Your Orgasmic Pregnancy (4 page)

When it comes to pregnancy and sexuality, the times they are a-changin’, especially among pregnant women themselves. Bold preggieseverywherearedaring to owntheirsexuality. Witnessthe rise in out-of-wedlock births in the United States to an all-time high in 2006, the increasingly common phenomenon of women breastfeeding in public, and the advance in mommy-friendly ac- tivism and legislation. Add to this the fact that Hot Mama mater- nity wear is everywhere, along with preggie lingerie, erotica, and even porn, and you can see that the sexy preggie icon is making her mark. And to its credit, the public is starting to catch on once again.

Many millennia ago, women, especially pregnant ones, were idolized. Paleolithic cave-wall paintings dating from forty thou- sand to ten thousand years ago depict triangles, which are be- lieved to be symbols of the vagina. Historians believe that early humans honored pregnant women because procreation was such a mystery. Ancient peoples were astounded by the fact that women couldbloom withbigbelly andbreasts(andlikely, in somecases, a voracious sex drive)—and eventually pop out a new life.

_'
Sex Fears and Myths
Weknowwhat you’re thinking. The Hot Mamamovementsounds great—thank God it’s catching on during
my
pregnancy! You can count me in
but
there are those circumstances that can legiti- mately bench a preggie. Am I truly safe being a seductress, espe- cially in the sack?

There are many misperceptions about sex during preg- nancy that can understandably worry expectant parents. Lots of Hot Mamas have concerns and questions about the whole inti- macy equation—for example, when, where, how, and how much?

—which, left unidentified and unanswered, can lead to sexual challenges. So let’s address these first:

The most common sexual concern for both partners during pregnancy is a fear of harming the baby during sexual activity. As Sabine says, “My only fear at this point is that as my belly grows it could be a real barrier. I can now feel my uterus and am worried that at six to eight months sex will be hurtful to the baby. I prob- ably will be more timid.”

In 1999 it was reported that many women avoid intercourse during pregnancy for fear that it may damage the fetus, shorten the pregnancy’s duration, or lead to loss of the baby. This same survey of 142 preggies found that most of the women’s concerns were not valid, but it also brought to light the fact that only about 30 percent of the women had spoken to their physicians about their sexual concerns during pregnancy, highlighting the need for greater patient-physician communication concerning sex.

Due in part to a lack of supportive reference material, many couples have ill-founded fears and find themselves discouraged from having sex at all. The following are some common fears about sex and pregnancy, accompanied by the realities concern- ing these fears:

FE AR:
Sex during pregnancy will harm the fetus.

RE AL DE AL:
A 1998 review of fifty-nine studies conducted be- tween 1950 and 1996 on sexual activity during pregnancy con- cluded that, as long as there are no risk factors (e.g., a sexually transmittedinfection), sex
does not
causeharmtothefetus. Infact, a 2001 study, in which 1,853 pregnant women were interviewed, indicated that sexual activity may even have a protective effect against early delivery. Women who reported sexual intercourse both with or without orgasm, and orgasm without intercourse, were likelier to carry their pregnancy to full term than women who didn’t engage in sexual activity as late as the twenty-ninth through thirty-sixth week. Furthermore, preterm delivery was significantly reduced among those who engaged in intercourse late in their pregnancy.

FE AR:
Sex during pregnancy causes uterine contractions, result-

ing in premature labor.

RE AL DE AL:
A study focused on nearly six hundred pregnant women found that women who are sexually active late in preg- nancyare
much less likely
todeliverbeforethirty-sevenweeksofges- tation than those who are not sexually active. According to their

data, orgasmic contractions are
not
harmful to the fetus and will

not
initiate labor.

FE AR:
The penis and sperm might harm the fetus.

RE AL DE AL:
It is physically impossible for the penis and semen to

come into contact with the fetus. The uterus is sealed off from the vagina by a mucous plug, which acts as a barrier to ejaculate. And if your partner is worried that his “massive beast” is going to bang up against the baby, you can assure him that your cervix protects your little one from his manliness. “Remember,” says Amanda Meulenberg, MD, of New York Downtown Hospital’s Depart- ment of Obstetrics and Gynecology, “the fetus is surrounded by water and two membranes called the chorion and amnion that provide cushion. Between this protection and the cervix, there is no way the two heads can come into contact.”

FE AR:
Sex toys are harmful to use during pregnancy.

RE AL DE AL:
As long as sex toys are cleaned with warm water and soapaftereveryuse, andstored inadry, cool location, sex toys will not harm or invite infection to the mother or her fetus.

FE AR:
Mypreggiemaynotbeupforsex, so I shouldn’tbringitup.
RE AL DE AL:
A preggie may or may not be up for sex, but the only

way to find out is to ask her! Many men, like expectant papa Rob, a thirty-one-year-old entrepreneur, admit that they feared im- posing any sexual demands on their partner during pregnancy: “I’m really conscious of keeping with my wife’s expressed desire. I don’twant to be like ‘Let’s have sex,’ becauseshehasalotgoingon.

That leads to interesting dynamics, especially since she has mas- turbated a lot more since getting pregnant.”

Our advice to Rob and others: Go ahead and put it out there. Worst-case scenario, she says she’s not in the mood and you have to gratify yourself. Chances are, though, that she will take you up onyouroffer, at least sometimes. Rememberthefirstruleofgood communication: The only way to get what you want is to inquire!

While some of the fears we’ve listed may seem silly or un- founded to you savvier mamas, don’t discount the fact that even the least significant of them could play a major role in your love- making—or lack thereof. Make sure you and your partner review all of them together and get onto the same page regarding sexual activity during pregnancy. Even the brightest and most well-in- formed people are susceptible to unfounded fears such as a worry about poking the baby or feeling “watched.” Raleigh, a thirty- year-old graduate student and first-time mom-to-be, wrangled with her husband’s “three’s company” issue very early. “Pirro Cy felt that his daughter was watching,” she says. “He had this whole misconception and worry over how sex can harm the child, like can the penis poke the eye out? This, even though ours wasn’t a high-risk pregnancy.”

• Precautions That Are Justified
  Whiletherearemanyfearsandmythsaboutpregnancythat canbe countered with scientific fact and research data, there are certain circumstancesinwhichcouplesshouldrefrainfromallsexualin- tercourse, and others in which a woman should avoid any orgas-
  

  mic response.
  Regardless of whether or not you face one of the following circumstances, you should always consult with a health-care practitioner be- fore deciding that it’s okay to have sex during your pregnancy
  . According to Dr. Meulenberg, abstinence (defined here as refraining from vaginal-penile, anal, andoralsex, aswell as sex acts that canresult in climax) is recommended in cases of:
  

  • placenta previa—a condition where the placenta lies low in the uterus, blocking all or part of the cervix
    
  • placenta abruption—in which the placenta prematurely separates from the uterine wall
    
  • multiple fetuses—sex can be safe in early pregnancy, but first check with your health-care provider
    
  • serious uterine irritability or preterm uterine contractions
    
  • high risk of premature delivery
    
  • spotting/bleeding (in some cases)
    
  • pain
    
  • past history of miscarriage(s)
    
  • an incompetent cervix—in which the cervix dilates prema- turely and can’t “hold in” the fetus
    
  • an active sexually transmitted infection (yours or your partner’s)
    
  • rupture of the amniotic membranes or leaking of amni- otic fluid
    

    As long as you have been cleared by your physician and aren’t at risk for any of the above complications, you should be good to go. Lusty thirty-something New Yorker Amanda recalls, “I was at high risk of miscarriage, so I went to a high-risk OB. There was a list of restrictions a mile long about what I shouldn’t do, think, say, eat, ride, or wish for. The hardest part for both of us was that once Igotapositivepregnancytest, Iwenton‘total pelvic rest’ un- til the second trimester. That meansnopenetration, nooral, and absolutely
    no orgasms
    for ten weeks. My partner, a generous soul, also put himself on hiatus, as a gesture of solidarity. By the time we got to week twelve, it wasn’t ‘Yea, my baby is alive’, it was ‘Oh, thank god! We get to have sex again!’”
    

    Always get a second opinion when ordered to abstain, as some physicianshavebeenknown to projecttheirownvaluesystemonto their patients, including the notion that preggies shouldn’t be having sex. Make sure your physician tells you
    why
    you shouldn’t behavingsex, thenaskforhowlongandwhat ismeantby“nosex.” No intercourse is very different from no sexual contact whatso- ever. If you can have orgasms orally or manually (by hand), then we certainly don’t want you passing those up! Either way, make sure that you stay informed and empowered as you determine your intimacy potential.
    

• Sexual Health Considerations
  

Many couples relish sex during pregnancy for the mere fact that

theydon’thave to worryaboutbirthcontrol. Still, becauseanum- ber of infections can be spread to your little one during child-

birthorinutero, if youoryourpartnerdoes ormayhaveasexually transmitted disease, make sure to use protection in the form of a latex condomor, if you’re allergic to latex, apolyurethaneone. Or just abstain from sex entirely. Here are some thoughts from Dr. Meulenberg, the sassy OB/GYN we introduced you to in our In- troduction:

“Bacterial STDs, like gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia, can lead to severe problems with the fetus, including mental retardation and death. As far as viral STDs go, genital warts are not so worrisome, but herpes can be, especially since condomsarenotalwaysprotective. Furthermore, if awoman contracts herpes and delivers vaginally during the first out- break, the fetus can suffer very serious, potentially fatal complications. If a woman has a herpes outbreak when she goes into labor, a cesarean is indicated. Women with a his- tory of multiple outbreaks who want to deliver vaginally can be put on suppressive therapy during their third trimester.”

(Note: If you have or may have genital herpes, be sure to tell yourdoctor ormidwifesothat planscanbemadeforthedelivery.)
Aspecialcaution:
Bothpartnersmaybeathigherriskofcon- tracting HIVfromengaginginsexduringpregnancy. Whilepart of this increased risk may be due to riskier behaviors—for exam- ple, not using a condom—in 2005 researchers concluded that it may also be linked to hormonal changes that affect the genital- tract mucosa or immune responses. If there’s a chance you could

be at risk for acquiring HIV, andifyouchoose not to abstain dur- ing pregnancy, make sure to use a latex or polyurethane condom.

'
The Ride of Your Life

Pregnancy can be an emotional, libidinous sexcapade, or a sen-

sual nosedive, depending in large part on your reaction to the very dramatic changes your body is undergoing, most of which neither sound nor feel very sexy. Your heart is pumping nearly twice thenormalvolumeofblood, yourlungsaresuckinginmore air, and your musculoskeletal system is loaded with a lot more weight. Your digestive system is processing nutrients at an ex- tremely efficient pace, which may be difficult to believe for those experiencing pregnancy’s special blend of constipation, heart- burn, indigestion, flatulence, and/or nearly incessant urination. All of this, coupled with pregnancy’s inevitable exhaustion, may find you choosing the sexual sidelines at times. This is perfectly acceptable; however, weareabout to exploresomesex-friendlyso- lutions to help keep you booty-licious in the boudoir.

First, let’s discussafewmoreofpregnancy’s physicalandemo- tional changes: The ligaments of your pelvic girdle will stretch enough to allow your uterus to expand up to one thousand times its normal volume. Imagine stretching anything to one thousand times its normal capacity and you’ll gain insight as to why you’re feeling more than just a little “off.” As if that weren’t enough, water retention, leg cramps, backaches, and hemorrhoids could cramp your style and deflate your self-image, leaving you feeling less thanerotic. Hormonalmayhemmayinspireallsortsofmood