How to Make Love to a Woman (8 page)

Hands are sadly neglected as an erotic symbol, particularly in America, where people seem to be more into face-lifts and breast jobs. One can often recognize the true age of a person (male or female) by taking a quick look at their hands, because no matter how well their faces, tits, or peckers have been tightened up, the hand is an area the plastic surgeons have not yet conquered.

The use of nail polish and lipstick go back at least as far as ancient Egypt. Nefertiti appeared to have been a specialist in fondling her lovers’ genitals with varnish on her nails, or placing her succulent painted lips around their cocks. The makeup industry isn’t making a fortune for nothing out of the sale of perfumes, nail polish, eye makeup, and, last but not least, lipstick. These are the sexual accessories that women smear, spray, or pour over themselves to make them more appealing and attractive to men.

One day, while a group of friends and I were having dinner, we asked one another what appealed to us most about our lovers. One guy said, “I like her dewy bedroom eyes”; someone else was fascinated by his girlfriend’s big bottom and matching tits. My own lover told me that what fascinated him about me was my touch, in fact, the way I could excite him almost without touching him. Fortunately, I happen to be blessed with pretty hands—long, slender fingers and tiny wrists, which I suppose I had the good luck to inherit from my mother.

There is nothing unusual in adoring the beauty of a woman’s hands, whether she is fondling your cock, loading the dishwasher, or even knitting. Unfortunately, many men do not consider it important to look after their hands. We hear a lot about the delicate, sensitive fingers of a surgeon or a pianist, but never about the square, capable hands of a carpenter or a mechanic. Strangely enough, it is usually men with those competent hands who make the best lovers.

Because of its proximity to the genitals, a woman’s
navel
is like a secondary vulva to some men. In the past, women fiercely concealed their navels; now they display them in perfect freedom on beaches and in other public places, in spite of or because of their erotic effect on men.

Stimulating the navel with your tongue, or rubbing body lotion or suntan oil in and around it, can be very sexually arousing to both men and women. Women that have to undergo a heavy stomach operation or receive a cesarean often beg their surgeons to make sure they leave a so-called bikini scar, which is a line that borders on their pubic hair and leaves the rest of their belly untouched and the navel as appealing as ever. Belly dancers often insert a ruby or other precious stone in their navels, and some tribes in India do so as well.

The navel, as well as the crack of the buttocks, is a great turn-on to many men, and, in some instances, an inventive lover has poured drops of champagne in either of these love creases and then devoured the liquid. Tickling a navel with your tongue, slightly scratching around it or teasing it with a feather or a flower or a piece of grass may arouse hidden ardor in your lover.

A little research shows that there is a definite take-it-or-leave-it attitude about this delectable decoration. And when it comes to photo shoots of beautiful women, the navel is rarely featured as a sexual attribute. This is very odd, considering that this beautiful belly embellishment was once so necessary to the erotic paintings of yore.

The incidence of the navel as an erogenous zone seems to vary a great deal, but this also applies to other parts of the body, particularly the male nipple. Very few men are excited by attention to their teats, and, surprisingly, only about fifty percent of women are driven wild by attention to their
breasts
. In my opinion, however, the sensitivity of erogenous zones can be developed through TLC to the extent that one famous lady is reported as saying, “It doesn’t matter where you touch me; my whole body is an erogenous zone.”

31

DO DISCOVER HER SACRED PLEASURE PORTAL

Contrary to popular myth, a woman’s clit is not a magic pleasure button. Just as every woman is different, the size and appearance of each woman’s clitoris varies. What’s more, most of it is inside and not readily visible. It is sensitive and for many women, unless you touch it very gently, touching causes pain; so boys, don’t assume that it’s a genie’s lamp and that, if you rub it hard enough or long enough, you’ll get an orgasm. Touching it the right way, for that particular woman, is what is required. I highly recommend that you ask her to let you watch her do it first, especially if you are new to it.

According to the dictionary, the clitoris is “a part of the female genitalia consisting of a small, elongated, highly sensitive erectile organ at the front of the vulva, homologous with the penis.” The word actually comes from the Greek word meaning “to close,” although another Greek anatomist says it was named for the Greek word for “key” (as in key to pleasure), proving only that, right from the start, we had men classifying something they knew nothing about.

The entrance to a woman’s vagina is covered by two pairs of vertical lips, and the inner lips (the labia minora), join at the top in shape of a wigwam, without the sticks. This is the female equivalent of the head of a man’s penis and though it is a lot smaller, it has more nerve endings.

In its normal relaxed state, it can be supersensitive, almost painful to the touch, or totally unresponsive. Not only do all women react differently to having their clitoris touched, but the same woman will act differently at different times. Most women require a longer warming up period than men do and in my case, I need kisses and caresses before I’m ready to let a man finger my clit. Sometimes after a period of subtle sucking, my clit cries out for more rigorous attention. Those of you who are new to clit play, proceed with caution and pay attention to your lover’s responses. Learn from them.

“Although I dislike the predatory aspect of deflowering as many virgins as one can, there’s nothing wrong with an older, loving person showing a novice a few tricks regarding getting laid. We tend to teach our young people everything except how to screw.”

—Xaviera Hollander,
Penthouse Letters
, November 1977

A good lover will take the time and energy to explore his woman’s body and learn all the sensations that rock her boat. Most men will discover her G-spot during the journey. If that’s not enough help, however, do this: Wet your fingers with saliva or a water-based lubricant and insert two fingers into the vagina. Touch the posterior wall with your index finger. The sensation of putting pressure on that back wall is often enough to get a woman going. Talk to her while you are doing it and pay attention to her responses. There will be some women who find it uncomfortable (in a bad way) and, if that is the case, move on!

You will know that you are at the G-spot because the skin there feels differently than the rest of the lining of the vaginal walls. The G-spot feels like a small area of wrinkled skin, where the rest of the lining feels taut. Once you’ve located it, move your fingers around, caressing the spot. Tickle it. Make the “come here” motion with your finger, a sort of scooping motion. You can also use the other hand to stimulate her clit, or use your tongue. Most women really get off on the combination of fellatio and hand-stimulation of the G-spot.

Pleasurable vaginal play depends on moving slowly to generate fairly symmetrical sensations, and remembering that the border between pleasure and pain here is razor thin. A man should get to know the size and shape of his partner’s vagina, and remember that it changes shape depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle and how excited she gets.

Be aware that problems for women reaching orgasm can be physical in nature. Beware of hooded clitoris syndrome: A little foreskin over her clit could be preventing her from feeling sensations she would otherwise experience. If this is the problem, the covering can be surgically removed and the problem will no doubt disappear along with the extra skin. If the problem lies elsewhere, it won’t be so easily remedied. I hate to suggest that one use alcohol to enjoy sex—drinks just help to deaden certain erotic possibilities—but some women might need a little alcohol just to help overcome inhibitions. Also, you may be placing too much emphasis on her having an orgasm. It isn’t everything, despite what a number of sexologists say. Sex can be great without orgasms. Don’t get me wrong—I love my orgasms, but it doesn’t always have to end with a big bang.

For the more adventurous couple, here’s a tip I love from howtohavegoodsex.com, a great source for matters of the female body: Using your index finger and thumb this time, pull together some of the tissue from the vaginal walls and rub it together using the finger and thumb. Start out very carefully and very gently and pay attention to her response. If you are causing irritation or she just doesn’t like the feeling, move along. However, many women have been driven up the wall by this, so it’s worth a try. Remember, it is better to err on the side of too soft, rather than too hard, as too soft isn’t likely to end your play but causing pain will. Always give her two different sensations at the same time and then ask her which she likes better. It is easier for women (or anyone, for that matter) to answer a question if it is simple: “Do you like this?” . . . “Uh huh.” . . . “Or this?” . . . “Uh huh.” . . . “But which?” . . . “Uh huh.” Be ready for that. She just might like it all.

Take care not to lose that bear! The vagina is the center of a woman’s physical universe and is both mysterious and magical. New lives begin there. Men spend the rest of their lives trying to return there. Some men have no limits to the experiments they will perform on their women, and some women have their own fetishes for putting strange things up there. Hospital records will tell you that emergency rooms have extracted some pretty bizarre things from the wombs of visitors. The most astonishing I’ve ever heard of was a woman in New York from whom they removed a stuffed Paddington Bear, complete with Wellingtons, rain hat, and mack, leading one to gasp and left unable to decide if the gasp is in horror or admiration!

POSITIONS & TRICKS

32

ON TOUCHING—FIND HER RESILIENT EDGE OF RESISTANCE

I highly recommend the reading of
Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century
, by Barbara Carrellas, as it is rich with information on all aspects of sexuality, from defining the relationship between your chakras and your sex drive, to providing sexual rituals and breathing techniques, to dispelling the most common myths of BDSM, to showing you how to make sexual magic! Her book makes most discussions of sexuality look positively one-dimensional.

I often wondered how I could describe in words, to my readers, how to touch one another, especially the first time around, when reading her face is all you can do because the opportunities for discussion are yet to come. I’ve had novices ask me, but putting in words the lessons surrounding the sense of touch is not an easy task. If you are lying in bed next to your partner, she can take your hand, put it where it feels good to her and even control the fingers, emulating what she would do to yourself. “Showing” I can do and have done and will continue to do, but “telling” is a bit tougher. So when I read what Barbara had to say about the “Resilient Edge of Resistance,” I thought, “Bravo—she nailed it!”