How to Make Love to a Woman (4 page)

13

TRAIN YOUR BODY

You will never be a great lover without stamina. Men who exercise have more staying power, just like women who exercise have an easier time reaching climax. Maybe it is the act of respecting our bodies, maybe it is the confidence that comes naturally from being fit, or maybe it is purely stamina, but the benefits to your sex life for being in good shape are numerous. Don’t try to take short-cuts. Even if Viagra makes your penis stay hard for a long time, if you want to be a great lover, you need to be in shape.

Aside from the physical efforts to get your body to its prime, look also at supplements and foods that might lend a helping hand. There are a number of plants and vitamins, for example, that reportedly help boost sexual stamina. From Linda Sussman’s book
Complete Satisfaction
, we get this list of vitamins that contribute to healthy sex: Gingko biloba is known to improve blood flow through the body, promoting potency in men and orgasmic release in women. Ginseng encourages the body to make more testosterone. St. John’s wort is a natural antidepressant and a natural libido lifter (it is also known to decrease effectiveness of the birth control pill, so beware on this one). Avena sativa, a green oat straw, is known to alleviate problems of low libido, again, by raising testosterone levels. And finally, there is damiana, which is a sexual stimulant that increases circulation to the genitals.

Sexy fruits and spices known for their aphrodisiac-like affects include oranges, which boost the flow of blood to the penis, and strawberries, which are known for their contribution to sexual satisfaction, Pumpkin pie is said to make both sexes horny (actually, it’s the nutmeg and cinnamon, not the pie, but the pie generally comes with whipped cream, and that has possibilities all on its own).

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”

—Robin Williams

Sweat is actually a powerful aphrodisiac. Don’t think you must shower after working out and before engaging in sexual activity. Although some clean-freaks will insist, they don’t know that sweat is filled with “come fuck me” pheromones. I have read that in Europe during the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries, a courting woman would stick a slice of apple under her armpit and wear it there; when she met a suitable suitor, she would offer him her “love fruit.”

14

TRAIN YOUR PENIS

All the truly great lovers I know and have known, were serious jerk-off artists all their lives and they not only regard masturbation as a necessary workout, but use their solitary exercise sessions to practice gaining and losing erections, delaying orgasm, and perfecting new or unusual sexual techniques. In the end, their ladies win from those efforts.

Most men masturbate. Were it not for the fact that there are a few guys around who are genuinely impotent, I would say that all men masturbate. And most men have a complicated two-way relationship between their ego and their penis, i.e., almost all men hate to be caught masturbating. Most of you began masturbating under furtive circumstances, and perhaps, part of the thrill is in the secrecy of it.

“The secret masturbator is an addict to his/her solitary sessions and regards them as being on par with religious meditation, a search for nirvana.”

—Xaviera Hollander,
Penthouse Magazine
, July 2001

I once received a letter from a young man that contained a little quiz. It read as follows: Which part of the human anatomy does a man use most when he masturbates? Answer: His ears, as he is constantly listening to see if someone is coming to catch him in the act.

The very horny, and the more intelligent of the male species, masturbate before a first date—to get that tension out of the way, so that he can act normal until the designated hour when acting normal is no longer what the date requires. A normal, healthy young man should, from the age of puberty, have a powerful sex drive—recent studies show that it is normal for them to think about sex every 20 to 30 seconds (the high end) down to a mere few hundred times a day (those with a lower libido). Levels of horniness also fluctuate seasonally, climatically, and according to external stimuli like witnessing the phases of the moon or getting a glimpse of a pair of ladies’ underwear hanging in the bathroom.

“People who are scared of sensuality usually end up as campaigners against all forms of eroticism, so if you like sex, and you are in a relationship with one of those, two words for you: get out.”

—Xaviera Hollander,
Penthouse Letters
, January 1988

Masturbation is simply nature’s way of relieving tension; it’s also a healthy exercise and the best way to train your penis. In addition, men last longer the second time around and your more experienced female partners know that. Those ladies expect more than one round, and often a mind-blowing fuck requires more than one round.

But sometimes masturbation isn’t OK. For years, sexual publications (including my own) have been saying there is nothing wrong with masturbation. Wrong! A man who sneaks off to the bathroom to masturbate as an alternative to having sex with a beautiful, intelligent, caring woman who is panting to make love to him is either asshole of the month or seriously disturbed. On the other hand, masturbation is a perfect antidote to living with an ice-queen and many marriages are surviving only because of the willingness of the husband to take matters “in hand.”

One man I knew, who complained that his wife was no longer interested in sex, told me that he took pictures of her while she was sleeping and then slid off to the bathroom and masturbated to those photos. I thought “How marvelous!” because my experience with men tells me that most want to masturbate to fantasies of variety—not to the woman they have easy access to day in and day out. “How cool for her!” I thought, to have a man who kept her front and center of his fantasies. However, one day she caught him, called him a “pervert,” and threw him out. I had to advise him that he was better off.

15

TRAIN YOUR BRAIN

Train your brain through literature and the performing arts. Any man who has not been exposed to these is handicapping himself. Read about love, read the classics—
Romeo and Juliet, Love Story,
or
West Side Story
. Have a decent command of your language. More women are seduced by words than by deeds.

But most importantly, develop your listening skills.

Women are conditioned to believe that men never listen to them. Want to tickle her brain clit? Try listening. And then do that one better. Give her back her own words in a surprising moment. What do most great love scenes have besides sex? Great sex dialogue. And by combining clever dialogue with a bit of surprise (surprise—I was listening!), you have unlocked the key to her brain clit.

Here’s an example: In a story she mentions that the waiter accidentally brought her crayfish and she hates crayfish and her story rattles on. You grab at that clue (women drop clues all the time as a result of their chatty nature, you just have to know what to pick up and how to apply it). Hours or days later, you are at a restaurant with her and she goes to the bathroom and when she comes back, you say, “I ordered for you.” And she says, happily (she is happy because men don’t usually have the nerve to do this, so you’ve again surprised her), “What did you order me?” And you say (naturally), “Crayfish.” And watch her face fall and the smile appear as she gets that you are just messing with her. Humor. Intelligence. You were LISTENING! A triple hitter in the clit department.
₄₃

CASANOVA’S DOS & DON’TS

16

DON’T EXPECT HER TO COACH YOU

Unless you are a young male hooked up with his Mrs. Robinson, or unless you are on the fringe seeking your dominatrix, you shouldn’t be expecting the woman to coach you. One of the reasons women are so reluctant to share their fantasies is because they think you should already know! They don’t want to have to explain; they want you to take the clues and signals that she is giving, and work with them. Turn her desires over and over in your mind and come up with something special and suitable to her. That’s what she wants. She doesn’t want to be orchestrating, managing, or directing. Most women are seeking to be with a man they can trust to do this for them, so, if you want coaching, fess up, tell her you need a Mrs. Robinson, and you might get lucky. You probably won’t get “mind-blowing” sex right away—or you might and she won’t—but at least you are taking the learning steps.