A Mother's Love (2 page)

              Lo knew I was a virgin I told him through our conversations on the phone. He didn’t care and he was very nice about it. He really didn’t mention it or bring it up either and that made me feel comfortable. We sat on the couch in his room and he turned on the television. He had a nice size bed it was a full size bed and his room was nice and clean. He lived with his mother her name was Nancy and she was at work.

              We watched BET and talked about all the stars and the latest celebrity gossip. Lo I found out was nineteen. I know what could a nineteen year old do with a fifteen year old? I was young and since Lo showed me some attention more than any other guy had showed me I felt like he liked me. Being next to him was a turn on for me. He only had his arm around my neck and I was soaking wet. I know he could tell I was nervous but he was being a gentleman about it.

              “You nervous ma?” he asked as he put his arms around my waist and kissed the back of my neck.

              Electric shocks went through my body. I had a low cut shirt to entice him and my titties were sitting really pretty. I had never had sex, shit I had never kissed anybody before so he was opening me up and I couldn’t even resist.

              “Yeah a little” I confessed. He kissed me again on my neck and then went to my ear. My panties at this moment was creaming over.

              “You like that ma?”

              He knew damn well I did by the way my body was tensing up. As he was kissing me he started to ease his way up my thigh. Once he got to my love box he stopped kissing me. He touched my love box and then he touched it again and looked at me. I looked scared I didn’t know what was wrong. “Damn ma you so damn wet I can feel it through your jeans.”

              I started laughing it was a nervous laugh cause I didn’t know if that was good or bad. “You want me to leave?” I asked. I didn’t know what to do.

              “Hell naw, I want you to stay. I definitely want you to stay.” That night we did a lot of stuff. Mostly kissing and fondling but I left with my virginity he wasn’t gone get it that easy.

              I liked Lo a lot he was my first boyfriend but he was going to have to work to get the cookies out of the jar. Over the next couple of months Lo and I got real close. We stayed up on the phone all night talking he made sure I went to school, and we made sure we saw each other every week.

              I was only fifteen but I knew I was in love with Lo he was my everything. I loved everything about the man. The only thing I hated about him and wish that he wouldn’t do was drink so much. I didn’t think that it was a problem. He said he was just a social drinker. But when he did drink he got a little mean and possessive. But that was because he was in love with me and didn’t like for any of his friends to look at me or try to talk to me when we were together.

              It was the weekend and one of Lo’s guys had a party at his house. I had Zaharra come with me. Tim was Lo’s friend and we went to school with him also, he was in his senior year. So we had met before, it was just their friends and a couple of females they knew. There was liquor flowing and Lo was drinking everything in sight as usual. He didn’t really have a specific drink he liked he just liked to drink. We had been dating for about four months now.

              I had been thinking about sex a lot lately. I had even asked Zaharra how it felt. She had told me that it was going to hurt but after a while it would feel good. Lo had been pressuring me lately to have sex with him and although I was scared I wanted to give it to him. What if he decided to have sex with someone else I would lose him? I definitely had to put on my big girl pants and give it up because no one was going to take my man.

              We were chilling at the party they had all the hottest shit bumping throughout the house. I was sitting next to Lo and he was playing with my pussy. He always did that and he didn’t care who he was in front of us. I was his and if I protested he got mad. I was super wet he started to whisper in my ear all the nasty things he wanted to do to me. I whispered back to let’s get away and go somewhere private. He walked over to Tim and told him something and then came to me. He led me upstairs into one of the rooms. It was dark going up the hallway and you couldn’t hear the music as loud as we made it upstairs. It must have been Tim’s room because it was a plain full sized bed in the room with a TV sitting on top of a dresser. He had lots of naked white bitches hanging on his wall.

              Lo sat on the bed next to me. He started kissing on me and getting me real hot. He smelled of liquor but I didn’t care. I loved him and he loved me and that was all that matter. That day in that room Lo took my virginity. It wasn’t romantic or anything like that having sex hurt like hell at first. That was my first time in the room of Lo’s friend. That summer we had sex over and over again and by the end of the summer I was good and pregnant.

              Sitting in the bathroom in McDonalds I looked at the test again two lines that meant I was pregnant. The tears streamed down my face I was only fifteen what was I going to do? I had to tell Lo first I know he was going to be mad.

              I caught the bus over Lo’s house from McDonalds to give him the news. He answered the door and gave me a kiss. I sat down on his bed. I didn’t know where to start.

              “What’s wrong with you?”

              “I’m pregnant” I blurted out.

              I just knew he was going to be mad but he kissed me and told me how much he loved me and he wanted to marry me. So that made me feel a little better but I was still scared. The next task was to tell my Mom whenever she got home. Lo and his mom Nancy came with me. Nancy was a nice lady who I really adored. The only thing is that Nancy was a drunk. Like mother like son. But she was a real genuinely nice lady. Lo was an only child so Nancy treated me like the daughter she had never had. A lot of times I spent time with Nancy when Lo wasn’t around I never really had a real mother figure.

              When I got home I walked in my Mother’s room and told her I needed to talk to her about something that was real important so she needed to be home. She seemed like she had an attitude at first when I said it. She was putting makeup on her brown pretty face.

              “Mom you about to leave tonight again” I asked her as she put eyeliner under her eyes. Her room smelled good with a mixture of different fragrances.

              “Naw girl why, “She said sounding annoyed.

              “I gotta talk to you about something tomorrow.” I said looking scared.

              She turned and looked at me. I think she knew what I wanted to talk to her about but she didn’t say anything. She just looked me up and down and turned back around.

              I was scared here I was fifteen years old and about to have a baby. I was grateful because I had Nancy and Lo behind me. When I told my Mom I wasn’t surprised she kicked me out and I moved in with Nancy and Lo. My mom said she was not taking care of any babies. My little fast ass wanted to be grown and out her fucking then I could do it on my own.

              She said, “And you gone bring these muthafucka over here for what. You could have told me that by yourself and I would still tell you the same thing get your shit and get out!” she yelled.

              Nancy told Lo to go wait outside because he was getting heated. With tears in my eyes I went to my room and started packing my stuff. My little sister came to say good bye to me. My mom was yelling how much of a hoe I was. But she must have forgotten that is what she did all day her damn self.

              Fuck her I knew she would turn her back on me. And I was hurt it hurt me real bad but good thing I had Nancy and Lo. It was like we were married. It was just his mother, me, and him. I went to school, Nancy went to work during the day, and Lo hustled all day long. I still kicked it with my girls but I spent most of my time at home with Nancy we had a real unbreakable bond between us. We cooked together, she read me books on how to take care of the baby, and she took care of me. I loved her she treated me better than my own Mom.

              Everything was perfect on the outside looking in but Lo was abusive. I remember the first time Lo hit me. We were about to have sex and I had gotten tired of the same routine. I was kissing on his neck and rubbing on his dick. I pulled out his dick and went down to suck it. I had never given head and Lo never asked for it but I was curious as to what it was all about. I licked the tip of his dick and he slapped the side of my face so hard I saw stars.

“Don’t you ever put your muthafucking mouth down there!” He said and put his dick in his pants.              

              I was confused I didn’t know what the hell had just happened. I thought all men liked head but I guess my man didn’t. He told me that giving head was not lady like. So that was the end of that but it wasn’t the last time he put his hands on me.

              We went to look at the ultrasound to see what we were having. We took a cab to the doctor’s office. The Medicaid paid for transportation. I was hoping for a boy and Lo wanted a girl. I had drunk the water and my bladder was full as hell. We were waiting in the lobby of the clinic and me and Lo was talking and having our little conversation. That was one thing when we talked we always had fun. He kept a smile on my face. I loved the man and he made me happy. We went to the back when I was called. They did the ultrasound and it was a girl. Lo was happy this was going to be his first child. We called his mother and told her that we were having a girl, she was excited too.

              When we got to the house Lo decided to celebrate so he called some of his people over and got some liquor of course. Nancy was working a double shift at the hospital so she wasn’t going to be home until the next day because she would not have liked that. Everybody was having a good time. Lo was chilling and enjoying his self but I was starting to get tired I had to get ready for school in the am. Although I was pregnant Nancy and Lo made sure I went to school.  I told Lo where I was going. He excused me and let me go to the back to the room. I went to the bathroom to run me some water.  I went in the room and got my pajamas together.

              When my bath water got done I yelled down to everyone to make sure they knew I was in the bathroom. I locked the door and got relaxed. The water felt good on my body. I stayed in the bath for about twenty minutes. I got in the bed and was so happy that the music had turned off. I dozed off to sleep. In my dreams I was drowning and I couldn’t breathe. I gasped for air. I woke up scared and confused and Lo was staring at me.

              “What’s wrong baby?” I asked and sat up I was kind of dizzy must have been my dream.

              “Aw you want to know what the fuck is wrong?” He said staring at me. I could tell he was drunk. He grabbed my hair and pulled it.
              “Lo what the hell is wrong with you?” I said trying to get away. He grabbed my ponytail tighter, his grip was strong. For him to be a little short skinny guy he was pretty strong.

              “You think I don’t know acting like a trashy hoe.” He pushed my face in the pillow. He was smothering me and I couldn’t breathe. I tried to scream but I know my cries were muffled by the pillow. He let me up and I gasped for air.

              “You better shut up before my Mama hears you.” I muffled my cries. “Next time you decide to take a bath you better wait to my muthafucking company leave trying to get naked why muthafucka in the house”

              He lie next to me and cuddled with me like he had not just abused me. At the time I thought it was love. He didn’t want anybody to see me. But now I know he was just plum crazy.

Chapter Three

              I was about due and I was ready to explode. I had missed my sixteenth birthday all because I was pregnant. I was ready to pop I was so ready for this baby to get out of me. It was spring and hot. I was irritated. And Lo was getting on my nerves. It was noon and I was sitting at in the living room eating ice cream Lo had been gone since about eight that morning. He came in the house staggering and I knew he was drunk. I looked at the clock again yup it was twelve in the afternoon and he was drunk. He came and sat next to smelling like a liquor store.

              “Damn Lo why the fuck you always drinking” He looked at me like he was throwing daggers with his eyes. I would usually shut up but fuck that the drinking was too much. “Don’t fucking look at me like that nigga I asked you a question.”

              Lo didn’t even respond he just slapped the spit out of my mouth. I held my mouth and I could taste the blood. Usually he would stop there but today I guess I had said too much.  He got up and choked me. My belly was big but he did not care. He was kind of on my stomach and I couldn’t breathe I tried to gasp for air. When he finally let me go I felt the water trickle down my leg my water bag had busted. He jumped back and was scared.

              “What the fuck you done pissed on yourself?”

              “No! It’s my bag. The baby is coming!”The pain suddenly hit me. I walked over to the couch. The pain had come on so suddenly all the bullshit he was putting me through I didn’t even notice the pain.