A Life That Fits (20 page)

He murmured, "I agree, and you're welcome,"
then after a few seconds added, his tone carefully light, "She's
thanking me for letting her kiss me. It's official, I have
definitely died and gone to heaven."

I laughed. "You've been a good boy, you
deserve it."

He cuddled me closer then set me far enough
away that he could see my face, although he kept his hands on my
shoulders. Traces of the fire between us still burned in his eyes,
but I could see he was trying to cool things down and I approved.
Though I'd enjoyed it tremendously, we'd been more than a little
too forward for such a public place, and since neither of us was
ready for a relationship we shouldn't keep kissing. "So now what?
Whatever you want. Back to the bookstore? Movie? Dinner?"

I glanced at my watch. "Dinner? It's just
past noon."

He gave his head a theatrical shake. "It's
like my brain's not working for some reason. Lunch then?"

It suddenly sank in. I'd kissed him. He'd
kissed me. I'd loved it all. I'd taken a giant step toward removing
Alex from my heart and soul. But was I putting Loren in them
instead? His 'so now what?' question took on greater importance.
Now what indeed? I didn't know what I was ready for, what he could
handle, what he wanted, what he thought of me--

"Hey."

I looked up, to see him smiling at me. "It's
okay."

I frowned. "What is?"

His smile widened. "Everything. Us. We're
great. And we'll keep being great."

I shook my head, smiling back. "You're a
mind-reader now too?"

He winked.

I laughed, relieved we hadn't damaged our
friendship, and said, "Well, then, tell me what I want to do
now."

I wanted to kiss him again, frankly, but I
also needed some space, and he knew it. "I say you probably want
lunch, and then I have a request. Could you help me buy some new
shirts? I hate clothes shopping and I'm kind of stuck in a
rut."

"True. I don't think I've ever seen you in
anything but blue."

He pretended indignation. "I have a gray
shirt."

"Wild man."

He tugged at the sleeve of my cobalt blue
top. "Teach me the ways of bright color, oh great one."

"I have a hot pink jacket you can try."

"Teach me
some
of the ways, then."

I laughed. "Let's go."

We walked back to the mall, close together
but not touching. I had no idea what would happen next, where our
relationship was going, whether I'd ever kiss him again.

The one thing I knew for sure? I'd never
regret that reversal.

I went to work on Tuesday morning not at all
sure what to expect.

Loren and I had been together until seven
o'clock on Monday. After lunch we spent a few hours finding new
clothes for him, not just shirts but pants and sweaters too since
once we got started he realized he needed a whole new wardrobe.
Laughing with him as he did his best model impersonation, complete
with Zoolander-style facial expressions, was the most fun I'd ever
had shopping. In the end he branched out and bought a range of
colors, although he did balk at the baby pink dress shirt I'd made
him try on even though I insisted he looked great in it.

Afterwards he wanted to treat me to a movie,
and halfway through he reached over and took my hand. Neither of us
let go until the movie was finished, and though we didn't kiss I
was still tingling everywhere just from his touch. We had an early
dinner, then he had to go home to Martin.

We walked to the subway station but he was
northbound while I had to go south. We stood leaning against a wall
for a bit, chatting about his clothes and trying to decide what he
should wear to work tomorrow, neither of us wanting the day to end,
but eventually he said, "Dad's caretaker needs to leave, so I
really do have to get going."

"I know."

He dug in his bags and found the novel I'd
bought earlier in the day. "Here you go. For on the subway."

I'd forgotten all about it. So sweet. I
tucked it into my purse. "Thanks."

Our eyes met and I couldn't look away.

He tipped my chin up and moved a little
closer. "Have a good night."

"You too."

He held my gaze and I knew he was trying to
decide whether to kiss me. I wanted him to, but I also knew he
probably shouldn't, so I waited to see what he'd do.

Eventually he pressed his lips to my
forehead. "See you tomorrow. Thanks for an amazing day."

"Same to you."

He released my chin and we fell into each
other's arms. After a long warm embrace, he eased back and smiled
at me, then walked away toward the northbound train.

I stood watching him for a moment, then was
about to leave myself when he turned and strode back to me.

His kiss this time was somehow both hotter
and sweeter than the previous ones, and nowhere near long
enough.

"I just needed one more," he murmured against
my mouth. "Hope that's okay."

"Do you hear me complaining?"

He broke the kiss and squeezed me tight.
"Can't say I did."

I hugged him back, then made myself step away
from him. "Go home. Or I'll tell everyone you tried on a pink
shirt."

He widened his eyes dramatically. "Can't have
that. I'm going. Have a good trip home."

"You too."

We smiled at each other, but he still
lingered so I made shooing motions with my hands until he laughed
and left. He didn't return this time, although he did look back and
smile before disappearing into the train tunnel, and while I knew
he needed to go I wished he'd come back. I missed him already.

I spent my subway ride home and my evening
trying to read but mostly reliving the day and his kisses and the
bond between us that was already so much more than just physical,
although that part was great too, and my dreams were full of him as
well.

I wore the hot pink jacket to work on
Tuesday, figuring he'd get a chuckle out of it, but I was so
nervous about seeing him that when I heard a footstep outside my
cubicle I jumped and spilled my water down my front.

"Hey," Wendy said, sticking her head into my
cube. "How are you?"

"Soggy." I slipped off the jacket. "I've got
a drinking problem, apparently. How was New York?"

"Fine. Loud. Crazy. I loved it." She looked
across the hall into Loren's cubicle then came further into mine.
"Yesterday! What happened?"

I told her how I'd gone looking for Loren's
dad, and she shook her head. "Poor guy. I think it's so sweet that
he takes care of him like that. So? What did you do with your day
off? Were you together?" She rubbed her hands together gleefully.
"Are you our first office romance?"

Would that I knew. "I'm not really ready. I
had a big breakup not long ago."

"Oh, that's right, you mentioned that before.
Still, he's sweet."

Sweeter than she knew. And a better kisser
than she could ever have imagined.

She took a breath to say something else,
probably to encourage me to go after Loren, then paused as we both
heard someone approaching. I knew, somehow, and my heart was
pounding even before Loren appeared in my doorway wearing black
pants and a chocolate brown shirt, my favorite of his purchases,
that made his eyes glow.

"Hey," he said. "How was New York,
Wendy?"

She smiled. "Loud but fun. How's your
dad?"

"He's good," he began, but before he could go
on she said, "I'm so glad Dana gave you time off yesterday. You
deserve it." She turned to me. "You both do."

"Aw, thanks."

She smiled at me. "So what did you do?
Anything crazy?"

I couldn't look at Loren. "Starbucks,
reading, a movie, clothes shopping... it was nice."

"I thought that shirt was new." She brushed
Loren's sleeve. "Gorgeous color, but now I'm hungry."

We all laughed, since Wendy's appetite for
chocolate was legendary around the office, and she said, "Well, I
should get back to work but I'm going to hit the coffee shop first.
I won't survive without a little something chocolaty. Want to come
along?"

I shook my head. "I'm good, thanks."

Loren declined too, and Wendy headed off
leaving us alone.

"Dad wants to know if the 'nice young lady'
can come over for dinner sometime. I said I'd ask." He smiled,
looking as nervous as I'd been feeling. "What do you think?"

Was that too much of a relationship thing? I
didn't know. But I did want to go so I looked up into his eyes and
nodded.

His smile widened. "I'll let you know once
I've cleaned the place up enough for you. Okay?"

"Sounds good." I didn't want to go over
tonight or anything like that. Just seeing him was stirring my body
as I remembered the feel of his arms around me and his mouth on
mine, and I felt we needed a bit of distance.

Maybe he did too; he gave my shoulder a
squeeze then said, "So, I bet we have tons of work piled up after
yesterday. Feeling brave?"

I grinned, but I wasn't grinning a few
minutes later when we realized how far behind we'd become in only
one day. We set to work, and we didn't touch and of course we
didn't kiss but I loved being with him, loved it more than I
thought I should. I wasn't ready, but somehow I forgot that when we
were together.

When his alarm went off near lunch time, I
left with him so I could get some food at the coffee shop while he
went home. Before we parted, he said, "I want to get you another
Starbucks drink to make up for the one you didn't finish yesterday.
Is that strawberry thing your favorite or do you want to try
something else?"

I looked up at him, feeling warm and fuzzy.
"Given why I didn't finish it, I don't exactly feel deprived."

His cheeks reddened and he smiled. "I hope
not. But seriously, what would you like?"

I'd like to be ready for a relationship
with you.
But I wasn't, so I said, "Get me whatever you think
is the reverse of the strawberry thing."

He winked. "Will do." Then his eyes flickered
past me and his face tightened.

Confused, I turned around to see Tina
standing staring at us. When she saw me looking, she turned and
fled.

Loren shook his head. "Chasing her down and
beating her up isn't an option, right?"

I smiled, touched that he wanted to.
"Probably wouldn't help your career to get arrested."

"I suppose not. Well, have a good lunch but
leave room for your drink."

The last time he'd walked away from me he'd
come back and kissed me. This time, he kept walking, but he looked
back at me and then ran into a group of people returning from an
early lunch. I watched, trying not to laugh, as they disentangled
themselves from him, and once he was free he looked back and shot
me an embarrassed grin. I flashed him a thumbs-up sign and he
returned it then left.

I ate lunch while reading the novel I'd
bought and occasionally letting myself slide into memories, then
went to put a dent in the work we still had to do. I was making
decent progress when Dana called me to her office to brief me on a
new project.

"It's a big one. High visibility too. I know
you guys can handle it, but if you have any trouble please talk to
me. We can't let the date slip at all."

"When's it due?"

"October twenty-fifth. It sounds like a long
time but it's not. Let me show you."

We spent nearly an hour together going over
the details, and she was right. The deadline gave us just over
seven weeks, and I'd have liked at least another four. But if we
pushed it would be doable. Once she'd made sure I understood the
requirements, she said, "Well, that should get you guys going. You
enjoyed your day off, I hope?"

Willing myself not to blush, I said, "Yes.
Thanks so much."

She smiled, and I knew she'd figured out
something was going on between us. She didn't say anything more,
though, but, "Glad to hear it. Have a nice afternoon."

I escaped without blushing too much, and
returned to my desk to find a cup topped with whipped cream, a note
stuck beneath it.

It's a latte with peppermint and vanilla.
Hope you like it!

I took a sip of the hot drink. Delicious.
Sweet and soothing but energizing too. Not unlike Loren
himself.

Since he was obviously back, I headed for his
cubicle to thank him for the drink and tell him about the new
project. I froze with one foot inside, though, when I realized he
was on the phone.

"No, and don't call me again. And the next
time someone says, 'Maybe she'll quit,' don't take that as a reason
to make it happen."

He hung up, and before I could back away and
pretend I hadn't been listening he turned and saw me.

"Hi," I said helplessly. "I wasn't trying to
eavesdrop, I was just coming to--"

He held up a hand to stop me. "No worries.
Look, Tina's still got my number from when she was with Brent and
she wanted me to make you talk to her."

I shook my head. "Nothing to say to her. But
thank you so much for defending me."

He smiled. "You're welcome. Did you try the
drink?"

"It's amazing. Thank you. What did you get
for yourself?"

He moved aside and gestured to the frosty
pink-filled cup on the desk behind him. "Strawberry. It tasted
great yesterday."

"But you didn't try my--"

Our eyes locked and I realized he had indeed
tasted my drink. In my kisses, like I'd tasted his chocolate
one.

The current pulsing between us snapped to
life again, then we both stepped back at once.

He gave me a rueful smile. "Not at work,
eh?"

I shook my head. "Guess not." I cleared my
throat. "So, Dana has a new project for us."

We sat, carefully out of touching distance,
at his desk and divided up the work, but every time I glanced at
his strawberry drink a shiver danced down my spine.