Healing Faith (25 page)

"Katherine, Elder Ezekiel would like to speak with
you more. You may leave your plate here," the man said, towering
over me.

Looking back towards Ezekiel, I noticed the Bishop
seemed smug as I nodded and put my plate down. I followed along
behind the man, my nerves working through me when I saw the Bishop
helping Ezekiel to his feet. The old man smiled at me and patted me
on the cheek, waving me inside.

"Come inside where it is cool, Katherine. We have
things to discuss, child," he said, and entered the house with the
Bishop.

I turned one last time before entering the house, the
place I had called home for the last couple of weeks, and looked
towards Nathan. He was standing and his eyes were glued to mine.
Gone was the beautiful smile on his face from earlier in the day,
replaced with a look of uncertainty.

I stepped into the house with a feeling of
trepidation. I just knew I was going to say something wrong.

I was walking towards an end.

I walked into the house with an intense feeling of
dread. I was going to screw up. Nothing in my life was easy.

Why should I be given this wonderful bit of life
now?

I followed along behind the Bishop, wondering how
they felt so at ease in the Berger home that they could just walk
in and sit someplace to speak. Their comfort was the last thing I
should be worrying over. I
f anything, their ease
in the Berger home and my confusion was simply a reminder that I
was the stranger here and they were the ones that would decide
whether I remained.

I was heading to an Inquisition. I could just feel
it.

We sat in the front room, the Bishop setting chairs
up for the three of them to sit.

I wasn't sure whether I should sit or not, so I
remained standing before one of the front benches from the wedding.
Old Ezekiel was situated in the center, the Bishop taking one
chair, the man who had approached me sitting in the remaining seat.
Ezekiel smiled at me and motioned for me to sit, his smile offering
me some hope this wouldn't be a firing squad.

"Please, Katherine. Sit. No need to stand and be
fearful. We wish only to know you, child," he said sweetly.

I sat carefully, hands my lap, trying for my best
posture and innocent look. I glanced at the Bishop and felt my
stomach turn from his countenance. He made me incredibly nervous.
He seemed to have perfected the same look my father had when he
chose to remark on my failings. I could tell the Bishop was cut
from the same mocking cloth. His dark brooding eyes never left me,
and seemed to shoot his accusing glare straight through me.

I took a careful breath and focused my attention on
Ezekiel, the only friendly face in the room.

"Katherine, do you know who we are?" the third man
said.

I looked over at him and cleared my throat. I was
parched suddenly.

"You are the Elders, sir.”

He offered me a curt nod, never smiling.

"That is right, girl. You have met Elder Ezekiel
Schroeder. I am Eli Jennson, and this is our Bishop, Samuel Yoder,"
he replied, offering what seemed to be the official
introductions.

I nodded to each of them and tried to smile.

"I am pleased to meet you. I'm grateful for your
kindness in letting me stay with the Bergers.”

The Bishop let out a noise, something like a snort
and smirked.

Had I said something wrong? Had they already made
their decision about me?

"Katherine, we do not want you to think that this is
an inquest in any way," the Bishop said smoothly. "We just need to
know your intentions."

Intentions.
And that smirk again.

"Yes, sir," I replied quietly, trying to hide the
nerves.

"So," Eli started. "Where is your family from,
Katherine? Jonah had very little information about you when we
agreed to shelter you."

"I'm from California. A town north of San Francisco,"
I answered.

"California," the Bishop interjected. “That would
explain your worldly behavior.”

I shook my head hesitantly, confused by his
statement.

"You have seen more than our youth. California is
full of deception and no sense of self. There are too many opinions
and not enough faith," he continued, interrupting any chance I had
at a rebuttal.

I swallowed and looked down.

"I came from a small town, Bishop Yoder. Much like
the town near here. I don’t think of myself as very worldly," I
murmured.

In truth, I felt more sheltered than the Berger
sisters these days. They knew more about life than I did.

"Jonah mentioned that you wish to remain here. Is
that true, Katherine?" Eli asked, moving the discussion along.

I looked up at him and nodded. He was younger than
Ezekiel and his eyes were more cautious as he regarded me, one hand
scratching at his dark beard.

"If you will have me. Yes, sir," I replied.

"And why is that?" the Bishop asked, an edge to his
voice.

"I feel comfort here. I feel like I was meant for
this life," I replied quietly, watching as the Bishop's eyes
narrowed in irritation.

The tension was thick as I struggled to remain
perfectly still on the bench. Three pairs of eyes bore down on me.
Even Ezekiel seemed to be watching me closely. I waited in the
silence for them to continue. The silence seemed to go on
forever.

I was going to crack.

I could feel it, with my dry throat and airless
lungs.

"What do you think it is to be Amish, Katherine?" the
Bishop asked, his lips fighting that smirk.

"To do God's work. To live an honest life. To live
and love as He would want us to. To live simply, and to be there
for the community," I said and I hated myself for letting the
tremor affect my voice.

"That is a naive view, yes. But you must understand
we live much differently than you are used to," Eli explained.

"I understand it is a different lifestyle. One that I
have welcomed while I have been here," I said and sat a little
straighter, trying to sound sure of my statement.

Ezekiel leaned forward and tugged on his long white
beard. He peered through his small glasses at me for a long
moment.

"Katherine, you would have to leave everything that
you know of behind you. If you made this your home, you would not
be able to see your family, or your friends," Ezekiel said
gently.

I nodded and looked down.

"I am aware of that. There is nothing there for me,"
I murmured.

I was sure they would not believe me.

"What of your father? Jonah says he is a man of
stature. He will come looking for you, will he not? We do not wish
trouble. We stay out of the English way. And you seem to bring
conflict with you," Eli stated.

"We cannot allow your violence into our community,"
the Bishop added.

"I don't want to do that either. I don't want anyone
to get hurt," I said hurriedly.

It was my greatest fear in being with the Bergers.
That Sean would eventually find me.

The idea that he would hurt Emma. Or Abigail.

"You have much to learn, if we were to consider you.
Our youth experience Rumspringa to discover how precious our Way
is. You ask for it as if you know that you want it, but have not
lived long enough among us to understand its meaning," the Bishop
scoffed.

"Samuel, she has lived her life in what our youth
deny. Fannie tells me she remains true and honest in our beliefs.
Perhaps she understands better than we think about our Way,"
Ezekiel said, smiling over at me.

The Bishop looked over at Ezekiel and murmured to
him, in the same guttural German he had used in the Sermon, too
loud for a whisper in the quiet room. The three of them pulled
their heads close to one another.

She tempts our young. You see her with young
Fisher.

Yes. He now smiles, Samuel. That is not wrong.

Nathan will leave with her.

It is not our choice if he leaves.

I sat there quietly; trying not to let on I
understood most of what they said. I understood more than I could
speak and the occasional English word thrown into their hushed
conversation helped in the context. As much as I wanted to utter
the scant German I knew back at them, I needed this advantage.

"Katherine," Ezekiel said as he pulled away from the
cluster. "What have you done here to learn of our Ways?"

He smiled again, a little bit of comfort in the
room.

"I have learned to be helpful as it's needed. Others
needs are more important than my own. I have stood by Fannie and
fed the family, as well as those in need," I started. Ezekiel's
smile widened.

"What of your faith, Katherine?" the Bishop
interrupted. "What is your belief in God?"

I swallowed hard.

"I believe everything happens for a reason. Because
God has a plan," I whispered.

"And God wishes you to remain here? To tempt our
youth, to enchant our young men?" the Bishop pushed.

"I… I'm not here to enchant," I stammered.

"Samuel," Eli whispered, a warning to his voice. The
Bishop shook his head and continued, his eyes fixed on me in
accusation.

"You will tire of this lifestyle. It is difficult
enough for our youth. It is not about baking and courting,
Katherine. This is not a fairy tale. This is our way of life. And
you disrespect it by wishing to join it like a club of your world,"
he hissed.

I sat there, numb. Terrified to say anymore.

"Katherine," Eli said, his voice more soothing. "We
live under God's law. How do you see yourself in the eyes of
God?"

I frowned and shook my head.

"I don't understand the question," I replied
shakily.

The Bishop interrupted Eli before he could rephrase
the question.

"If you were a person from our Book, who would you
be?" the Bishop asked, grinning.

I knew where he was going with this.

Jezebel.

But I felt closer to another character. One who had
experienced her own trials in faith and trust. I was losing. He was
baiting me. Trying to defile the Stranger. As so many did in their
Book. Only to find that strangers were to be valued.

Protected.

Why did the Bishop only see me as a threat? When a
novice like myself saw that
she
was strong in my head, maybe
only from having just read about her.

"I am Ruth."

The Bishop's eyes narrowed and his lips pursed as he
leaned closer towards me.

I was sure he had not been expecting that one. And
that gave me a little confidence.

"You believe yourself to be Ruth of the Moabites? How
so, girl?" the Bishop asked, unconvinced.

I turned to Ezekiel, gaining confidence in his
supportive gaze. He nodded gently, asking me to continue with his
eyes.

"I have been treated kindly in a strange land,
welcomed by a loving family. I am a foreigner, but have been given
nothing but kindness. I have worked hard to offer that kindness in
return. And I hope to enter this life through trust in God, and
those that follow that path," I explained.

I hoped I sounded like I knew what I was talking
about.

Did I? I was still learning.

Ezekiel nodded, along with Eli, but the Bishop
continued on.

"Do you expect to find your Boaz then, girl? Have you
already ensured yourself a place, do you think? Have you claimed
someone already, brazen as Ruth was?" he asked, ignoring the men
beside him.

"I haven't made any claims, Bishop Yoder. I am
grateful for the Bergers and only wish to help them however I can
as I find my way," I replied. I could feel the trickle of sweat
roll down my back from my nerves.

"And what of the Fisher boy? What hold does young
Nathan have on you?" he persisted.

Swallowing again at the intensity of the Bishop's
stare, I shook my head again.

"Nathan is part of the family. He has extended his
kindness to me," I started, afraid to implicate him in
anything.

"He is courting you, an
English.
This is not a
path he should take," the Bishop said, a little louder and leaned
back as if his words finalized any decisions to be made.

The other elders looked towards one another, and I
could see the worry on their face.

I turned my head away feeling the heat on my
face.

Nathan was so important to them. More so than simply
an Amish man gaining the affections of an outsider. It was obvious
that the Bishop had his motives, and sadly it seemed those motives
would be more important than me.

"Nathan's choice is his own. I don't know his
intentions," I whispered finally.

Ezekiel cleared his throat, drawing my eyes up to
him.

"Katherine, it is obvious that he has taken to you.
He stood before us and argued quite enthusiastically on your behalf
to have you welcomed to our community. He was most insistent. This
is troubling to us, only in that he has not taken his Rumspringa.
He is a troubled young man who has lost so much. If we were to
allow you into our community, and you made a decision to leave, he
would suffer. This family would suffer," he said, his eyes suddenly
very sad.

"I would never wish to hurt them, Elder Ezekiel," I
replied softly.

"If you left child, do you not think he would go
after you?" Eli asked.

I shook my head.

"He doesn't belong in my world," I whispered and
looked down into my lap, embarrassed of the world I had called my
own. Nathan would be lost in it. He didn’t deserve that.

"You would destroy him. We have seen it before, you
have no idea," the Bishop said harshly.

Ezekiel raised his hand, silencing the Bishop.

"It is his choice, Samuel. It is always their choice.
You forget that," Ezekiel said, his voice stern.

The Bishop's eyes seemed to blaze for a moment.