How to Make Love to a Woman (16 page)

“Most wives can’t get past the idea of inviting a man over for the pure simple pleasure of having her husband watch him fuck her. Here’s a suggested game to play to help ease into it. Invite one or two men that suit your wife over for ‘cards.’ But make it a special kind of card game and the winning and losing or the showing or not showing of particular cards equate to something—spend some time coming up with the rules together. She wins a hand, lady’s choice. He wins, his choice. Maybe two pair gets him a hand-job, three of a kind a blowjob with a condom, a full house, sixty-nine, and so on. Play with it. Every gathering has their own variation; customize it to your wife’s pleasure and she’s certainly going to want to play.”

—Xaviera Hollander,
Penthouse Letters
, August 1987

Some couples develop a private word that when heard or spoken, requires them to kiss, and not just a peck. This is perhaps more of a ritual than a game, but in the spirit of playfulness, it counts. Get a Polaroid camera and play “You Show Me Yours, I’ll Show You Mine.” Couples have played “Captain, May I?” in bed with satisfying results. You can take turns playing dom and sub or you can get some help from your local bookstore, as most stock board games for couples provide stimulation and excitement.

Other games to start that may lead to kinkier times:

Stage a pillow fight or wrestling match.

Visit public saunas.

Ask her to prepare a striptease for you, and you plan one for her.

Play a surprise game of hide and seek.

Get a doctor’s coat and head-band with a light attached and some harmless play instruments; practice developing your “doctor” persona.

And finally, go onto one of the more popular dating portals, like adultfriendfinder, and take their purity test; both of you—and then print and compare scores and answers. Use the Internet to find erotic couples games. There are many—but be sure to retrofit them to your woman’s needs and desires. Fantasies and sex games rarely come in “one size fits all.”

67

READ EROTICA AND WATCH EROTIC FILMS

Read together. It won’t do you any good if one of you, already more interested in sex than the other, goes off and reads more about it. The importance of reading and watching is in the “together” part of doing it. Here are some good books that you should take turns reading to each other. Tell your partner you want to start a new Christmas tradition that requires that she choose an interesting piece of erotica for you every year and wrap it and put it under the tree and you do the same for her. Perhaps decide on books for Christmas, films for birthdays, seeding the lawn for many years of sex-talk and sex-play.

Here are a few of my favorite choices for
books
that stimulate erotic conversation, from oldest to newest:

The Country Wife
by William Wycherley (1675) Provides plenty of material for discussion as the primary characters’ attitudes on sex and marriage are challenged again and again.

Portnoy’s Complaint
by Philip Roth (1969) In this classic of American literature, Alexander Portnoy has an unappeasable sexual appetite.
Life
magazine called it “a tour de force of comic and carnal brilliance.”

The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy
by A.N. Roquelaure (1987) An erotic fantasy that begins with Prince Charming waking the beautiful but sleeping Beauty, and his reward for waking her, and thus saving the kingdom, is that the King gives Prince Charming his daughter, Beauty, to be the Prince’s sex slave.

The Story of O
by Pauline Réage (1993) A classic erotic novel about a dominant fashion photographer enslaving a beautiful young woman.

The Sexual Life of Catherine M.
by Catherine Millet (2002)
The New York Times
calls this book “a candid, powerful and deeply intelligent depiction of unfettered sexuality”—it follows the slutty escapades of a talented and successful businesswoman.

Films
are fun and faster than books, but we are talking about two different things here. Books stimulate a woman’s brain clit in a very different way than movies do, so make sure you don’t just focus on one or the other as a source of stimulation. Here are some of my favorites:

Lady Chatterly’s Lover
with Sylvia Kristel (1981)

Nine ½ Weeks
with Kim Basinger (1986)

Exotica
with Mia Kirshner (1994)

Striptease
with Demi Moore (1996)

Breaking the Waves
with Emily Watson (1996)

Secretary
with Maggie Gyllenhaal (2002)

68

EXPERIMENT WITH EROTIC PROPS

over the years of doing the “Call Me Madame” column, I think I heard it all. Props are fun, but remember, the use of them should be aimed at enhancing the entire experience. If you happen to have some fascination with collecting pubic hairs, for example, you can’t assume that she will share your interest.

Start with the usual and see how keen she is to try them:

• cigarette holders

• sexy, smeary lipstick

• rubber, leather, stiletto heels, and whips

• hair elastic used in place of a cockring—one that, when stretched, fits around the balls and is sure to get you harder, longer

• enemas

• Ben Wa balls

• remote control “egg”—ask for this at your local sex shop and they’ll give you a selection, usually

• ice cubes and hot candle wax

Here’s a tip that will please you both: Use a silk scarf, or better yet, silk stockings. Put them around (or on) your hands and touch her all over. The sensation will be different and titillating . . . and when you are done, take the scarf, scarves, stocking or stockings, and tie them around your shaft. Make knots at the base so that when she rides you from on top, those same knots will stimulate her clit: pleasure for everyone.

69

ACT OUT ROLE-PLAY SCENARIOS

Most women will agree that the private games that blossomed out of the seed of an innocent comment are the games that tickle our brain clits the most. As an example, a friend of mine, Gina, had a girlfriend over for lunch by the pool. The friend had never met Gina’s husband. She saw Gina’s bare-chested husband cleaning the pool and asked Gina if he was from her pool service. Gina answered, “Yes, and I have a major crush on him.”

She then poured their champagne and chatted about her fantasies of doing it with the pool dude, making sure he heard bits of it. When her husband just happened to call to her across the pool, addressing her as “Mrs. Holloway,” she couldn’t resist. To her friend’s horror (and to Gina and her husband’s great amusement), Gina walked around the pool and grabbed the pool man and engaged him in a very long kissing session. Gina returned to her friend and continued the ruse, her friend believing all the way along that the pool man was someone other than Gina’s husband. Gina and her husband ended up having very good sex that afternoon, after her friend’s departure, and ever after, one of their favorite games became ”Playing Pool-Dude and Mrs. Holloway.”

Here are a few time-tested roles to play for the idea-challenged:

• Nurse/Doctor

• Student/Teacher

• Stripper/Spectator

• Hooker/John

• Powerful Business Woman/Janitor or Male Secretary

• Bad Girl/Disciplinarian

• Disciplinarian/Bad Boy

• Secretary/Business Man

• Criminal/Police Officer (and vice versa)

• Damsel in Distress/Rescuer

• Housekeeper/House Owner

If you are going to engage in role-play, then make sure you both choose roles you like. The object here is to bring pleasure, and don’t forget that. If she is totally uncomfortable playing dom to your sub, (or vice versa) you must keep searching for the kind of role-play you both like.

EPILOGUE

Over the years, many men have asked me, “Why isn’t my wife/girlfriend/partner interested in sex any more?” Then, as now, the answer always goes beyond learning some new tongue trick. The answer most often has more to do with making room for sex, making sex a priority, and most importantly, giving it the excitement and respect it deserves. So, what I hope to accomplish with this book is to do more than just give you a few new tongue or finger tricks, but also give you sound advice for building a sensual relationship upon which you can continue to have mind-blowing sex for years to come.

If I missed something that you want to rail about, if I hit on something that helped you, or if you just want to be heard, please do visit my website (
www.xavierahollander.com
) and leave me your comments. My readers have educated me over the years and I’m still not too old to learn a new trick or two.