Keeping Secrets (4 page)

“So you good?” Lucky asked Major Pain as he entered the lobby after getting checked out at the clinic.

“Yeah, slick dick got a clean bill of health.” He grabbed his privates. “We back in business.”

Lucky shook his head. “You's a nasty nigga.”

“Naw, these bitches out here is the nasty ones. It's them I catch shit from. I ain't catch shit from myself.”

“You just don't get it do you?”

“Naw, nigga, you the one who don't get it. That's why you mad at me, 'cause you ain't getting it. Maybe if you got pussy like I gets pussy, yo' ass wouldn't be hating.”

Lucky sucked his teeth. “Man, please, don't even front. You see how I do it. I can get any one of these bitches I want.”

“Yeah, hood bitches. Anybody can get them. Hell, we done fucked about a dozen of the same bitches. About four of 'em back to back.” Major Pain high-fived Lucky as they walked out of the clinic, heading to the black Cadillac Escalade they rolled in.

“No, that's all you can pull is a hood bitch. I can get real women. Decent women. A chick with a little bit of class about herself and not just a bitch giving up ass to take care of herself and five kids.” Five minutes ago Lucky would not have honestly been able to say that, because all the women he'd ever been involved with truly were hood bitches. But for the first time ever, he'd finally met someone different. Secret was definitely not a hood rat. She was of a totally different pedigree.

For a moment, Lucky thought about sharing his encounter with Secret with Major Pain, just to confirm the fact he could pull someone other than a hood chick. He thought better of it though. What if Secret didn't call him back and no real connection was ever made? He'd never hear the end of it from Major Pain. His boy would swear up and down he'd stooped to an all-time new low by having to invent a pretend female. On the other hand, what if she did call him back? What if she was everything any nigga coming up out of the hood could ever want? What if she was wifey material?

When it came to broads, Major Pain was a dirty muthafucka. He'd been known to fuck other people's bitches and not think twice about it. Pussy was this cat's kryptonite. He'd even bedded a few chicks Lucky himself had hit, after the fact. It wasn't like they hadn't shared broads before. It's just that Lucky had been actually diggin' a couple who Major Pain helped himself to without Lucky's consent. Lucky had even toyed with the idea of being with one or two of them on a regular basis. But after finding out they'd smashed the homie, he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

“You shouldn't have told me how good the pussy was,” Major Pain had said to Lucky after Lucky called him out on it one time.

Lucky didn't trip. He came to the conclusion that those types of hoes were a dime a dozen. But Secret . . . Naw, Lucky knew she was different, so he'd have to handle her differently. He'd have to protect her from the wiles of the street thugs. So just like her name, he'd keep her his own little secret. Never mind that the exact types of dudes he wanted to protect her from were dudes exactly like himself.

 

 

Lucky, Major Pain, and their boy Ace were heading out of a nice upscale restaurant located right outside of Flint.

“Good lookin' out, fellas, on the restaurant tip,” Ace said as he rubbed his full belly while the three men walked toward the black Escalade they were driving. He'd just been treated to a thick-cut porterhouse, a loaded baked potato, broccoli with cheese, salad, rolls, and glass after glass of wine.

“Aw, homie, you know it ain't nothin' but a thang,” Lucky said, giving his partner some dap. “It's the least we could do for one of the best players on the team. Ain't that right, MP?”

“Huh, what?” Major Pain replied, having half been paying attention to the conversation taking place because he'd been so busy texting. The last few words spoken by Lucky eventually registered in his mind. “Oh, yeah. It's the very least.” He looked at Lucky and then turned his attention back to his phone.

“You really been holding it down over there on your block,” Lucky complimented Ace as he hit the key fob to unlock the SUV.

“I'm just honored y'all even put me on with that spot.” Ace climbed in the second row of the three-row vehicle.

Lucky got behind the wheel while Major Pain plopped into the front passenger seat. “We knew you were the right man for the job,” Lucky told Ace.

“That means a lot coming from the head niggas in charge of the game,” Ace said. “I mean, it seems just like yesterday I was on the corner trying to prove myself, and now I'm in charge of the most profitable trap in the city. Now I got muthafuckas under me,” Ace boasted. “Before you know it, I'ma be like . . .” Ace's words trailed off. It was almost as if he'd had to catch himself from slipping.

“Go on, finish your sentence,” Lucky urged Ace. “Before we know it you gon' be like what?” He eyed Ace through the rearview mirror. “Or you just plain ol' gonna be?”

Ace looked puzzled.

“Come on, which is it?” Lucky asked as he drove, his eyes traveling from the road to the rearview mirror to make eye contact with Ace. “Let me guess; before I know it you gonna be like me? Huh, is that it?” Lucky's tone wasn't that of flattery, but that of irritation.

“Well, uh, you know what I'm trying to sa—”

Lucky cut him off. “Or before I know it you are gonna be? Is that what you want, Ace? You're gonna be me.” Lucky shot him a look that might not kill, but at least put a nigga in the ICU. “You wanna be me?”

Ace didn't even have a chance to answer. Lucky stopped at a red light and the next thing anyone knew there was a loud bang, a streak of light, and a puff of smoke. Once the smoke had cleared, lying in the back seat with a bullet through his heart was Ace.

His hands were holding his chest where blood spilled between his fingers. His eyes were buck wide and spoke the words, “Am I hit? I can't believe I'm hit. Is this shit for real?”

It only took a few seconds for blood to leak from the corner of Ace's mouth as he inhaled deeply, in one large gulp, but never exhaled.

“Damn shame when a nigga got to take in his last breath,” Lucky said as he sat there, the gun still in his hand pointing at his target.

“Yeah, it is kind of fucked up,” Major Pain said, taking a moment away from his texting to look at Ace's slumped-over body behind him. “That's what he gets for pinching on our shit and then running his own hustle on the side.”

“With our own shit,” Lucky added. “Ain't that some shit?”

“Some bullshit.” Major Pain shook his head while texting.

“And I really liked dude. For real.” Lucky shook his head as well. Lucky turned and looked at Major Pain. “You should have been the one to pull the trigger.”

Major Pain stopped texting, looked at Lucky, and asked with a serious mug, “Why?”

“Well, you know what they say,” Lucky said with a serious face before both men broke out in laughter when saying in unison, “Don't shoot and drive.”

The light turned green and they pulled off, almost oblivious to the bleeding corpse that rested in their second-row seat.

Shawndiece watched silently as Secret stared out of the window of the city bus. She could tell her friend had a lot on her mind. Every few seconds or so Secret would exhale, then continue her aimless gaze out of the window.

“What you thinking about? Or do I even need to ask?” Shawndiece said.

Secret just shook her head and exhaled loudly.

“Thinking about what you gonna do? Thinking about whether you're going to go from one clinic to the next?”

Secret shrugged. “Not much to think about. What other choices do I have really?”

“Hell, the same choices our mothers had. But we're here aren't we?”

Secret yanked her attention from the city scene to the girl sitting next to her, who she almost didn't recognize as her friend. “Are you saying what I think you're saying? You? Miss Life Is A Party; Enjoy It? Miss High Spirited Live Life Freely? Be free?”

“And who's to say you still can't do all that? Once again, I refer to our own mothers. Having us didn't stop them from doing whatever they wanted to do in life.” Shawndiece sucked her teeth. “And it definitely didn't keep them from running the streets to party.”

“Yeah, but I don't want to be that kind of mother. If that's the kind of mother I have to be, then I'd rather not be a mother at all.” Secret stared into Shawdiece's eyes.

“Then does that mean what I think it does?”

Secret shrugged again. “Man, Shawn, I just don't know. I don't even want to think about it. I know what I need to do, but then there's the issue of when and how I'm going to do it. I just hadn't thought about all that.”

“Then I guess I can give it to ol' dude back at the bus stop.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know the guy from the clinic. At least he kept your mind off the situation. I'll give him that much. Hell, maybe you should call his fine ass after all. Let him be a distraction in your life. He's good on the eyes.”

“Oh, so now he's fine?” Secret poked out her lips and rolled her eyes.

“What?” Shawndiece snapped her neck back. “Now I ain't never say dude was ugly or nothing. Just not your type. You can't handle his kind.”

Secret shifted her body toward Shawndiece. “Okay, so whose type is he then? Yours? Can you handle him? Is that it? You want him or something?” Secret pulled his number out. “'Cause here, you can have it if it's all like that. He seems to be on your mind way more than he's on mine. So let's nip this in the bud right now.” Secret pushed the paper toward Shawndiece. “Here, take it.” Secret didn't sound angry, just testy.

“Girl, stop playing.” Shawndiece swatted Secret's hand away and Secret stared down at the number. Once again, she exhaled.

Shawndiece stared at Secret for a minute. “Who is he, Secret?” She had the most serious tone yet to her voice.

“I don't know.” She put the phone number back away. “I just met him five minutes ago like you did.”

“No, I mean who is
he?
” Shawndiece placed her hand on Secret's stomach then whispered, “Who's your baby's father?”

“You don't know him,” Secret was quick to say as she cast her eyes downward, then turned back to face the window.

Shawdiece's hand slid from Secret's belly. “Maybe you don't know him. Perhaps that's why you avoid answering the question every time I ask.”

Oh, Secret knew who the father was all right, and she didn't need Maury Povich's help in finding out. Ironically, she almost wished she didn't know. Not knowing who her baby daddy was seemed less humiliating and embarrassing than knowing who he was and how he'd come about impregnating her.

Technically, Secret really didn't know him-know him. She knew nothing about him, not even his name. She'd know his face in a lineup if she ever saw him again. Other than that, nothing. She didn't know his favorite color or his favorite food. She knew he liked KFC, but didn't know if it was his favorite. She wouldn't even know the back, dark alley that led to his house, if that was even where he really lived. For all she knew, he could have been using some crackhead's house to get laid while his wife and kids sat waiting for him somewhere in a house in the suburbs.

For that reason alone, she couldn't have the baby that was growing inside her belly; the baby that just a half hour ago back at the clinic she'd learned for certain she was carrying. That had been Secret's whole point in going to the free clinic while Shawndiece tagged along for moral support. Secret's period was two weeks late and she didn't want to wait around with fingers crossed hoping she didn't miss next month's as well. Now, after leaving the clinic, it was official; she was as pregnant as the day was long. And if she dared give birth to this baby, what on God's green earth would she tell the child when it asked who its father was? She would not, under any uncertain terms, give birth to a bastard. She couldn't do that to her child. Poor thing didn't deserve it. No child of hers deserved it.

Besides, she had a plan, a plan to get out of Flint and go make something of herself. How could she do that with a baby in tow? Who would take care of the baby while she went off to college in Ohio? Did they even allow babies in campus dorms? How could she afford a babysitter? She had no money, and how does a mother get child support from a man whose name and address she doesn't even know? Trifling, it was all just trifling. And Secret refused to go out that way. That was not the plan. Then again, it hadn't been in the plan to turn a trick to pay off her estranged father's debt he had with some dangerous guys either, ending up pregnant.

“You know you can tell me if you don't know who you pregnant by don't you?” Shawndiece said, interrupting Secret's secret thoughts. “You know I'm the last person in the world whose gon' judge you. Who am I to judge you about being pregnant when I'm already up on you two abortions? I didn't know whether them babies were Tom's, Dick's, or Khari's.” Shawndiece laughed.

“You stupid.” Secret chuckled. “Yet here you are telling me to keep mine.”

“I'm not telling you to keep yours. I'm just saying I'd understand if you did. Like I said, Secret, you ain't like me. You gon' make it regardless. So if getting an abortion is going to weigh heavy on your mind, you might as well not have all that guilt and remorse holding you back. Hell, you can have sextuplets and you still gon' get further in life than half the chicks in the neighborhood.”

“Yeah, but what about college?” Secret reminded her friend. “I've been dreaming of walking the campus of OSU since I can remember. I've looked at their Web site and have sent off for their brochures and I ain't never seen nobody strolling the campus pushing a baby stroller.”

“Look, chick, I'm not trying to talk you into anything or out of anything. I just want you to be certain of whatever decision you make. I mean, I can see the pros and cons of keeping the baby and not keeping the baby. It's all about what you want to do. Either way, you know I got your back.”

If Secret didn't know anything else for certain, she knew what Shawndiece was saying was true. She'd have her back through hell and high water. She'd never stab her in the back or turn her back on her, but she'd damn sure have her back.

“Now I ain't gonna sit here and lie and tell you I'll baby-sit for you and all that,” Shawndiece continued. “Hell, I ain't wanna have and watch my own babies, so why would I wanna watch yours? But it can call me Auntie Shawn-Shawn and I'll buy it some really cool birthday and Christmas presents.”

Secret just looked at Shawn like she was crazy. “Why are you stupid?” She burst out laughing.

“I'm serious.”

“I know, and that's the scary part.”

The girls continued their ride on the bus until they reached their stop. Once they had gotten off the bus, were in their neighborhood, and had walked to the cross streets where they needed to split up, they headed their separate ways.

“Don't forget, I got your back,” Shawndiece reminded Secret as she walked in the opposite direction. “And if you decide to go to the next clinic, if need be, I got five on it, you know what I'm saying?”

“Umphf, umphf, umphf. I got no words for you, Shawn, other than I'ma pray for you.”

“Good, 'cause I need all the prayer there is.” Shawndiece put her thumb to her ear and her pinky finger to her mouth. “Call me,” she shouted out as she headed to her house.

“I will,” Secret called back as she headed to hers.

Secret could feel her stomach turning as she walked to her house. Her stomach turning had nothing to do with the little embryo, fetus, or whatever it was they call a baby that's barely even a month into development. Her queasy stomach had everything to do with her mother. Whether she kept the baby or not, she'd have to tell her mother. She'd need her either way. The medical card and information came addressed to her mother, and she'd need that card to get some money off the abortion procedure. It wouldn't pay for the full procedure, but it would put a nice little dent in the total cost. She'd learned that when she looked up all her options at the first inkling that she could possibly be pregnant. Nine times out of ten, she'd need her mother to help her pay for the abortion as well. She had just turned eighteen last week, so she didn't need her mother's consent to get the abortion, but she would need her financial support.

She'd thought about picking up a job at the local supermarket real quick. She figured she'd have her first paycheck in enough time before she got too far along in the pregnancy when it would be too late to terminate it. That way she could eliminate having to tell her mother anything at all. But with the whole job application and interview process, she knew she'd be pushing it close. She didn't want to take that chance.

She hated that the thought had even crossed her mind, but just so she could leave her mother out of the whole scenario, she thought about maybe even turning another trick just to get the money she'd need. Her skin crawled at the thought of that, though. She'd made her mind up. She didn't know how, but Secret was going to get rid of that baby so help her God.