Waiting on the Sidelines (37 page)

I went to the game with Sarah, but she took me home before it was over. I didn’t want to run into Reed after the game. Since I had read my piece in front of the class, I found myself avoiding him even more than before, something I was able to keep up for weeks.

The holidays passed quickly. Calley was home for the break and after not talking to her sister for the first two weeks, Sarah finally gave in. I had forgiven Calley and wanted Sarah to, too. But my loyal friend took a little wearing down to get there.

Sarah, Sienna and I were all going to ASU next year, and Calley and Sarah decided to move in together. It seemed that living with Tatum was too much, even for Calley. She had already moved out of their apartment and into a single dorm for the rest of the semester.

I didn’t go out for track this season, deciding to spend my spring focused on my studies and scholarship applications. I knew I had a shot at the creative writing scholarship, but I didn’t want to hang my hat on that alone. My parents were sure they could cover most of my schooling extras, but I knew every little bit would help, so I took on a few afternoon shifts at MicNic’s, too.

Both Reed and Sean had decided to skip track for the season, too. I knew Reed’s signing deadline was fast approaching, so I was sure he was spending every spare moment planning the best move with his dad.

I had seen Reed in class and in the halls, but I always managed to rush by without making eye contact. I thought I heard his Jeep pull down my street one night, but when I looked out my family’s front window, no one was there. It had been months now since I’d heard his voice, and I could hardly remember the sound of it.

I spent most of my spring break toiling away at the school library. The computer lab had become my working office and I had a goal of sending out one new scholarship packet each day. I had managed to score a few with my efforts, though most were only $50 or $100 stipends, barely a dent in the parking fees. But I kept moving forward since every check meant one less day working at the burger joint.

My face was buried in my backpack, looking for my headphones, when I ran into Buck, literally. “Whoa, oh my gosh, you scared me!” I laughed a little, surprised to see a car other than mine at the school parking lot during the break. “Whatcha doing here?” I slung the headphones over my shoulder along with my backpack.

“Just picking up some of Reed’s stuff. We have a workout down in Tucson,” Buck smiled, winking. “They want to take a final look. I think he’s got the starting gig locked up down there. I just hope I can convince him.”

I smiled, my heart picking up a little knowing that Reed was just a few yards away in the locker room. I wanted to get inside before he came out. “Oh, I know if anyone can convince someone of something, it’s you,” I smiled, starting to walk past Buck, then suddenly halting when I heard his voice.

“So what exactly is pops convincing me of?” I flushed and suddenly felt panic stricken. I turned around nervously, looking at Buck for a life raft. But he just grinned and threw Reed’s gear into the back and walked to the other side of his truck, leaving me to clean up my own mess, or leaving me with Reed at the very least. Yes, that man was tricky.

“Ha,” I laughed cautiously, searching my brain for the right words. “Your dad just said he was driving you down to Tucson and making you walk back if you disobeyed.”
Phew, that went ok.

Reed leaned into the side of the truck, chewing on his gum and flipping the sunglasses from his eyes so I could see him. For the first time in months, they looked clear, the worry and anguish gone. He looked down at the bag now dangling from my wrist and then slowly up to my face, a smile shyly curling on one dimple. “Are you doing homework on spring break? You know, our grades don’t really matter at this point,” he was teasing me. God how I missed this.

“Oh, ha…” I shuffled a little in my stance. “No, just scholarship work. I’ve got a lot of dorm bills to settle for ASU.”

His smile started to fade a bit, but then he closed his lips tight and forced a renewed one. “Ah, yes. That other school in Arizona,” he joked.

“Yeah, you know, the one where all the smart kids go?” I was joking right along with him, winking as I talked.

“Reed, we gotta hit the road, kid,” Buck hollered through the window he’d just rolled down.

“Ah right, hang on,” Reed leaned in to say to him.

I stood there still, not sure of my next words, my next move, or if I’d be able to move at all.

“I gotta go, but hey…” he was looking down, his brow bunched and a bit of a frown on his face. “Maybe… maybe I’ll stop by MicNic’s later or something? Sean said you’re working there right now?”

I just nodded. He smiled back a bit and then climbed into the truck with his dad. I stayed frozen, watching them drive away. Eventually I found my way back to my car. There would be no scholarship writing today. I’d be lucky if I could concentrate long enough to fill out my first name.

My shift at MicNic’s seemed to drag. I’m sure it was because I spent the entire time watching the clock and calculating how long it took to drive from Tucson once the sun set. But Reed never showed. I think maybe part of me knew he never would. But it was exactly this part of me, the one that was hoping, that concerned me most. This part of me had been numb for so long, this renewed self seemed so foreign. And I wasn’t sure if I could handle waking it up again.

I was able to get a few good scholarship days in after all, and by the time our break was done, I had sent out 24 new applications. Something had to come of this work. I was enjoying what was left of my break on the Sunday afternoon when my cell phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number, since mostly Sarah, Sienna and Sean called me now. I thought about ignoring it, but instead I answered.

“Hello?” I was a little guarded.

“Hi, is this Nolan Lennox?” a woman asked on the other line. She sounded older.

“Uh…yes. Who is this?” I was suspicious now, and I think the woman on the other line could tell as she started to chuckle when she spoke again.

“I’m sorry for surprising you. My name’s Kendra Sharpe. I’m a reporter with the Gazette. I’m doing a story on Reed Johnson, you know, talking about his amazing high school career and the accident. We hear he’s signing with Arizona tonight and want do a full feature for the sports section, local hero kinda thing,” she was smart when she spoke. I was a little thrown. Why was she calling me?

“Ohhhhhh… kay?” I said, still not sure what I had to do with this.

She continued to explain. “Well, sometimes for these big profile pieces, we like to interview friends and family, just to get a full picture of who someone is, if that makes sense?”

It did. “Yeah, I get that,” I said, waiting to find out what I could possibly offer.

“Well, we know you were in the accident with Reed, and I was hoping I could just get your perspective on what happened…and how you think it affected Reed…” she was waiting, hoping I’d take the bait. But instead I was hyperventilating a little. I didn’t know how to do this, or even if I should.

“I know it’s an uncomfortable thing to talk about, and I’m sorry to call you out of the blue, but you’re sort of my last piece to finish this article. I’d really appreciate just a few minutes,” she said. She seemed genuine, so I relaxed a little. I didn’t want to hold up the article, and Reed’s story was an amazing one that people should know. I was excited to hear that he was leaning toward Arizona, too.

“OK, I guess…” I would be careful.

We spoke for maybe 10 minutes, mostly just clarifying facts about the accident and how much the students loved Reed and how the town really rallied behind him. I felt pretty good about the interview, until she asked me at the end how I was holding up after going through something so traumatic. That’s when I got a little too comfortable with Kendra and let my mouth run unfiltered.

“It’s been really hard. I mean, I didn’t have the broken bones and injuries, but I’ve had the guilt. I guess a part of me feels like the entire thing was my fault, like I caused him to miss out on his entire senior year,” this sparked her interest.

“Why would you think that?” she asked.

“He was driving me home. If he didn’t have to deal with me then this never would have happened,” as soon as I said the words I wanted to stuff them back inside. My eyes were wide in realization.

“Hmmmmm, I’m sure that’s not the case,” she was quiet for a moment. No doubt quoting me perfectly, word-for-word.
Oh god!
“Well, I think I’m set on my story. Thank you so much for your time, Nolan. I really appreciate it. Hey, and good luck next year at ASU! That’s where I went.”

And then she was gone. I replayed the interview in my mind over and over. By the time evening rolled around, I had finally convinced myself that my words just didn’t fit with the story and I would be safe. At least, that’s what I hoped.

I searched for the story online and in the paper for days after the interview. Reed had made his announcement as she told me he would. They covered it briefly during sports on the evening news. My parents and I watched and cheered that he was staying in Arizona. I had finally brought my mom up to speed on what had happened between us, though I left out the part where Reed made a dig at our poverty. That still stung me a little, and it wasn’t anything I ever wanted to share.

There were only a few weeks left before our senior year was over, and my homework was now pretty much non-existent. We were at the point where most of our classes were filled with busy work or movies. We’d been watching the BBC version of
Pride and Prejudice
in our writing and literature class, which was fine with me and most of the other girls in the class, but I was pretty sure Reed and the few guys taking our class wanted to nap.

I was looking forward to today’s viewing because we were going to get to see the end. I liked that part, not just because it was swoon-worthy, but because the main character, Elizabeth, stood up for herself. We settled into our desks and Sienna and I were getting quite comfortable, prepared for Mr. Bosch to turn the lights off, when he instead slid to sit on his desk like he had an announcement.

“I know, I know. It’s movie day. I promise, we’ll get to the movie,” he rolled his eyes a little. I wondered just how many senior semesters he’d endured. “But I had a quick announcement to make before we started, if that’s ok with you guys?”

He pulled his glasses forward a little to look out at us over the tops, overdoing it for our benefit. Mr. Bosch was everyone’s favorite. “Well then, if I could get a drum roll, please...” A few of the students started patting their desks, and soon the room sounded like it was full of messy thunder.

“Nolan Lennox.” My eyes shot wide. No, no… no attention, no thank you, no please? “If you could come up here, I have something special I want to present you with.”

I looked at Sienna, my shoulders scrunched up to my ears and my body stiff. I had no idea what this was about, and I was not looking forward to standing in front of this classroom of students again. Hesitantly, I walked up to the front and turned, rigidly, to face my teacher.

At first he laughed a little and told me to relax. I leaned a little onto his desk and then just turned to look at him, bobbing between his eyes and my feet with my glare.

“Nolan, I am so honored to present this to you. I’ve never had a student deserve it more, and I wanted your fellow classmates to know what you’ve achieved,” he was a little emotional as he spoke. “Your memoir essay was very well-received by the writer’s college, Nolan.”

I gulped a little, my heart pounding as I waited to hear what this meant.

“Class, Nolan entered her essay in a very competitive contest. Only three awards are given out, and students from throughout the country compete for this award. Nolan, you were given the Note of Distinction. That’s the highest prize, and it means $5,000 a year for your education, provided you keep your GPA up.”

I wanted to faint, but instead just held myself up on his desk, my eyes I’m sure as wide as they’d ever been. I vaguely could hear the others in my class clapping and whistling for me. I was so stunned, I think it took a few minutes for me to let it all sink in and to smile. I shook Mr. Bosch’s hand as he handed me an envelope full of the information about my award as well as confirmation about my stipend.

When I turned to walk dazedly back to my desk, I caught Reed’s view and the look on his face was so very much the old Reed, my Reed. He was…proud. Sienna gave me a huge hug and whispered how proud she was of me in my ear. I couldn’t believe it.

I couldn’t wait to get home to tell my parents, so I broke the school rule and snuck into the girl’s bathroom to call my mom at work. I wasn’t certain, but I think she cried a little as we spoke. And for the rest of the day, a weight was lifted and I felt invincible.

--------------------

Ironing the purple silk gown was impossible, each time I flipped it I only seemed to add a new set of wrinkles to the mix. I still couldn’t believe that I was graduating from high school and would be moving from my tiny room into a place of my own with Sienna. Sure, it would be a dorm room, one surrounded by hundreds of other 18-year-old pseudo grownups just like me. But it would be far from home, or at least the farthest I’d ever been.

My mother was excited for my new adventure in life, but I could tell my dad was having a hard time letting me go. We still had two months at home together over the summer, but my dad had already started prepping my car, checking oil, hoses, vents and parts I didn’t know existed. He’d called Buck a few times, too, to get his opinion, and together the two of them had worried themselves into more than a dozen new parts for my old beater of a car.