How to Make Love to a Woman (11 page)

“Lubricants (lubes) can be lots of fun, try the flavored brands to enhance oral sex. If you’re going to insert something into someone, you should only use a water-based brand. ... Never use oil-based lubes (like Crisco or Vaseline); they weaken latex condoms, dental dams and gloves, making them more likely to break.”

—Xaviera Hollander,
Penthouse Letters
, July 1997

While you insert your lubricated erection it is best to massage her breasts and clitoris. The excitement will take her mind off any sensation of pain. The best positions for anal sex, from my own experience, are to have the woman lie face down, with a pillow underneath her stomach, or to have the man lie on his back so that the woman can straddle his crotch. The latter position is best at the initial attempts, since the woman controls the rate of insertion. If things get a little rough, she can pull off with ease.

Anal sex may be somewhat painful for the novice female, but then losing your virginity vaginally is also painful. Your more experienced female mates are into reliving the pain of that original experience and so are likely to be more open to it than the novice.

Anal beads aren’t for everyone, so remember that when you try them. Also, remember that timing is everything. You don’t just shove them up there and yank them out. They are meant to enhance the orgasm, and so the right way to use them is to wait until your partner is almost at orgasm, and then begin to pull them, so that they pop one by one, in a slow rhythmic manner. And if your partner says it hurts (in a non-erotic way), which some people report, then don’t use them again. There are plenty of other things to do.

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THE DOUBLEHEADER

Try the doubleheader; you might like it, too. It started when one of my lovers complained that when I came while we were sixty-nining, I would stop everything and just float away on a wave of pleasure, leaving him hanging on the brink, as it were. Sometimes he would stop what he was doing to yell, “Hey! What about me?” to which I would gasp, “Don’t stop, don’t stop!” We, or rather he, finally solved that one by stopping, but immediately replacing his tongue with his cock, which he did so rapidly that we hardly missed a beat. This led to what I now call a “doubleheader,” a simultaneous double orgasm for me that no one who has not experienced it can possibly imagine: marvelous!

“There is a powerful Tantric principle: ‘three strokes for thirty.’ It is better to make three delicious strokes precisely at the Resilient Edge of Resistance than thirty strokes that are sloppy and unconscious.”

—Barbara Carrellas,
Urban Tantra

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VARIATION ON MISSIONARY

A typical progression of positions during initial lovemaking between a man and a woman generally goes like this: The man on top, the woman on her back, beneath him—this is the classic and where most people stay during their first round of love-making. There is enough newness, there is the enjoyment of kissing and touching and exploring a new body; it’s a time-honored starting point for lovers. This then becomes modified as both partners lie on their sides and continue to make love from a new angle. Then comes doggie style as he takes her from behind, and, finally, a sacred Tantric position, both lovers in a seated position, face to face, he is sitting “Indian style” and she is mounted on top of him with her legs wrapped around your back. These are the four basic lovemaking positions.

In the first position, where the woman is on the bottom and the man on top, if you tell her to pull her legs tight together once she is near orgasm, she may be able to induce the timing of her own orgasm and find a trick she may want to repeat now and again. Doing this will also prove useful (pleasurable) to her if you have a size-challenged penis.

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FROGGY STYLE

The best position is an extension of the doggie style that I call froggy style, and it is best done on the floor, rather than the bed. The woman bends from the waist and puts her hands on the floor. She bends her knees some, but has her weight on her toes. He is in a similar position, hovering over her. He grabs her cheeks and spreads them and inserts his penis into her vagina, then rocks up and down on his toes causing stimulation to both.

47

POUNDING ON THE SPOT

Plain old rapid pounding has been given a bad name by those who do that and only that. The fact is, most women like a good pounding if it’s not alone on the menu and if the timing is right (meaning, hot hors d’oeuvres have been served up already). The act of “dok el arz” (Ancient Arabic for “pounding on the spot”) done in a particular rhythm is desired by most women and, in fact, for many it is a required course at some point during the lovemaking session.

It isn’t necessary to climax at the same time—some people are so intent on ensuring a perfectly timed dual climax (his and hers) that they miss all the fun. As long as both of you are satisfied in the end, that’s what counts. However, if you are one of those people who think it is not really consummated, or that you haven’t really communed with the angels, unless you and your lover climax at exactly the same moment, there are some things you can do. Learn your partner’s sexual rhythm and try to match it. Get your partner talking to you during sex so that you’ll have some clues. Penetrate only after she has been brought to the brink and then drive home the ball, when you know your timing is synchronized. Sometimes the only way to know is by getting your partner to clue you in, so, as I said, get her talking.

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PLEASURE HER WITH HER OWN TOYS

If your wife or girlfriend seems overly attached to her vibrator, don’t fret. From the early Kinsey report, Psychologist Dr. Wardell Pomeroy wrote, “Many women can’t seem to have an orgasm except with a vibrator.” But he added, “More importantly perhaps, women may eventually be able to learn from the vibrator how to have an orgasm without it.” Many men have written me over the years complaining about their lady’s obsession with her vibrator and I tell them all the same thing: learn to give her orgasms equal to it and then she would never choose the fake, when she can have the real thing.

“Once a lover discovered my dildo in my nightstand drawer. As soon as he saw it, he decided to use it on me and I must say, he gave me a mind-blowing orgasm. I commented that I was surprised that he was so comfortable using one, as most men find them daunting to the ego. He commented, ‘You can’t get to the moon without a rocket ship.’”

—Veronica Vera,
Miss Vera’s Finishing School for Boys Who Want to Be Girls

Sexual women are generally attached to (no pun intended) and rather fond of their dildos, but what can really blow their minds is the skillful operation of that dildo in the hands of a man. So boys, instead of being jealous of her vibrator, pick it up and please her with it. You’ll be surprised.

Buy her a new sex toy. Have her pick it out with you. Add to the collection now and again. Remember, variety is the spice of life.

49

CONDOMS FOR FUN?

About five years ago I had a garden luncheon for a friend and we gathered all her friends, a group of pretty ladies in their mid-thirties to mid-forties, and I happened to come in from checking on my kitchen staff to hear one of them say, “It’s true. Men over forty never do, and men under forty always do.” When I said, “Do what?” they said, “Wear condoms.” Apparently they had been comparing notes on lovers and love escapades and came to the conclusion that there is this magical, automatic dividing line and that it requires no discussion. Men under forty always have condoms and always use them. Men over forty never have condoms and never use them.