You Only Live Once (14 page)

‘He’s not here yet,’ Sol told me, seeing me scan the bar for Alex. That didn’t sound like a good omen – maybe he really wasn’t interested. Half an hour later, when I was beginning to give up on him, Sol whispered, ‘Alex has arrived.’ Instantly my heart started racing and I felt full of nerves, like some shy teenager, as if I couldn’t look him in the face. But when I turned round and saw him I thought, ‘Wow, he really is gorgeous!’ I was immediately struck by how handsome he was, with lovely blue eyes and dark brown hair, and by the sheer size of him – at six foot two he towered over me. And while I could see that his nose had been broken and his ears had taken a battering from his cage fighting, I thought that just made him seem more sexy and manly.

Alex sat next to me after Sol had introduced us and right from the start there was a really strong attraction between us. You can always tell, can’t you? You get that butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling, where you want to give them all your attention and to know that they’re giving you all theirs. Whenever he was talking to someone else, I’d quickly whisper to Gary to ask if he thought Alex liked me. And then I put in some of my cheeky, flirty moves where I pretended to get something out of my bag. As I bent down, I’d be showing off my bum in my little tutu and I’d say to Gary, ‘Is he looking at me? Is he interested?’ I think it was pretty obvious that we both found each other very attractive. Not only was I impressed by his good looks, but he was such a lovely guy too. And by the time we left the bar and headed to the Mayfair Hotel for birthday drinks with Michelle, we were openly flirting with each other and I had taken pictures of the two of us together on my phone.

I didn’t leave his side from then on and our flirtation continued as we all travelled by car from the Mayfair to Michelle’s party, with me sitting on Alex’s lap. By the time we reached the party we only had eyes for each other. Afterwards we hit several clubs, ending up at the Shadow Lounge, a gay club, with Gary and Phil. And there we had our first kiss. And . . . wow! Alex was such a good kisser. It was a kiss that felt full of promise. ‘I really like him!’ I thought. It was such an exciting, delicious feeling. Being with him made me feel so alive and special. I didn’t want Alex to go, so when we left the club we went to Balans, on Old Compton Street, my usual haunt at the end of a night clubbing, for Thai green curry. Finally we all went back to Gary and Phil’s house.

Those of you who’ve read my other books know that I’ve never been into one-night stands. I’ve always had relationships, and I’ve always made the guy wait a month before I sleep with him, wanting to know that he respects me and it isn’t just about having sex with Katie Price or Jordan. But I didn’t feel that I needed to be like that with Alex. Even though I had only just met him, something told me that things were going to be serious between us. And so, just hours after meeting for the first time, we spent the night together. Without going into detail, I can tell you that the sex was good,
really
good. I did have a moment’s panic when I thought, ‘Oh, no! I’ve blown it. He won’t want to see me again because I’ve slept with him on the first date. He’ll think that I’m a dirtbag.’ But that concern quickly faded because being with Alex felt so right that it didn’t matter we’d only just met. And, after all, was there anything to be ashamed of? I was thirty-one years old, my husband had walked out on me, my marriage had ended. I was newly single and free to do whatever I liked, with whomever I liked. The first time in my entire life that I slept with a man on a first date, I ended up marrying him! And I knew exactly what I was doing and what I wanted. I was definitely not on the rebound from Pete.

In the morning when I woke up I had no regrets, especially when I looked at Alex as he lay next to me. He was so big and muscular, such a strong and powerful man. I absolutely loved the way he looked and loved being with him. ‘Fucking hell,’ I thought, hardly believing my luck. ‘He’s got such a fit body! And he’s gorgeous!’ But it was way more than physical attraction. Even then I felt really close to him emotionally. I felt I could be myself with him.

‘I can’t believe I just spent the night with you!’ Alex told me as we cuddled each other. There was no awkwardness between us, though. Being together just felt right.

‘I can’t either,’ I replied. I know people will be surprised and maybe even shocked that I felt like this after just one night, but I’m old enough to know how I feel about someone.

There was a knock at the door and Gary came in holding cups of tea for us. I’m so open with my close friends that I didn’t feel any embarrassment at being seen in bed with Alex. In fact, I couldn’t resist showing off how sexy he was. I cheekily lifted up the duvet and exclaimed, ‘Gary, you have to see Alex’s legs. Aren’t they fit!’ Some men might have felt embarrassed being talked about like this, but Alex took it all in his stride. He was so calm and chilled, I liked his style. Meanwhile Gary was saying, ‘Phwoar! Love the legs, show us some more!’

But I kept the rest of Alex under wraps. Gary is a very good friend, but I’m not going to share everything with him!

‘What are you doing today?’ I asked Alex, immediately wanting to spend more time with him. I knew this wasn’t just a one-night stand.

‘I haven’t really got any plans,’ he replied.

‘Right then,’ I answered, ‘you’re coming back to mine. I’ve got loads of friends coming over and I’m cooking a roast dinner.’ Alex had to borrow some tracksuit bottoms and flip-flops from Gary as he only had his smart suit with him. And before we went back to my house, we had to call in at Sainsbury’s to buy the food. Who says I don’t know how to show a man a good time? And every so often, as I was pushing the trolley and he wasn’t looking, I would be checking him out and thinking, ‘Yes . . . you really are gorgeous!’

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN

Alex was a revelation to me that afternoon. He was such easy company; he got along with all my friends, fitted in with everybody. He was kind, he was generous, and a real gentleman. He was a man who had plenty to say for himself, which I liked, yet he was really good-natured about all my friends interrogating him. They do that with a new man as they are protective of me. My children were with their dad that weekend, but my friends had theirs with them as this was a family lunch. Straight away Alex was the one who got in the pool and played with the kids. He was brilliant with them and I liked him all the more for it.

‘You’re the manny!’ I teased him over lunch. ‘You’re so good with kids.’ He just laughed. He seemed so secure, so strong in himself. And I knew something else by the end of that sunny Sunday afternoon in July – I didn’t want him to leave. I think Alex was quite taken aback that I wanted him to stay within forty-eight hours of our getting to know each other. But I’m very persuasive! I got my wish.

He pretty much moved in with me after that. For the first couple of nights, I always had friends round as well. I’m a bit of a contradiction, being forward at times and yet shy at others. So while I wanted Alex to stay, I felt I needed other people around us too. But it wasn’t long before I felt completely happy to be left alone with him. I wanted us to be together, I’d completely fallen for him. It was a totally whirlwind, full-on romance. I’m an all or nothing girl when it comes to relationships; I always have been. I know when something feels right, and this felt so right. It might have seemed too fast to some people, but it was no different from how I was when I first met Pete. As soon as we were both back in the UK after appearing on
I’m a Celebrity
, Pete moved in with me and Harvey.

The better I got to know Alex, the more I fell for him and I came to see how well suited to each other we were. And, most importantly of all, when he met my children he was brilliant with them, so patient, so kind, so up for playing with them and reading to them. My friends commented that I certainly had the knack of picking guys who were good with kids! But my kids are the most important people in my life. I would do anything for them. They are so precious to me, no man comes near that and no man ever will. If a guy wasn’t good with them, it wouldn’t matter how much I liked him, the relationship would have to end; in fact, it wouldn’t even start. Fortunately, when I met Alex’s family, I got on well with them and they loved the kids too. Everything seemed to fall into place with Alex.

He is so in tune with other people and interested in many different things – from Greek mythology, to selfhealing, to the pyramids. When I met him he was thirtyfour. He was born in Aldershot and is from an army family. His dad was a paratrooper. Alex is the youngest child of six, three boys and three girls. He got into martial arts when he was fifteen. When he left school he joined the Territorial Army and also did some modelling. But he didn’t really enjoy it, and so he started working as an extra in films. He was Tom Hanks’ body double in
Saving Private Ryan
. After that he was keen to get into acting proper and so he went to drama school for a year and then landed a part in the Channel Four soap
Hollyoaks
. Throughout this time he was fighting too. When it became clear that he was going to earn more as a fighter than as an actor, he put his acting ambitions on hold. But, as he told me, fighting is a bit like acting anyway. It’s a performance; it’s a little bit like appearing in a show and going on-stage. It’s just painful if it goes wrong! I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Alex in pain, but I had to accept that he was a fighter because that was what he loved doing most.

* * *

I felt that Alex was my perfect match. After the split with Pete I had begun to feel that no man would ever want me again after they had read all the lies about me in the press, so it felt like a huge deal that Alex wanted to be with me and didn’t take any notice of what had been written. He saw very quickly what I’m really like. I can be a bitch when it comes to my work and business, but in my personal life I’m completely different. Alex instinctively understood how insecure I am, how I need to be cuddled, how I need so much reassurance and love. We both knew very early on that we had fallen in love with each other. Within a matter of weeks we were talking about getting married and having children.

I’m the kind of person who thinks you only live once and that you should live your life the way you want to live it. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, it’s about being true to yourself. I’ve also always had this feeling that I might die young – a feeling that has grown stronger thanks to the way the paps relentlessly pursue me whenever I drive anywhere – so I want to make the most of every minute, and know that I have lived my life to the full. And besides, there are no rules that say you have to wait a certain amount of time before you can fall in love with someone else after a marriage ends. There were some people who thought I had moved on too quickly after my break-up with Pete. But he had made it very clear that our marriage was over and we would never get back together, so what else was I supposed to do? Sit around and wait for him to give his permission and tell me, ‘You can have a boyfriend now’? I don’t think so! Anyway Pete no longer featured in my life except as the father of my children. I didn’t feel the way I once had about him any more. All I knew was that I had fallen in love with Alex and it was a wonderful, exciting, liberating love.

There are so many things I love about Alex. I love the fact that he is so opinionated and his own person, with such a strong character. He also doesn’t put up with any shit from me. For instance, early on when we went out together and I did my thing of having a few drinks and then going off and chatting to other people – and, yes I admit it, maybe flirting a little bit with the guys – Alex wouldn’t stand for it. There was no big scene. He simply said very calmly, in a way which told me he absolutely meant it, ‘Don’t treat me like that. I’ll only tell you once and then, it doesn’t matter how much I like you, I will walk away. Of course I don’t mind you talking to other people . . . I’m just like you, I’m interested in talking to other people too . . . but if I come up to you, I don’t expect you to blank me.’ That told me! And do you know what? I loved the fact that he’d got the measure of my character. It did make me wonder if I’d ended up losing respect for Pete in our marriage when I stopped listening to him. I respect Alex, and because of that I listen to everything he says.

It’s true to say that I wish in many ways that I had met him six years ago. Not just because then I would have been spared the heartbreak of a bitter divorce, but because, just as I accept him completely for who he is, he accepts me for who I am. If I want to go out with my friends or go riding, he has no problem with that at all.

And right from the start of our relationship, I’ve had such fun with him – something that was sadly lacking in my marriage to Pete, especially towards the end. Alex and I go out together and socialise with friends at restaurants or clubs, or have people round for dinner, and play board games, and have a drink. I come from a sociable family where my mum and dad are always having drinks or dinner parties with friends, and finally I can do the same with Alex. I could never socialise like this with Pete because he had such a problem with me having a drink. I’m not saying I want to get off-my-nut drunk, I just want to be sociable like everyone else! Pete would always say that I acted like a twat when I’d had a drink. I’m exactly the same when I have a drink with Alex. The difference is, he can handle it.

Alex can’t offer me anything in the way of money or material possessions, but I don’t care about any of that. I can take care of myself. But he’s got such a great personality, and so much love to give me, that he makes me feel secure and protected. Nor is he in the least bit bothered about fame. I never for a second got the feeling that he was with me just because of who I am. But here’s a funny coincidence: Alex was lined up to appear on the 2004
I’m a Celebrity
. . .
Get Me Out of Here!
, the same series I was first on, then the producers chose Pete instead! And now here I am with Alex after splitting up with Pete . . . It’s strange how things turn out, isn’t it? And wonderful, of course.

As well as our emotional connection being so strong, sexually we are a perfect match, the best I’ve ever experienced. I know you’re probably waiting for me to go into all the juicy details of our sex life but I’m not going to do that because it’s not fair on Alex and because I now realise that giving away too much about your private life isn’t good for any relationship. Far too much of my marriage with Pete wasn’t kept private – and look what happened to us! I’m not making that mistake with Alex. He has also agreed not to go into detail if he’s ever interviewed. So all I will say is that there is a very strong physical attraction between us and our sex life is
amazing
. Let’s just say that he’s very different from any other man I’ve ever been with, in a very good way. And now that I am finally off my anti-depressants, which really suppress your sex drive, I’m as up for it as he is.

Alex was also honest with me right from the start about his previous sexual experiences. Sexually it seems he’s been pretty adventurous in the past. I have certainly met more than my match there! He describes himself as having been try-sexual – as in, he’s tried everything. I’m very open-minded and can honestly say that I wasn’t shocked to hear this. Instead I admired his honesty. And that’s not all. On the first day we spent together, he told me that he was a cross-dresser. It’s not a huge part of his life and I know he plays it down, but the bottom line is that he has an alter ego called Roxanne and he dresses as her in private for a sexual thrill. He doesn’t go out anywhere dressed as a woman or have any desire to do so. He doesn’t want to
be
a woman, and he doesn’t want to have sex with men.

Was I shocked by his revelation? I can hand on heart say, no, I wasn’t, and it didn’t for a second put me off him. As long as it is something which is kept well away from the kids and stays private, I can accept it, because it’s part of who he is. I think he can get away with cross-dressing because he is so manly and macho and because he is honest about it and is not ashamed. He didn’t have to tell me, but he did and I respected him for that. So I knew what I was taking on from the word go with Alex, and if I hadn’t liked it I’d have got out then. But if anything his confession made him even more intriguing. I like this side of him because it is extreme – and I’ve always seen myself as an extremist too.

As soon as we were on our own together I wanted to see what he looked like as Roxanne. ‘Please let me dress you up and put make-up on you!’ I said, already planning what clothes, wigs and make-up I could use on him.

‘No, Kate,’ he replied. ‘I don’t want you to.’ His previous girlfriends had always had a problem with his cross-dressing, so no wonder he was surprised by my attitude.

‘I can’t get my head round the fact that you don’t mind,’ Alex told me. ‘All my other girlfriends have absolutely hated it.’ And there I was, asking if I could put make-up on him and dress him up!

‘Most of the time I don’t even think about it,’ he told me. ‘It’s you who’s making a big deal of it.’ But I got my way, and I got to see Roxanne. What happened next is between me, Alex . . . and Roxanne.

My final word on the subject is that now I’m so used to that side of our relationship that if it wasn’t there, I would really miss it. He has opened a door on a whole new experience for me and I love it!

* * *

Right from the start with Alex I felt that we had a very equal relationship. There weren’t the competing egos that I think there had been in my marriage to Pete because we spent so much time working together, recording our TV show and doing shoots and interviews for magazines. Alex is a professional fighter and is very good at what he does. I have my work, and the two worlds are kept separate. Yes, Alex appears in my reality show,
What Katie Did Next,
but not all the time, and I have appeared in his series on fighting. But I don’t want us to be filmed together all the time; it isn’t healthy for any relationship. I’ve learned a lesson from my first marriage and it’s that I can’t be with someone all the time, like I was with Pete – in the end it does get too much.

Pete and I were both always so jealous of each other’s exes, I lost count of the number of rows we had about them. But Alex and I are not jealous of each other’s past at all. He accepts mine, I accept his. Because we met at a party, right from the start he saw me in social situations, out with my friends and entertaining at home. It wasn’t like that with Pete at all. We met on a reality show and worked on a reality show. We ended up spending so much of our time together that I think we were fated to become more and more jealous and possessive of each other because it was only ever just us two.

One of the many things I really love about Alex is that he is completely his own man; he doesn’t drop everything for me. He’s been a professional fighter for the last thirteen years and is incredibly committed to the life. If I ever say, ‘Don’t bother training today, let’s do something together,’ he’ll often say, ‘No, I have to train, it’s my job.’ And he trains intensively three times a day – Jujitsu in the morning, boxing in the afternoon and weights in the evening. In the early days of our relationship he told me, ‘It would be so easy to be sucked into your world and be with you all the time, but I want our relationship to work and last longer than five or six years. I want it to be for ever, so I need to be able to do my own thing. I need my own life.’

I really admire his drive, dedication and passion for fighting. And so when we meet up in the evening after we’ve both been working we have plenty to talk about – we’re definitely not in each other’s pocket. But right from the beginning Alex was really supportive of my work and came with me on some of my book tour at the end of July 2009 to promote my novel
Sapphire
. I really appreciated him coming – not only did I want to be with him because we were at a stage in our relationship when we wanted to be with each other as much as we could, but I felt really nervous about the response I would get from the public on my next tour. The recent press about me had been so relentlessly negative that I was worried it would have turned people against me and they wouldn’t come to my signings.