Chocolate Honey (4 page)

Chapter 3

During the next two weeks, he and Lizzie met at the barn dances, kissed had sex at the back, just a circle of dance and quick sex. There was no time for cuddling and romance. This type of impersonal, loving was having a toll on Julian. He was used to making love,

then cuddling and sleeping in the arms of the woman he loved. He began to feel, cheap

and like he was just having sex for the sake of having sex. It pained him, but he knew what had to be done as he did not like feeling this way. Plus, he was beginning to think of Christine in a new way. “God, he thought I cannot believe that that woman is in love with me. He for several days, started to daydream of her. He imagined what it must be like to hug and kiss and make love to her. I love her he thought. What am I going to do? “Lizzie”, he said between kisses, “We have to talk, about the way things are going.” “Mmm this sounds serious, are you ok?” “No, I am not, I don’t like what we are doing, you know having sex outdoors like animals. I want more, I want to make love, cuddle, and sleep and wake up next to a woman. I feel like we are dogs, just meeting for a quick loving here and there. To make this short, I don’t wanna do this anymore.”
“What?”
“Liz, I love you and all but, I can’t take this. Even though we are slaves, we are human. I need more than this. So much more.” “Julian. I hate, what we have to do, but what else do you suggest? I am on a different plantation, how else can we be together?” Julian sighed heavily and said, “That’s just it Lizzie, I don’t want to do this anymore, we can’t be together no other way. I think it’s time we faced the truth, we havta split up. I am sorry!” “What?! You mean you don’t wanna see me anymore! God, I thought you loved me.” She started to sob and her chest started to heave. Julian was so confused and did not know if anything said at this time, could comfort her. “Liz, of course I still love you, but this ain’t me. I cannot continue like this. We are slaves, is not like we can be together anytime or place we want. God! I hate living this way, in chains and no freedom.” He too started to cry and they held each other in a hug that said goodbye. He left the dance a broken man and went to his cabin and cried himself to sleep. In the days following his break up with Lizzie. Julian experience a period of depression. Christine, knew his mood is connected to Lizzie, but she had no idea what the problem could be. Oh God, I hate to see him so depressed. Lizzie, is so mean-spirited maybe she is pressuring Julian to stop taking lessons from me. She mustered up her courage and decided to ask, him what the problem is. Hopefully, he will give me a good answer, I pray I will be able to lift his spirits. “You look, so sad today, are you ok Julian. You hardly paid any attention to our lessons today.” “I am fine, Christine, just have a lot on my mind, that’s all. I am sorry.” “Mmmm, you care to tell me what has been bothering you?” “No, I will be ok. How are you coping with your forced engagement to creature Paul?” “Oh, it has been a nightmare, I feel like running away.” Her voice softened, then she said. “I feel the only thing that is keeping me here is the time I spend with you.” “I like, spending time with you too, I like learning. Your mind, opens when you can read. I can journey to far off places, calculate numbers in my head, and think for myself. Thank you so very much for caring about me so much.” “Why you are welcomed. Remember, I love you and I am not ashamed to say it.” She smiled and Julian felt a tingle at his neck when she did. He stared at her for a long time and wondered why she loved him. “Why are you looking at me like that?” “How?” “You know, all dreamy eyed, one would think you are making love to me in your mind.” “No, I was just daydreaming about someone else.” A look of pain flashed across her face, which made him ached with regret at his words. “I am sorry, I should not have said that, you just told me you loved me.” “No, I should never, have made you feel uncomfortable then. Oh jeez look at the time, I really have to go.” Julian thought, God, I am so stupid, why didn’t I just tell her that I am falling in love with her. I am so scared, what if someone finds out my true feelings? After, much soul searching he decided that do or die, he had to tell Christine, that he loved her too.

“Miss Christine, can you come to my cabin, later today?” “I am afraid, not as Paul is coming today.” She mocked her father, “Christine, you gotta be kinder to that man.” “God, I hate Paul so much!” “Its fine, I will tell you what I have to say, when it’s convenient.” She saw that he was disappointed, and figured that he must have something very important to tell her. “Hey, Julian, tell you what. I’ll try and see you after he leaves. I’ll make up some excuse. I will try and be at your cabin tonight. Not sure of the time, but listen for my knock”

The evening went as Christine expected, nauseating and boring. Nothing Paul said registered. Just wish he’d shut up and leave! God! Finally at 8 pm he decided to leave. After he left, she made up an excuse, saying she is going into town. Jim asked, “Why are you going into town at this hour? All the boutiques are closed.” “ Poppa, I

have a life other than shopping. I need to see Becky, so we may discuss some ideas on

how I should design my wedding dress.” “Can you not visit her tomorrow? “Poppa, the ideas are fresh in my head. I need to discuss them with my best friend.” “Oh, alright, but be back by 10.” She hugged him. “Thank you Poppa.” Within minutes she was at Julian’s door. He softly said, “I am glad, you came, as I almost lost my nerves to say what I wanted to tell you.” He blurted out, “Chris, I love you as much as you love me. Please forgive me for not realising this earlier. I know it’s impossible for us to be together. I wanted to let you know how I felt.” She couldn't believe, the words that came from his mouth. She was stunned. “What are you saying Julian, you love me too?” He whispered, “Yes I do.” “You, know we can’t be a normal couple? But I don’t care. I want love in my life not apathy.” He came close to her, he suddenly remembered the last time, and he went this close to her in his cabin. “I am so sorry I said I hated you when Lizzie was sold. I said some pretty awful things back then.” She laughed, “Oh you don’t know how I wanted to claw those beautiful eyes out then.” He pulled her close and kissed her, with soft little kisses. “Your lips are as soft as I thought.” She felt, emotions she has never felt before; with a man. Love and compassion. She thought, love is so funny, you never really expect it, and it just pounces on you, like a thief in the night. “Julian, I have to go. I have been here almost an hour!.” He groaned, “You sure? Please stay a bit longer.” “Just a few minutes more then, ok.” She led him to his bed and pulled him on top of her. “Hey, you can kiss me for a few more minutes; then I really must go.” Not one, not to take up an offer of kisses. Julian, kissed her all over and wished, that she could stay. “Do you want me to walk you to your door? It’s so late and I want you to be safe.” “I can’t risk anyone seeing us together, at this late hour. I can ride back up.” She noticed the worried look in his eyes. “Sweetie, don’t worry, I’ll be safe.” She then kissed him and left. Julian, skipped his way back to his cabin, and started jumping up and down on his bed, like a happy child. He was so ecstatic, I am in love. This beautiful woman has set my heart and soul alive. He fell to his knees and prayed,
“Dear God, thank you for giving me life. I love you so much, that I feel joy just to be in your presence. Please help me, to be free and be with Christine O’Connor one day, if it is according to Your will. As I love her ever so much Amen.”
As soon as he finished praying he peacefully went to sleep.

Felicia noticed that Christine was extremely happy. She has been so sulky of late, Felicia was curious of her daughter’s sudden change in mood. “Christine, have you and Becky decided what style your wedding dress will be?” “What, oh, yes I know exactly what it will be. So don’t worry, I will marry Paul. It will be a beautiful dress, can’t wait for you to see it.” Felicia, knew Christine was lying, I know that child, would prefer to be bitten by a snake than to marry Paul. “Momma, after Paul and I get married, do you think he will remain in Uber. We have not yet discussed where we will live.” “Why, do you want to remain here? Poppa and I can come visit you anytime you want.” Christine pouted, and said in a whiny voice, “But, I will miss home, I will just die if he wants to go to Louisiana!” “Oh, I thought there was another reason, you wanted to remain.” She asked sweetly, “What other reason, could there be momma?” “I don’t know, you tell me.” “I am going into town; can Poppa release Julian from the fields now?” “Christine, I don’t understand your relationship with that boy.” Felicia thought, I just want her to tell me she is in love with Julian. Why won‘t she? “Momma, what are you saying?” “Why him? There are several other slaves you can have. Is it because of his looks?” “Momma, I told you before, I just want to be nice to Julian; I treated him so poorly, when we were both children. I just want make it up to him; don’t ask me again.” “But, he is a slave, why do you have to feel guilty of the way you treated him. It is common knowledge that they are to be treated, no better than animals.” “Momma, I cannot believe you just said that. Remember my situation?” “That is different, the day I told you of your situation, we both promised we would never speak of it or refer to it again!” “Well, don’t speak of Negroes in that manner in my presence again.” “You have my word. Why do you want Julian so early?” “I am going into town, to purchase material for my wedding dress among other things.” “I will tell Bessie to get him. Have fun shopping!”

Christine went to Julian’s cabin and waited for him, he came in after about 10 minutes. She ran to him and showered him with soft kisses, he swept her up in his arms and laid her on his bed. “Mmm, I smell, I need to get water for a bath. Can I meet you at the main house after I am finished?” “Look, over the corner, I had Bessie prepare you a bath already; so go ahead.” “But, I am gonna be naked, whilst I bathe. It is not proper for you to see me undressed.” “Julian, please be quiet and take your clothes off. Besides I would like to see you without clothing, okay.” He blushed so much, she thought it was so cute. “You know what? I’d like to undress you. I have always wanted to undress a man.” Julian saw that it was no use protesting, as she was already unzipping his pants. She massaged his private parts for a moment; he felt a tingling sensation down his spine. She then took his shirt off, then slipped him out of his drawers. Christine, slightly gasped as she stared at his entire body. God, he is beautiful inside and out. Very beautiful and he is all mine. She ended up giving him a bath, which, pretty much aroused him. He said an apology, when he noticed, the rise down there. After she was finished, she undressed which surprised him. “Christine, what are you doing? I thought we were going into town.” “We are, but I want us to make love first.” He wanted her, but said, “What if someone, catches us. I will be dead and you will be disgraced.” “Shh, and kiss me, please. I want to make love to you to you so bad, it hurts!” For the first time, he noticed that there was a very beautiful, very naked woman standing before him. Her body was slender, and firm, breasts were beautiful and stood on end. Her legs stretched for miles and her olive skin, glowed with want and desire. He thought he has never seen a more beautiful woman in his life. “Besides, poppa has left, momma must be drunk by now and everyone else is in the fields.” She led him to his bed and started to caress and kiss his entire body. He trailed kisses over her, hips, breasts, lips, stomach. Just about everywhere on her that his lips could touch. It was unadulterated pleasure they were both feeling. She let out a load moan, when he slipped his fingers in her vagina. “Shh, someone will hear us.” “Oh God, I cannot help myself. You are giving me magic and pure ecstasy, I can’t help myself.” She then went on top of him, and started kissing, his entire body. His body writhed in pleasure. He called her name, prayed to God and thanked Him for his life. He especially moaned when, she paused at his penis, she stroked and kissed it until he felt he was losing his mind. After minutes of, teasing and caressing he entered her and they became one. Rocking and moaning in love and pleasure. After

they finished, they laid in each other’s arms, caressing and kissing. “Julian, I cannot marry Paul and I don’t know what to do!. Poppa is forcing me to spend a night with Paul. I know he wants Paul to make love to me to test the waters.” Christine, opted not to tell Julian, she already had sex with Paul. No use spoiling this precious moment. Besides, Paul never entered me. Just flopped around. She thought. Julian said, “Oh I am so sorry, I knew I loved you, when I started feeling, jealous whenever McClelland visits; actually I still am jealous whenever he visits.” “Jules.” “Hmm, what?” “I want us to run away together, we could try and get to New York. They are very liberal minded there.” “Can you arrange that? I pray, that one day we will be free and can be together with no fears.” Christine, sighed and snuggled close to Julian, he cupped her face and gave her a tender kiss. She kissed him passionately and prayed; that time could be frozen in that moment. “Is there no way, to get your poppa to reconsider? I mean he knows you do not wish to marry Paul.” “Greed and power motivate poppa; he does not care who he hurts in the process. You saw what he did to you and Lizzie.” Julian flinched when he remembered the pain he went through when Lizzie was sold. “Speaking of Lizzie, are you still courting her? You have not been to any of the Saturday dances lately.” “I ended things with Lizzie. You know, even before she was sold, I fell out of love with her. I thought that if we got married, I would fall in love again, that is why I continued seeing her.” “Hmm, I am sorry, to hear that you were not happy with her, whilst she was here.” She decided she would not mention Lizzie, that woman just get on my last nerves, she thought. “You know, we have to get dressed, gotta buy those materials.” Julian said, “Oh, I wish we didn’t have to, I like cuddling and talking after making love.” “We will have more of this in the future.” ” When Julian returned home, he found Daniel, waiting for him. “Julian, there has been talk about you and Miss Christine.” “What kind of talk Daniel?” “Oh that you are bedding the massa’s daughter.” Julian was shocked but he calmly replied, “That is not true, I am her personal slave and that is it. She is very demanding and occupies most of my time.” “Then, why were you and her, here all alone for two hours today?” “How did you know we were here?” “Bush have eyes Julian. I was about to visit you, when I saw her enter your cabin, then a few minutes later you entered.” Julian laughed and said, “Please don’t tell me you waited for two hours outside.” “Of course not, I left and came back two hours later and saw you both leaving.” Julian was happy, because if Daniel had stayed, he would have heard his and Christine’s moans as they made love. “Julian, you are my family and I feel as if you are my son. Do not dabble with a white woman, they are deceitful and will cry rape if you try and leave them. Happened to a Negro I knew once, they chopped him up plenty when she said he raped her.” “I know, but Christine is the exception. She is good and kind, besides I am not bedding her ok.” “Then, I ask again, why were you both here for two hours?” Julian sighed, “You are very persistent aren’t you Daniel? I am going to tell you something, please promise you won’t breathe a word to anyone, and please promise.” “Yes, I promise, what is it?” “She is teaching me to read and write, that is what we were doing earlier.” “I did not see her with any books.” Julian lifted his sheets and showed Daniel his books. “Julian, suppose they check your cabin and see dem books. You know they search our cabins from time to time. Please get rid of them books now! they will hang you if they see you with them.” “God, how typical of all slaves, you never want to see anyone progress, we all must be at the same ignorant level.” “Julian, I don’t think that way, you know that ain’t true of all of us!” “I am sorry, shouldn’t have yelled at you.” “I love you and don’t want these cruel people to hurt you.” “Miss Christine, says she will tell me to get rid of the books; whenever her poppa is about to order a search.” “As long as you are careful. On another subject, do you still think of Lizzie?” Julian replied, with disdain in his voice. “No, I don’t, it’s a waste of time to pine over someone, you are never really gonna be with. I am concentrating on being taught to be literate.” Daniel wondered, why Jules was so harsh in his response, but decided against commenting on Jules’ attitude. “Oh, just be careful, remember I only warn you because I love you. Can you do me a favour though?” “What?” “Please pay attention to some of the girls, especially Mary, she has been pestering me to tell you about her.” Julian laughed, “Oh, I am being hunted by a pretty girl.” “Yeah you know Mary. She is the one with the mid-night skin, tall, hour glass shape.” Daniel described Mary’s shape with his hands.” “I know her. She is always staring at me. Please tell her, I am flattered, but I am not ready to court anyone as yet.” Julian hated lying to Daniel, and hope he will not repeat what he told him. I could not tell him, I am in love with Christine O’Connor, he would only chastise me; I am not in the mood to be chastised.”