Healing Faith (29 page)

In her parents’ house of all places?

From what it looked like, this was perfectly normal.
Fannie smiled at them repeatedly, her gaze adoring every time she
saw Hannah crack a smile. I supposed it was rewarding to see her
daughter finally at peace and happy. Overnight it seemed, Hannah
was a new person.

Reborn.

It gave me hope. And Nathan had his own house. Maybe
if we ever got married, we wouldn't have to stay with the Bergers
our first night. That thought brought the color back in my face for
sure. Abigail glanced at me askance when she noticed and I tried to
ease her curious mind with a tremulous smile and a wink. She
glanced at Nathan and then back to me, a quiet giggle bubbling up
from her mouth before she covered it with a large bite of her
biscuit, winking back at me playfully.

I somehow knew Abigail understood a lot more than I
did at her age.

We cleaned up as the men spoke for several minutes
after the meal. Mark bade his farewells, sneaking a quick kiss from
his new wife before he walked out the back door, a jovial spring in
his step. Hannah smiled after him and winked at me when she caught
me looking. I was saved from any comments when Jonah stood and made
to leave. He stopped beside Fannie, brushing his fingertips across
her cheek before smiling and glancing at me.

"We will be busy today. Will you send Emma and
Katherine to us at midday meal? Perhaps they can help Nathan's
garden for the afternoon," he asked quietly.

"Of course. Abigail can help me with the afternoon
chores here. The laundry can be done in the morning," she said and
patted his hand gently before stepping away.

I watched as Jonah left, Nathan lingering for only a
second to look back at me before tugging on his hat and following
after. His strange expression had me a little unnerved. It was not
quite troubled, but more hesitant than worried. Again I had to
wonder what he was thinking of to have him behave so strangely.

"Katherine, come. You and Abigail can help me with
preserves this morning while Emma and Hannah tend to the wash,"
Fannie was saying.

I allowed myself one last glance of Nathan as he
walked away with Jonah, and resumed the duties I had learned were
an important part of Amish life. Today would be preserves and
canning. I seemed to learn something new with every new chore. I
learned that I had underappreciated the jams I had enjoyed on my
toast, and that it took much longer than simply spreading them on
bread to make them the delicious nectar in a jar. A few hours of
simmering, a lot of sugar and an unfortunate mess all over me was
how my morning progressed.

"The stain will disappear from your hands in a day or
so, Katherine," Fannie chuckled when she noticed me scrubbing in
the sink to no avail.

The berries we had cooked down for jams had left dark
stains on my fingertips. I sighed and shook my head at the sight.
It reminded me of the time I had gotten into my father’s antique
inkwells he had collected. The reminder of him only made me scowl
harder. I had no idea how I was going to tell him what I needed to.
I knew deep down he would be grateful to give up responsibility of
me, but I also knew he would find some way to make it exceedingly
difficult for me to cut ties. The hardest part would be saying
goodbye to my sister.

"You are most quiet this morning Katherine," Fannie
said, breaking me out of my train of thought.

I looked up from the dishtowel in my hand and met her
sympathetic eyes. Shrugging, I began collecting the jars we had
filled to place in the pantry. She stalled me halfway across the
kitchen and took some of the jars from my hands.

"You are worried about the future?" she asked
softly.

I frowned a little harder and nodded.

"I don't know how to end it with my family, or with
Sean. Every time I think about it, I can see the outcomes, and they
are all more disturbing the more I think on it," I whispered.

She helped me up the stepladder and handed me the
jars while she spoke.

"It is a significant step. One, sadly I think cannot
be done by letter or in your case, by telephone. I am afraid to say
it, but it is something that will need face to face contact," she
said.

I blanched at her words.

"I don't want to think about being face to face with
Sean," I mumbled and shuddered.

She pulled me against her gently and kissed me on the
temple.

"You will not be alone. We will make sure of that.
But I am sad, you will need to travel for this. Jonah and I have
already discussed it, just last night," she said and pulled away
enough to look into my eyes. I could see the worry in them.

"You want me to go? There?" I choked out.

"It seems the safest. Jonah has already agreed to go
with you if you wish it. And I am sure Nathan will want to go as
well, although I am sure Jonah will have words with him over that,"
she remarked, smiling.

"Why would Jonah need to talk with Nathan?" I asked,
afraid maybe they thought Nathan would never return.

Fannie let out a soft breath and tried to hide her
smirk.

"It is not something we talk about, Katherine. That
is a man's business. But perhaps Nathan needs a father to speak
with him before he makes a trip with a girl he is courting,
especially if he were to consider this his Rumspringa," she replied
and laughed when I swallowed hard.

Poor Nathan.

Getting the birds and the bees talk. Suddenly
thinking of the conversation this morning, I gasped, only to start
laughing.

"Do you mean, right now?" I asked, fighting my
laughter.

It was Fannie's turn to blush.

"I do not know!" she exclaimed and joined in with my
laughter.

The sisters glanced our way as we returned to the
kitchen. I couldn't look at Hannah without bursting into laughter
at the thought of what kind of speech Mark must have received
before their wedding night. Fannie pulled me close again and let
out a happy sigh.

"Well now that you are laughing once more, let us set
up a basket for you to take to the men for this afternoon," she
said and we were once again busying ourselves with preparing a meal
to bring over to Nathan and Jonah.

We ate quickly in the house, and when Emma and I made
to leave, Hannah groused about not being able to bring a basket to
Mark. Fannie scowled at her and pushed a bundle of damp clothes
toward her to hang out to dry.

"You will see him tonight, Hannah. He has family
there to feed him. He will not need you every moment of his life.
You can tend to him tonight when he returns," she chided.

Emma and I left before we could hear Hannah's
remarks.

"Emma? How long will Hannah and Mark stay here,
together?" I asked as we started up the hill towards Nathan's
house.

Emma laughed.

"Only one more night. Did they keep you up? Is that
why you seem so distracted today?" she asked.

"No, no they didn’t bother me last night," I
murmured; looking away from her towards the field I hoped to see
Nathan in. But it was vacant.

"Is it because I asked you about the gathering?" she
asked, and when I turned I noticed her worried gaze.

I nodded.

"I'm sorry, Emma. I just don't want to pressure
Nathan not knowing why he was so upset last night. I can’t help
worrying that Sean might be there, too. I had nightmares last night
about him," I replied softly.

Emma grabbed my hand and squeezed it hard.

"I am sorry. I should not have asked, Katherine. I
let my selfish wants interfere. I did not mean to cause you pain,"
she said and hugged me quickly.

“It’s not your fault, Emma,” I replied and let out a
breath. “I just don’t understand why it’s so important to you.”

She was quiet for a few minutes and when I turned to
see if she had heard me, I noticed a sad far away look on her
face.

“You know that world, I do not,” she murmured. “I
have not experienced much because of my sickness. I know John wants
to commit to the Way, but he has also had a chance to see things. I
do not wish to regret having not had that chance.”

I remained quiet, thinking about her circumstances. I
knew she wouldn’t pressure me again to go, but it was hard to not
try and explain to her that there were more important things in
life than an English party. I shivered at the thought of the last
party I had been to.

And run from.

I wished I could reassure Emma that she wasn’t
missing anything, but like any teenager, I knew she’d want to
experience it herself, regardless of past histories of her sister
or myself.

We walked the rest of the way in silence, nearing the
house when we heard a ruckus off to our right by an open pasture.
Edging our way towards the noise, I almost ran face first into
Nathan as he turned the corner of the house quickly. He was flushed
and sweating, and his eyes looked uncomfortable until he took a
step back to keep from knocking me over. From over his shoulder, I
could see Jonah coming towards us, shaking his head in
amusement.

"Are you all right?" I asked, watching his eyes
squint uncomfortably before wiping it clear with a tense smile.

"Of course," he replied and side stepped us to head
off to the water pump to rinse off.

I glanced back at Jonah who nodded and smiled as he
passed. Glancing back towards the pasture, I watched as the great
black horse of Nathan’s, Magnus, pranced around Jonah's mare, which
nipped and kicked at Nathan's horse.

"It appears Patience is not impressed with Nathan's
horse," Emma chuckled and pulled me away towards the house.

I couldn't get my head around human courting much
less equine relationships, so I let the conversation die as we made
our way into Nathan's kitchen to set out their lunch. Looking in
the cupboards for plates, I was taken by surprise at how empty his
cabinets were. Hardly any food was left in them. Whatever he ate,
he was solely dependent on the Bergers. Having seen the state of
his garden, I was sure it was simply too much for him. It made my
heart hurt for him.

He really needed help.

"Thank you girls! This is a blessing for a hot
afternoon!" Jonah exclaimed as he stepped into the kitchen.

Nathan followed behind, smiling at me as I stood by
his refrigerator. It had been the first real smile I had seen on
him all day, so it made me feel better about his strange behavior.
Emma and I excused ourselves while they ate, Emma explaining to me
that if we waited too long, it would be much too hot to work in the
garden. As it was, when we stepped back out and started hauling
water to the side garden, I felt the heat already beating down on
us. It didn’t take long to start sweating.

We worked for over an hour hauling water to the
parched plants. When the soil was moist, we went through aisle by
aisle, cutting back anything too far gone and salvaging any of the
vegetables still worthy of eating.

It wasn't much.

By mid- afternoon, when the sun was at its worst,
Nathan's garden resembled more of a garden than a withered jungle.
Emma and I retreated back to the porch and sighed when we sat
heavily in the large swing there. She looked out over the yard,
shaking her head sadly as she noticed the dead bushes and dried
grass.

"This was a beautiful place once," she whispered.

I looked at all the work that still needed to be
done. Paint to be finished, new plants to be planted, windows and
porch to be washed down. It was too much for one person.

But for two perhaps…

"It will be again," I replied simply, earning a
brilliant smile from Emma.

We heard the door open near us, Nathan coming out
with glasses of the tea we had brought. He handed them to us and
leaned against the railing, looking off towards the garden. He was
quiet for a moment, in deep thought as he sucked on his lip. It was
difficult not to stare at his lips. The distraction of cold tea
helped.

At least until Emma spoke.

"Nathan, I must apologize," she said into the
silence. Nathan blinked and turned to watch her, waiting for her to
continue. She let out a breath and let the words stream forth.

"I was excited to hear about the gathering last night
when John mentioned it. I know you have reservations, after what
happened the last time. But I was excited to think that maybe with
Katherine there, she could explain to me why the English life is so
fascinating to us. I wanted to be able to experience a bit of her
world as she has ours.”

"That is not her world, Emma," Nathan replied, a
little harsh.

She looked down from his heated stare and nodded.

I watched quietly, not wanting to put my opinion in.
I didn't want to get involved with her argument. I didn't really
care to go, especially if there was a chance of Sean being there.
Or having the Elders judge me for going. Finally he looked at me
directly.

"Is this something you wish to do, Kate? It is part
of who we are, but it is not an obligation to become one of us. You
have experienced your ways. It will be nothing new for you by
going," he asked softly.

When I didn’t answer immediately, Emma turned and
darted for the hill, not looking back when I called out to her.

"She cannot go alone. And John is a friend with some,
but not so much with others that will be there. It is not wise for
them to go alone. I will go with you if you ask it," he
whispered.

“Of course I have reservations. But she also wants to
go and experience it with her friends. I just don’t understand your
hesitation,” I said quietly and watching him for a reaction.

He glanced behind him towards the house and shook his
head, his lips pursed as if still annoyed.

"We can talk this evening when we sit after supper.
It is not a simple answer," he murmured and stepped away just as
Jonah opened the door.