How to Make Love to a Woman (12 page)

It’s five years later, so I’m guessing that the under-forty crowd (now under forty-five) didn’t stop using rubbers and that the over-forty-five crowd (now over fifty) didn’t suddenly start.

If you are going to be promiscuous, you need to wear them. Some women report that many men today, as they age, become more interested in closing the deal on a monogamous relationship just so that they don’t have to bother with the rubbers or the risk. If you don’t wear them, this advice is lost on you, but if you do, be adventurous and go for variety: try the scented ones, the studded ones, the ribbed ones, the glow in the dark ones. Provide her with variety, even when it comes to condoms.

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PROLONG THE PLAY

Stay in foreplay mode a long time. One thing that many men have told me is that the longer they can manage to prolong foreplay, the more time they can spend in a state of high arousal. And the longer they can delay ejaculation, the stronger and more thrilling is the orgasm when it finally happens. One tried and true example of doing this is to leisurely explore her whole body with your hands and lips (see tip #25, Think Like a Lesbian). By the time you are done with the journey, you will know which places she likes having played with. You will know where to linger, and where not to, by her responses.

Then, instead of the ever popular 69 position, lay on your stomach between her legs. You will not only enjoy a visual close up of her delectable pussy with the panoramic backdrop of her nipple-peaked breasts, but you can also caress her clitoris with your tongue. She can fondle your head and ears, but she cannot reach your cock to trigger a premature ejaculation. Meanwhile, you can thrust against the mattress to increase your own stimulation—or if it gets too exciting—be absolutely still.

In this way, you should be able to make almost any woman climax before you come yourself. Once she has her orgasm, you can slide your stiff cock into her now-soaking pussy and if you come in five strokes, she will still think you are terrific.

I have known men who can go all night having round after round of sex, without coming. They make marvelous lovers. I answered one such man whose young bride was complaining that he was too controlling of his orgasms, she was apparently getting too exhausted from the sessions. I told my reader, “As a loyal and patriotic soldier, you no doubt spend a lot of time polishing your weapon, oiling it, stripping it down, and so forth and quite rightly so! These exercises are essential for maximum efficiency in the field of battle. However, it is also important to be prepared when expecting an encounter with the enemy. When your sergeant wakes you in the morning with “Hands off cocks and on with socks!” you should obey and stay off the beat for a few days before your next sexual encounter. A period of abstinence in a healthy young man does no harm, and it may produce a level of horniness that will make you shoot your load at the dinner table, as your wife bends over to check the roast.”

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ENCOURAGE HER

As you introduce variety into your sex life, be sure to give words of encouragement to your partner all along the way. If you want to be a great lover, then you have to provide her with great sex. If you want to provide her with great sex, you have to make it safe for her heart clit and nothing makes it safer than words of encouragement. Don’t know what to say? Here are some that work, things you should feel comfortable and sincere in saying to your lady. And if you don’t, then spend some time and make your own list and practice those words until they roll off your tongue.

“Damn, you are so extraordinarily beautiful.”

“I can’t take my eyes or hands off of you, you are so sexy.”

“Being inside of you is the only place I ever want to be.”

“You are so hot.”

“You are so sexy.”

“I want you. I have to have you.”

I recently attended a wedding ceremony where the Episcopalian minister gave a most heart-warming talk to the young couple at the altar. He told the young man that there are two things that the young man should try to do every day—and it will make his marriage strong. Those two things were—number one—to make this woman (and he pointed to the bride) feel pretty and desirable and—number two—make her know that you will fight for her, at any time, in any way that life requires, that you will, indeed, fight for her. For the record, he instructed the bride that she has only one job to do and that is to treat him like a man, respect him as a man, and remind him, now and again, that he is a good man. All fodder for the heart clit.

GETTING KINKY

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GETTING STARTED

If you are in a new relationship and don’t know how to suggest to your partner that you want to act out some special fantasy of yours, there are a number of subtle ways to work up to it without coming right out and saying, “Would you let me spank you?” Most women, especially, have difficulty verbalizing their fantasies, so here are some tips for working your way up to it.

We already talked about the importance of getting her talking. If she has a really hard time discussing it with you, then make her write it down for you. Ask her outright to tell you about her favorite sex dream or masturbation fantasy. Start renting erotic movies and see how the reaction to that goes. Movies are safe and couples who share a movie are expected to talk about it. Your partner may style her comments about the film in a Siskel and Ebert fashion, but you must read the body language and the delivery and you will know. Reference the listing in tip #67 for books and films that will inspire conversation.

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”

—Rodney Dangerfield

Books are good, but reading is a much slower process. Another way to broach a kinky subject is to tell a story you make up about a friend, who once told you he did something very erotic with his girlfriend and then tell the story as you want your fantasy to go down. There’s more than one way to skin that cat. And in my opinion, if you don’t get to the point where you can talk about your fantasies, your sex life with this person will always be extremely limited.

Today’s modern couples rely on their negotiating skills for almost all aspects of life, from purchasing a home to managing Grandma’s expectations on baby-sitting night, so sex between the partners shouldn’t be so different. Where sex should never be negotiable, kink should always be negotiable. A woman’s willingness or ability to engage in acts that she considers kinky is highly modulated by the heart clit—the safer the heart, the higher the chances that she will play at a variety of adventures; the less trust she has, the less likely she is going to engage in anything she considers kinky.

Assuming you have made it very safe for her heart clit to allow her body clit to proceed, then negotiate for what you want. For example, if you are trying to get her to let you take erotic pictures, start out way down and off the mark with “getting a third in bed.” If you know she will absolutely not do the latter, then work your way backward to the photos by making it seem like you given up a lot. All’s fair in love, and war, and in the quest for mind-blowing sex.

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PRACTICE VERBAL BONDAGE

Practice verbal bondage—get your lover to give the commands, or you give the commands, but it can be very erotic to be told, “OK, put your hands here and keep them here,” or “don’t move,” or even “be still.” This is a great way to experience the fun of BDSM (bondage, domination/submission, sadism/masochism) with a new love and not have any risk of scaring her away with the paraphernalia of ropes and rigs.

In the quest for “mind-blowing” sex, never underestimate the value of words. In fact, don’t underestimate the power of the voice. Voice is important. Words are important.

“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.”

—Joan Rivers

If you are going to involve your partner in the kinkier side of sex, then part of making it safe for her to do so, part of soothing her heart clit, is to let her know that she can make up a “safe word” and whenever she says that word, the play will stop automatically.

Most people today develop a code word to use when they are about to engage in something unusually or kinky. On the other hand, someone who has a lot of trust and faith in you might say, “No, I don’t have code words. I don’t believe in them.” And that’s because, for that person, half the fun is in knowing that there is no way out. She is having her brain clit tickled just by the thought that there is no way out and, therefore, the mere existence of a code word would spoil her fun.

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