”

With the three of them around to work out my heartache and romantic dilemmas, there wasn’t much left for me to think about, which was refreshing. School had been in session for a couple weeks and we were setting up for the pep rally and booster barbeque. I managed to luck out with only one class with Reed. Granted, it was literature, so it was usually in a block and longer than most other classes. But thanks to the power of seating charts, I was able to put myself on the other side of the room.

Reed was continuing to flirt with every girl in school. I couldn’t seem to make sense of his note to me, the fact that he waited until midnight in front of my house just to see me home safe and then his behavior with these other girls. His partying was still a little out of control. I had skipped the last desert party, but Becky let it slip that he had drank heavily and ended up making out with two of the cheerleaders on the same night. Apparently the two cheerleaders weren’t swift enough to realize that he was bouncing between the two of them, each leaving the party thinking Reed was
their
one and only boyfriend.

As amusing as the scene played out in my head, it also broke my heart just a little more. Yes, I was still sort of dating Tyler. I wasn’t really sure what to call us, but he had texted me every night since our summer jobs ended and he drove out twice just to take me out for MicNic burgers.

When Buck arrived with his large truck filled with boxes of sports drinks and bags of ice, we all walked over to help him start unloading. I hadn’t seen him since he helped me with the car, and I honestly missed the man.

“There’s my girl,” he said, coming over and giving me a big bear of a hug. Always in a sports coat, Buck was also showing off his red and blue dress shirt. This would look hideous on anyone else, but Buck could pull it off. He was dressed in his University of Arizona colors for tonight’s festivities. I had heard that their scouts were joining him for the rally to talk over a few things. I knew this one mattered to him more than most.

Looking him over, I reached up and straightened his matching tie and brushed a little bit of ice chip from his lapel. “There, now you’re ready to close that deal,” I smiled, winking a bit.
He was rubbing off on me.

Buck just laughed and patted my back before we all got to work unloading. I wasn’t sure when Reed and Sean had joined us, but soon the truckload was moving to the tables much faster. I realized how when I went to grab a load of drinks from the truck and reached up to grab Reed’s hand to pull myself up into the truck bed. We both realized it at the same time, stilling for a few seconds and letting the sensation of our connected fingers touch just a little too long.

I looked up at his face, startled, and he was just staring down at our hands when suddenly he moved to put his hands in his pockets and jumped down from the bed of the truck, careful to avoid my eye contact. I just sat back on the edge of the wheel well, pretending to catch my breath a little. Buck walked up then and climbed up into the truck and sat on the wheel opposite of me.

“Well, if you say it’s break time then it must be,” he chuckled, rubbing his hands on his knees and bending forward a little. “Ooooof, I’m certainly not the young man I used to be.”

He just looked up and smiled at me and I reflected his emotion as best I could. His grin disappeared quickly though. “What’s eatin’ at you, sugar?”

I stood up and started to lift another box, just shrugging. I had a feeling he could read me if I looked at him, so I was careful. “I don’t know. Just in a bit of a funk, I guess. Probably just the new school year. Classes are hard,” I lied.

“Hmmmm,” he just stalled, rubbing his chin a bit. “Aren’t you the ‘smarty pants’ in your class? At least, that’s what Reed’s always telling me,” he was on to me.

I just laughed a little, nervously. “Smarty pants, huh? So that’s what he calls me when I’m not around,” I diverted.

I jumped down from the end of the truck and propped the box up on my hip to adjust my grip, smiling at Buck, who was standing up again and pulling out a napkin from his pocket to wipe at his sunglasses. “Nah, that’s not what he calls you. Just said you’re really smart that’s all,” he said as he stepped down from the truck to join me. “Fact is, he calls you
lots
of other things.”

OK, I’ll admit, I was intrigued. “Oh yeah? Like what?” I half joked, though deep down I was dying to know.

“Oh you’re not going to get me that easily, sugar. You wanna know that, you’ll need to ask him yourself,” he winked at me. We continued to walk over to the picnic tables and then he stopped for a minute. “But I will tell you that you’re important to him…” he paused again.

“Reed… he’s been off his game a little lately. I’m not sure what’s gotten into him, but he seems to be slipping a little. Not that I’m hard on my boy, but he’s just always been so self-driven, know what I mean? I never had to worry about that one. And we’ve always talked. He tells me everything. But something’s in his head, I can just tell. He give you any clues?” he asked.

I shrugged, my mind racing to the drama that unfolded on Reed’s lap this summer, absolutely wrecking any chance he and I had. I wasn’t sure how much Buck knew, so when I saw Tyler’s car pull up in the dirt lot near the barbecue pits, my stomach turned a little. “Excuse me, Mr. Johnson, I see a friend and I have to go meet him,” I smiled, as he halted me instantly.

“Girl, when are you going to call me Buck?” he smiled, his cheeks creasing under his eyes. It was the winning Johnson smile.

“Buck,” I said back. “Sorry, still hard to get used to that.”

Tyler was slowly walking over to the tables when he spotted me, taking his sunglasses off and smiling with those killer dimples and pushing his hand through his perfect damn hair. I noticed a few of the cheerleaders that were there hanging posters and anchoring balloons whisper to one another as he walked by. And I heard them lose their breath just a little when he pulled me into a kiss in front of everyone.

Nothing was ever halfway with Tyler. He kissed me for everyone to see, almost like he was laying claim and showing off. The attention from others made me a little uncomfortable, but I managed to come to terms with it since I really did like kissing him.

As I pulled back, I opened my eyes, blinking a little to regain my balance, a stupid smirk on my face for sure. “Hey,” I said, sloppily.

“Hey back,” he said, kissing me once more softly on the cheek. “So this is the famous pep rally, huh? Where are all the media cameras and stuff,” he asked, looking around a little to take in the scene.

I grabbed his hand and brought him over to the stage area and then we peeked around the corner from the back storage building just a little, where the parking lot had three or four media trucks with their satellite antennas raised high in the air. A few reporters were milling around, talking on phones and swapping stories about the upcoming high school football season.

Tyler just nodded, understanding a little more now. “So, he’s that good, huh?” he turned back to me.

I couldn’t lie, because yes, he was. “Yep, he’s that good.”

We were walking back over to the back tables where I was hoping to blend in and hide with the crowd some before I started grilling hotdogs and cooking for the team when we ran smack into Reed. I wanted to bury myself under the loose dirt right then and there.
This was not happening.

Tyler was the first to speak. “Wow, man. This is quite a media circus you have out here. All for you, I hear?” he just smiled, reaching out his hand to shake Reed’s.

Reed was just staring down at it, chewing on the inside of his mouth a little; it looked like he was fighting with himself internally. He finally let out a small chuckle and took his hand and responded. “Yeah, man. It’s crazy attention. But it’s not just me. We won state, and it was the first time in a while. It’s a good story, small town and all that shit,” he said, humble as always. He looked at me sideways, almost to check if he was doing ok. Not smiling, just blank.

Then Tyler made things a million times more awkward.

“Hey, man. I hope you’re ok with me and Nolan?” he asked.
Uh, I’m standing right here? Oh god, want to die.

Reed continued to chew on his cheek, nodding yes just a little before he looked Tyler square in the eyes and gave him the winning Johnson grin. “Yeah, sure. We’re good,” he patted him on the back as he walked past him. “Sorry, I’ve got some people I need to see. Gotta go take care of some things. Have to work the circus, you know,” he said with his hands stretched out, as he looked from side to side, flashing the signature smile.

Tyler turned back to me and smiled faintly. “Hope that was ok?” he asked. I just smiled. It was
so not
ok, but there was no way I was dragging this conversation out any longer.

When coach started talking everyone settled into their seats. The flashes from cameras started snapping as he held the state trophy high over his head and the crowd of people roared. This year’s pep rally was at least three times the size they had been in the past, no doubt thanks to the big championship year they were coming off of. My parents even decided to come out. I waved at them while I stood on a bench in the back next to my girlfriends and my…Tyler.

Whether I had any control over it or not, I couldn’t keep my eyes from veering to Reed while he sat there in the front row of seats right behind coach. The rest of the team was behind him, Sean and two other captains. Reed was wrestling with his hands, looking down at his feet and leaning over a little. He snapped up to sit straight when coach mentioned his name, and he smiled at his coach faintly, just to show he was listening and appreciated him. But almost instantly, his eyes drifted to mine. And he left them there.

I shifted my gaze a few times, looking over at Sienna and whispering non important things to her just to give myself something to do. But every time I turned back to the stage, there he was, locked onto me. The look on his face wasn’t one I was used to seeing from him. It was longing. I knew this because I was feeling the same.

When Reed took the mic to address the crowd, he kept his focus on me until he turned to both sides and then around to look at his teammates before finally addressing the screaming town before him. “Thank y’all for coming out here today. Your support, well… it means a lot. To me, to our team,” he locked back on me again. “We aren’t much without you. I’m not much without you.”

I swallowed from the intensity of his stare. I was hoping that Tyler couldn’t tell where his gaze was focused. But I knew I wasn’t mistaking this.

He continued. “State last year was awesome, am I right boys?” he yelled, and the team responded with a big “Ooooh rahhh!”

“But you know what’s more awesome?” he asked, waiting for the crowd’s cheering to go a bit wild. So different from the first Reed I saw sitting uncomfortable at the pep rally his freshman year. “I said, do you know what’s more awesome?”

The entire crowd cheered back. “What?!”

“Repeat champions!” he called, giving the crowd what they wanted. He handed the mic back to his coach and then finished another rally cry with his team. Just as he always does, Reed gave the people what they wanted. Such a burden for a teenager to carry, but he did it almost effortlessly.

Tyler was helping me clean up the grill when Buck came over and put his hand on my back to get my attention. “Darlin? I’m going to head out. I’ve got a little meeting with some gentleman,” he winked.

“I bet you do,” I just smiled back. He looked over my shoulder to notice Tyler. He looked back at me briefly, a rush of understanding seeming to hit him.

“Hi, young man. I’m afraid I’ve been rude. Buck Johnson,” he said, reaching out to shake Tyler’s hand.

Tyler smiled and shook back right away, taken in by his charms. “Tyler Rawston, sir. Good to meet you. I’m friends with Nolan,” he said, leaning into me a little.

Buck just kept his grin in place, reaching in his pockets to get his keys, but careful to keep his eyes on Tyler the entire time. “This girl’s a special one now, you hear?” Buck said, his tone somewhere between kidding and dead serious.

“Yes, sir,” Tyler said, deciding that respectful was the best way to go.

Buck gave me one last hug before nodding at me a little.
He knows more than I give him credit for, I thought.

Alone, Tyler reached down for my hand. I kept it low, below the table. Here I was, hiding it from Reed again. My life was a circle, and I was destined to play the same part over and over. “So, can I take you out?” Tyler asked.

“Sure,” I smiled. “I just need to finish cleaning up. Mind waiting?”

“Of course not. I’ll help,” he said, taking a pad to the grill and hurrying things along.

Sean walked up with Becky around his arm. He shook Tyler’s hand and then urged me over to the side a bit. “There’s a desert party tonight. We’re not going, but thought you might want to know. I know our boy will be there,” he just grimaced. I knew what that probably meant. I put my hand on his shoulder and just nodded with a tight-lipped smile to show him I was worried about Reed, too.