How to Make Love to a Woman (13 page)

HAVE A SPANKING GOOD TIME

One of the theories about why people become masochists is that the corporal punishment they received as kids made them feel secure, secure in the bosom of the family. Getting spanked as an adult recalls that good feeling of safety as a child. My former lover refutes this by stating that she was never spanked as a child, yet she enjoyed the discipline game immensely.

Frannie came from a highly respected family whom she loved very much, but ran away from home at a young age, worked as a hooker, and did all she could to upset them. My theory is that she felt she deserved to be spanked. She certainly worked at being a bitch, in the hope that I would punish her physically, but sometimes I was really sadistic and punished her by doing nothing, which drove her nuts.

“You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle-aged women. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.”

—Elmo Phillips

A few years ago, the Swiss Institute of Psychological Research examined why student test scores had fallen in recent years, and came up with the surprising suggestion that the lower scores may be related to the banning of corporal punishment. The brain may be connected to the behind, it seems. The study of 150 college student volunteers found that following some swats on their backside, their ability to remember facts increased by an average of 38%.

Just because you like to paddle her ass, it doesn’t make you a sadist. Wanting to experience being spanked doesn’t make you a masochist, either.

For many years I had an ardent fan, a young woman from New York City, who followed me around the world. Sarah considered herself my total slave, and there was nothing she liked better than a fine spanking or whipping. At first I hesitated because I couldn’t bear to hurt such a charming young woman. But I finally gave in to her constant begging, and it got so I really enjoyed giving it to her to whatever degree she wanted it. Usually, I hit her so that her buttocks turn red. As I hit her, I swore in German or Dutch. Sometimes, while her ass was still red, she would hand me a camera, and I would take pictures of her smarting backside. Because I enjoyed her company and enjoyed pleasing her, does that make me a sadist? I think not. Remember, do what makes you and your lover happy. If you enjoy what you’re doing, then it’s natural.

If you are going to spank your mate, make sure you have some clue about what you are doing. It doesn’t matter if you use a ping pong paddle, a wooden spoon, or your hand. The erogenous zone of the bottom (in regard to spanking) is where the butt meets the top of the legs and the closer to the private parts, the better. Spanking of the vagina is fairly popular, as well. One hard stroke, two soft, one hard, three soft—establishing a rhythm is good. Remember to read her and that the objective is to dance at her Resilient Edge of Resistance. Touching in between strokes is also good. Play and squeeze to your (and her) heart’s desire. The touching is a soft contrast to the beating and the results will likely make your playmate very wet.

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EXPERIMENT WITH HARMLESS SENSORY DEPRIVATION

Lots of folks blindfold their mates during sex, but perhaps if you have a long stretch of time to play, you should step it up a notch. I had no idea how erotic it could be until I had an operation and lost my eyesight for forty-eight hours. It was scary. My boyfriend collected me from the clinic after the operation and, with my eyes bandaged, led me the two blocks back to the car.

The traffic seemed twice as strident as usual, and the noise made by other people on the sidewalk, the footsteps, and snatches of shouted conversation were terrifyingly loud. I had an unreasonable fear of being attacked, even though I was leaning on the strong arm of my man.

When we got home, the house was not quite as I remembered it, some distances seemed shorter and others longer, and there were far more projections and steps up and down in dangerous and unexpected places than I had ever realized. My lover prepared a wonderful meal, and although he told me afterward that his thinking was to serve me food that could be shoveled in with a spoon, it was the flavor I remember. Later, still bandaged and lightly drugged with painkillers, we made love, and the texture of his skin, the feel of his hard but invisible cock under my hand, between my lips and in my pussy, took on a new dimension.

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ATTEND A SEX-BASED EVENT

To find a swingers’ party near you, go to the Internet and type in “swingers” followed by a comma and your town or city. It’s that easy.

To gain acceptance to most swinger events you will need to register. Registering generally consists of sending in a photo of yourself and some money. Go there, socialize, meet people and if you feel up to it, participate. Couples tend to be pretty good about telling you what they are into and asking permission. If at any point, you feel uncomfortable, you can always say no. Also, if you want to watch and not participate, you can just tell people you are into voyeurism.

Attend an S&M workshop together. Your local S&M store often will give free workshops on how to use sex toys, care for leather products, or assume different sexual roles. These workshops can be a lot of fun to attend. I can guarantee that you will learn something new! Not only will the two of you be exposed to something new together, but then you will have a lot to talk about—and who knows where a conversation like this could lead you.

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MAKE HOME MOVIES

Make your own kinky movie together. Then watch it and immediately erase it. Most couples die of laughter when they watch themselves having sex. Let’s face it: most people look rather silly during the act. The good news is that your partner already knows what you look like—and enjoys it with you. So, the only embarrassment you may feel is about you seeing you! However, on a few occasions, you might even find yourself looking pretty good.

Today there are many creative ways a man can use a video camera to have some fun with his woman. It’s not just the filming and the playback, but the fact that the Internet provides a vast opportunity for posting materials. There are adult portals where husbands post their videos of their wives and viewers can rate them. If you are in the mood for a little harmless exhibitionism, you have all the tools today to be your own production company.

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EXPAND THE PARTNERSHIP TO INCLUDE A THIRD PARTY

For many couples, marriage becomes dull after a few years and in order not to cheat or spend a lot of household money on porn or other alternative entertainment, many have chosen to have a third or fourth partner join in on the sexual fun. Often it starts totally harmlessly enough: the wife gets visited by the neighbor, male or female; they start chatting and eventually end with playing versions of harmless or not so harmless games. Games may be fun but then (old story) the husband walks in and catches them in on the act.

Either he gets jealous and mad, or he gets turned on and wanks off secretly, or in the end joins in on the action. Men generally like to see two women make out.

“The bonds of wedlock are so heavy that it takes two to carry them, sometimes three.”

—Alexander Dumas

Today’s “metro-men” are not nearly as homophobic as the ones I grew up with and so there is a growing tendency for hetero men to experience homosexual encounters. Though at orgies, it is still much rarer to see two men at it than two or more women.

Even very straight-laced and conservative couples sometimes arrange for a third, just to spice things up now and again. In today’s liberal environment and with the advent of the Internet, it is not so uncommon for a husband to “order up” that big, tough black man for his wife to fuck on her fortieth birthday.

For those of you who are wondering, “What do we do together, exactly?” I’ll give you a hint about one position that I find incredibly erotic. I call it “the sandwich screw.”

It takes a very versatile, flexible, and sex-loving woman plus two good male lovers to make a perfect “sandwich.” It so happens that I have experienced this kind of lovemaking, including when I had more than two men in bed with me and another woman, so it was more like an orgy, but the positioning is for two men and a woman. I had a wonderful time just watching the proceedings between the girl and the guys. One of the guys was lying on his back with my girlfriend on top of him, her back towards his stomach as he slowly penetrated her anus. Meanwhile, another guy was fucking her in the vagina. To top it all, the third guy was leaning over her face, while she sucked his cock. Believe me, that was a hot night in Toronto!