Your Orgasmic Pregnancy (8 page)

Simultaneous orgasm—
For many couples, simultaneous or- gasm—when both lovers climax at the same time—is one of love- making’s highest goals. Yet a coordinated reaction is often elusive for heterosexual couples since many men sail through the sex- ual response cycle much faster than women. Typically, experts recommend that the man slow down his thrusting sufficiently to allow his partner’s sexual response cycle to catch up. During pregnancy, however, you may find that your hypersensitive and sexually charged body not only keeps up with but surpasses your partner’s in the speed of its response. Regardless of whether you climaxintandemorseparately, always rememberthat seeing your lover lost in climactic ecstasy, brought on by you, can be the ulti- mate pleasure.

For same-sex partners, even those usually in synch, achiev- ing simultaneous O can be challenging during pregnancy for the simple reason that the pregnant partner may race to climax well in advanceofherpartner. Introducing toys andotherhyper- stimulating accessories for thenonpreggopartnermayhelpher to

keep pace. So break out that vibrator and coax yourselves to mu- tual climax!

Although we have been praising the wonders of engorged genitals, it’s onlyfair to pointoutapotentialdrawback. Your geni- tals may become so sensitive that even the slightest stimulation becomes extremely uncomfortable or downright painful. Most womenagreethat althoughgettingturnedonhappensfasterdur- ing pregnancy, climaxing may take longer because too much of a good thing can be just that—too much. Furthermore, as orgasm approaches, pelvic floor musclesworkovertime to clampdownon the urethral area and release waves of climactic pleasure. Lack- ing sufficient exercise and endurance, these muscles can fatigue, preventing full-blown orgasm.

So what to do? PC muscle exercises. The payoff? More con- trol—and a more intense climax. With improved PC muscle tone your orgasms will be out of this world, a reality your partner should find pretty stimulating as well!

• Meet Your Love Muscle
  

  The following two sections may be the most important in this
  

  book. The sooner you can begin exercising your pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle), the better. A vaginal “strength-training” program not only will help you out on D-day (delivery day), but will also help you get back in the sex saddle sooner after giving birth. Exercising your pubococcygeus muscle—a collective term for the group of pelvic floor muscles that run from pubic bone to tailbone, encircling the base of your vagina, urethra, and rec-
  

  tum—will enhance preggie sex, help you attain orgasm (perhaps even multiple orgasms), and give you stronger and better ones at that. Basically, it puts you in control of your urogenital dia- phragm, which in turn benefits your overall sex life.
  

  Commonly known as Kegels, after the doctor who developed and publicized them, these exercises help reduce your chances of vaginal infection by delivering more blood to the vaginal lining. Plus, they help you to grip your partner’s finger or penis more strongly duringsex, providing your lover withmoresensations. A strong PC also makes you feel more sensitive, react more respon- sively, andfeeltighter to yourpartner. It strengthens vaginal con- trol for delivery of your baby. All these reactions occur in large part because of the pudendal nerve, which runs through the PC muscleandtriggersmostofitsreactions to genitalandanalstimu- lation. This is also the nerve that communicates with your brain to induce the rhythmic contractions associated with most types of orgasm. Lastly, having strong PC muscles boosts your sexual self- confidence. “I really stress Kegels after the onset of pregnancy,” says Dr. Meulenberg. “If a woman has had a vaginal delivery she is at increased risk for urinary incontinence and sexual dysfunc- tion after menopause. By starting Kegels early, and keeping those muscles strong throughout pregnancy, women may have fewer problems down the road.”
  

  All of the women we spoke to were well aware of the impor- tance of Kegels, having gotten word from their doctors, mid- wives, and other women. The challenge for practically everyone,
  

  however, was remembering to practice them on a regular basis. Here are our recommendations:
  

  • Record your Kegel exercise regime in your Blackberry or scheduling book.
    
  • Leave Post-It notes around the house or any place you fre- quent.
    
  • Ask your partner to remind you.
    
  • Start doing Kegel exercises as a part of your daily medita- tion practice.
    

    Basically, as a reminder to do them, pair your Kegel exercises with anything you do on a regular basis, and you’ll be in good (PC) shape.
    

• PC Muscle Exercises: Identifying the Pelvic Floor
  The first order of business is to isolate your PC muscle and iden- tify exactly thesensations associated withthisarea. Theeasiestway for most women to achieve this is when they’re in the bathroom. Try stopping the flow of urine midstream. By contracting your pelvic floor muscles to stop the flow, you are replicating the con- tractions necessary for vaginal manipulation. In short, you are exercising the PC muscle you want to target. The urethra fastens down in response to vaginal contractions, preventing urine from flowing out. The feeling of clamping down midstream will give you a good sense of which muscles you need to focus on for maxi- mum vaginal tone.
  

  Another option is to push down as though you are having a bowel movement. Do this for several repetitions. During this move, sometimes called “blossoming,” you forcefully push your vagina outward, as though you want to express the inside toward the outside to show your partner or display in a mirror for exami- nation. Then, suck your PC muscle back up and in with a con- traction, using only the pelvic muscles, located between your legs, to do so. Take care to avoid contracting your abdominal, thigh, or buttocks muscles while performing the exercises. Maintain a neutral spine and visualize “sucking” a penis, finger, or another phallic object into the vaginal cavity using the force of your mus- cles alone.
  

  Figure 2.1
  

  The PC muscles
  

  ischiocavernosus muscle urogenital diaphragm
  

  

  clitoris
  

  urethral opening vaginal opening
  

  bulbocavernosus muscle transverse perineal muscle pelvic diaphragm
  

  anus
  

  anal sphincter muscle
  

  coccyx (tailbone)
  

  Yet another way to identify the correct muscle group, and one of our favorites, is to insert your finger into the vagina. (If this isn’t your cup of tea, a vibrator, dildo, or partner’s finger or pe- nis will do.) Once the finger is inside about an inch or so, tighten themusclesofyourvulva, as if holdingbackurine. Noticehowthe muscles of the vagina squeeze your finger. (If you don’t feel the contraction, don’t worry. You will after a couple of weeks of ex- ercising your PC.) You may discover that what you thought was a vaginal contraction was more anal-focused or abdomen-focused, in which case you need to adjust your contractions to effect a vagi- nal squeeze. Varying the tempo and pressure of the contractions around your finger is one of the most effective ways to identify ex- actly how the muscles in this region work, and doing this offers a wonderful means of varying the movements to utilize the fullest rangeofmotionforthebestworkout. Plus, theaddedresistanceof the inserted object will help improve your squeezing skills. Your goal is to strengthen this region in preparation for giving birth and to help you “snap back” rapidly afterward.
  

  Once you’re comfortable with your ability to locate and con- tract your PC muscles, it’s time to begin a regular routine of ton- ingandtraining.Below,you’llfindabeginner’sregimenuniquely geared to achieving maximum results in a minimum amount of time. Prior to engaging in these exercises, breathe deeply into your lower abdomen, filling your side and back lungs. Feel the air filling your lungs all the way up to your throat; then exhale fully to discharge any tension in your midsection. Remember, focus the contractions only on your PC muscles.
  

  

  How You Can Help Her
  

  Be her Kegel coach. Remind her to train. Even with the best in- tentions, a woman’s biggest challenge is often simply remembering to do her PC exercises. Sending her a thrice-daily text message or e-mail is a great way to make sure she gets and stays commit- ted to the practice. If she becomes defensive, gently remind her that faithfully doing her exercises will help make D-day easier and faster—and will also make postbirth sex more enjoyable. She can’t really argue with that.
  

  for partners
  

  Thebeautyoftheseexercisesisthat youcandothemanywhere
  

  —in the subway, at the office, at the dinner table. Usually, though, women find that doing their PC exercises in public is more com- fortable once they’ve had quite a bit of practice. So find a private, quiet space, and let’s begin with the most basic PC exercise:
  

  1. Make sure that your bladder is empty.
     
  2. Relax and concentrate on your vagina; focus on contract- ing only the pelvic floor muscles.
     
  3. Tighten the pelvic floor muscles and hold for three slow counts.
     
  4. Breathe slowly and deeply.
     
  5. Completely relax the PC muscle for three counts.
     

     

  6. Perform nine contrac- tions, at three counts each, three times a day. Slowly work up to three daily sets of thirty-six contrac- tions.
     

  If you cannot contract your PC muscle for three counts, try holding it for one or two counts while building your strength and endurance. Gradually work up to ten counts per hold.
  

  A word of caution:
  Take care not to increase the number or fre-
  

  Figure 2.2
  

  weight
  

  vagina
  

  egg
  

  quency of repetitions too quickly,
  

  as this will not improve results but rather may cause extreme muscle fatigue and increase the potential for urine leakage. Definitely not sexy!
  

  Women can use a weight when they practice PC muscle exercises
  

  Next, let’s try a more advanced technique, known as the “ele- vator”:
  

  1. Contract the PC muscles as you count to ten, tightening and lifting them as you count.
     
  2. Visualize your vaginal area retreating in and up toward your uterus, as though any object near the opening would be forcibly drawn into the vagina and squeezed tightly.
     
  3. Holdforacountoften at thepeak, thepoint at whichyou’re sure you cannot draw up or tighten your PC muscles any further.
     
  4. Release slowly as you count to ten, until you bottom out as though your vagina were now expelling the object you ear- lier pictured drawing in.
     

  What’s happening with your breath? Make sure you’re not holding it, but rather slowly breathing in and out with your repe- titions. Breathing rhythmically also enhances lovemaking. You can squeeze your partner to increase the pleasure for both of you, enabling you to experience a more intense, total-body orgasmic response.
  

  Note that you’re doing Kegel exercises
  incorrectly
  if you expe- rience discomfort in your abdomen or back while performing them. If that happens, stop immediately.
  

  We promise that you will feel motivated to keep up with your Kegelroutineonceyou’veexperiencedtheincreasedskillandde- sire that goes alongwithimproved PCmuscle tone. Whowouldn’t want a stronger and better-toned vagina?
  

  

  3
  

  S
  

  econd Trimester Sex: Prepare
  

  to Be Tantalized!
  

  Y Y
  

  ant
  

  “Your breasts are heaving.
  

  Your genitals are throbbing. our whole being is aching. ou’re literally dripping with icipation.”
  

  
  

  59
  

  “
  y tiny bump has my partner so excited,” says Sabine. “You should see how he talks to it. It’s so sweet and sexy.”
  

  M
  

  At four months pregnant, Sabine feels sexier than ever. “During sex,” she says, “he’ll check in with the baby. We refer to the whole sexual experience as ‘family bonding.’” This from a womanwhosemostnotableexperiencesduringherfirsttrimester were fatigue and nausea. If that describes you, take heart—there
  is
  hope!
  

  The “comeback” potential of the second trimester includes a resurgence in energy levels coupled with a sense of joy and won- der as you feel physical stirrings from the babe and witness the first real evidence of her or his existence popping out in front of you. Those of you who enjoyed a no-show first trimester will have to ’fess up now, because there will be no hiding the fact that your “dirty dealings” have you up the duff! For some women, getting pastthemorningsicknesscanrekindletheurge to getbusyinbed, but an equal number get the heebie-jeebies at the thought of hav- ing sex with the child so obviously present. Usually, the pregnant partner is the first to get creeped out at the thought of preggie sex, given the close proximity in which she and the child are living.
  

  If this is the case for you, sit down and have a frank discussion with your honey about any and all sex-while-pregnant hang-ups. Do this to nip the awkward thoughts and feelings in the bud, and also to explore what both of you are comfortable (physically
  and
  psychologically) doing. Remind yourselves that you’re doing this for your baby—that it’s in everyone’s best interest for you to re- main sexually active. As you have this discussion, remember that