Healing Faith (26 page)

I watched as they spoke again in hushed German
murmurs.

You cannot allow her! She is temptation!

You are clouded, Samuel. From your own experiences.
Enough.

She will not adjust to our way. She will leave.

She has learned our ways better than many of our own
children.

She must not be involved with young Fisher.

That is not our place.

He must make his own choice.

Yes, he must get on with his plans. Maybe then he
will see her for what she is.

This girl is kind. I will allow her to try.

You risk losing another boy from our flock!

That is how it has always been, Samuel. She makes it
no different.

I do not approve.

I do.

There was a long pause, as Eli looked my way, his
eyes thoughtful for a moment before turning back towards
Ezekiel.

I will allow her, if she will try to live our
way.

I held my breath at Eli's words. Did that mean I was
accepted?

"Katherine," Ezekiel said loudly. "You have learned
some of our life. You must learn everything. You must embrace God
as we do and embrace our lifestyle. We do not wish to turn a
daughter in need back into the darkness. But we cannot have the
darkness take over."

I nodded, trembling at the idea that perhaps I had
finally accomplished something for myself.

"You must prove to us that this way of life is your
way of life, Katherine," Eli continued.

"I will," I breathed, fighting back an overwhelming
rush of emotions flooding me.

"You must sever all ties with your world when you
make this choice, Katherine," the Bishop said. He stared hard at me
for a moment and then offered me a tight smile.

"You must let your English father know as soon as
possible. And you must have resolute ends with this boy that
pursues you," he added.

I felt my breath stutter in my lungs at the idea of
confronting Sean any time soon.

I could only nod.

I had no idea how I would resolve anything with Sean,
or figure out how to tell my father I was never coming back without
him hunting me down. I'd figure it out. I had to.

"Well, I should think you would like to spend some
time with your sisters, yes? This is a celebration after all,"
Ezekiel said brightly, moving to stand. The two men helped him up,
their eyes following me as I stood slowly.

"Thank you," I said, stepping up closer to Ezekiel as
he neared me on his way out.

"You are a dear child. I know you will not fail us.
Jonah and young Fisher would not step up for you if you were not.
They were quite insistent," he murmured and patted me lightly on
the shoulder as he passed.

Eli and the Bishop nodded my way as they passed me,
the Bishop's eyes betraying the frustration I know he felt at
losing the chance to be rid of me.

I stood in the room for several minutes after they
had left; overwhelmed by the conversation I had just had with the
older men. It had gone much better than I had thought, but I was
troubled by the Bishop's interaction. I had so many things to be
angry for.

At his way of judging me before learning of me.

Of trying to control me, just like my dad had. Or
Sean.

Of trying to ruin anything that Nathan wanted.

Why was Nathan coveted so?

"One thing you will learn soon enough, daughter, is
forgiveness."

I jumped at Jonah's voice in the doorway, unaware
that he had even stepped in. I blushed and unclenched my fists at
my sides, letting out a long breath. Jonah stepped in slowly,
looking off towards the celebration outside. I could hear laughter
and children yelling.

Everyone was having a good time.

"It may appear that you have a mountain to climb, but
there are those that will help you to scale it," he murmured.

"I have so much to do. I don't know how to do it
all," I admitted.

He smiled and touched me on the shoulder
tenderly.

"First, we must find your strength and your purpose.
And then we will shed the worry and the doubt," he replied
softly.

He looked outside and let out a long sigh.

"Nathan is missing you. Let us put this behind us for
now and worry over what we will do tomorrow, Katherine. Come, let
us enjoy today," he whispered and pulled me gently towards the
door.

I was quiet as we stepped out into the sunlight, the
brightness of it blinding me for a moment. I couldn't make out
where Nathan was, until Jonah steered me to the side of the porch.
Nathan was there, pacing back and forth. He looked like he had just
undergone the interrogation I just had. Hearing our footsteps, his
head shot up and his eyes widened when he took me in. I must have
looked upset because he rushed over to us and spoke hurriedly.

"Are you all right? You were in there for so long!
They agreed to allow you to stay, yes? Kate, tell me you are all
right?" he asked in a rush.

I nodded and tried to smile. It seemed to work. The
tension in his shoulders lessened and he looked then to Jonah.

"She is allowed to stay?" Nathan asked again.

"So Ezekiel tells me, Nathan," Jonah said with a kind
smile.

Nathan let out a relieved breath and offered me the
brilliant smile I had only seen in private. Jonah cleared his
throat and stepped away slowly.

"You should eat something, Katherine. You look pale.
I leave her in your care, Nathan. Just be mindful that she is still
under scrutiny," he said and stepped away, his eyes holding onto
Nathan's until he turned and walked away.

"What does he mean by under scrutiny? They said you
could stay," Nathan asked, his brow puckering with worry once
more.

"I don't really want to talk about it right now. My
head hurts from it all," I replied.

Nathan touched me softly on my wrist, for just an
instant before withdrawing.

"You did not eat. It was not fair of them to steal
you away so soon," he whispered, looking down into my eyes.

I blushed at his attention and simply shrugged.

"Come," he whispered. "Emma saved you a plate. We
have a blanket laid out in the shade."

I walked beside Nathan quietly, listening to the
chatter of the guests as we passed. On more than one occasion, a
head would turn our way and watch us as we walked. Perhaps I was
paranoid, but after the hesitancy from the Elders, and the mistrust
from the Bishop, I felt the judging eyes of people taking in how I
walked beside Nathan away from the general celebration.

I saw Emma stand just as I thought to turn and go
back to the gathering, her eyes troubled as she stood near John,
who was sitting comfortably on the blanket. I tried to smile, not
wanting her to worry; although I knew she could read my stress in
the way I carried my body.

Nothing got past Emma.

"We were so worried," she whispered when she pulled
me into a tight embrace.

"I know. It's ok. They agreed to let me stay," I
murmured, feeling her arms tighten before she released me.

"But you are still upset," she stated as she looked
me over.

"Emma, let her relax for a moment," Nathan said.

John and Emma settled in on one side of the blanket,
Emma patting beside her for me to sit. Nathan sat beside me,
letting his legs stretch out off of the blanket. Emma pulled out a
plate and offered it to me. I wasn't really hungry, not after the
nerves had done me in, but I knew we probably wouldn't eat again
that day. It just felt strange to be the only one eating while they
watched me. I sat there quietly looking down at my plate for a
minute before John finally spoke up.

"I am hungry for some pie. Shall I bring some back
for everyone?" he asked, standing and smiling down at me before he
turned to head towards the dessert table. Emma followed him with
her eyes as he walked away, making me smile in the thought that
somehow they had reconnected.

"John seems happy," I mused.

She pretended to scowl at me.

"We are not talking about John. We are talking about
you, Katherine," she said.

I fidgeted with my plate, tearing apart the
bread.

"They are letting me stay, with provisions," I
murmured.

"What provisions?" Emma and Nathan said almost
simultaneously.

I shook my head and poked at the chicken on my
plate.

"Obviously I need to live like you," I started.

"You do that already," Emma argued.

“I didn’t know about the language thing,” I grumbled,
glancing at her warily.

“What language thing?” Nathan asked, confused.

Emma nodded, understanding.

“The Ausbund,” she explained. “And the Sermon. I am
sorry, we should have told you. Some still speak our language, but
more each day speak as you. It is easier when we sell to the
English in town. Honestly most only use it be secretive around the
English. Mother and Father do not choose to speak it in the
home.”

“We will teach you,” Nathan offered, an apologetic
frown marring his handsome face.

I just nodded, not knowing if I wanted anyone to know
just how much I really understood from my interrogation. Would it
get back to the Bishop and make him furious that he didn’t have
that advantage? Would knowing it help me?

"What else?" Nathan whispered, interrupting my
thoughts.

"I need to sever ties and make sure Sean doesn't come
around. Severing ties I am not that upset about," I explained.

"But they want you to confront your English
boyfriend? That would not be wise," Emma said heatedly.

"That's an understatement," I mumbled. I couldn't
look them in the eye. I was too embarrassed by the fear I felt over
Sean. I was terrified to see him again.

"We will find a way, Kate," Nathan whispered and
leaned in to brush his fingers across mine.

"Yes, I am sure Father can figure something out. He
has many English friends in town. We will think of something," Emma
said soothingly.

I nodded and remained quiet. I knew whatever I needed
to do in order for Sean to forget me would take more than a few
friends that did not raise a hand in anger. The fact that these
people who knew so little of me, would risk so much made me love
them that much more. I wouldn't get that support at home. I hadn't
at all, which was why I was here in the first place.

That and maybe divine inspiration.

Was I here for a reason?

"Please, Kate. You should eat," Nathan whispered.

I turned to him and smiled up into his worried
eyes.

"That is supposed to be what I say to you," I
murmured, enjoying his blush.

"Nathan did not eat much either, he was so worried,"
Emma replied.

"We can share then," I said and pulled a green bean
off the plate and offered it to Nathan. His blush deepened and he
hesitated before taking it with his mouth.

I felt his lips brush up against the tips of my
fingers, the heat of them enough to make me tremble. Enough to make
his ears burn and his eyes look away quickly to mask the desire
there. I mentally shook myself and turned back to Emma, who was
smiling at the two of us.

I distracted myself with a piece of chicken and tried
instead to ask Emma about John.

"So you are speaking to John again," I stated,
grinning when I noticed her blush and wrinkle her nose at my keen
observation.

She sighed and looked back towards where he had
disappeared.

"He asked to sit with us just as I brought the last
pies out. I had forgotten how persuasive he could be. And how
sweet. I do love how he makes me smile," she whispered happily and
pouted at Nathan's embarrassed chuckle.

I laughed and took another bite before extending my
plate toward Nathan, offering him to pick something. We sat there
quietly and ate, until John returned with two plates of pie. He sat
down comfortably beside Emma, offering her one plate and Nathan the
other.

"They were almost bare. I grabbed what I could and
thought we would share," he explained and produced four forks.

We ate our food in silence, the sound of the children
carrying on the breeze as we sat there. I watched as Abigail
ordered some of the younger girls around, smiling at how precocious
she could be and still appear to be that sweet Amish girl. We were
not all that different, as I looked around. It was only the darker
side of my life that the Amish did not pursue.

Nathan finished up the plate of food, while I picked
at the pie. I smirked and handed him the plate when I noticed he
still looked hungry. He took the plate with a quiet thank you and
grinned when he noticed it was one of my pies. He finished it in no
time, letting out a contented sigh as he leaned back on his elbow,
stretching out beside me.

"I am afraid I ate too much," he chuckled and slipped
further onto the blanket, resting his head carefully over his
arm.

John followed Nathan's cue and stretched out beside
Emma, sneaking a gentle hand squeeze when she took his plate from
him. I set our plates behind us and leaned back, enjoying the sun
as it beat down on us through the shade of the tree we sat beneath.
Nathan let out a satisfied sigh and watched me as I relaxed for the
first time all day. He reached for my free hand and brushed it
softly before letting his hand rest on his stomach.

It was difficult to watch him, laid out beside me and
not want to just lean in to touch him. He was lean and lanky, and
stretched out as he was you could see just how tall he really was.
I kept my eyes up high, watching the soft smile play on his lips as
he tipped his hat down over his closed eyes. Watching his chest
rise and fall, his breathing grew deeper, and soon I knew he was
asleep.

I wondered how tired he was, working as he did and
probably sleeping poorly when he did sleep. It was nice to see this
contented side of him. Glancing over at John and Emma, I caught
John watching me. His soft smile widened and he laughed softly.