Female Ejaculation (10 page)

The Feedback Sandwich is a simple three-step process a receiver can use to constructively redirect what a lover is doing while it’s happening.

The Feedback Sandwich balances appreciation with coaching. In this case, it would sound something like the following:

When you’re making love, you’re a team, not a mind-reader. Just as the Feedback Sandwich is the responsibility of a receiver wanting a change, it’s the responsibility of the giver of pleasure to inquire from time to time about the receiver’s experience. We call this Checking-In.

Any major change in speed, position, or direction is a great spot to check-in with your beloved, i.e. “May I get between your legs so I can go faster?”

Before you enter a vagina with fingers or penis, ask, “Is your vagina ready to be visited?”

If a penis starts losing hardness, ask, “Would your penis prefer something different?”

If your lover’s sounds, breathing, or motions suddenly change, ask, “Did something happen?”

These questions prompt the receiver to look inside and keep you informed about what’s happening. Check-ins at appropriate times increase a giver’s confidence in their ability to give pleasure. They increase a receiver’s confidence in getting the pleasure desired.

Check-ins are a great way for givers to ask for guidance. Yet, too much communication can bring a receiver who’s relishing the sensations in their body squarely into their head, which can lose the mood.

Using yes/no questions solves this dilemma. This is the perfect response for a giver who is unsure about something or needs guidance. You can simply ask a direct question that can be answered with a yes or no or a shake of the head. This requires minimal thought process by the receiver and is much less likely to interfere with pleasure.

A series of yes/no questions can provide all the guidance a giver needs:

Many lovers are on the lookout for greater and greater stimulation. This often takes the form of harder and faster touching, licking, or pumping. We’re going to describe just the opposite — how to train your body and your nervous system to orgasm with the slightest touch.

We call it Conscious Touch, the ultimate sensual massage through skin-to-skin contact with full consciousness. This means both giver and receiver are fully awake with all senses wide open to the physical and as well subtle energies.

A giver of conscious touch is totally present and attentive to what they’re doing. They fully feel every sensation they’re giving. Just being super sensitive opens the energy conduits between lovers. They focus
all their concentration on flowing energy from their heart, through their arm and hand, into their fingers.

Of course, this is great advice for the receiver, too. Be totally present to the feelings, sensations, and energies.

This is more an approach to awakening the largest sex organ — the skin — than it is a technique. Conscious touch uses one of the four cornerstones of supreme bliss — presence — to magnify and enhance sensation. Your entire being reaches out from your fingertip to make love to the space, skin, and tissue of your beloved.

Conscious touch is not a deep therapeutic massage. It’s soft, slow, and sensuous, usually done without oil. When many of our students begin learning conscious touch, their minds are busy, their hands go too fast, and they don’t feel anywhere near what they could. This is why we teach them to begin as a meditation, emptying their minds, calming their spirits, and relaxing their bodies. Only then are the giver’s energy channels open enough to flow love through body contact.

A receiver of conscious touch is far from passive. They also enter a calm, relaxed state and reach out with their senses. They put all of their attention on the feelings created in their skin. They use the four cornerstones to turn the subtle sparks that jump between the giver’s skin and theirs into a waterfall of sensation.

As you read the various practices throughout this book, we will remind you of the most important preparations before you begin your loveplay. But for convenience, we have listed all of our suggestions here, which you might want to bookmark for future reference.

Before you begin, you might need one or more of the following: