A Mother's Love (5 page)

              That simple thing started an argument. We were in the room and I was watching television. Daphne was with her dad and grandma at a fair and Jr. was on the bed sleep. Shane came in.

              “Baby I need to talk to you about school and how we going to manage an extra bill.”

              “An extra bill Denesha really?” He said looking irritated.

              “Yeah okay I got the internet for only thirty dollars so I think we can manage.”

              “I can’t handle another bill Nesha. We got the rent, light, phones, cable, gas, and now internet.”

              “You act like I’m not helping. Plus we can get rid of the cable. I need to go to school.”

              He got up and started putting his clothes in some bags. Was he leaving? Was he serious? My heart stopped. I jumped up.

              “Are you serious? What is you doing?” I was crying now. He stopped what he was doing and looked me in the eyes.

              “Look Nesha I got somebody else pregnant.” He said with no remorse. “I’m about to have four kids. I can’t do this I’m going to live with Carrie. It would be easier, she don’t have no kids but the one we about to have. Things will be better with her.”

              I couldn’t believe the shit he was saying. He was telling me he had been cheating and with the white bitch that was supposed to be his connect. What the fuck was going on? I couldn’t breathe I wanted to scream. It felt like my entire life was crashing. Here I was eighteen and about to have three kids. Why was this happening to me? Was I that horrible of a person? And this muthafucka here he was ready to leave after he had done this to me. But one thing I knew I wasn’t going to do.  I wasn’t going to beg him to stay if he wanted to go wasn’t nothing I could do.

              I cried I was heartbroken. I really thought that Shane was the love of my life. I guess not. I kept up with my jobs and I managed my bills on my own. Shane did at least leave me the car for the kids. I guess the bitch Carrie had a car. Lo was seeing someone else and she was pregnant too. She was a white girl named Amanda. Don’t get me wrong I ain’t got a problem with interracial dating but I was feeling a type of way about them stealing my baby daddies. I just didn’t know what was going on with my baby daddies leaving me for white women. Technically Lo didn’t leave me but still they left me for white women what was that shit about?

              Over the next couple of months I did my school work and went to work. The financial aid was a big help with bills and things like that. Shane and Lo were really great with getting the kids when I needed to get my school work done. I can admit they were perfect father’s just really bad boyfriends. Shane still came over and we had sex every now and then. He apologized for what he did and I acted strong in front of him but when he left I cried. I cried my heart out my heart was still broken.

              When a person who suppose to loves you beats you it physically hurts but when a person who you love and yall are suppose to have a connection leaves you it hurts your soul. Lo had hurt me physically because he had a drinking problem. But Shane I did not understand why he hurt me, or why he was such a dog. That muthafucka should have left me at that party crying like a psychopath. Why do men think it is okay to love you and leave you? A broken heart is so hard to heal you can’t just fix it like a toy you have to wait it out with time. Only time heals a broken heart.

Chapter Seven

              I was out getting me some food after work. I was tired and I was not going to go home and cook. Daphne was with Nancy and Jr. was with Shane’s aunt. I was happy for the break. It was Friday too and they were planning to keep the kids. Well Shane’s aunt wasn’t but little did she know Shane was going to have to get him because I needed a break. I wasn’t answering my phone as a matter of fact I already had my lie together. I turned off my phone and when they asked I was going to say I was in the hospital because I was having problems with the baby. Being a single mother with two toddlers and one on the way was tough on me.

              I was waiting for my fish when I saw a white Lexus truck pull into the restaurant. The base from the radio was knocking and when the driver got out I had to take a second glance. It was the guy from the club the old dude I was dancing on. And I had to admit he was looking good. And I was looking like shit. Here I was four months pregnant, hair in a ponytail, and some damn sweats on. I hoped he didn’t notice me. He walked in and looked right at me. Well of course since I was the only one in the damn place.

              He ordered his food and sat down in my booth. “Hey miss lady how you been?” he said. This man was fine he was high yellow. The man waves was on point and his muscular built was damn sexy.

              “I’m doing good” I said I heard the man call my number and got up. He noticed my baby bump.

              “Aw shit somebody carrying a load ain’t they?” I laughed and grabbed my food. He got up and blocked the door. “Why you look so sad?”

              And just like when I met Shane I burst into tears. The guy comforted me and calmed me down. I felt crazy it was like if somebody asked me how I felt I just couldn’t even answer. At least this time I didn’t seem crazy and weak I could blame the pregnancy.

              “Look you wanna go somewhere and talk?” I looked at him and thought hell no. Yeah talk right he wanted to fuck me. He must have read my mind because he made his intentions clear. “Look I really just wanna talk. Come on.”

              He led me to his car and made me sit in the warm leather seats. He ran back in and got his food. He started up the car and was about to drive off.

              “Wait my car.”

              He told me not to worry about it. It would be there when he dropped me off. He took me to his house and I have to say it was nice. Here I was a pregnant eighteen year old girl in the house with a man I didn’t know helpless yet I didn’t feel scared. I started to eat my food because I was really hungry and the baby was hungry too. Once I finished I began to speak.

              “So what’s your name?” I said finally. He was watching the basketball game.

              “She speaks.” He smiled, “My name is Vincent.”

              “Oh okay I’m Denesha.” I said filling full as ever.

              “Delightful, Denesha,” I started smiling.

              “So is it true that you’re a pimp?” I had seen it on his business card the night at the club. That was why I never called I thought he was trying to make me become one of his hoes.

              “No baby girl I run a strip club.” He laughed.

              “Aw. “ I said feeling silly.

              We chatted and I found out he was thirty two, divorced, he had one daughter she was twelve. I told him that I was eighteen I had two kids and this little bundle of joy on the way. I thought he was going to run once I told him that but he seemed okay. I guess he had heard of many situations he was older. He probably had seen so many females in my predicament that it didn’t matter. He told me that I was kind and I seemed to have a sincere heart. From that day forth I never shed another tear over Shane. Vincent helped me get over it. You know the saying to get over one get under another.

              Vincent went with me to my doctor checkups since Shane was too busy playing house with the Carrie bitch. I found out I was having another little boy. That was okay with me. I had succeeded in potty training the two year old Daphne so I was excited. Lo was having another girl and his relationship was going good. Except he was whooping Amanda’s ass, I felt bad for her but I wasn’t getting involved.

              Vincent took me shopping for the kids and myself. He let me buy whatever I wanted. I was considerate to not spend too much. I wasn’t trying to be greedy. We had fun together, he hated that I worked so hard but he loved that I was still going to school to become a social worker, my dream job. It was fun having Vincent around the kids liked him and Shane and Lo respected him, but we were just friends. He didn’t even try to have sex with me, we were stronger than that.

              Zaharra was in college she was becoming a dentist. We kicked it on occasion but she was seeing someone. I hadn’t met him yet. I guess he was her little secret. That was okay she probably didn’t want him around me and all my damn kids. I was at home alone with the kids and I was eight months. My pregnancy was a good one but I always felt like something was wrong. I think all the stress Shane put me through. My blood pressure was slightly high but nothing the doctor said to be alarmed about. Washing dishes one afternoon I felt a horrible pain in my stomach. I thought nothing of it maybe it was just a gas pain. I fixed Daphne’s hair for daycare the next day and put my kids to bed. It was about nine at night and my pain was getting worse. I went to the bathroom and there was blood.

              I called Shane at first but got no answer.  I was scared and didn’t know what to do. I called Lo and his bitch picked up and hung up in my face. I even tried to call Zaharra but she must have been with her man. I called Rick, Red, and Yellow but no one answered. So I decided to call Vince. I knew he would be at the club but he was my last resort. He answered and immediately came and got me. He rushed me to the hospital. They told me I needed a c-section something was wrong with the baby. Vincent stayed in the waiting area with the kids while they performed my emergency c-section. Shamar was born weighing three pounds with under developed lungs. They said that my body was too weak to hold him.

              I had three kids within three years my body needed time to heal. I had almost killed my baby because I was being careless. I told the doctors to give me some birth control, as soon as possible. I should have been smarter but I loved my kids they were a blessing. They put me on the shot and I agreed. Vincent finally got in touch with my kids daddy and they came and got the kids. Shane came to see Shamar in the ICU. He was doing well and they said he would be fine.

Chapter Eight

              I had decided after the scare with Shamar I was not having sex. It seemed like every time I did have sex I got pregnant. Vince was okay with that he still hung around, took me out, and kept me good. Especially since I lost my job after the unexpected labor, they wasn’t right because I had a legitimate reason. But it was okay Vince took care of me. He gave me two thousand dollars every two weeks. I paid my bills and put the rest up for the kids. I focused more on school and became a better mother. I didn’t work so I took my kids to the park, I took them to museums, and not the baby he wasn’t old enough. I cherished the moments I got to spend with them. They definitely kept me entertained with the different personalities. I never knew what the future would bring but in the present I was only concerned about making them happy.

              It had been six months since Shamar was born. And I thought it was time for me to give Vince a little taste. Yes I know what I said about no sex but honestly I was so damn horny I couldn’t take it anymore. The kids were gone with their Dads and I was all alone. I invited Vince over to watch a movie and when I answered I only had on my lingerie. He looked at me with confusion. He walked past me and into the living room. It was like I was unattractive to him. I didn’t understand what I had done wrong. He took care of me and the kids treated me right but I was still in the friend zone what was up with that?

              “Sit down, Delightful. “ He told me.

              I was embarrassed. I came and sat next to him. He grabbed my hand. “You look terrific baby girl.”

              I guess he had to assure me that he was indeed attracted to me. And of course who wouldn’t want me. After three kids my body was still banging. I had stretch marks where my ass had grown but my stomach was flat as a pancake.

              “Thank you,” I said being shy.

              “But baby I don’t wanna just have sex with you I want us to establish something. I’m too old for the games. So if you ready to give me your body then you better be ready to give me your heart.” That was the sweetest shit my ears had ever heard. I grabbed him and kissed him. I climbed on top of him and made him my man. I gave him my heart, my body, my soul.

              After that Vincent and I went house shopping. I picked out a four bedroom family house for us. For the next couple of weeks I went around shopping for each room. I made Daphne’s room into Dora the Explorer. The boys would share rooms and I made theirs Batman and Spiderman. Our room was beautiful I had the sexual colors in our room. You know hot red, calming browns, and sunshine yellow. Yes! The extra room was for an office. That way I could do my work and Vince could take care of business. We had two desks. I had the laptop and he had the desk top.

              I still went to school but I managed to get a part time job working at a group home for teens. I liked it. Hell in all honesty I was still a teen I was only nineteen years old. I couldn’t even buy alcohol but here I was purchasing a home with my man and raising three kids. Vince made sure he put my name on the property too. When his daughter came over, Victoria she slept in the room with Daphne. She actually liked having stepbrothers and sisters. We got along and surprisingly I got along with his ex wife.