Wish for You (24 page)

She stares at me for a minute, and then the most beautiful smile appears on her face. She touches my face, caressing my cheek, and I lean my head into her touch.

“
I forgive you and love you. “

“
I love you, too.” I help her to her feet and pull the towel more securely around her. “Let’s go get you dirty.”

“
But I’m…” Understanding dawns, and that smile of hers turns hot. “Very dirty, please. I’ve been way too good lately. Can we play shower wench and heroic knight?”

“
Only if the shower wench is really the lady of the castle, and the heroic knight is mounted by her on ye old bench.”

“
I can ride you like a horse.” She lowers her voice even more. “Does this mean I can use a riding quirt on you?”

I blink. “Um, we’ll talk about that.”

She giggles, and it’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard in my life. I stop her in the middle of the living room, just off the kitchen where everyone is watching, and kiss her.

We pull away, and my family breaks into applause before they carefully make their way back to us, gently talking to Lacey and offering apologies. I keep my arm firmly around her, but my heart swells with love as acceptance permeates the air.

“
Best birthday ever,” my mom says. “Maybe for mine, a diamond ring could happen.”

“
Isn’t that Dad’s department?”

“
I meant for Lacey.” She kisses my cheek.

“
Wyatt?” Lacey turns to me, her brown eyes sparkling. “Will you help me to my room? I need to shower and change.”

I gesture to the hallway and say, “This way, my lady.” We are so playing shower games. I don’t care how long we’re in there.

All grand plans of epic sex fall to the wayside when she pulls me to her in the shower and wraps her arms around me. “I love you, and I promise to never change the rules on you again.”

“
I’m holding you to it, Lawless.” Then I kiss her back and let the hot water run over us.

Epilogue

Six months later

Wyatt

Lacey squeezes my hand as we walk inside Nathan’s parents’ house. It looks exactly like the pictures I’d seen of it, big and white, with a porch that wraps around the front of the house. There was nothing but corn and sunflowers for miles as we drove up the long dirt road.

Nathan’s mom shuts the door behind us, and I scan the room. Pictures of Nathan are everywhere, in and out of his civilian clothes. Some with no clothes at all, but that’s because he’s wearing diapers.

I swallow.

“
We’re so glad you could come, Wyatt, and bring your bride,” his mom says, coming into the room.

Nathan’s dad stands at the fireplace, one arm on the mantle. “Nathan talked about you all the time.” His face is serious, but kind. His face is an exact replica of Nathan’s. But I can handle that now. With Lacey by my side, I can take on the world.

“
So, we have a little surprise for you, and it’s why we’ve been after you to visit us. Jennifer, could you come in the room?” his mom calls out.

Jennifer? As in the woman Nathan was supposed to marry?

A young woman with blue eyes and blond hair walks into the room, a baby on her hip. Jennifer smiles and looks at the baby boy. “Wave to your daddy’s friend, buddy.”

The baby buries his face into her shoulder, but not before I see a little grin. A grin so like Nathan’s that my vision gets all blurry, and I want to sit down. This is his son. My battle buddy’s son.

“
I didn’t die and just turn into nothingness. None of us do. We live on in our kids, in our good deeds, and one day, we’ll all be together again,”
Nathan whispers in my head.

A lump the size of the entire Midwest forms in my throat. Lacey slides a little closer to me. “It’s okay, Wyatt. Just breathe,” she whispers, and I thank God for her.

“
He’s a great looking kid. Nathan would be proud.” I let go of Lacey’s hand and hold out my arms. “Can I hold him?”

Jennifer nods, handing the baby to me. He squirms and wriggles before settling down. We stare each other down, and it seems like the entire room gets quiet as we do.

“
Hey there, little guy,” I say softly. “What’s your name?”

“
Wyatt Thomas Abbott.”

My head jerks up, and Nathan’s family is standing in front of me. I blink a lot, jaw working as I do. “He—he has
my
name?”

“
Nathan wanted it to be a surprise. I got pregnant when he was on leave, and when I told him…” Jennifer swallows at the memory. “He said that if we had a boy, to name him after the two finest men he knew, his father and you.”

“
I don’t… I don’t know what to say.” I look down at the baby boy in my arms, at the miniature Nathan holding on to me with chubby hands and a drooly smile. Just like his dad. I smile through the lump in my throat, look through my blurry vision at Nathan’s family, and say, “Thank you.”

“
No, son, thank you.” His dad claps me on the shoulder. “Your CO said that you were with him when he died, that you shot the men who took his life, that you put yourself right in harm’s way. That… that the last thing Nathan saw was you, defending him.”

I shift my weight from side to side. My heart’s hurting and yet, at the same time, I’ve never felt so free. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t have done more.”

“
If you had done more, then you would have been dead, too. War is hell, son. I know it. I’ve lived it.” Nathan’s dad’s voice cracks with emotion. “My son knew it too. He followed in his old man’s footsteps. We don’t blame you, Wyatt.”

“
I know,” I say quietly, as Jennifer takes her son from me.

“
It’s not your fault,” Nathan’s dad says again, and then he hugs me. “Nathan would want you to live your life, not dwell on the past.”

In that moment, I never realized how much it would mean to hear those words from Nathan’s dad. I never realized how much forgiveness from a complete stranger would lift a weight off my shoulders, and shine a light so bright it chased away the shadows.

But it did all that, and more.

Lacey and I stayed a few hours longer but, all too soon, we had to go. We are heading to Hawaii, and then Japan for our honeymoon. I want her to meet my family and see the world. I want to show her I am proud to be her husband, and that she can always count on me to help her through anything.

The car ride to the airport was mostly silent, a country song playing low on the radio. Our fingers are laced together. We’ll get through everything as long as we’re together, as long as we talk and stay honest with ourselves and each other.

*** *** ***

Four years later

Lacey

Wyatt’s playing football in the backyard with his little brothers, Cole, Beau, and Parker. The six of them are roughhousing, instead of taking the game seriously and following the rules. Wyatt’s brothers are spending the night and, later, after they’ve showered off the grass and mud, we’ll grill some burgers and watch a movie. But Beau and Parker are here for dinner, a sort of get-together for the original gang. Somehow, I’ve been inducted into this gang.

Lately, I’ve been thinking more and more about having kids, about what it could mean for us, especially if we have a child who ends up having to live with autism. For so long, I’ve been terrified of getting pregnant, but not enough to let that fear control me. I love being with Wyatt. I love the comfort he gives me. The unconditional acceptance and love that has never wavered, not once since we were married.

He grabs the football from Parker, and then tells his brothers to head inside to wash up for supper. They blow past me, racing to see who can get through the door first, and I giggle. I’ve missed having so many people around me; my family has decided to stay even longer overseas and accepted yet another position. This time in Pakistan, where they can’t come out and say what they believe in public.

Yet, they’re not afraid, because my parents have each other. They have their faith. They’re brave. They’re strong. And I can have all that, too.

Beau opens the cooler and throws everyone a bottle of water. It warms my heart how they’re so considerate of Wyatt. They don’t drink around him, and don’t give him a hard time about the path he’s chosen to follow, without alcohol or drugs.

While the three of them joke with each other, Wyatt jogs to me, kissing me so suddenly that he takes my breath away. “Give me about fifteen minutes, and I’ll help with supper, okay?”

“
Wyatt?”

His forehead crinkles adorably. “Yes?”

Be brave. Be strong. Have faith
.

“
I want to have a baby with you.” There’s no other way to say it, except to, well, say it.

My husband blinks at me, his sexy mouth kicking up at the corners. “Are you sure?”

I nod, my face heating. “I’m positive.”

His face turns serious, and his arms come around me. The football drops to the patio. “You don’t have to do this, just because you think it will make me happy. I’m already happy with you, and all the animals we have.”

I roll my eyes. “You make it sound like we have a menagerie.”

“
I sleep with you, two dogs, and a ferret at night. That’s pretty damned crowded,” he reminds me with a wry smile.

“
Then it shouldn’t be a problem to add one teeny, tiny baby,” I say.

“
One teeny, tiny baby won’t be a problem at all,” he assures me.

“
If it’s a boy, I want to name him after two of the finest men I know, you… and Nathan.”

“
What about your dad?” he asks, but I can see the pride and gratefulness in his eyes.

I shrug, leaning back in his arms. “There’s always baby number two.”

“
Lawless, I’m going to enjoy making you pregnant.” He nips at my ear, and I shiver in pleasure. “I’ll be keeping you in bed for days at a time.”

His brothers come running out of the house just then, naked as the day as they were born, except for the helmets on their heads.

“
My eyes,” Beau shouts, covering his.

“
Put those away,” Parker groans.

Cole just laughs.

I close my eyes at the sight, the sparks of desire that Wyatt had just flamed banking.

“
Get some clothes on, you damned nudists,” Wyatt yells, but the amusement in his tone makes them ignore him. They keep running around, shouting at the tops of their lungs. “Guess we won’t be starting on that baby tonight.”

I peek up at him, and the look on his face makes my heart beat so hard and fast that I’m sure it will take flight. “We have tomorrow, Wyatt.”

He kisses me. “And the next day, and the day after that. We have the rest of our lives.”

Smiling, I let him go, and he herds his brothers into the house once more. I tug at the chain around my neck, pulling out the dog tags and giving them a quick kiss.

Then I head inside after them, into a house filled with laughter and love.

Always love.

A Note from Marquita

Wyatt and Lacey were such an amazing couple to write. He’s a Marine suffering from PTSD while the girl he loves, a roller derby girl, suffers from panic and anxiety attacks, something they later find out is actually Aspergers. I read a ton of blogs written by women who’ve been living with this high functioning form of Autism, and none of them had the exact same symptoms, yet all of them wished to have found our earlier what was “wrong” with them. Women are severely under diagnosed with this condition, and usually, it’s treated as panic attacks or anxiety disorders. So, in Wish For You, I wanted to give Lacey a sort of peace from that, by naming what made her a “freak” in her eyes.

For more information about Autism, start here:
http://www.centerforautism.com/service.aspx

As for Wyatt, what he was going through, self-medicating and drug abuse, while talking with a therapist is very common in returning soldier, airmen, and Marines. Especially now that our men and women are constantly sent back for third, fourth, and sometimes even eighth deployments. Personally, I have a sister, two brothers-in-law, two sisters-in-law, and two cousins currently or have recently served in the ARMY, so this is something that is near and dear to me.