A Life That Fits (32 page)

True. But why was my stomach alerting me even
more now?

"Do you think this would work?" He pointed at
a bottle with his left hand.

His bare left hand.

He'd taken off his wedding ring.

Disgust flooded me, and hard on its heels
came a horrible realization that tore through me like an electric
shock. Some smart woman would snap Loren up, Martin and all, and
I'd end up stuck with a sleaze ball like this guy.

I couldn't let that happen.

No, I wasn't ready to be with Loren
full-time. But I hadn't even tried to find another way. Loren was
sweet and smart and he understood me; maybe he'd have been willing
to work something out. I hadn't tried.

Another shock hit me as I remembered how
awful my stomach had felt as I hugged him goodbye. It hadn't just
been about his leaving; my instincts had known I was missing an
option and had been trying to tell me. I hadn't heard them, hadn't
understood. But I did now. And when I got over--

A third shock, and suddenly everything seemed
so clear. I
was
over Alex. I wasn't staying away from Loren
because I needed to be over Alex. That had happened when I kicked
him out of our apartment, when I'd taken control and reversed back
to the life I wanted. My calm stomach the next day had been telling
me so but I hadn't known how to listen. I was over Alex, and I
cared about Loren, and there
had
to be some way to--

"Hello?"

I came back to myself and looked at the guy.
"Why don't you put your wedding ring on and ask your wife?" I said,
and walked away before he could answer. I left my stuff with the
cashier, not wanting to waste time buying it, and raced out to
start the journey of streetcar and subway and bus to Loren's house.
I had to see him.

At every switch of transportation, I fought
not to bail out. I had nothing new to say, no plans or solutions to
offer. I still couldn't be with him all the time. Nothing had
changed since we'd said goodbye. So why was I going?

Because my gut said I had to. Because my
every instinct told me to keep moving toward him. Because I needed
him in my life.

I needed space to move around and grow and
change, and I'd made sure I had plenty. Now I also needed the feel
of his strong arms around me. At least sometimes.

I might not be able to get that, I knew, but
I tried not to dwell on it. I'd deal with it if he turned me down,
but I knew he cared about me and I had to see if we could make it
work. It was weird, I knew, and people would think it was bizarre
to like each other but not be together all the time, but it felt so
right
to me. I'd reversed too many things, and I wanted him
back in my life. We fit together.

I rehearsed what I could say, about how I
still couldn't be with him every day but would love to be with him
somehow, and eventually had a nice little speech prepared.

Though I tried not to, as I walked from the
bus stop to his house I found myself imagining every possible
response he might make. Anger that I'd assume he'd settle for so
little. Happiness that I did still want to be with him. Annoyance
that I'd caused us both so much pain.

The one thing I didn't imagine was his front
door being opened by a gorgeous blonde.

"Can I help you?"

I stared. "Um. Is Loren available?"

"He's out at the moment, actually. But he
should be home any time now."

"I... okay."

"Do you want me to tell him--oh, wait. There
he is."

I turned, heart racing, to see Loren's car
pulling into the driveway. He sat frozen for a moment then walked
toward me carrying a gym bag, confusion and hope in his eyes. His
hair was messy and he wore jeans with a ripped knee. His open
leather jacket revealed a gray t-shirt with sweat stains at the
neck and dust smudged across it. I'd never seen him look better.
"Hi," I managed.

"Hi." He sounded as freaked out as I felt.
"I... look, can you wait here for a minute? It's not too cold,
right? I need to talk to Dad and Clarissa, then I'll come out and
talk to you. Okay?"

I nodded, and he followed the blonde into his
house.

It
was
kind of cold out, but my new
blue coat and my utter terror kept me warm. I leaned against the
metal stairway railing, trying not to panic. She could be one of
Martin's caretakers. But so pretty! I'd been afraid I'd lose him to
someone else. Someone that gorgeous, and obviously caring given her
job?

I wrapped my arms around myself and struggled
to stay calm. I didn't know. I would know soon but--

The door opened and terror sparked through me
but it was only Clarissa. "He'll be out in a second. Okay?"

"Sure."

She smiled and walked away.

A few more panicked moments later, the door
opened again. He stepped out and closed it behind him. "Hi." He
looked wary but hopeful.

My heart pounding so hard it hurt, I said,
"Hi." We'd said that already but I couldn't think of anything
else.

He cleared his throat. "What's up?"

My prepared speech was gone as if I'd done no
rehearsing at all. "I... I really like you."

He gave a single nod. "And I really like
you."

Joy filled me. "Still?" I whispered. "After
what I did?"

His eyes softened. "You told me the truth
about what you needed. How could that make me not like you?"

I wanted to kiss him so much, but I couldn't.
Not yet. "Because I hurt you. Because I wasn't ready."

He took a step closer. "Are you ready
now?"

Though I hated it, I had to shake my head.
"I... look. I miss you so much. But I can't be in a relationship
full-time. I just can't."

His eyes searched my face. "Andrea, tell me
why you're here."

Frustration and confusion flooded me. "I
don't
know
. I felt like I had to come. I had to tell you I
want to be with you every day but I can't do it." I shut my eyes.
"Which you already knew, so I don't know what I'm doing--"

His warm mouth on mine silenced me. After a
startled instant, I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him in
place so he wouldn't pull away. He didn't try; instead he drew me
closer and kissed me slow and sweet, and I kissed him back and
savored the delight of being with him again and somehow managed not
to obsess about what would happen next. All that mattered was him
and his mouth and the emotion in his kiss.

When we broke apart, I managed, "What brought
that on?"

He smiled, his eyes alight with happiness and
amusement. "You're my sign."

"I think I'm glad to
be
your sign but
I don't get it."

His hand stroked gently over my hair. "Since
you left, I've been making changes. Clarissa and her husband live
down the street, and she's happy to spend time with Dad in the
evenings because she's trying to make a career change into working
with Alzheimer's patients. She wanted to before but I couldn't
bring myself to let her. I joined a volleyball league, which is
where I was tonight, and I'm taking an advanced analysis course at
the university on Tuesday nights. And I have at least one more
night free a week, and maybe more if Clarissa has time."

His earlier words about needing to be with
Martin all the time came back to me, and I took a breath to ask but
he was there ahead of me. "I know, it means I don't see Dad as
much. But we talked about it, and it turns out he's been worried
about how little I do other than take care of him. He wants me to
go out and live. So now I am. I decided to reverse things in my
life. Thanks to you." He reached out and brushed my cheek.

I shivered, and he smiled.

"But what's the sign thing?"

His smile widened. "As I was leaving
volleyball, I was thinking about how I've managed to free up some
of my time, which is good, but I don't want to spend all that time
by myself. Remember when we were at the mall talking about needing
a sign? I told myself I needed one now, a sign that I
should
be leaving Dad with Clarissa and living my own life. Then I turn
into the driveway, and there you are. My sign."

My throat tightened. Were we that connected,
that I somehow knew he needed me to show up today? I didn't know,
but I loved the idea, so I hugged him hard and said into his chest,
"So now what?"

I hadn't meant to echo what he'd said after
our kisses in the rain, but we both chuckled, remembering.

He squeezed me. "Same as I said then. We're
great. And we'll keep being great."

I longed to stay in his arms but I had to
know where we stood so I drew back enough that I could see his
face. "But how will we be great?"

"Do you have any evenings free?"

I nodded. "Thursdays."

His eyes danced. "Any chance you'd give me
every Thursday night? And then we'd be on our own the rest of the
time. Single six days a week and then together Thursday nights.
What do you think?"

I pressed my face to his shoulder. I thought
it was crazy, but I loved it. I thought joy and excitement were
flooding me. I thought my gut was delighted. But I thought one more
thing too. "Are you really okay with that?"

He kissed the top of my head. "Here's the
thing. I want to be with Dad in whatever alert time he has left. I
need some time to myself but I want to spend lots with him too. I'm
truly not ready for a full-time relationship either. But,
Andrea?"

I looked up and the emotion in his eyes made
me gasp even before he said, "You have no idea how much I've missed
you."

My arms tightened around his neck. "Oh, I
think I do. Almost as much as I've missed you."

"More." He pulled me closer. "We can make
this work. We'll adjust whenever we have to so we're both getting
what we need. Andrea, will you be my part-time girlfriend?"

I looked into his eyes and saw only happiness
and certainty there. I checked in with my gut and found exactly the
same thing. "Loren, Thursday is now officially my favorite day of
the week. Yes. Please."

He grinned and kissed me, sweet at first but
with that blinding passion rising between us.

I pressed myself against him and kissed him
back, and nothing had ever felt so right. No doubts, no fears, no
worries about how we'd make it work. I knew we would. We were meant
to.

He ended the kiss and cuddled me against his
shoulder. "There's only one more question."

I snuggled closer. "Okay."

"Today is Wednesday. So will we pretend it's
Thursday or should you get lost?"

I looked up at him, into his mischievous
eyes, and pretended to be contemplating. "Well, it's been a few
weeks since I've seen you, so maybe we can have a second night this
week. What do you think?"

He grinned. "Oh, I think so. We'll reverse
the rules. But just this once. Come on in. I'll get changed, since
I can't look this scruffy with such a gorgeous part-time
girlfriend, and then we can hang out with Dad. Exciting, huh?"

I hugged him hard. "Definitely. But don't
change. You look adorable."

He blushed, and I kissed him again.

We went inside, where Martin's happiness at
seeing me and Loren together nearly made me cry, then we all
settled down for some television. It wasn't exactly a hot date, but
I sat cuddled up to my part-time boyfriend, my knight in torn jeans
and a dirty t-shirt, and knew I'd finally made myself a life that
fit me like my perfect suede boots.

The great picture on the front cover is by
www.istockphoto.com/geotrac. I knew it was Andrea the second I saw
it!

Huge thanks to Holly MacLeod for reading
every draft of this book
and
every other book I've written.
I'll make you into a romance reader yet!

Beth MacLeod and Tanya Sweeney and Jess
Wilkinson gave me even more brilliant feedback than they usually do
and the book is far better as a result. Thank you so much.

To my husband, thank you yet again. If I
write a hundred novels I still won't have enough acknowledgement
pages to thank you enough for all your support and encouragement
and ridiculous book ideas that make me feel better about my
own.

And finally, a monster thanks to every one of
my Facebook pals. I really want to list all your names but then the
acknowledgements might be longer than the book! I really appreciate
your support and great insightful comments on titles and covers and
your uncanny ability to post a "loved your book" note right when I
need it most.

I so appreciate your reading "A Life That
Fits" and I hope you enjoyed it. I would love to know what you
thought, so feel free to send me your feedback! You can reach me
through my website (http://www.heatherwardell.com), on Facebook
(http://www.facebook.com/heather.wardell.author), or on Twitter
(http://www.twitter.com/heatherwardell).

If you feel so moved, it would be wonderful
if you could post a review to your favorite book-related website,
as word of mouth is hugely helpful.

Read on to see a preview of my next book.
Thanks again, and happy reading!

My next book is currently untitled, but
here's a short description and the first few pages. If you're not
on my mailing list already, you can sign up at
http://www.heatherwardell.com and I'll be sure to let you know when
the book is available.

In this new book, Amy finally achieves the
goal she's been after: creating a CD of her songs. But when her
video goes viral and she becomes the next big pop star, how will
she remember who she really is?

Chapter One

I moved into the last few words of the best
song I'd ever written, the band and I slamming ahead with
everything we had to give, and wished time could stand still
forever. Being on that stage felt a thousand times wilder than the
craziest roller coaster, a million times more exciting than sex,
better than anything I could imagine, and I didn't want it to end.
Neither did the audience, from what I could see with the stage
lights blazing in my eyes and refracting off my hot pink fake
eyelashes.