Female Ejaculation (7 page)

— PLATO

Why do we say “loveplay” instead of “foreplay”? The word
foreplay
implies something that you do before the main event. The further implication is that it’s of lesser value. But the truth is that any sensation can be the catalyst for a huge flow of passion all by itself. When your energy channels are open, you can circulate and exchange the forces of orgasm even without genital stimulation. When we do experience orgasm from physical stimulation, it’s often a continuous rising experience without an explosive crescendo.

This means that “before” and “after” lose their relevance. So, don’t establish goals, set expectations, or plan a detailed agenda for
your loveplay. Instead, experiment with impulses and fantasies that strike you as fun in the moment. Be playful, spontaneous, and enjoy the journey.

From the moment you begin to change the feel of the space around you, you are being sexual. You are using erotic, orgasmic energy. The instant your eyes meet those of your lover’s, you feel tingly inside. The first touch is electric, sending chills and shivers throughout your being. As you honor your beloved and offer thanks for being with you at this time, tears may spring to your eyes. You may feel a strong stirring between your legs long before you take your clothes off.

This is loveplay. We urge you to not miss a single tingle, a tiny shiver, or the subtlest energy surge. This is surely as much sex as anything else you’ll ever do.

If you’re like most women, you’ll probably enjoy G-spot play only after an extended warm-up. It’s a kind of tissue that swells with arousal, so you may not even feel your G-spot at first, let alone ejaculate.

One study found that the average length of loveplay was 15 minutes, and the average length of intercourse was just 10 minutes. We’re well aware that, for maximum enjoyment, the average woman requires 35 to 45 minutes of erotic warm-up to get her juices flowing adequately.

This means that the average lover stops 10 to 20 minutes short of peak female pleasure (which makes us really worry about the less than average lovers). Maybe now, you can understand why there’s a dearth of orgasms in the world.

So, this chapter is about experimenting with a wide array of sensitive, sensual, sexual tips to get you both turned on. It’s all about pleasure and preparing you for that gushingly wet orgasm called female ejaculation. Though we’ll delve into touching, kissing, and licking, you’ll find as much emphasis on opening your hearts, tuning your senses, and connecting your feelings. That’s because the keys are presence, consciousness, and energy flow, not simply technique. That’s what will lead you to experience ejaculation — not just performing step one followed by step two and so on.

It’s often said that women get turned on in the heart first and in the genitals later, while men are just the opposite. When men get turned on in the genitals, that energy moves to the heart.

Although there are always exceptions to this kind of blanket generalization, we believe it’s safe to assume that most women, most of the time, like to have their minds and hearts stimulated in the 24 to 48 hours before the actual “date.”

Jeffre says it turns her on when Somraj says “I love you.” Many women feel this way. A woman may need to ask her man to let her know how much he cares for her, thinks about her, and how much he’s looking forward to time alone with her.

Women respond very positively to words and touch that convey feelings of love and affection. Women seem to like words about love, sex, and relationship and feel they’re very important. Often, men don’t have feelings as strong as women about verbalizations of love.

If you’re a guy who feels uncomfortable with words, we humbly suggest that you practice — a lot. Nothing will get you more of what you want than being able to verbalize feelings of affection for your woman. Read a book or two, and write out what you want to say. Practice letting the words tumble over your tongue and lips. Now, say it out loud to your partner. Try something like this: “Honey, I’m having trouble concentrating at work. My heart is swelling with thoughts about your soft skin, your bright eyes, your sweet scent. Please don’t be wearing much when I get home early.”

By the way, Ladies, guys like romantic words like this as well.

Intimacy is the emotional closeness that truth-telling and feeling loved can bring. For most women, it heightens their turn-on when a man talks about his feelings with honesty and heartfelt expression instead of blame or judgment.

Intimacy can also be about sharing fantasies and playing them out. Often, the fantasies lurking inside are pretty kinky, so lovers can feel uncomfortable sharing them with their beloved. But getting past this inhibition is exciting on multiple levels. The truth-telling is a turn-on because of the increased sense of closeness. Plus, the content of most fantasies can really get your sexual motor going big time. Of course,
if your lover’s fantasy is a turn-
off
to you, don’t pretend that it gets you going, but don’t judge it either. Simply keep looking for a fantasy that you both love.

One wonderful way to accentuate the sanctity of your love and the consciousness of your underlying passion is how you disrobe. Slowly remove each other’s clothing one little piece at a time while caressing,
nuzzling, and whispering sweet endearments to each new morsel of flesh that is uncovered.

Perhaps you’ll want to bathe together. After a day of busy life activity, this is a wonderful transition to a more sensual mood. Bathe, soap, rub, and slide with each other. Flirt and tantalize with all your parts: lips, eyes, fingers, tongue, breasts, genitals, and any other part of your body that wants to join in. This is how you create heaven on earth.

Spend some time unwinding by just being together. Look deeply into each other’s eyes. Synchronize your breathing. Reach out with your consciousness to feel your beloved’s energy.

A practice that we do often is called the melting hug. You slowly come closer together until your first contact. Then you melt your bodies into each other with as much skin touching as possible. Relax and cling to each other. Let your breathing synchronize. Feel the connection of your chakras.

Kissing is a wonderful form of loveplay because it stimulates so many different energy centers. It’s a sweet expression of affection that connects with the heart. Your vision, mind, and third eye are totally focused on your lover. It turns many lovers on with resulting hardness and wetness that encourages the mood for heavier exchange.

Kissing all parts of the body can be divine play. Try lightly kissing your partner’s chakras beginning with the 7th (at the top of the head) and ending with the 1st (the perineum.)

Orgasmic energy is all about staying in the body, opening the senses, and feeling the ecstasy. There are many ways to increase awareness of your body and open the senses. You can dance. You can eat sensual foods. You can walk in the forest. You can meditate.

You can blindfold your beloved and titillate them with tastes, smells, touch, and sounds. Then you can remove the blindfold, and offer glorious sights as you slowly and sensuously reveal your naked body.
Ever tried acting out a silent fantasy in front of your lover? How about pleasuring yourself while your lover is tied down?

The range of possibilities for building anticipation is enormous. Use your imagination, and surprise your beloved. Your loveplay will never get old or stale.

We already discussed communication when we prescribed titillation, flirtation, and intimacy. Communication is also essential for exchanging information so that you can enhance your own and your partner’s pleasure.

Learning to talk with your partner about sex requires guts and practice. Sometimes, women want to protect their man’s ego, and this makes them too polite. Often, they’re unsure if they even have the right to ask for anything other than what they’re getting. Too many men don’t know how, why, or when they want something different.

It’s great to create an intention together to be able to talk about sex openly and honestly. Talk about your fears. This is a major frontier for most couples.

That’s partly why we urge you to talk before during, and after each practice and lovemaking encounter no matter how long you’ve been together. Don’t worry if you feel you’re not eloquent at first. Whatever you do is good for intimacy and will help your communication skills to grow.

It can be helpful to coach or redirect your partner while you’re physically intimate. If you make an agreement beforehand about how you want to communicate during sex, it can be much less challenging.
No one likes to feel criticized or put down, most particularly while in bed with a lover.

Hopefully, you’re taking advantage of the discussion questions we’ve included after each major section. These are primarily designed to encourage this whole process of talking freely about sex. After reading, think back about your reactions, write your answers to the questions, and share with your partner. Gradually, you’ll transform the intimacy of your connection and create the foundation to transmute subtle energy into awesome ecstasy.