50 Shades of Kink (8 page)

 

Slip these four nylon straps with clips on one end and plastic stoppers on the other over the top of the door and under the bottom. Close the door, and voila, you've got a sturdy, nonpermanent bondage setup right in your house! These are also great for romantic getaways, since they won't cause any damage to a hotel room.

Lots of people love a good spanking. Don't just take my word for it: there are hundreds of adult movies devoted to spanking, dozens of erotic websites, and over the years, there has been more than one magazine devoted to the subject. For some, spanking goes along with fantasy role playing—naughty schoolgirls and unruly boys disciplined at the hands of a cruel teacher, a stern governess, or an unforgiving nun. Perhaps the play is closer to home, with Mommy or Daddy wielding the unrelenting hairbrush. Others use spanking as a tool of dominance and submission, an expression of control, humiliation, and punishment (or reward!). A spanking can be just a spanking, but decide in advance what the spanking will mean in the context of your play. Many pervy people report that spanking was the first kinky thing they did.

It can be dreaded and scary or sweet and sexy, but it is undeniably a very intimate act. Get your bottom in a comfortable position: lying over your lap, on all fours, or bent over the bed, a stool, or a table. Like most things, it's best to start out slowly, beginning with light, gentle taps before moving on to full-handed slaps. Not only does this make the spanking more fun, but the bottom can usually take it longer and harder if you warm up the ass first. Begin alternating sides with a light spank, followed by a massage. Keep your hand as close to the ass as possible in the beginning; the farther away you take your hand, the less control
you have over hitting the exact spot you are aiming for and the more likely you are to hit it too hard. Remember, the more aroused she is, the more enjoyable the spanking will be for both of you, so don't hold back on stroking the other nearby parts, too!

As you move on to harder slaps, experiment with different sensations—the tips of your fingers versus your entire hand, the middle of the ass versus right where the cheek curves into the thigh. Add variety to your spanks by wearing a pair of soft leather gloves (for a different sensation), wetting your hand (for a stingier slap), or place your hand on a heating pad first (for a warm spank).

Many people get very turned on by spanking. Slapping someone's butt cheeks can be gentle and sensual or deliberate and painful; either way, the consistent smacks release endorphins into the bloodstream and fuel the body's arousal. While the ass is usually the target of a spanking, you can also slap the butt cheeks, thighs, and other fleshy parts of the body; always avoid bones and joints, such as the tailbone and the back of the knees, and organs like the kidneys. All these rules apply if you use your hand or one of the toys discussed next.

To add a little something more to a spanking, position a vibrator between her legs so it's nestled against her clit exactly where she likes it. A wand-style clitoral vibrator with a large head, or a rounded one meant to rub against work really well for this. With each spank, her body will press into the vibrator with a little more pressure and the vibration will feel more intense. Or slip a set of Ben Wa balls (also called “Kegel balls” or “smart balls”) inside her. As you spank her
butt cheeks, the balls will move against each other inside her, which will create a different kind of vibrating sensation. If she's on her stomach or leaned over something, gravity will work in her favor, and the balls can actually massage her G-spot. Have her clench her pelvic muscles around the balls to intensify the sensation. You could also use an insertable vibrator or a dildo to combine penetration with a rhythmic spanking. As the spanking progresses, the toy will move inside her (or you can move it for her), delivering double the pleasure.

You can also spank or slap the genitals, but start out very gently. The tissue of the vulva and penis are much less fleshy than other parts and a lot more sensitive. To spank a vulva, put your hand up, fingers together facing the vulva. Start with light taps, and see how she responds. For some women, this will simply be too intense, but for others, especially once they are aroused, it can be both exciting and stimulating. Try concentrating on the pubic mound and above the clitoral hood; or, spank over the hood directly. In between slaps and taps, use your fingers to stroke her labia and clitoris. Talk to her, pay attention to her body language, and only escalate your spanks when you know she's enjoying it. To spank a penis, hold the shaft with one hand and slap with the other. Try light taps on the head and see how he responds. You can increase the speed and strength of the slaps if he's into it.

You'd be surprised at just how much impact you can have with your own bare hand, but using toys for spanking and slapping is lots of fun, too.

As a general rule, when spanking or slapping someone with a toy, you want to concentrate on fleshy areas of the body like the ass cheeks, the back of the thighs, the inner thighs, and the back. The chest can also be slapped as well as the breasts, but extra care should be taken with the breasts—don't use anything too heavy. And again, always avoid bones, joints, and organs (be especially careful of the tailbone and the kidneys when slapping someone's back or butt).

Look no further than your own house for some great DIY spanking toys—like wooden spoons, spatulas, hairbrushes, or rulers. All of these tools provide different materials and different sensation possibilities. Make sure you try out a DIY toy on yourself to get a sense of what kind of smack it produces, how much force you need to use, and what it feels like.

You can purchase a range of spanking toys—like paddles, slappers, and crops—at sex toy and BDSM stores and websites. Most of these tools can produce a light sensation or a heavy, painful one depending on how much force is behind it.

Most paddles have a broad round or oval striking part and a short handle. Paddles are made of leather, vinyl, rubber, wood, acrylic, and other materials—generally the harder the material, the more intense the sensation it can produce. They come in a variety of colors, and some feature one side made of leather or wood and the other side covered in faux (or real) fur. This double-sided paddle is delightful, since you have both soft and hard in one toy. You can begin with strokes of fur, move on to taps, slaps, and smacks of leather, then alternate
between the two. A firm slap of leather against the flesh followed by the soothing rub of sensual fur feels amazing. Some paddles feature stars, hearts, or other shapes on them. The idea behind these is that the better you get with your aim and the more consistent your smacks are, the more likely the shape will create an imprint in your bottom's butt cheeks (or elsewhere). This way, they can have an artistic reminder of the spanking.

Crops are long rods with a small flat loop or a solid piece of leather on the end. The end piece is the part you slap with, which means that of paddles, slappers, and crops, crops have the smallest slapping area. Because of their design, crops can be used more effectively on smaller areas that a paddle may be too big for—like breasts, nipples, vulvas, or the place where the inner thigh meets the pubic area. As with other tools, start out slowly with light taps, and increase the intensity as your partner responds. Crops are great for beginners who are just starting to explore spanking and slapping because you can experiment with the sensations without doing very much damage.

Slappers tend to be longer than paddles, rectangular, and have a more narrow spanking area. A slapper can be made of one single piece of leather, one piece cut into several strips, or two pieces of leather sewn together at one end. Slappers with multiple pieces of leather tend to make a much louder noise than paddles, so they can be as much a sensory head trip as a physical one. In general, slappers can produce a harder slap or a stingier one compared to a paddle, which has a larger surface area to diffuse the impact. If you've enjoyed
hand spanking, but crave something more intense or with more of a “bite,” a slapper may be a good fit for you.

Before you introduce your sweetheart to it, it's a good idea for you to try out a paddle, slapper, or crop on a fleshy part of your own body to get an idea of what your partner is going to feel. The key to a good spanking with a paddle, slapper, or crop is to start slowly, warm up the area, and not rush to spank too hard. Begin with very light flicks, and alternate each one with a nice rub of your hand. You want to gradually build up to firmer swats. Talk to your partner, pay attention to body language, and pace the spanking accordingly.

I like to alternate the sting of a smack with a warm and fuzzy feeling, like the rub of a fur mitt or the tickle of a feather. To create a combination of hot and cold, after a particularly hard spanking or in between two mild sets, rub an ice cube over the skin.

Floggers—sometimes called cat-o'-nine-tails or simply whips—have a handle and multiple “tails”—strips of material which are the same length and width. Inexpensive, light floggers (sometimes called “fantasy floggers”) can be found in many sex toy stores and are good for beginners or those interested in exploring light flogging. If you're looking for a starter flogger, I recommend one that is relatively short, since it's easier to control. If you want leather, make sure the tails are made of a very soft leather, like deerskin or suede. Sportsheets makes floggers with very thin stretchy pieces of rubber, in several different lengths, which are good for novices.

Expensive, hand-crafted floggers geared for kinky people with more experience and skill are sold at sex and leather shops and BDSM events. These floggers have handles most often made of leather, plastic, or wood. The tails (anywhere from about twenty to fifty) can be made of a variety of materials, usually different animal hides or rubber. Well-crafted floggers are beautiful and come in magnificent colors and designs, but don't make the mistake of selecting a flogger just because it looks pretty. You want the right tool for the job. For example, suede and deerskin floggers produce a sensual, warm, light thud and are good for beginners. Cowhide floggers are versatile, and they can create a
soft to medium sensation with a tiny bite. Elk is thicker than deer, and an elkskin flogger creates a heavy, deep, penetrating thud, so it's better for experienced floggers; elk is also less common and harder to find. The leather of a bullhide flogger has more density, is much heavier, and has quite a bite. Whips with leather braided tails, or tails with knotted ends are among the most severe and are recommended for experienced players only.

When the tails of a flogger hit the flesh, it can create a range of sensations from light smacks to heavy thuds, depending on the type of flogger and the power behind the strike. Some people enjoy the different sensations a flogger can produce: slaps, stings, and thuds can feel good and release endorphins. If, for example, you very lightly throw a suede flogger, it can feel like a flutter against the skin; put some more power behind it and it can feel like a more solid smack.

It is important for you to learn how to flog someone properly before you incorporate it into a scene. I absolutely recommend that you go to a workshop on flogging or ask an experienced player to give you a personal tutorial. Local BDSM organizations and stores often sponsor workshops by some of the leading practitioners and teachers in the BDSM community. While you are still getting a grip, so to speak, on flogging, it's a good idea to practice your aim, timing, and technique on an inanimate object like a pillow or a large stuffed animal.

To use a flogger you want to hold the handle and aim the ends of the tails at your “target.” You can swing the flogger over your shoulder, then forward to the person's body, or you can swing it sideways (some people refer to the swing
as “throwing” the flogger). Start gently and work your way up to more intensity. Like anything else new, it takes lots of practice before you can master it. When I started flogging bottoms, I often put a towel around their necks to protect them from my novice aim which often went off course. It's crucial that a flogging be well-paced, with plenty of warm-up, building up to more and more intensity. Just like spanking and slapping, you should only flog the fleshy parts of the body, like butt cheeks, thighs, and the upper back; always avoid joints, organs, and bones, including the spine, the lower back (because of the kidneys), knees, shins, ankles, elbows, shoulder blades, stomach, head, neck, and face. You can flog the genitals but use a short, gentle flogger and start out very slowly.

In the kink world, a cane is not a long hooked stick that people walk with, but an old-fashioned, long, thin rod, often thought of as an English disciplinary tool. Canes can be made of rattan, acrylic, hard plastic, and other materials. Don't be fooled by their thin, seemingly innocuous appearance; canes can be one of the meanest toys in a dominant's arsenal. These tools may look innocent, but canes can actually really hurt, very easily mark the skin, and even draw blood.

Like spanking, you should only hit someone with a cane on fleshy parts of the body—usually the butt cheeks and thighs—and avoid the kidneys, bones, and joints. You do not need a lot of strength to wield a cane, and a few strokes can leave some nasty marks. The firm stroke of a cane creates a very different sensation than paddles, hands, or floggers: it is a sharp, biting, burning sensation
that spreads from the site of the smack and beyond. Canes are not for the faint-hearted and are definitely an acquired taste.