Healing Faith (27 page)

"I am sorry, Katherine. You seem to be at peace in
the moment. It is a nice thing to see," he said quietly so as not
to wake Nathan.

I nodded and closed my eyes.

It was weird. I did feel content in the moment.
Regardless of all the anxiety I had felt earlier in the day, right
then I felt at peace. I was with friends who cared. I smiled into
the sunlight and thanked the powers that be for this little bit of
heaven we lived in at that moment. I couldn't remember a time when
I had felt this at ease.

"You are good for each other," John whispered, my
eyes opening up to his words.

Looking down at sleeping Nathan I smiled.

"He is a kind person. I'm glad for his friendship," I
replied.

John's eyes didn't waver as he watched me from across
the blanket. It was difficult to look away; he seemed to have a
persuasive draw about him. And like Emma, he seemed he could read
people well. I let out a relieved breath when his eyes moved to
Nathan’s sleeping form.

"You are bound to him in more ways than friendship,
Katherine. You and he need each other. It is like finding the
missing piece to the puzzle after ages thinking it lost. It is
something to hold onto. Something that was worth the wait," he
said, turning to Emma with such love on his face, I knew he felt
that same connection with Emma.

Emma touched his arm lightly, a radiant smile like I
had never seen before flitting across her face. I watched in
wonder, as they seemed to have an entire conversation with their
eyes, John's deep and content, Emma's full of joy and
excitement.

They had most certainly mended their ways. I wondered
if he had asked her to be his wife again. Perhaps it was too soon.
John seemed like the kind of man that would wait until the time was
right. He seemed patient and giving. And all that seemed directed
not just at Emma, but also to those around him. He was the perfect
companion for Emma.

He closed his eyes and smiled serenely towards her as
he settled into the blanket, much like Nathan. His hand remained in
Emma's, a quiet link to one another.

I looked around and could see that most of the women
were busy cleaning up, while the men and younger kids relaxed. John
had tipped his hat over his eyes as well, a happy smile the only
part of his face I could see. Nathan was sleeping well, his chest
rising and falling at a steady rhythm. It was nice to be this close
to him even in slumber.

It was nice to just sit back and relax, if only for a
little while.

There was always something that needed doing. I
joined the women in cleaning up, smiling as I worked, and feeling
more at ease after having won today’s battle.

I would prove that I was made for this life.

"You have certainly made quick work of the house,
girls!" Fannie exclaimed when she brought in the last of the linens
from the tables outside.

I wiped off the bit of sweat on my forehead and
smiled at her happily.

"It is our sister's wedding day," Emma replied
merrily. "She deserves a special evening."

Fannie raised her eyebrow and laughed, glancing out
into the waning light outside.

"I am sure a certain young man out there was not the
incentive, Emma," she chided.

I joined in Fannie’s laughter and pulled the linens
from her hands to set out on the porch. I walked out on them
hugging, Fannie offering soft words into Emma's ear. I didn't know
what she might be telling her daughter, but I had a feeling based
on her glassy eyes that she was feeling that moment when one child
leaves, you are sure the others are not far behind.

Fannie finally let out a heavy sigh as I walked back
in.

"Fine!" Fannie said loudly, feigning exasperation.
"You may go out and talk a while with that poor boy. But only
because he helped Jonah and Nathan with the chairs and tables!"

Emma grabbed me and laughed as she bolted for the
back door.

"Thank you, Mother! We will stay close!" she yelled
as she dragged me out the door.

The last thing I saw was Fannie's endearing smile as
the door closed.

"Where are we going, Emma?" I asked as she pulled me
towards the barn.

The idea of any more chores made me cringe. My hands
were all pruny and my feet throbbed. More than anything I wanted to
just take off my shoes and sit down. But as we rounded the barn,
another thing seemed more important.

Spending quiet time with Nathan Fisher.

Nathan leaned against the fence, talking casually
with John. His hat was off as he pulled his hand through his hair,
causing it to ruffle slightly where his fingers had been. I felt
Emma squeeze my fingers at my sigh and shook my head when she
laughed at me. John and Nathan looked our way at the sound Emma's
laughter, and the world fell away at the smile on Nathan's
face.

Emma stepped away from me and joined John, who stood
there smiling tenderly down at her. One hand moved up, tracing her
cheek softly before he whispered something to her. I was too far
away to hear, but it must have been nice, because she smiled up
into his eyes and took his hand, leading him away towards the far
side of the barn. John glanced back towards Nathan, nodding to him
as if in silent conversation.

Nathan shuffled his feet and glanced my way, clearing
his throat as I stepped close.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked.

He offered me a shy smile and nodded.

"I have not slept that well in a long time. John had
trouble waking me. I was dreaming," he whispered and his smile
widened a bit.

"What were you dreaming about?" I asked softly, my
heart speeding up at the way he flushed.

"I cannot say," he murmured and looked down at his
hands.

I chanced overstepping again and reached for his
hand, hearing his soft exhale of breath when I took it into my own
and moved closer. His hand closed over mine, the gentle tug pulling
me even closer, until I brushed against him. He leaned down, his
lips brushing across my hairline.

"It is nearly sunset, would you like to walk a
while?" he asked.

My feet cried out in protest.

"Actually, I'd really like to sit somewhere and put
my feet up," I said and laughed at his confused expression.

"It's been a long day, Nathan."

He nodded and looked down, a little crestfallen.

"Of course, you need your rest. I can walk you back
to the house," he murmured and took a step back.

"No," I said hurriedly. "I don't want to go to sleep.
I just want to sit somewhere with you."

His smile returned and he looked off towards the
barn, shaking his head.

"John has already claimed where it will be most
comfortable," he said and laughed when he noticed me look back
towards the barn where Emma and John had disappeared.

His face lit up and he pulled me away from the fence,
past the far side of the barn where Jonah kept his farming
equipment. He stopped before a large open wagon, still littered
with loose hay. One last glance back the way we had come and then
his hands moved in to encircle my waist. I didn't have a chance to
be alarmed by his touch as he lifted me up onto the edge of the
wagon as if I weighed nothing at all. He leapt up beside me with
ease, his laughter light as he helped me settle back into the soft
hay near the front of the wagon. We were well hidden from the
house, the walls of the wagon high to contain all the hay. I felt a
moment's apprehension at the idea of being so far removed from the
safety of the Berger’s home. I was alone, with a boy who obviously
desired me.

One moment I was hopeful for something more from
Nathan, the next I was nervous of the same thing.

"Kate?"

I flinched when I saw his hand rise up towards
me.

Pure instinct. It was ingrained in me, even after a
couple of weeks away from Sean’s threat.

"I'm sorry," I stammered.

His hand moved slowly towards me, as if towards as
spooked animal.

"Kate, I would never hurt you," he whispered. His
fingertips grazed my cheek, so soft it tickled the skin until it
prickled. He paused when he felt me tremble.

I took a deep calming breath, and closed my eyes to
feel his warmth against me, leaning into his palm.

"It's not you, Nathan. I'm just not used to
kindness," I said and opened my eyes when I felt his fingers trace
along my jaw once more. He was gentle as he stroked my cheek,
regarding me tenderly.

"Kindness is what you deserve, Kate. That is all I
wish to give you."

This was quickly turning into a serious discussion,
when all I was sure he wanted was a quiet moment with me. I could
tell by his rigid body; he was strung tightly, surely venturing
into uncharted territories for him. And I was flinching at his
gentle hand, causing him to refrain from what we both wanted. I
wanted him to touch me, even if my innate fear of being hurt
lingered in the periphery of my wary mind.

For that I hated Sean, for ruining me in so many ways
for Nathan. Nathan had been sweet and kind. He had defended me when
I needed it most. He watched me with genuine concern. My hands
found their way around his neck, pulling him down so that his lips
were inches from mine. He paused, indecision in his eyes.

"I do not wish to frighten or hurt you, Kate," he
said nervously.

"I know. I trust you," I replied, looking up into his
innocent eyes.

"I want to make you happy, Kate. Like you do me," he
whispered against my lips. I pulled him down so that his lips met
mine, offering him the chance to explore.

To learn.

His body was so close, the heat and firm presence of
it should have made me fearful, but it felt right with Nathan. He
kissed me slowly, measured as he leaned in a little more, covering
my body carefully. I felt him hesitate, as if to question his own
decision. And then his lips softened and he kissed me fully, having
learned so much in the last couple of weeks of how to make me
breathless. My hands found new places to explore, one rooting
deeply into his hair, and the other tracing down the length of his
back.

Finally I could touch that which I had obsessed over
every time he left me.

Feeling its strength, the muscles tensing as he held
himself just far enough away from me to remain separated; I loved
the feel of his back under my hand. He moaned into my mouth when
his fingers moved to my neck, tracing down the length of it until
his hand splayed out across my collarbone. He pulled away and
looked down at his hand, breathing heavily.

"Your heart is beating so quickly!" he said in awe.
My hand slipped free of his hair, moving down to his chest, so that
I could feel his own beating heart.

"So is yours," I replied, matching his smile.

His head dipped slowly once more, this time moving to
my jaw, kissing me softly along the jaw before nuzzling into my
neck beside my ear. His breath tickled my ear as he breathed deep.
His lips ghosted across my skin until they finally touched the
beating in my throat. Soft hot lips lingered there on my pounding
pulse, a soft hum escaping his lips before he pulled away to look
down at me, a smile breaking out across his face.

"I like the way your heart pounds," he said
softly.

I laughed and felt along his shoulders to distract me
from all the feelings I had swirling in my head.

I liked his pounding heart too. Everywhere I could
feel it.

He adjusted beside me, propping himself up on his
elbow so that he could watch me more easily. His hand explored,
touching along my cheek, down my neck, ending finally at my
shoulder. Looking up and away from me, he smiled and nodded to the
dark sky above.

"I think we have the better resting spot. The stars
are coming out for us," he whispered.

I looked up, at the dark heavens above us and
marveled at how many stars had already come out. I hadn't seen a
truly remarkable skyline since my days at camp in the national
forest, years ago. Here, in the quiet of the night, the stars
burned bright even as the last sliver of sunset lighted the western
sky.

"There's so many stars," I breathed.

"Wait until it gets darker. The field lights up with
all the star light," he said and smiled at my excitement.

Nathan pulled me close, letting my head rest on his
arm as we settled in to look up into the sky. It was comforting,
lying beside him. He didn't push, didn't claw at me. His hand
gently held mine across my stomach, brushing my knuckles in long
slow caresses. We didn't speak, it was enough to simply lie there
together and feel one another's warmth. As Nathan promised, the sky
continued to brighten with hundreds of stars as the night crept in.
I lost track of time, happy in my place beside him, the starlight
brightening his face as he regarded me.

He wasn't watching the stars. He had seen the stars
hundreds of times in his own lifetime. It was nothing new to him.
But I was new, and he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off of me.
There was a kind of adoration and love in Nathan's watchful gaze. I
closed my eyes and sighed, feeling a great comfort wash over me.
The heat of Nathan soothed me, lulled me until the night sounds
seemed to turn muddy in my ears. All I could hear was his soft
breath against my ear, like the distant tide at the beach on top of
the cliffs.

Soothing.

I didn't realize I had drifted off until I felt
Nathan's fingertips brush across my cheek. I stirred against him,
finding myself tucked in close to him for warmth. Pulling away, I
blushed at the idea if having all but wrapped my body around him
while I slept. Sitting up I looked around and noticed it was much
darker.

"How long did I sleep?" I asked worriedly, sure that
Jonah and Fannie would worry.

Why hadn't Emma come to find me?

"Only a little while, Kate. I did not wish to wake
you, but it is late," he replied and shifted towards the edge of
the wagon before jumping off.