A Life That Fits (33 page)

But it had to end, of course. Nothing that
good could last forever. So I sang, nearly shrieked, "Live out
loud!", and the band cut off in perfect unison as I threw my head
back in triumph.

The crowd burst into applause and cheers, and
I shaded my eyes with my hand and grinned at them. "What?" I said
into the microphone. "Did you
like
that or something?"

Further cheers, and I laughed because I'd
never felt so alive. "Me too, my friends, me too."

I turned to look for Blake, knowing what I'd
see, and sure enough he had his ever-present camera up. I'd never
understood how his girlfriend Evelyn could stand his capturing
every instant of their lives on video, but it
would
be nice
to see a recording of this performance. I blew him kisses with both
hands, then told the crowd, "I can't thank you enough for being
here. The best birthday present ever. But hold on for a few
minutes, okay? I'll be right back. Gotta get changed."

They laughed as I tugged at the impossibly
short pink miniskirt I wore. It had been Giselle's in high school,
and when I'd had the idea the night before to dress up in something
typically popstar to sing my so-not-typically-popstar first song,
I'd known I had to wear it. I needed Giselle with me, needed her
strength and determination. Unfortunately, to wear her skirt well I
also needed to be a good four inches shorter and ten pounds
smaller.

Still, it had entertained the audience. I
left the stage, wobbling on my unfamiliar high heels but grinning
at the memory of their shocked faces when I walked out in the tiny
skirt with a matching hot pink wig covering my hair and a black bra
showing beneath the sheer leopard-print top I'd found at a thrift
store to tie the whole mess together. A long way from my typical
jeans-and-t-shirt outfits.

Though I knew everyone was waiting, I gave
myself one moment to breathe before changing and going back out.
I'd sung in public before, but never like this. Never in a bar,
never for an audience of over a hundred, and never for so many
friends-of-friends and friends-of-friends-of-friends. Never on my
twenty-fifth birthday.

And of course, never to launch my first
CD.

I stood savoring the glowing warmth of
finally finally
finally
reaching a goal I'd set for myself.
It had been twenty-five years coming, but for once in my life I
could say I'd done something I'd planned. I'd decided six months
ago to make a CD of my own songs by my birthday and I'd done it.
Tonight celebrated and commemorated it.

And next I could--

No. Not tonight. I didn't need to think about
the center and how I would get it running tonight. This was my
time. The goal I'd shared with Giselle, which I was at last capable
of completing alone in her honor, could wait until tomorrow. She
would have understood. She'd understood everything about me. I'd
never have a friend like her again, and I'd given up trying to find
one. The crowd out there were my acquaintances but only Giselle had
been a true friend.

I quickly changed into jeans and a teal
t-shirt then glanced at myself in the mirror. My hair was a mess
after the wig and my wildly overdone makeup hadn't survived the
stage lights and my fake eyelashes looked ridiculous, but none of
that mattered. My eyes were on fire, burning with a passion I'd
never seen in them before. All that mattered was the music. My
music. And the people who wanted to hear it.

I went out and shared it with them, and with
myself, until my throat was sore.

*****

When I woke up after noon, I lay in bed
luxuriating in the great memories. The delight I'd experienced
onstage, then the hours at the bar selling all fifty of the CDs I'd
brought and giving out tons of homemade postcards explaining where
to buy the music electronically, while I accepted endless teasing
about my ridiculous stage outfit and congratulations and
compliments for my songs and the party itself. My launch plan,
which I'd spent hours on and reviewed so many times I knew it as
well as my lyrics, had gone off without a hitch.

At the moment, though, my favorite memory was
having included "book off work the day after launch" in the plan. I
was a barely adequate waitress at the best of times, and since I'd
been up until five in the morning because I was too wired to sleep
today wouldn't be the best of times, especially since Tuesday was
"Seniors' Day" at the Setherwood Cafe and I didn't get along well
with seniors. Funny, since my parents were now both in their
seventies.

I rolled over, snuggling into my comforter,
and pulled my mind away from the job that made me money to instead
think about how I wanted to use that money. A bit to live on, of
course, but I had far bigger dreams for the rest. Giselle and I had
dreamed of starting a center, a place where confused and lost
teenage girls could find themselves, and now that I'd succeeded at
one goal I
would
figure out how to succeed at the important
one.

But right then I didn't want to figure
anything out. I wanted to enjoy my triumph. So I did. I stayed in
my cozy bed and relived my night until I was too hungry to stay put
any longer.

Wishing Jason was home so I could beg him to
get me food, I crawled out of bed and headed for the kitchen.
Thinking of my absent boyfriend brought my mood down a few notches.
Of all the times to have to go to Dubai for a meeting! I'd so
wanted him at my launch party, but he'd said there was nothing he
could do.

Sadness threatened to overwhelm me, but I
started singing "Out Loud", right there in the kitchen, and my
lyrics pushed it away. Jason would be back soon and everything
would be fine.

Once I'd pulled myself back together, I made
toast and microwaved some soup then fired up my laptop so I could
check email while I ate and see if I'd received any more
congratulations.

My inbox appeared, and I dropped my spoon
into the bowl, barely noticing as I splashed my pajama top with
tomato soup.

Six hundred and seventeen new messages?

If I got seventeen in a day, it was unusual.
Who'd sent the other six hundred?

The first few seemed to have been written by
monkeys with a few broken fingers.

That song rocks but teh others r crap.

can u giv me free cd? Kthnxbai.

Pnk grrl, i luvs u.

But the fourth, while easier to read, was
even harder to comprehend.

Gorgeous song and great performance. Please contact
me regarding contract opportunities.

I didn't recognize the sender's name, but the
signature referenced Griffin Records. How had they, one of the best
record labels in Toronto, heard of me?

I didn't get that question answered until I'd
waded through about fifteen more monkey-style emails.

Amy, call me. Call me before you talk to anyone
else. You're going to be huge and Sapphire Angel is perfect for
you.

The signature file said, "Jo. Sapphire Angel
Music," like she was Cher or Britney, too famous for a little
detail like a last name. But I was more interested in the email
that had been forwarded to her, which she'd left in her email to
me.

"Jo, check out this video. We should grab her ASAP.
Nancy."

I clicked the video link, which took me to a
music blog I knew well since it belonged to Blake's girlfriend
Evelyn, and was soon watching myself dancing and singing in that
inane outfit. I'd hoped Evelyn might mention my CD on her blog but
she'd never offered and I hadn't wanted to ask her to do it. Blake
must have emailed her the video while I was changing my clothes,
because she'd posted it before I'd even finished the concert, along
with a link to my web site.

My web site. Maybe this attention would score
me a few downloads.

Try a few hundred thousand downloads.

I stared at the counter for a shocked moment,
then logged into the payment system Jason had set up for me and
stared at the thousands of dollars I'd already received. Then I
checked my page on the do-it-yourself site where I'd published the
physical CD and stared at multiple reviews saying some variation
of, "That song rocks but teh others r crap." Then I stared at my
kitchen table.

What the hell was going on? Did Evelyn have
that big an audience?

I began an Internet search on myself, feeling
weirdly egotistical, and soon understood. Evelyn's blog had barely
two hundred followers, but her post had been reposted on several
huge music news sites, and from there it had spread like glitter in
the wind. Everywhere I looked, every music industry site I could
find, had either the original post or a mention of its huge
popularity with of course a link to the original.

I had gone viral.

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download)

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