50 Shades of Kink (6 page)

 

When you take away someone's sense of sight or sound, their other senses become heightened. When you're blindfolded, noises sound louder, smells are more intense, and even the lightest touch can send chills down the spine. When you can't hear anything or you can hear only one particular sound, you focus on what you can feel, smell, possibly see (if you can), or simply sense around you.
Sensory deprivation play
focuses on depriving someone of sight or sound—with blindfolds, hoods, earplugs, headphones, or some combination of these. This deprivation can help to put someone in a particular frame of mind; people wearing these devices often feel curious and excited as they anticipate what might come next in a scene. Sensory deprivation toys can also help someone focus on what's happening to their body, making each sensation stronger.

Blindfolds come in polyester, satin, leather, and other fabrics, and it's a matter of personal taste which you prefer. Some sleep masks—those that really block out light—work very well as blindfolds. Some blindfolds have an elastic strap; others fasten with Velcro or a buckle. An adjustable elastic strap is preferable to one that isn't adjustable, although if there is enough give, a nonadjustable blindfold should be fine; just make sure the blindfold fits snugly but is not too tight. If you're going to be lying on your back most of the time, then you may not want a blindfold with a buckle, since it can become uncomfortable against the back of your head pretty quickly. If you want to obscure someone's vision but not take away their sight entirely, try a sheer scarf that's folded several times.

Putting a blindfold on someone is a great way to neutralize the environment around them. If they can't see, suddenly they have to rely on you to tell them what's going on—or not; this is a great opportunity to shift a bottom's sense of reality, spin a fantasy, or control what they know (or think they know). For some bottoms, a blindfold immediately makes them feel submissive; for others, it puts them off balance enough that they can slip more easily into a fantasy. Blindfolds can also give beginner tops a boost of confidence—it's easier to project a sense of confidence, discipline, and precision if your bottom can't see you fumble with a flogger!

People who wear contact lenses and a blindfold for a long period of time may find that their lenses dry out or become uncomfortable; keep lens drops handy or have submissives take their lenses out before you begin. When a
blindfold comes off, the person will usually be disoriented and extra sensitive to light, so give them some time to readjust to being able to see again.

If you enjoy the sense of helplessness that blindfolds provide, wearing a hood will take it to another level. Hoods can be made of different kinds of material from spandex to leather, but they have one thing in common: breathability. That may mean small holes in fabric, perforations in leather, or eye/nose/mouth cutouts. Like blindfolds, hoods obscure your vision, but they can do something more; some people have a profound loss of identity when they wear a hood. They can immediately feel small and submissive. Think about it: when your face is completely covered, you can feel erased, dehumanized, or objectified. This can be a useful tool if, for example, a bottom enjoys being “used” as a sex slave; a hood can transform someone into simply a mouth available to please her master whenever he chooses. It's common to combine sensory deprivation with bondage (which I'll discuss about in Chapters 7 and 8).

Our sense of sound is one important way that we process information about what's happening around us. Like a blindfold, taking away someone's ability to hear can heighten their other senses and help them to focus on exactly what you want them to: the feel of ice melting and dripping between their breasts, the pinch of a clamp around their nipple, the sting of a cane. Using earplugs (available in
most drugstores), you not only alter what a bottom hears but also turn up the volume of their own breathing, which can be an intense experience that connects them to their body and what's happening to it.

Another way to play with the sense of sound is to control
what
the bottom hears. This isn't exactly sensory deprivation; it's more like sensory manipulation. Think about walking into an empty room. You hear a heavy metal song. Or a piano concerto. Or the deep base of techno music. Each one conveys a different tone. Put a pair of headphones on a bottom to fill their ears with a desired soundtrack, and it can set the mood for your scene. Perhaps the fantasy is to be taken advantage of under the bleachers during a football game. A soundtrack of cheerleading chants can help bring that to life. Or you want her to imagine having sex in public at an orgy. Put on your favorite group-sex scene in a porn movie, and you've got the sounds of other people having sex and coming all around you.

Gentle. Ticklish. Hot. Cold. Rough. Soft. Smooth. For many people, kink is about experiencing lot of different, sometimes intense, sensations that go far beyond just genital stimulation. I discussed sensory deprivation in the previous chapter, but now it's time to ramp up all the senses, especially touch: this chapter is about sensory
stimulation
that focuses on creating unique sensations on the skin. Sensation play approaches the flesh of the body like a sculptor begins with a fresh lump of clay—her body is a blank canvas to manipulate and stimulate with different textures, temperatures, and “torture.”

There's a reason that in the popular French maid fantasy, the maid is usually carrying a feather duster, and it doesn't have anything to do with cleaning the house! Feathers are sensual, luxurious tools that feel great against the skin and stimulate our touch receptors. They can stroke, flutter, tickle, and tease the flesh. They are a fun way to get someone in the mood without intimidating them, so they are a good bet for beginners and lovers who aren't ready just yet to bring out the whip.

Combining a feather with a blindfold or bondage can make your partner feel like they are at your mercy. You can buy a large single feather (like a giant
ostrich feather) or a feather tickler made of many feathers attached to a handle (similar to a duster). Run a feather tickler down the entire length of your partner's body. Brush the feathers lightly against the skin, then follow each swipe with a kiss. If you're feeling playful, you can use your feather to torture him as you target his ticklish spots. If tickling turns both of you on, then go for it.

If you love the idea of licking chocolate sauce, whipped cream, honey, and other goodies off your partner's body, then you'll love edible body paint and dust. Imagine soft baby powder sprinkled on your skin, then nibbled off by someone you love. You can experience that sensation with edible body dust. Some dusts come with a feather, so you can combine the sensuality of feathers against the skin with a delicious powder. Edible body paints are just as tasty as sundae toppings, but these paints are safe for the body, moisturizing to the skin, and easy to clean up afterward. Edible body paints come in different colors and flavors and offer all sorts of fun opportunities. Create a colorful masterpiece on your naked body. Draw a bikini on and have him take it off. Write naughty words on your body and ask your partner to lick them off. Paint your partner's sensitive spots, then erase them with your mouth.

Candles are a wonderful way to set a romantic mood, and many couples light them to create some sexy ambiance in the bedroom. Some folks fantasize about
another use for those candles: they want to seductively drip hot wax all over their partner's body or have it drizzled on themselves. It looks great in the movies, but the reality doesn't always live up to the hype: if you use the wrong kind of candle, the wax can actually burn someone's skin. Even if you get a candle with a low burn temperature, you're still left with a lot of cooled wax to clean up. Massage candles not only address and fix these common issues, but they combine two activities with one product. They burn at a very low temperature, making it gentle and safe to use without fear of hurting your partner by scorching their skin. Light the candle and let the wax begin to melt. Lift your hand up and away from your partner's body (the farther away the candle, the cooler the wax will be when it hits the skin). Once you've drizzled your partner's body with warm wax, start rubbing your fingers into it, and it will transform into silky smooth massage oil. Now you're ready to give an erotic massage! A sensual massage is a great way to start an evening of sexy fun. You don't need to be a licensed masseuse to give a good massage; you just need to be generous, listen to your partner, and use the healing power of touch.

You can drip hot wax almost anywhere on the body except the face and genitals. The most important thing to keep in mind with massage oil is that it does in fact contain oil, so it can stain sheets, fabric, and clothes and may be hard to clean up; make sure you put a towel down first. Oil-based products should not get near your genitals if you're planning to have sex. Oil-based products are bad for vaginas and can cause vaginal infections.

You can follow up these warm sensations with an ice cube to surprise you partner, shift the temperature of the skin, or cool things down.

We all know that genitals are very sensitive, but some folks like to make them even more so. Stimulating gels and creams like Rocket Balm, Flower Balm, and Please Pleasure Cream do just that. I recommend the products that contain some kind of natural stimulant, like menthol or peppermint, over those with chemical stimulants or numbing agents. Stimulating gels and creams created for men can be used to stimulate the head and frenulum of the penis; apply a small amount, and in a few seconds, the area will start to tingle. Those made for women can be used on the clitoris and are formulated to boost the arousal process and make her more sensitive. When you put a tiny bit on the hood or the underside of the clitoris, the area tingles, blood rushes to the genitals, and the entire vulva gets swollen and aroused. I don't recommend you put them on other parts of the labia, and they should definitely not be used internally. You can also use them on men or women's nipples for extra sensation.

Chests, breasts, and nipples are all wonderful erogenous zones on our bodies. Both men's and women's nipples can be very sensitive, though the level of sensitivity varies from person to person. Lots of folks like their nipples licked, sucked, rolled between fingers, and tugged gently. If you like your nipples twisted, tweaked, and, especially, pinched during sex, then you may like nipple clamps.

Nipple clamps are small clips attached to a chain, and they come in a wide variety of styles. The best starter set for beginners are tweezer-style or adjustable nipple clamps. Other nipple clamps, as well as similar pinching implements (like clothespins, paper clips, or hair clips) are not adjustable at all;
their clamping strength might be too intense to start out with for a lot of people. Tweezer-style nipple clamps have a small ring that lets you adjust how much they clamp.

With adjustable clamps, you can start out with the loosest clamping and work your way up to a tighter and more severe pinch. Take your partner's nipple and rub it until it's hard. Place each side of the clamp on the nipple, then slowly begin to slide the ring toward the nipple to tighten it. Check in with your partner to see what feels good. When you put a clamp on a part of the body, you cut off the circulation to that area. The nipples can get very sensitive, so tugging on the chain between the clamps sends a zing throughout the body. While it hurts to varying degrees when you put the clamps on and tug at them, it feels a hell of a lot worse when the clamps come off. The blood quickly rushes back to the area in a big burst, and bang, your brain registers pain. So, if your partner is a beginner, leave nipple clamps on for less than a minute before you take them off. You can gradually work your way up to longer amounts of time, but you shouldn't leave clamps on for more than fifteen minutes.

When many people recall their first experience of bondage, it usually reaches all the way back to childhood. As part of cops-and-robbers or similar kids' games, someone had to be restrained at some point. You'd grab a necktie, belt, scarf, or something else from one of your parents' closets and tie up the bad guys. Some people look back on those experiences as fun memories. Bondage enthusiasts usually remember the first time they were tied up (or tied someone else up) with a lot more detail and glee.

For grown ups, bondage is an erotic activity with endless possibilities. If you've ever held down your lover's hands while you were having sex or pinned a partner down to the bed with your body, then you've practiced a form of bondage. Bondage is incredibly versatile and can cover lots of erotic territory, from teasing to torment, and everything in between. It's an ideal vehicle to explore power dynamics, since restraining someone embodies dominance, control, power, and authority. And being restrained is a way to submit, surrender, and give oneself over to another.