Your Orgasmic Pregnancy (5 page)

How You Can Help Her

While all this growing and blooming can seem beautiful in theory, going through it can be downright awkward, uncomfortable, and terrifying for some women. Your preggie needs increased affection, protection, and love to buffer any feelings of loneliness, isolation, and vulnerability. Besides continuing to express your need and feel- ings for her, be clear, simple, and nonjudgmental when communi- cating with her.

for partners

swings. Fortunately, those can include a speedy metamorphosis from tired preggie to saucy tart!

You mayfindithard to believe, but those infamoushormonal surges canactually increase yourorgasmicpotential. Yet theymay also leave you feeling a wee bit edgy, moody, exhausted, or even “bipolar”—some of which can be quite sexy, depending on the situation, your partner, and life’s other demands. As Allison, a thirty-three-year-old Hot Mama and program coordinator who is expecting her second, explains, “During my first pregnancy, my hormones soared and I wanted my husband all the time. But with my second one—I think part of it is having a toddler —I’m tired and busy. Plus, the hormones of this pregnancy have me in a bad mood, and my husband becomes the object of that anger. I do try to encourage him to be intimate with me, though.”

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Embracing Preggie Jekyll/Ms. Hyde
If you’re feeling like Dr. Jekyll/Ms. Hyde—longingformorelove- making one second, more space the next—you’re not alone. You mayfindyourselfsurrendering to amind-numbingfatigue, then raring to go a moment later. Your mood may swing from one that includes grunting, panting, primal lust to one of utter disinter- est or disgust at the mere thought of sex. You may find yourself in tears one minute, laughing hysterically the next. Guess what? It’s all perfectly normal. Knowing that extreme mood swings are a near certainty can help you and your partner avoid blowups and otherlove-killers. Whenthehormonalfrenzygetsthebestofyou, save your love life with a few deep breaths and a little patience.

Your first order of business must be to relax and accept the dramatic changes pregnancy is foisting upon you. Gaining a level of perspective and insight into what’s going on with your hor- mones will not only alleviate some of your emotional reactiv- ity, but can actually turn those raging hormones to your benefit. Pregnancycausesgenitalengorgementandtriggersasurgeoflove hormones—and we’re here to help you acknowledge, celebrate, and take advantage of those facts! Learning to ride the hormonal surges of early pregnancy into multiple orgasms and mind-blow- ing ecstasy can be one of life’s most rewarding experiences.

Remember, you are only pregnant for a short while, so any enhanced sexual potential must be exploited straightaway. Here’s more from Sabine, whom we first met earlier in this chapter: “My hormones fluctuate, with the only noticeable change occurring in my skin, causing zits. That’s a little embarrassing, but certainly

What’s Going on with Your Partner

Remember, in the face of your extreme hormonal responses, your partner may be feeling shut out, confused, and helpless. These fluctuations can have a significant impact on sexual intimacy, es- pecially if your lover’s fear of upsetting you puts him or her into a complete avoidance mode. Therefore, it’s vital for both of you to practice a lot of patience, forced or natural, and to communicate more than ever. Making a special effort from the get-go to discuss intimacy and to let your lover know how and what you’re feeling will keep you connected in terms of wants, needs, and concerns. Getting and keeping things in the open will help you address is- sues, meet each other’s desires, and maintain a sense of shared experience. It took the two of you to get here, so share!

for hot mamas

doesn’t prevent me from having sex! I think sex is as wonderful and orgasmic, if not better, now that I’ve gotten over my nausea and fatigue.”

Thelibidinousurgingsofearlypregnancycanbesogreat that some women have scared or exhausted their partners with their ravenoussexualappetites. Pregnancy’s hormonalcocktailcanput your pleasure zones on high alert, which, coupled with the physi- calchangesofearlypregnancy, canleaveyoufeelingabit—ahem— moist at the slightest sexual innuendo. You may even find your

clitoral region standing at full attention most of the day, which can be either annoying and distracting or breathtaking and mag- nificent, depending on your preference and mood.

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Sexy Preggie Tricks of the Trade

Every sexy lady has a few tricks up her sleeve for maximizing her

sensualityquotient. Sexypreggiesarenodifferent. Infact, they’re forced to be craftier than usual. Talk to any Hot Mama about her secret weapons and she’s likely to divulge one or more of the tips discussed below.

1. Be the Babelicious Beauty You Are
   

   Think of yourself as a red-hot, modern woman with child. Lus- cious, ripe, bun-in-the-oven babes with attitude are back in force after being out of vogue for thousands of years. Check magazines and tabloids from the last decade for photos of women like An- gelina Jolie, Jada Pinkett Smith, Mariska Hargitay, and Cynthia Nixon to be reminded of how sassy, stylish, and sexy pregnant bodies can be. Who can forget super hottie with tottie Catherine Zeta Jones at the Oscars, gettinghersexyoninfrontofmillionsof viewers at five and a half months? Talk about inspiration!
   

   Feeling it? Go ahead—in the comfort of your own home, practice your catwalk. Doing it in the nude and in front of a mir- ror adds an entirely new, breathtaking element to your perfor- mance. Do your diva strut wearing heels, a cleavage-enhancing bustier, or whatever floats your Hot Mama boat to get you—and your lover—in the mood. Your lover’s positive reaction to your
   

   your ke
   

   t
   

   a
   

   e of
   

   

   newcurvescandowonders to encourageyoursensualself to come outandplay. As Raleighrecounts,“Iwalkaroundthehouseinmy bra and underwear more than I used to, since Pirro Cy loves see- ing my body. He’s like, ‘Look at that belly!’ He loves that I’m carrying his child. We’re more one now.”
   

   So go on—play up your derriere, flaunt gams, showoffyourcleavage, andfor God’s sa invest inafewmaternity staples—suchasa Ho Mama tank top—to make you feel not just presentable, but pretty. Do it early, con- fronting head-on any issues that may arise concerning your self-image. It’s all about prevention and preparation.
   

   Try casual clothes from the retailers listed in Chapter 5, some of whose prod- ucts allowed Danielle to outfit herself in Hot Mama fashion for the whole nine months of her spike-heeled pregnancy (when she earned the nickname “Boots”). She was hit on by conservative-looking men who’d have been loath to approach her in
   

   nonpregnant state. By rocking the sexy sid
   

   pregnancyattire,Daniellefound,tohersurprise, that men and women alike were enraptured by a budding belly in tastefully suggestive garb. You are still 100 percent woman, so play it up!
   

   Figure 1.1
   

   A preggie in Hot Mama mode
   

   Haveanavelpiercing?Althoughdoctorstypicallyrecommend having it removed at six months, wearing jewelry with a flexible shaft is an option for those wanting to keep their sexy, rock-star belly rings and studs. Check out www.pregnancypiercings.com.
   

2. Be Kind to Yourself
   

   Everyone knows that women can be more than a little tough on themselves, especially in terms of their figures. Should you find yourself cursing your form, ask yourself sincerely whether you would ever say anything so harsh to another woman, especially one you cared about and saw every day. Would you be so cruel and critical? Could you? Chances are, you wouldn’t dream of it. You would lend some encouragement, a compliment, an uplifting statement. Please, do unto yourself as you would do unto others. Basically, being hypercritical of yourself is the surest way to guar- antee that you (and your lover) won’t be wanting much sex play, so don’t do it! It doesn’t do anybody any good.
   

   Feeling “ripe” or “full” is a frequent claim of pregnant women; capitalize on it by imagining your body as ripened fruit begging to besavored, sucked, andenjoyed. Realizethat yourself- concept is constantly “under the influence” during pregnancy. Hormones can have downright freakish effects on your mojo, so take the upper hand by focusing on your thickening hair, stron- ger nails, and blood-engorged lips (both sets). Relish the post- coital glow bolstered by increased blood flow to your erogenous zones and also by the nutritive boost you’re receiving from your prenatal vitamins. You’re experiencing enough estrogen output
   

   from your ovaries to fuel a nonpregnant woman for three years (yes, three years), which may at times give you a heightened sense of well-being, tranquility, and contentment. Take advantage of these moments before other hormones kick in and produce dif- ferent reactions.
   

3. Remember That You Are What You Eat
   

   Eating wisely when pregnant has nothing to do with obsess- ing over calories and feeling badly about how you look. Rather, it helps boost your self-esteem by helping you to feel better about yourself and in the skin you’re in. Do not buy into the fallacy that pregnancy is a food free-for-all. Your body only requires an ad- ditional three hundred calories per day to sustain its pregnant self. It’s untrue that all pregnant women polish off an entire bag of Doritos orapintof Häagen Dazsafterdinner—orthat theycan get away with “eating for two.” One survey found that one-quar- ter of couples (yep, that includes the partner) put on more weight than they should during pregnancy, with a third of women ad- mitting to cravings, especially fruitandorange juice (whicharen’t bad), as well as pickled foods, bacon, and chocolate (pretty much no-no’s, except in very limited amounts).
   

   Thankfully, many Hot Mamas are choosing healthy nib- bles and staying trim, and they are becoming more energized in the process. If you’re not convinced that eating only an addi- tional three hundred calories or so won’t starve your fetus, take a look at medical reviews and reputable online publications, like WebMD.com. Or talk to any mothers you know who belong to the
   

   Baby Boomer generation whose doctors often advised those with “high-risk” pregnancies to consume no more than twelve hun- dred calories per day to keep the baby’s size down—words of “wis- dom” volunteered by Danielle’s aunt and a group of her friends overbrunchatthebeginningof Danielle’s pregnancy. Obviously, twelve hundred calories is barely enough to sustain even an inac- tive womanofanyage, so this is notexactly sage advice. What we’re getting at is the fact that there are a number of less than helpful myths out there about a preggie’s diet.
   

   Dr. Meulenberg gives women the following advice about eat- ing during pregnancy:
   

   Pregnancy is
   not
   an excuse to overeat. Women who gain too much weight during pregnancy are putting their babies at risk of being too large, a condition which is called fetal mac- rosomia. When a fetus is too large it can lead to trauma to both the fetus and mother during birth. Trauma to the fetus mayincludeabrokenshoulderornervedamageinthearms, which may resolve or may be permanent. Mothers who have large babies are putting themselves at risk for perineal tears, which can result in fecal incontinence or bladder injury. A large baby will also increase your risk of having a cesarean section because the head may be too large to fit through the pelvis, a condition called cephalopelvic disproportion.
   

   Not eating enough can also be problematic, leading to growth retardation of the fetus. Women need at least seven- teen hundred calories per day when pregnant. Once she’s in
   

   the second trimester, a pregnant woman should be gaining one to two pounds per week, and twenty to thirty pounds to- tal. Ateachprenatalvisit mothersshouldbeweighedandthe size of their uterus measured. If they are gaining too much or too little, or if theuterusisnotgrowingappropriately, ac- tion should be taken by the health-care provider.
   

   You see, evenyourdietduringpregnancyaffectsbothyoursex life and your baby. Perineal tears make it harder to resume sexual activity postbirth. In an effort to protect both you and your baby, stick with wholesome, healthy foods, which will keep your blood sugar stable, your energy levels up, and your size down.
   

   Ifyoudogoabitoverboardandendupgivinginto oneofthose craving-induced, animal-like binges, know that sexual activity will help burn some of the extra calories you’ve consumed. Medi- cal research shows that fifteen minutes of intense foreplay burns over twenty-two calories, depending on your body composition; intercourse of the same duration melts somewhere around sixty- eight calories. Combine these two sexual activities to work off that mini-sundae, handful of Cheetos, or bagful of Pirate’s Booty you just scarfed down. And don’t forget to let your sweetie know how helpful he or she is being by loving you down to a smaller size!
   

4. Get Out!
   

   You may find yourself feeling more “whale” than “tail,” prefer- ring hibernation to sexing or socializing. Some women find that the no-wine, no-cocktail rule makes it both tougher to loosen up in the bedroom and downright depressing to venture out on the
   

   town. Although steering clear of alcohol, cigarettes, and other potentially harmful substances is important, Hot Mamas know that staying connected to their social-support network is equally critical. No Hot Mama stays under self-imposed house arrest simply because of the toxic temptations indigenous to her social scene. So get out, no excuses!
   

   Hot Mamasarenotcouchpotatoes—unless, of course, they’re keeping the home fires burning with some stimulating sex play on said sofa. If you’re not busy getting “bootay,” get your booty off the sofa and out the door! Dress in a flattering ensemble, do your hairandmakeup, andboost yourpositive attitude bymaintaining a sense of normalcy.
   

   By continuing to do most of the activities you did before you were pregnant, you will not only send the message that you are a Hot Mama taking charge of her pregnancy, but you will gain con- fidenceinyourabilitytohandleyourpregnantbody. Lettingyour hair down and relaxing with your partner or friends can only make for better bedroom time, especially once you’ve had person afterpersonadmirethemidriffyou’re bearinginyoursexygetup. Most women who get out often will tell you that they are friskier and more energetic, both in and out of the sack.
   

   When you’re out, however, be aware that you may encounter societal notions concerning the “shoulds” and “should nots” of pregnancy. Don’t let other people’s ideas prevent you from enjoy- ing quality time with your inner circle. Raleigh knows this peril well. “My friends took me out for my birthday, and I ordered a
   

   nonalcoholic beer. The waiter poured my drink and regretfully took the bottle immediately, leaving people to critically stare at me for the rest of my meal because they thought I was getting soused. People’s judgment is one of the reasons why I don’t go out that much. A guy came up to me and said, ‘I didn’t know they let pregnant women in bars,’ like I’m supposed to be home knitting or something. My husband was really upset about it.”
   

   We are, too! Nobody should say something so insulting! All we can suggest is to grow a thick skin. But you already knew to do that, didn’t you, Hot Mama?
   

5. Give It an E for Effort
   

   While we consider ourselves your biggest cheerleaders for main- taining quality time in the boudoir during your pregnancy, we don’t want to downplay the fact that mommies-to-be and their lovers don’t always feel particularly amorous. In fact, like all good things, keepingyourlovelife smokin’ takes concentration andef- fort. But no worries. This is the good kind of work. The payoff is huge.
   

   In order to keep your sex life alive during pregnancy, there simply must be a conscious effort and commitment to do so on the part of both partners. At the very least, pledge to keep things between you warm and comforting. This is a perfect and cru- cial time to become closer than ever as friends and lovers. Revive yourcrushoneachother. Set aside timeeverydayorweek to hold, fondle, and celebrate one other. Indulge your urge to place your hands all over that beautiful belly. As unromantic as it may sound
   

   

   How You Can Help Her
   

   Many partners are wonderful about showing support for their preggies by abstaining from alcohol and other recreational sub- stances during her nine-month “sentence.” Your participation in her lifestyle restrictions makes it easier for her to refrain from those indulgences, and, once again, makes this a team effort. Further- more, many friends are willing to help the cause by ordering vir- gin drinks when the group is out on the town. Most good friends would prefer spending time in the company of their pregnant pal to getting drunk, so we encourage you to drum up support from the troops, which will help your Hot Mama to feel loved and supported.
   

   for partners
   

   to some, scheduling time for intimacy, to make sure that it hap- pens regularly, is the cornerstone of many fabulously erotic part- nerships. Cuddle, touch, kiss, lick, hug, massage, fondle, and taste each other, even if only for five minutes a day. Felicity says, “My partner loved every second of my pregnancy and our inti- macy. He was very loving, making it a wonderful experience.”
   

   Hot Mama, are you remembering to be loving to your part- ner? Sex and intimacy are a two-way street, friend. Don’t forget that this can be a delicate time for your significant other.