Healing Faith (24 page)

I straightened up a little with that.

“I was going to ask you about the baptisms,” I said,
watching as he let out a relieved breath and turned to listen to my
questions.

“You get baptized when you’re older,” I started.

“Yes, it is our belief that you choose your way,” he
said.

“And you do this after your Rumspringa?”

He frowned slightly and nodded.

“Not everyone takes their Rumspringa. Some know
before that. And some,” he said and his voice trailed off.

“You haven’t been baptized,” I pressed gently.

“No, I still must take the classes and choose my
path.”

“You need to take classes?” I asked, curious.

“Yes, and then once you have completed them you can
choose. It is assumed that once you start taking the classes, you
have already chosen. But some still choose to leave,” he said and
shifted in his seat.

“So I will have to take the classes too,” I said,
thinking out loud.

I still had much to learn.

He was quiet as I sat there thinking about everything
I needed to accomplish.

“You would choose this life?” he said finally,
looking at me with those deep eyes.

I looked at him, a little perplexed.

“Of course.”

“And you would be happy?” he asked and slid a little
closer to me, his eyes inquisitive.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” I asked, his
questions making me nervous.

He nodded and laughed softly.

“It is just that tomorrow will be your first Sermon,”
he said and swallowed, glancing at me. “And your first
wedding.”

I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Is that what you’re nervous about? The wedding?” I
asked, laughing when I saw his ears brighten.

“My sisters were always so unbearable when it came to
weddings. Emma as well,” he said and watched me warily.

“Ah, well,” I said, not sure how to put him at ease.
“I’m not your average Amish girl.”

“No, you are not,” he said and he was grinning.

“I’ll try not to moon over you tomorrow, if that
makes you feel better,” I teased.

“People will know regardless,” he said, clearing his
throat.

“I thought this was all supposed to be secret,” I
said, feeling his nerves now.

He grinned again and made to stand up.

“It may be secret, but I cannot hide my feelings for
you,” he replied and leaned in to kiss me quickly. “I am happy to
know that you want this life. I am sure there will be questions of
your choices tomorrow when the community sees you.”

I swallowed at that thought.

“Be at peace, Kate,” he said soothingly. “They will
see you for the angel that you are. Pleasant dreams, Kate.”

I watched him as he walked to his house, a new
feeling of nervousness welling up inside of me.

Tomorrow, people would figure out I wished to
stay.

Tomorrow they would see me with Nathan.

I had a feeling tomorrow would be a judgment day for
me.

It was difficult to sleep that night, the morning
coming too quickly. I thought I had just fallen asleep when Emma
was pulling me up to bathe and get dressed. And all the while my
brain strained to remain calm over what today would bring.
Breakfast was a haze, the only welcome part to it was the green
eyes that smiled and watched me as I picked at my food. I was sad
to see him disappear after breakfast, Jonah and Nathan heading to
his home to finish the chores that must be done every day, even on
wedding days.

I didn't have time to miss him; Abigail and Emma were
rushing around to prepare for the ceremonies. I still had the fear
of judgment in my head as I helped Hannah into her newly made
dress. Her wedding dress was simple, dark blue to bring out her
eyes against her red hair. Her dress would become her church dress
after her wedding, the dress of a wife.

With Hannah dressed, Emma and I disappeared
downstairs to greet people as they filed into the house, every room
filled with chairs and extending out into the yard. I caught sight
of Nathan helping some of the older women into the front room. He
glanced my way and smiled as he spoke softly with one old woman,
her face turning up to smile at his charm. He sat her carefully
near an open window, turning to help another older woman to her
seat. Each time he turned towards me, his eyes would brighten and
he would smile.

It helped calm my nerves.

Emma pulled me towards the front of the room, sitting
close to the older women that Nathan had assisted. She pulled out a
book from under the bench, thicker than the Bible I had been
reading from. She opened it up, leaning in to whisper into my
ear.

"This is the Ausbund. It is our hymnbook for Sermons.
We sing only in reverence to God. I did not wish to alarm you, what
with everything that has happened," she said, her eyes showing her
concern.

She handed me the hymnbook, opening it up to one
particular page. It was in German. I paged through the book,
looking at each page, finding it all in German. With having taken
German in high school for a couple of years, I could make out maybe
half the words.

"You can whisper along, Katherine. No one expects you
to know this," she whispered and patted me gently on the arm.

I didn’t have time to ask why the songbook was in
German, opening my mouth only to shut it again just as the Bishop
entered the room. I looked around to find Fannie and Hannah towards
the front of the room. Nathan stood by the door leading to the
other room adjacent, also full of people.

I had no idea there would be so many people here.

The Bishop raised his hands, the congregation falling
silent. He looked around the room and nodded in approval.

"Today is a special day in God's eyes. Today we
welcome young Hannah Berger and Mark Bowman into the bonds
marriage. Today is a blessed day," he said loudly, his voice
carrying through the house.

We listened as he spoke, talking of commitment and
honor, of God's blessing on the couple that would be joined today.
I listened and took it all in. Marriage was sacred, a commitment as
important as their baptism into the Way. The joining of two people
meant the continuation of their way of life. And we were witness to
the union.

The Bishop pulled out his hymnbook and called out a
page. I held the book for Emma, finding the page quickly. There was
a shuffling of paper, and then the most beautiful voice I had heard
began to sing the first line.

Standing between the doors, stood Nathan, singing to
lead us in our hymn. I watched as the congregation sang to the
rhythm that Nathan timed out in his hand. Hands moved in time,
cutting through the air in time to Nathan's song, singing in
perfect melody to his lead. There was no harmony, no accompaniment
of musical instruments, only voices as they rose up and sang.

They sang in German, and I could only catch snippets
of it, but I understood the jist of it; to love and respect your
mate. That life had meaning, and that in choosing the right path,
you found enlightenment. If you asked me what it meant to
understand God before I had come to this way of life I would not
have been able to tell you. Seeing the dedication this community
had for their ways made me see it anew. They lived to serve God.
And they followed their ways happily. I was amazed at how much I
could feel God in the moment as everyone sung. The melody of their
voices united was uplifting. Reverent.

I could only sit and watch in fascination, unable to
follow along fast enough with the difficult words in the book. I
felt a moment's apprehension when I noticed the Bishop's eyes on
me. He watched me during the last verse, my face feeling hot as I
looked away and tried to follow along in the book.

With the end of the song, the Bishop called Hannah
and Mark. They stood and faced the congregation, and at once I
could see that Hannah, usually so cool and stoic, was smiling. The
Bishop walked out with them, to hear their vows in private as we
continued with the Sermon. One of the ministers took up the Sermon,
letting Nathan lead in song as we waited for the couple to
re-emerge with the Bishop.

After what felt like forever, a mumbling could be
heard behind us. Emma and I turned with the rest of the
congregation to watch as Mark and Hannah followed the Bishop in.
Mark was grinning happily, Hannah blushing as she held his hand
tightly. She glanced towards us as they stepped to the front of the
room, her smile growing as we smiled back.

"Let us look on these two now, and know that they
have bound themselves to each other. What they vow will keep the
Way pure, and we shall hope for the line to continue with them. Let
us be joyful on this blessed day! Please welcome Hannah and Mark,
man and wife!" the Bishop exclaimed.

The rest of the sermon flitted past in a blur, most
of it lost on me when the Bishop spoke in broken bits of German and
English. We sang one last song, my eyes catching Nathan's as he
sang to lead us, his eyes brilliant as he shared a moment with me
from across the room. I knew I should turn away, but the bright
green of his eyes and the distinctly pleasant aura around us made
me feel comforted.

As the sermon ended, Hannah and Mark made their way
outside so that they could receive the congratulations from those
attending. Emma guided me into the kitchen, where Fannie was
already pulling out the roasts from the oven. She still looked
teary eyed when she looked up to see us pulling together the food
for the lunch. She motioned us to her, hugging us tight for a
moment before taking a deep breath and wiping her eyes.

"I am sorry," she said. "I have waited for this day
for so long, and now that it is here, I am not prepared."

We hugged her once more before we moved back into the
routine of serving for the guests. We followed Fannie out with
bowls of food, setting them up at a shaded table where I recognized
a few of the women helping there. They were the same women who had
been at the Wittmers. Sarah turned and helped Jonah with the roast;
glancing our way and giving instructions to set the food down and
bring out more. Emma and I worked quickly, bringing out the pies,
the breads and vegetables in record time.

I was turning to go back into the house when I saw an
older man struggling to get up the stairs. I rushed to his side
just as he looked about to collapse.

"Here, let me help you," I said softly, his eyes
lighting up at my gentle touch at his elbow. I felt his bony hand
reach for my shoulder, my arm moved around his waist to help him up
the last step and guide him to the swing I knew well. Helping him
to sit, he watched me as I stood before him.

"Would you like me to make you a plate? A glass of
lemonade?" I asked, smiling down at him.

“That would be nice, child,” he replied, his voice
crackling with age. “My family is sitting in the sun and I prefer
the shade.”

I looked back at the food table, Fannie laughing and
seemingly more relaxed with everything from the sight of it. It
seemed I could spare the extra time for the old man who reminded me
of my grandfather I had met only a few times before he had
died.

"I will make you a nice plate of food and be right
back," I replied and turned to make my way to the serving
table.

I had just finished setting a plate for the old man
when I caught sight of Nathan, off near the side of the house,
speaking with the Bishop and another older man. Nathan looked
frustrated, shaking his head and looking around as if to locate
someone. I was sure it was for me.

I grabbed the closest glass of lemonade and hurried
back towards the old man. Stepping onto the porch he waved me over
with a smile. I placed the plate in his hands and set the lemonade
by him on the table, smiling when he hummed at the taste of the
potato salad. I stood there for a moment, unsure if he would be
fine on his own, until he finally spoke.

"You are most kind, dear girl. Thank you for helping
me. You can go find your friends, dear. I am sure Fannie must need
you.”

"You're very welcome. I'm happy to help, sir," I said
softly and turned to leave.

"You may call me Ezekiel, Katherine," he said, his
words making me pause and turn back around to look at him.

He knew my name?

Perhaps more people than I realized knew who I
was.

That was a little disconcerting.

He did not look up from his meal, cutting apart the
meat and putting it in his mouth in quiet bliss. I stepped off the
porch and walked back towards the food area, catching sight of Emma
and John at a nearby table. I waved to them and picked up a plate
to prepare something for myself. I felt someone's hand on my
shoulder, causing me to jump in surprise. I turned to find Hannah
and Mark standing beside me.

"I am sorry, Katherine! I did not mean to startle
you!" Hannah said hurriedly and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"It's all right, Hannah," I breathed, returning her
embrace. "Congratulations. You looked so beautiful."

She pulled away, grinning at me.

"I can not believe how I feel right at this moment,
Katherine. It is an amazing feeling," she replied happily when Mark
pulled her close, shaking hands with guests as they wished them
well.

I watched after them for a few moments, at the
happiness they shared. I smiled inwardly and finished preparing my
plate, excited about sitting with my new family. But when I turned
to come away from the table, I stopped short when I noticed Nathan
had arrived at Emma’s table, sitting next to her and watching me
worriedly. His eyes were wide and he was glancing back towards the
porch behind me. I looked back and saw the Bishop standing beside
the old man, Ezekiel, speaking softly. Walking towards me was the
other man whom Nathan had been speaking with. I swallowed and
turned to face him. The older man’s lips were drawn in a thin line,
a stark contrast to the dark beard and dark eyes as they stared me
down.