A Life That Fits (25 page)

We worked companionably, side by side,
getting his kitchen spotless. When we'd finished, I turned to him
to ask if he needed anything else cleaned up but froze at the pain
in his eyes. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. The usual."

"What's the usual?"

He sighed. "Dad woke up enough to ask when
Mom was coming home."

I made a sympathetic sound. "Does that happen
often?"

"Occasionally. He won't remember it tomorrow,
but..."

"But you will."

He nodded. "I tell him she's away and she'll
be back soon. I hate lying to him, but I can't break his heart
every time he asks."

My own heart nearly breaking, I said, "I'm so
sorry."

We looked into each other's eyes without
speaking, then both moved forward at once.

I slid my arms around his waist and he took
my face in both hands.

The shock of his skin against mine sent
glorious heat through me, and I moved closer to him.

He bent his head.

I raised my face.

Then, unbearably, he released me and pulled
out of my arms. "I can't.
We
can't."

Just from his touch and the intensity between
us I was aching for him as if we'd been locked in each other's
embrace for hours. But how could I argue that kissing him while I
was with Alex was anything but wrong? "I know."

We stood looking at each other, then he said,
"I don't think I can resist you much longer. And I have to. I've
never been a cheater and I don't want to start. So I think we
should call it a night. Is it okay if I call a taxi? I'd drive you
home but I don't like leaving Dad."

I wanted to kiss the misery right off his
face, but I didn't want to be a cheater either. We were on the
brink of something neither of us wanted to do, not like this
anyhow, and I needed to get out before we gave in. "A taxi's fine.
And you're right, I should go. At least we got a lot done
tonight."

His smile was wry. "Dana will be
thrilled."

He called the taxi company, then came back to
me and said, "It'll be ten minutes."

I nodded, then couldn't bear it any more. I
stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him.

He tensed, and I said, "Just this. Nothing
else." I needed it, and I knew he did too.

He held out another moment then pulled me
close and pressed his cheek to the top of my head. I shut my eyes,
relaxing into him, and we stood together, not moving or speaking,
just drawing warmth and comfort from each other, until a knock at
the door startled us apart.

"I'll see you at work tomorrow?"

The roughness of his voice made me shiver,
and I could barely say, "Of course."

He escorted me to the door, then stood on the
front steps while I headed toward the taxi. Halfway to the road,
though, I looked over my shoulder, wanting to see if he was still
there, still watching me.

He was, standing beneath the porch light, his
face solemn and those gorgeous eyes sad.

When our eyes met I turned around and went
back to him without meaning to, as if he were pulling me in. By the
time I reached him he'd opened his arms to me and I fell into
them.

We squeezed each other tight, but far too
soon he set me away again. "Good night."

"I'm sorry."

I hadn't meant to say that, but I
was
sorry. Sorry for so many things.

He brushed his fingers over my cheek, setting
my skin on fire. "I know. Me too. Good night."

"Good night," I whispered, and managed to get
all the way down the walkway and into the taxi.

I craned my neck to watch, and Loren stayed
on the steps until I was out of sight.

"That your boyfriend? Not going to see him
for a while, I guess?"

I faced forward again and let my head fall
back against the car's headrest. "Yeah. Yes, to both."

So much easier than explaining the truth.

Life would be so much easier if he were my
boyfriend.

I spent more time with Loren than with Alex
over the next few days. The tightened deadline for our project made
that necessary, but I didn't mind it at all. Being with him felt
good.

He'd sent me a text message ten minutes after
I left his house in the taxi, knowing my trip would take about
twenty minutes, asking me to let him know when I'd made it home
safely.

I did send that message once I'd settled on
the couch with a blanket and Harrison to keep me warm, thanking him
for his concern and wishing him a good sleep in what little of the
night was left, but I didn't bother telling him that Alex had been
snoring away in the middle of the bed when I returned. My boyfriend
obviously wasn't concerned about my safety, and he hadn't even left
me a note to welcome me home. Nor, the next day, did I mention that
Alex had simply said, "You should have moved me," when I said I'd
had to sleep on the couch.

I had two lives now, the open and friendly
one I could share with Loren and my other new friends and the old
reliable one I'd had with Alex, and they didn't mix. I didn't want
them to mix.

I thought a lot about my fervent hopes, right
after Alex left me, that I'd get him back and everything would go
right back to how it had been. Oh, be careful what you wish for. I
had him back and I had never been so bored or frustrated.

I'd thought the rut was gone forever, but it
had apparently just been lying in wait for me because now I was
sinking back into it and I couldn't imagine how I'd ever found it
remotely comfortable. But I'd taken him back, and there was still
hope that we could make it work. Somehow.

My realization at Loren's that I truly wasn't
ready for a relationship nagged at me, but I didn't know what to do
with it, or even if it was true. Alex and I got along sometimes, so
maybe I was more ready for a relationship than I thought. Besides,
I couldn't just dump him. I'd need a concrete reason, need
something to justify my decision, and I couldn't find anything
specific. Just my poor constantly upset stomach, and that was
hardly a good enough reason to break up with the guy.

Work was my only salvation, because I got to
be with Loren and because the huge pressure we were under kept me
from thinking about Alex and also from thinking about Tina, about
to head off on the conference that should have been mine.

Two days after the conference started, three
days before she should have been home, Tina called me on my cell in
the middle of the day. I almost didn't answer the phone, but
curiosity compelled me. I wasn't friendly, though. "Yes?"

She sniffled. "I need help."

To my annoyance, I felt bad for her, but
tried to hide it. "Why?"

"You have to tell them it's just how it goes
there."

"What is?"

Through her repeated sniffles and one bout of
sobbing, I listened with increasing amazement to the story of the
person Anna and Gary had deemed more reliable than me.

Tina, drunk at a party the first night of the
conference, had left with an executive from a survey company and
spent the rest of the evening in bed with him. While thoroughly
inappropriate, this might not have been so disastrous if the
executive hadn't been the husband of one of the conference
organizers, who was clearly told about Tina's little tryst because
the next day she stormed into a session attended by a thousand
people to call her out.

Cornered, Tina fought back, and actually
blamed the organizer for her husband's bad behavior, saying if she
hadn't been so bitchy while preparing for the conference he'd never
have slept with Tina. True or not, the wife didn't appreciate this,
and from the sounds of it Tina barely escaped the hotel before the
woman tore her to shreds with her bare hands.

Tina had underestimated Anna and Gary's
connections in the industry: her plan to stay in Atlanta for a few
days of vacation and then come back as if nothing had happened was
thwarted by the many people who emailed my former bosses to tell
them they'd never hire DataSource now that the company was
represented by someone with such poor judgment. Anna called her
within hours to tell her she was no longer employed and any bills
at the hotel were hers alone.

When this pathetic tale was finished, I sat
silent, wondering what on earth Tina thought I would, or even
could, do about it.

"Well?"

"Well what, Tina?"

"I need help. I need my job back."

No doubt. "In case you've forgotten, Anna and
Gary don't exactly love me at the moment. In fact, they think I'm
insane for
some
reason. Why do you think they'd listen to
me, even if I did try to talk to them? Which I'm not going to
do."

"I just had sex with a guy! It was no big
deal."

I shook my head. "I'm not even going to get
into how many ways that statement is wrong. And I'm not going to
help you. You made this mess yourself, so fix it yourself."

She launched into a long weepy diatribe about
how devastated she was and how I should help, and I sat drumming my
fingers on the desk trying to figure out how to get off the
phone.

"Andrea?"

I looked up to see Loren, wearing the
chocolate brown shirt we'd bought for him. It should be illegal to
look that cute at work.

He held up his hands and took a step
backward. "Sorry, didn't know you were on--"

I rolled my eyes and said into the phone,
"Tina."

She didn't even hear me. Of course, she'd
never really heard me, because she'd never cared enough to listen.
Realizing that gave me strength to stop listening to her. "Tina!
I'm hanging up now."

"But I need your help!"

My eyes met Loren's, and I couldn't resist
saying, "Tina, you slept with a conference organizer's husband and
got kicked out and then got fired. How exactly am I supposed to
help?"

Loren burst out laughing then clapped his
hand over his mouth, and I grinned at him.

"You could talk to Anna for me. You
could--"

My amusement faded. "You know what? I'm not
doing anything. Forget it. You made a stupid move and it bit you in
the ass. That's how it goes. Fix it yourself, and don't call me
again."

"Selfish bitch." She hissed it so hard I
wasn't at first sure I'd heard, but she repeated it to make sure it
got through. "You selfish bitch. I can't believe you won't help me.
You owe me."

A million responses flashed through my head
and for a second I couldn't speak.

Loren frowned, obviously wondering what Tina
was saying to me.

I cleared my throat. "How do I owe you,
exactly?"

His eyes widened and I raised my eyebrows at
him to express my own shock.

Tina apparently didn't know how I owed her
because she fell back on the all-time best way to make a woman do
what you want. "Don't be so selfish. I need help so you should help
me."

Was I being selfish? I didn't want to be. I
let our history flash through my mind and I knew. "Tina, I don't
owe you a thing. Don't call me again."

I hung up while she was still screaming at
me.

Loren shook his head. "Unbelievable."

I nodded. "She thinks I'm selfish. She
honestly believes I should call my old bosses--"

"--at the job she made you leave--"

"Yeah. Call them and tell them it's okay that
everyone knows DataSource is now represented by an idiot with no
impulse control. How exactly do I word that?"

He came forward into my cubicle, and I pushed
my visitor chair out with my foot for him. "I like how you just
said it. Wouldn't help her any, but it's accurate."

I laughed. "So, how long do you think it'll
be before she contacts me again? I'm betting on some time
today."

"You were pretty clear. I'm not sure
she--"

My phone buzzed. I picked it up and checked
the text message. "I should have bet you some serious money. It's
her. I'm not sure what all these words mean, but the ones I know
aren't complimentary."

"Geez, really? Can I see?"

I held out the phone. He took it, and his
fingers brushed mine sending shivers through me. Had he done that
on purpose?

He studied the phone then offered it back to
me. "Charming."

I took the phone, letting my fingers brush
his in the same way. Again with the shivers. "Yeah. I don't think
I'm going to answer."

"Good call. She can't seriously expect you to
help." He paused, then added, "Are you okay?"

I nodded, touched. "Thanks. It
is
a
bit shocking getting called all those things, but I'll
survive."

"I'm glad," he said, his eyes holding mine.
"I'm very glad."

My heart and breathing began speeding up as
the intensity between us grew. Amazing how a single look from him
did more to me than Alex ever had.

Loren folded his hand over mine, covering the
phone. "Want me to delete that so you don't have to see it
again?"

The heat of his hand spread up my arm and
through my body, flooding me with sweet warmth, and I pretended to
take a second to think because I didn't want him to let me go. When
I'd stretched the pause as long as I reasonably could, I said, "If
you don't mind, yes. Please."

He kept his grip on my hand for another
moment then took the phone and erased the message. When he'd
finished, he held the phone in his hand as if weighing it, then set
it down on my desk and said, "We have five days worth of work to
finish by tomorrow night. I guess we'd better get to it."

I wished he'd put the phone back in my hand
again, but I understood.

When David cut off the orchestra's final
chord, the audience burst into applause and cheers and I grabbed
George in a hug.

"Great job," he said into my ear.

Exhaustion swept me, the hours I'd put into
'hell week' rehearsals plus the tons of work I'd done with Loren
and all my struggles with Alex hitting me at once, and I had to
blink back tears before I could say, "Same to you."