50 Shades of Kink (7 page)

There are some basic rules for bondage that apply to anything you use to restrain someone or bind a part of their body. Whether it's Velcro, a belt with a buckle, or a knot, you should always make sure whatever you put someone in is
safe. First, always have a pair of safety scissors nearby, in case you have to get someone out of bondage very quickly. Safety scissors have a blunt-edged blade to prevent injury when the scissors are held against skin. They're available in most drugstores.

Whether you tie them in bows or fancy knots, cuffs around the ankles and wrist should be snug but not too tight; you should be able to put two fingers between the item and the person's skin. You never want bondage to put too much strain on parts of the body; the person won't be able to be in that bondage for very long. Better to make your captive more comfortable, so she or he can stay tied up for as long as you want! You should also check in periodically with your partner to make sure that everything still feels okay. If the person in bondage feels pain, tingling, or numbness, take the restraint off immediately.

There are many different types of bondage toys; this chapter will cover those you can make yourself—common household items you can repurpose for bondage. The next chapter will cover items you can buy at a sex toy or fetish store, including collars, bondage tape, wrist and ankle cuffs, and bondage tether kits.

One of the bonuses of bondage is that you can do it without any fancy equipment and use what's nearby. First, let me tell you what
not
to use. Athletic tape and duct tape—really sticky tape of any kind—can be too sticky and bind to the skin; if left on long enough, it can be difficult to get off without taking some skin with it, like the worst Band-Aid removal ever. Also, you may have some
plastic zip ties in your toolbox, but just leave them there. Zip ties can close too tightly and cut off circulation, plus the hard plastic can abrade the thin skin around your wrists. Although you might think it looks cool, avoid metal chain of any kind; like the zip ties, metal against delicate skin is a recipe for sore wrists.

Neckties, silk (or silky) scarves, and bathrobe ties are all much better choices. They are a good length for wrist and ankle bondage, and they're soft, so they won't cut or irritate the skin. First, put the bottom in the position you'd ultimately like to have her stay in; if you want her hands above her head, for instance, put them there. To bind the wrists, have the bottom put her hands together, palms facing each other. Slide the tie or scarf under her wrists. You can bring the two ends together or double them around if there is enough length. Simply finish with a bow or regular knot.

One sexy idea is to arrive for a date without any gear at all, slowly strip down, and use what you're wearing to tie up your lover. Things like suspenders, pantyhose, and stockings all make great bondage materials. Because these items are stretchy, it's very important not to bind them too tightly. Since the material has give to it, it's a good choice for bottoms who like to move around a lot, and it's good for beginners who want to know they could “break out” of it fairly easily if they need to.

If you and your partner are interested in moving beyond just wrists and ankles, athletic wrap (like an Ace bandage) offers you more to work with. If you want to bind someone's arms to their sides so they truly cannot move them, these inexpensive rolls of stretchy material can cover a lot of surface area.
Remember not to stretch it too tightly, just tight enough to hold. When you get to the end of the role, you can use the metal clips or a piece of masking or athletic tape.

The most common image associated with bondage and sex is a pair of shiny metal handcuffs. I see them in people's bedrooms, they're sold at some sex shops, and they make a frequent appearance in erotica, but they really are not safe to use to restrain someone. Most handcuffs do not have a working safety latch to keep them from closing too tightly around the wrist; they can cut off your circulation, cut into your wrists, and do serious damage to someone. And let's not even discuss how many people have lost the key to their handcuffs—what an unfortunate mishap to explain! If you find fabric- or faux-fur-covered handcuffs, still be wary; they can be very uncomfortable and equally unsafe. The only time you should use a pair of covered handcuffs is if there is padding between the fabric and the metal and there's a safety latch to keep them from closing too tightly. Even with those features, there is still the pesky key issue!

If you're ready to invest in some bondage gear, you will find lots of choices at a good reputable sex toy store. In this chapter, I'll discuss some of the most popular, including bondage tape, wrist and ankle cuffs, collars, leashes, gags, and bondage kits.

Have you ever seen a movie where someone gets tied up with duct tape? It's quick, easy, and good guys and bad guys alike always seem to have it handy. Duct tape is great for lots of things, but in the real world, bondage is not one of them. Luckily, some pervy people have invented an alternative!

Bondage tape is made of a thin plastic, comes in several colors, and is available at most sex toy stores. It comes in a 2” wide roll that looks a lot like packing tape, but this tape isn't sticky, so it's safe for your skin. Bondage tape clings to itself, which is how it stays in place, but it won't stick to hair or skin. I love bondage tape because it's inexpensive and easy to use—you don't even have to know how to tie a knot to tie someone up. Some practice isn't a bad idea, though; ideally you want to keep it as flat against the skin as possible, since when it bunches up, it can cause pinching. Wrap it around wrists, arms, thighs, and ankles; make a blindfold; tie someone to a chair. When you're ready to set your captive free, you can unroll it (which takes some patience) and reuse it, or simply cut it off and throw it away.

If you like bondage tape, there is a DIY (although admittedly more cumbersome) version: ordinary plastic wrap, which is probably in your kitchen right now! Plastic wrap can do many of the same things that bondage tape does, except it's actually stickier, so it can be more awkward to use, and it's not reusable. Keep those safety scissors handy to cut it off!

Wrist and ankle cuffs come in a variety of price ranges and styles and can be made of nylon, vinyl, leather, rubber, or other materials. If they are not made of a soft material, consider getting cuffs that are lined with some cushioning, like fleece, to make them more comfortable (which means you or your partner can stay in them longer!). Wrap wrist cuffs just above the wrist bone (away from the hand) and secure them; they usually have Velcro or buckles. Cuffs should not be too loose, but they should never be tight. You can use wrist cuffs alone, ankle cuffs, or both.

Once the cuffs are on, you have some choices to further restrain your partner. Each cuff has a ring on it to attach things to, and you can use a snap hook or carabiner (found at hardware stores) or other type of clip to attach the cuffs to each other. You can clip cuffs together over someone's head, in front of them, or behind them. The important thing is that the position you “lock” their arms into isn't putting too much strain on their body. Or you may not want their wrists together, but spread apart, and tethered to something sturdy. This is especially true of ankles, since most people prefer to have their partner's legs spread for easy access. Slip a long scarf, a belt, or a piece of rope through the ring and tie each wrist or ankle to a chair, the slats in your headboard, the bedposts, or something else solid and stable. If you don't have a bed that you can tie someone to, check out the bondage kits described below.

While they've become more mainstream and some people wear them as a fashion statement, I'm old school when it comes to collars. To me, a collar is both a form of bondage and a symbol. It may signify ownership, submission, subservience, surrender, and a whole range of other power dynamics. For many, when a lover puts a collar around their neck, it helps them to give up control and become more submissive. Putting a collar on someone is also a great way to begin a role-playing scene, to transition from your real-life personalities into dominant and submissive, master and slave, or whatever roles you've chosen for the scene. Like other bondage toys, collars can be made of leather, rubber, nylon, and other materials; some collars have Velcro or buckles, and others have a ring where you can insert a lock. For the fashion conscious among you—you know who you are—you can often get a collar to match your wrist and ankle restraints. A collar should be snug around the neck, but never tight, choking, or cutting off circulation; make sure you can fit two fingers between the collar and the person's neck. You can grab the front ring of a collar to pull someone toward you, but never yank someone's collar or drag them by the neck.

Leashes often go with collars in other contexts, and so it is with kink, where they can be a nice addition to a collar. You can lead someone around the room on a collar and leash to demonstrate their submission to you. This is something you don't do ordinarily, so it's one way to begin a scene that can get both partners in the right frame of mind. Using a leash is meant to be playful; you can give a gentle tug to remind her who's boss or lead her to where you want to
fuck her. While it may be tempting, you never want to pull someone by the leash or jerk the leash suddenly with any force—no whiplash injuries, please!

Similar to taking away a person's sight or hearing with sensory deprivation, taking away someone's ability to speak can have a variety of effects. Since talking is the number one way we express ourselves and exchange information, it's something we often take for granted and do without thinking. Making it impossible for a bottom to use spoken language to communicate can be a way to establish your dominance and exercise control over them. Think of a mouth gag as bondage for their mouth—you can hold their voice captive! You can create a system of hand signals and other physical cues to communicate. Rendering a chatty bottom speechless is often a sight to behold: she can become frustrated, focused, submissive, or some combination. Either way, it's a dramatic shift that a dominant can use to his advantage. Another thing happens when you wear a gag for a while: you drool. It cannot be avoided, but it can be humiliating and embarrassing for those bottoms who enjoy those feelings in an erotic context. A ball gag can also quiet them from screaming so the neighbors don't call the cops!

A mouth gag usually has two parts: the part that sits in the mouth and a strap attached to either side of it that you can fasten around the head to keep it in. You want to find a gag that is comfortable enough to wear for a little while and doesn't put strain on the mouth and jaw. Although you will find lots of hard plastic ball gags, I prefer something with a little give to it. So look for a rubber or silicone
ball with some flexibility. A gag that's too big will make a bottom feel like they're choking, which isn't any fun. There are other types of gags as well: gags that are similar to a ball gag, but come in a different shape, like a dog bone, a penis, or a horse bit; gags with a ring that holds the mouth open; and inflatable mouth gags. You can also create your own gag with a bandanna tied around a bottom's mouth or a balled up pair of underwear. Be creative, improvise, but always make sure your bottom can breathe easily and his jaw isn't under pressure.

Whenever you use a gag, your bottom needs to have a safe signal (or signals) to replace her safeword(s). Use something out of the ordinary, like stomping her foot or holding something in her hand that she can drop.

Bondage kits come complete with several different pieces that work together to create a great bondage experience. Some kits make it possible to do bondage in an ordinary bedroom without any fancy equipment; if you don't have a slatted headboard or a four-poster bed, you can transform any ordinary bed into your own bondage playground! Here are some of the best kits available:

 

Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System
: This clever kit is perfect for folks who want to be able to tie someone down to the bed but don't have the type of bed that you can attach anything to. Two long, strong nylon straps go between the mattress and the box spring or around the bedframe, and they can be
adjusted to fit any size bed. Lay them vertically and the straps come around the head and foot of the bed, resting at the top and bottom of the mattress so you can restrain hands and feet there. Lay them horizontally and restrain someone's arms and legs on either side of the bed. At both ends of each strap is a clip that you attach the nylon and Velcro cuffs to (all are included in the kit). Of course, you can use any set of wrist and ankle cuffs with the straps.

 

The Sportsheet Bondage Bed Sheet Set
: Available in queen and king size, the Sportsheet is a velvety mattress cover. It comes with four “anchor pads,” thick pads with Velcro that stick to the sheet and stay in place; each pad has a clip on it to which you can attach wrist and ankle cuffs. Once your sweetie is clipped to the pads, he isn't going anywhere!

 

Liberator Shapes Black Label
: Liberator Shapes are firm pillow-like shapes that help you create different (and supported) angles of the body during sex. The company makes a line of shapes which feature black velvety covers that come equipped with easy-to-use bondage attachments to which you can clip cuffs with a special quick-release clip (also made by Liberator Shapes).

 

Sportsheets Deluxe Door Jam Kit
: Have you ever fantasized about being able to tie up your partner in a standing position, but you're not quite ready to invest in an expensive wooden frame, or you can't drill holes for eye hooks into the molding? You can turn any doorway into a bondage device with this inventive kit.