Healing Faith (36 page)

This was his room, his private place.

I suddenly felt like I was invading.

There was nothing for me to do here. Nathan's house
was quiet, lonely and really very melancholy as I looked at it more
closely. He kept himself to only a couple of rooms, his bedroom and
the tiny table in the living room. I fought the urge to uncover the
furniture in that room, to make it more lived in. It was quite
possibly that he kept things covered because they hurt too much to
look upon. With each observation, my feelings for the man who lived
here grew. His smiles and his contented countenance were more
important than anything now.

He deserved to be happy.

I made my way back outside and decided I would spend
the remaining part of the afternoon in the garden, regardless of
the heat.

Inside by myself, I could almost feel the eyes of
ghosts watching me in their home.

Today was not the day to confront his ghosts.

I’d save that for another day. Today, I gave Nathan a
home.

~~~~

"Katherine?"

I lifted my head out of the wild jungle of the bushes
by the house, avoiding the thorns as I stood and stretched. Jonah
came to me and surveyed my progress. I had managed to get one side
of the house tamed, watering and trimming down the long abandoned
bushes. They still looked a little forlorn, but they were more
green than brown now. He smiled and patted me lightly on the
shoulder.

"You have done much today. Come; gather up your
basket while I collect Patience. You will walk with me back to the
house. Nathan will be along in a while," he said and turned to walk
back to the pasture to fetch his horse that was grazing on the far
end with Nathan’s black.

I dusted myself off and went inside to get my basket.
I was walking back down the hallway when Nathan came down the
stairs, dressed in only his pants, the suspenders dangling at his
sides. He stopped at the first step at seeing me, his eyes large
and his hand in his mussed hair. He was dirty from the field, his
face marked and his arms darkened with the corn dust. It was an
extreme contrast to his pale bare chest. That chest I had seen from
afar, but now couldn't pull my eyes from as I stood there a few
feet from his beauty. Broad from farm labor, a thin smattering of
hair on his chest that thickened on a dizzying trail south across a
taut stomach and disappeared into the waist of his pants, I flushed
at the thought of what that trail led to.

"I am sorry, I thought you were Jonah," he said
quickly, pushing his hands deeper into his hair.

"Jonah wants me to go back with him. I just came in
to get the basket," I replied and tried to pull my eyes away from
him.

But it was impossible. Even dirty, he was beautiful.
I found myself moving closer, my body drawn to his. He looked
around the house, suddenly very shy.

"I did not wish you to tend to me, Kate. Thank you,
you did too much," he whispered.

"I wanted to," I replied, stepping up to the step he
fidgeted on. It was then that I noticed he was barefoot. Long
elegant toes peeked out from the bottoms of his pants.

"I was going to wash," he murmured, tensing when I
leaned in slightly. "I am filthy from the field."

I nodded and closed my eyes, taking in his scent as
he stood there. As dirty as he was, he was still alluring. He
smelled like sweat and dirt and the crispness of freshly cut corn.
When I opened my eyes again, he was regarding me strangely. His
eyes crinkled and he let out a nervous laugh.

"I must offend, Kate," he whispered.

"No," I murmured, my voice husky and tipped my head
up to look up into his heavy lidded eyes.

I felt his hand wrap around my waist, drawing me
close while his lips searched me out, capturing mine hungrily. I
felt a thrill shoot through me at his needy claim, happy that he
was becoming more adventurous with me. He moaned softly, his mouth
opening up for me to explore. I could taste the salt of him on my
lips from the day's hard work; the taste of him had me sinking into
him.

Just as I thought I would pass out from the
overwhelming need for him, Nathan drew away slowly, his eyes taking
me in as he held me loosely to him. He let out a long contented
breath and reached up slowly to stroke my cheek. Glancing towards
the door, he shook his head and regarded me with apologetic
eyes.

"You should go. Jonah will be waiting and I must
clean up," he said with a small smile.

I nodded and took the last step down a little shaky,
preparing to leave.

"I'll see you in a little bit? Are you too tired to
sit with me tonight?" I asked, not wanting to ask him to stay if he
was exhausted from the long day.

"I would never miss a chance to sit with you, Kate,"
he replied.

I grinned and made my way outside, trying to fight
the giddy need to giggle like a girl. Jonah came around the corner
just as I stepped out and we made our way back towards his house.
He continually glanced my way, fighting a smile.

"Katherine, may I speak with you openly?" he asked as
we climbed the hill.

I tensed and looked at him worriedly, but nodded.

Was he preparing to give me the same speech he had
given Nathan?

"Are you happy here?" he asked, surprising me.

"Of course I am. I have never been as happy," I
replied, a little confused.

He smiled at me and continued.

"You have been with us for almost a month, Katherine.
And you seem happy in this life. I wished to ask you before we
discuss your family," he said, his face suddenly serious.

I sobered up quickly, knowing we had to talk about
that eventually.

"Your father will need to know soon. If this is truly
where you want to be, if you see your future here, we will go and
speak with your father after Nathan and I have cleared our fields,"
he said.

"This is where I want to be," I replied quietly,
looking out over the fields that lay between the Berger’s and
Nathan's home.

This was my home. I could feel it in my heart when I
looked on the two houses that felt more real to me than my home
back in California. I hadn't lived before coming here.

"And if your future were to include Nathan? You would
be happy?" he asked a little more softly.

I smiled bashfully towards Jonah, unsure how to
respond.

He chuckled and grinned at me with a twinkle in his
eye.

"He is rather fond of you, Katherine. And as your
father figure, I would have to agree to this match. If that is what
you wish," he explained.

"What about the Bishop?" I asked nervously. "Doesn't
he have to come and ask me too?"

I didn't like that idea at all.

Jonah sighed and nodded.

"He is only a messenger, Katherine. He cannot say you
can or cannot marry. It is up to you and Nathan. And me," he
replied, his tender smile returning.

“I am just afraid of being denied eventually,” I
murmured.

Jonah slowed down as we crested the hill, looking
back at the Fisher house.

“You have found us for a reason, Katherine. This I
know. You were lost, as was Nathan. Now you are found. Regardless
of what may be said of our laws, we know faith and understand that
we must follow His intentions. The elders know this. And they will
see what I have seen.”

I swallowed at his words.

“What have you seen?”

He raised his hand slowly, so as not to scare me.

“I have seen an angel come and bring light to our
world. You have brought hope and renewed faith into this family. If
it is your path to stay and make this your home, it will be so,” he
replied and looked back towards the Fisher farm again. “Your good
deeds will not go unnoticed. You will make a good home. You have
already begun. You and Nathan are a good fit.”

I nodded and thought about what Jonah was suggesting.
He was already hinting at marriage. I wondered if Nathan had spoken
to him about that today while they worked, or if Jonah was
preparing himself. Things were moving awfully fast.

Did that scare me?

Maybe just a little. But perhaps that was how they
did it here. And the idea of marrying Nathan did make my heart
speed up.

"Just remember my daughter. There are some things
that must be held true until the wedding day," he said, his pointed
look not lost on my scarlet face.

I nodded and inwardly cried out in relief when we
made it to the house. The last thing I wanted was the sex talk from
Jonah. I didn't want to bear witness to that. And I think perhaps
Jonah understood that Nathan and I would respect one another.

At least I hoped so, judging by his mischievious
smirk towards Nathan all through dinner.

That or there would be a lot more time spent with
Patience and Nathan’s horse to drive the point home.

"If we hurry, we can beat Emma and get a walk in," I
whispered to Nathan as he helped me wipe down the table.

I glanced back at Emma, who was drying the last dish
and looking out the window for John, who had yet to arrive. She
turned and pretended to scowl at me, knowing what I was up to. I
grinned and rushed to rinse out my washrag, drying my hands on my
apron as I pulled it off hurriedly. Fannie snickered beside the
stove and nodded to Nathan while he played nervously with his hat
by the door.

"Go, Katherine. We will finish up until John
arrives," she chuckled.

I was outside in no time, Nathan trailing behind a
little more slowly, blushing. He glanced back towards the kitchen
before following me down the steps and into the yard. His smile
flashed in the sunset, making me smile even more. I slowed down as
we neared the barn, trying to pace ourselves.

I was failing miserably.

So was Nathan.

As soon as the house fell from view, he was pulling
me close and kissing me. His arms wrapped around me, his breath
heaving hard in his chest when we collided with the wall of the
barn. He leaned into me, his lips moving to my cheek, taking huge
gulps of air as I clutched at him and let my lips edge to his jaw.
The stubble there from the day burned my lips, but I didn't care. I
could still taste him on his jaw.

"A few minutes is not enough," he groaned, burying
his nose into my hair by my ear.

I sighed when I felt his hands wrap around my hips,
pulling me closer. I kissed him again, searching him out. He opened
his mouth to me willingly, moaning softly when he moved against me.
When he finally pulled his lips from mine, we were both breathless.
I could feel his heart beating through my chest, something that
seemed to beat in perfect rhythm with my own. Looking up into his
eyes, I saw nothing but joy in them.

I did that.

I let out a soft breath and traced the hairs along
the nape of his neck, enjoying the moment. His soft breath, and
then his quiet voice melted me further.

"This is not wrong," he murmured.

"What?" I asked, my brain cloudy.

"What I feel for you. What we do. It is not wrong.
God would not make what I feel with you sinful. It is renewed life
I feel when you are with me," he whispered and kissed me
softly.

His hand moved up slowly, cupping my cheek lightly
before slipping down my neck. His fingertips grazed my pulse point,
pausing as his eyes travelled there to watch my throat pound. And
then his eyes travelled lower, searching out the source of my
pounding pulse. His fingers dipped lower, tracing along the neck of
my dress as if in contemplation to move further. I swallowed and
waited, breathing raggedly when his hand slipped lower, pressing
firmly along my chest above my heart. I hummed softly; drawing his
eyes up to gauge my reaction.

"Is this all right?" he asked.

"Yes," I whispered, watching as his eyes pulled down
once more, his bottom lip slipping into his mouth as his hand
slipped with staggering slowness across the fabric of my dress.

The pressure of his hand lessened, until just his
fingertips traced tentatively, my breath catching at the incredible
thrill running through me when I felt the back of his fingertips
brush along the underside of my breast. He adjusted against me, and
my eyes fluttered closed at the sensory overload of Nathan against
me.

I should have felt trapped. I should have felt
threatened with the way he had me pinned up against the barn door.
But instead I felt a fire working its way through me. Across my
neck as I felt his breath on me, in my stomach as his arousal
hardened further at the gentlest nudge against it, at the tingling
madness that was engulfing me at the feeling of his fingertips
getting closer to where I ached in my breast.

And he gently cupped my breast, capturing it in his
large hand, squeezing with gentle pressure. This was like nothing I
had ever felt before. This was not pawing, like Sean. This was
worshiping. Exploring, loving. His thumb shifted delicately,
purposefully avoiding my hardening nipple.

"Is this all right?" he asked, his voice deep and
gravelly in my ear.

I could only nod.

"So soft. You are so soft, except right here," he
whispered and let the pad of his thumb brush with gentle pressure
over my aching nipple.

I cried out at the pleasure it elicited. He pulled
away suddenly, his hands shifting to my shoulders to hold me up. I
covered my mouth and looked around; sure I had alerted the Bergers
to what we had been doing. I licked at my dry lips and fought to
swallow a sudden urge to laugh from the nerves. We stood there
looking back at the house for a moment before he turned back to me,
chuckling. His eyes shone with awe as I caught my breath, not
realizing I had lost it in the first place.

His eyes crinkled up tight as he leaned in to brush
his lips along my cheek.

"I do not think they heard. Are you all right?" he
asked, his eyes hopeful and smiling.