Female Ejaculation (15 page)

Just like other body parts, these erotic zones come in all shapes and sizes, which has nothing to do with their sensitivity.

Some women care for their pubic hairdo just as they do their head hair. Some tidy, some create a heart or other design over their mons, some shave completely naked down to the vaginal opening. We don’t urge one form over another, but we do suggest you consider your preferences. Begin to take personal pride in the appearance of your most secret place. This isn’t preparation for a sojourn at a nudist camp. It’s simply about revering your most sacred of spaces for your own sense of pride.

What would look best to you? What feels best with tight pants or during sex? What does your partner prefer? Experiment and find your “pubic hair identity.” We know couples who bestow the responsibility for vulva hairdos on their partner. It takes a lot of trust in your partner to allow another to take a razor or trimmer to such a delicate place.

Somraj’s penis doesn’t like the bristle of a growing vagina bush, both on the giving and receiving side. He trims around his penis’s base every
month or so to keep the wildest hairs at bay and out of the way when open access is desired. Jeffre routinely leaves just short, softer hairs on her outer lips. That’s what works for us. What works best for you?

At rest, the inner lips are normally closed like the outer lips. When a woman becomes excited, the inner lips swell, lengthen, and thicken until they protrude well past the outer lips. As a woman approaches orgasm, the lips can become red or even wine-colored.

Both sets of lips are sensitive to rubbing, brushing, blowing, and licking. Don’t be deterred by any pubic hair your lover chooses to retain. Pulling on it gently and swirling it between your fingers or tongue can also be pleasurable. Just be sure to use ample lubricant so that you don’t tug or abrade the skin.

Vaginal and G-spot massage feel much more luxurious when accompanied by ample wetness. Yet, not every woman always lubricates enough naturally for smooth gliding over all of her sensitive tissues. This is not a measurement of your sexiness or your lover’s skill. It’s just a physical reality like the changing of the seasons or the ebb and flow of ocean tides. Not every woman gets totally wet all the time. When a woman approaches menopause, natural wetness decreases. Plus, using latex gloves or condoms tends to dry lubrication faster than skin-on-skin play.

To learn to float in the supreme bliss of G-spot ecstasy, both giver and receiver must develop sensitivity to lubrication in each moment. Learn what brings on your natural flow and what sensual products you prefer to use for assistance.

By the way, don’t hold out for the coming Female Ejaculation Chapter. The fluid expelled during female ejaculation isn’t thick enough to provide enough slipperiness. When Jeffre is in a gushing mood, we have to replenish our preferred lubricant every few moments.

What can you add to your loveplay if you need to bolster natural wetness? There are really two ways to go: oil and water. And you’re right, inside the vagina, they don’t mix any more than they do anywhere else.

Because they don’t dry out quickly, we sometimes use massage oil or thicker oil-based products on the clitoris and the vagina’s outer lips. Our favorite is actually a makeup remover found at many drugstores.

We’re extra careful not to introduce any of these types of products inside. We do that by avoiding the vagina’s opening at first and wiping everything carefully on a towel or baby wipe before penetration.

The environment of the vagina is a carefully balanced one, easily disturbed by introducing unnatural substances. This includes digestible items like Vaseline, oil, fruit jelly, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, honey, or even many feminine hygiene and spermicide products. One physician friend is so zealous about this that he urges women to never put anything inside the vagina that isn’t pure water or their lover’s skin.

Friendly bacteria, lactobacilli, like what’s in yogurt, live in harmony with the vagina’s wet, dark environment and keep yeast at bay. If you introduce undesirable substances, it can throw the vagina’s pH balance out of whack. If the yeast takes over, the consequences are uncomfortable and sometimes painful.

The spermicide nonoxyonol, which is on many condoms and in some lubricants, is awfully strong. Some studies have shown that it’s so abrasive that its use irritates the skin and makes it more likely to transmit sexually-transmitted bacteria and viruses. So, we recommend avoiding it. Further, did you know that oil-based products are known to slowly deteriorate latex? That makes them unsafe for protection against sexually-transmitted diseases when you’re using condoms.

There are many advantages to using water-based lubricants, as well as a few drawbacks. They tend to be more natural and more absorbent. They merge with a woman’s inherent secretions better. But they tend to dry out as the water evaporates, and some have ingredients that are irritating to especially sensitive vaginas.

Though it’s not as thick and long-lasting as many commercial products, saliva is the most natural, plentiful, and inexpensive lubricant
around. There are lots of non-saliva choices on the market today, however. Drugstores carry a limited, often less-than-natural selection. Adult bookstores and sex shops have the best variety, but if you don’t want to frequent such a store, you can buy online.

If the wetness from your vagina and mouth provides enough slipperiness for all kinds of external and internal play, then enjoy your natural lubrication. If not, or if you’re curious, we encourage you to explore different kinds of substances that you can use in different situations. For instance, anal play always requires additional water-based lubrication.

The clitoris is an extensive band of highly excitable tissue whose head peeks out of the upper end of a woman’s vulva just below the meeting of the inner lips. Many consider the clitoris to be the crown jewel of
female anatomy. It’s unique because, unlike every other part of the body, it has no other purpose but pleasure. The good news is that this spongy tissue is rich in blood vessels and nerve endings that makes it swell with arousal and become erect almost like a little penis.

The clitoris varies considerably in size from woman to woman, just as penis length and girth vary for men. The tip of the clitoris, called the glans, is located at the top of the inner vaginal lips. The glans is the part that’s most sensitive to touch and averages about the size of a pencil eraser.

The intersection of the inner lips creates a hood that covers the glans and protects the clitoris. Why? Because it’s the most sensitive erogenous zone in the female body. It has the highest concentration of nerve endings — as many as 8,000 in that tiny little glans. That’s why the clitoris is so hypersensitive. Before sufficient arousal, direct contact with the head of the clitoris is too much and can even be painful for many women.

If you pull back the hood of the clitoris, you may or may not see it. Some just aren’t visible until they swell with enough excitement. An erect clitoris often causes the hood to smooth out. When aroused, the clitoris of some women doubles in size.